I fall asleep on Mom's lap and am only woken up by my Mom shaking me.
"Do you want to go out and get something to eat?" Mom asks me. I grab her wrist to look at her watch and see it is already 2:15 p.m. My head is still killing me so what I would most like to do is keep on sleeping, but I know some food will definitely help. My interrupted breakfast today did not fill me up too much.
But the thought of eating at Karen's kind of irks me , actually the thought of being in this town irks me.
"Mom. Can we get out of the town for today?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know. I just need to get out of here."
"How about we go on a little road trip?" Mom asks as we walk through our front door.
"Where to?" Now I am the one asking.
"No where. We will just hit the open road. How does that sound?"
"That sounds like exactly what I need right now."
"Great! So are you going to change into some of your own clothes or were you planning on wearing Cole's T shirt as a t shirt dress? I know those are in now a days." My mother raises her eyebrows at me and I flush bright red.
"Nothing happened." I tell her quickly.
With a smirk she responds, "If you say so."
Driving in the country side has always been one of my favorite things to do. It is always so calming. The open road with just trees and grass surrounding you. It's pretty amazing. For me it feels like nature's hangover cure.
We are about half an hour away from Smith Falls and all houses are finally gone. If we were to continue on this road we would reach Denver, but that would be more than just a day trip.
I am quite enjoying the silence that reigns in the car, but Mom chooses to speak up, "You shouldn't have lied to me yesterday."
I look at her, wondering what exactly she meant. My mom must realize my confusion, because she continues, "About going to the party and getting drunk." I close my eyes and sigh, I had hoped she hadn't noticed. She must have been pretty stupid not too, though. With me coming home early in the morning and looking life shit, it was probably pretty easy to put together.
I open my mouth to speak, but she beats me to it, "Did you really think I go to sleep before I know you are safe?"
Great. She was awake the whole night waiting for me to return. This fact makes me feel even more worse then I already do.
"I am sorry, Mom. I should have come home; I just didn't want to wake you up. Did you stay up all night?"
"Cole called and told me what happened, and I knew you were safe. But I still never want it to happen again."
"Cole did what?" I shriek. That f*cking ass, he actually ratted me out. Who did he think he was?
"Do not get angry at him. He knew I would be worried. He was just being a good friend." Cole? My friend? Yeah, right.
"Some friend. He just can't go one day without being a jerk to me, that is why he did it." I sneer, and glare out of the window.
"Mia!" My mother scolds me. "He did the right thing and you know it. I am not scolding you for getting drunk either. I just wish you would have come home."
"I didn't want to disappoint you," I mutter. I could have just imagined her face yesterday if I had rang the doorbell and staggered into the room. Utter disappointment in her only daughter.
"Disappointed? Oh honey!" Mom exclaims, "I could never be disappointed in you. You made a mistake, and you knew it was a mistake. But I am worried about you. I don't want you falling into the same hole again."
"Mom, I won't. I promise it was a one time thing. I was just pissed off and I was stupid and turned to drinking."
"I know you say that now, but then it happens again and again. I just know you have this dream of going to UC Berkeley and I don't want to see that going to waste."
Outside the trees fly by and I try to think of why I went out last night and got drunk. I can't seem to figure out a good reason and sigh. Back in Illinois I went out every weekend and would get drunk so I could forget about my dad. Instead of studying I would leave the house and find the nearest party even if I didn't know anyone. Scott had already left and my mother could barely handle her own misery let alone have time to deal with my idiotic behavior. My grades plummeted and reality did not hit until my score on the AP language exam was a two. When we moved here I promised my mom I would try harder here. I had, I had also gotten caught up in a lot more drama than I had hoped to.
"I can do this Mom. I promise I will try my hardest from now on. No parties, no drinking, just studying. I could even take the SAT again and try to get a 2400. That would make up for my AP lang score. And I will write and rewrite my essay until it's perfect. My GPA is still a 3.7 I can try to bring it back closer to a 4.0. And my essay will be amazing and Berkeley will not be able to say no to me."
My mother pats me knee and says, "I know you can get in easily; I am just worried that you will not want to try anymore, that you will find partying more important than school and I know you would regret that later on in life."
Honestly I feel angry after Mom speaks. I am angry at myself for losing control last night, I am angry at my mother for thinking I could ever put partying and drinking in front of school and I am angry at Cole for making me feel like shit every single day. Last but not least I am angry at my dad for leaving me here alone in this situation.
"I could never put drinking in front of school and you should know that, Mom," I snap at my mother.
"I am just worried, I was hoping moving would give you a fresh start. That it would really give you a better outlook on life and you could be happier."
We did not move here for me though, we came here so Mom could have a fresh start.
"Mom, we came here so it would be easier on you, so you could try to forget Dad and being in a new place would help clear your mind."
"This isn't a new place for me though. I grew up here."
I must not be hearing correctly, I know for a fact my mother did not grow up here. I have heard the story so many times: my mother grew up in Rehoboth, Delaware and was working as a lifeguard at the beach one summer and that is when my Dad first saw her. He just knew he had to get to know her and they started talking. The rest is history.
"Mom, you grew up in Rehoboth," I say as if I am trying to convince her of her own history.
I wait for my mother to say something, instead she pulls off the road into a small restaurant on the side of the road.
"Time for lunch," she grins at me and hops out of the car. She is avoiding the topic. Why?
I look around the place we just stopped at. It is truly in the middle of nowhere. Cows graze on the field behind the restaurant, but otherwise there is no human being in sight. Why are we here? I run to catch up with my mother. Inside the restaurant it is quiet; we are clearly the only customers which honestly does not surprise me. Tables clutter the room in an unorganized fashion, chairs of different styles are pushed up against the tables. Light shines brightly into the room, which gives it a less dungy feeling. The whole place smells of vanilla for some reason. It is not an ugly place at all, I just wonder how they make an actual profit here.
A woman around thirty years old walks out of a back room and greats us with a smile, "Hi, my name is Jane and welcome to The Meadow. I will be your waitress today."
Jane leads us to a table for two and hands us the menus once we sit down. Without even looking at the options in front of me I stare at my mother and say, "What do you mean you grew up here, Mother?"
Instead of answering my question she points to the menu in my hand, gesturing that I should pick my meal. I give a short huff and turn to read what is in front of me. We are however not done talking about this.
Im the end I go with the tabule salad and Mom ends up ordering a broccoli soup. As soon as Jane is out of earshot I turn to my mother. "Explain!" is all I can say. I do not like being kept out of the loop. And well right now, I am so far out of the loop I cannot even see it anymore.
"You weren't supposed to find out. Not like this. It just slipped out."
"What did? The fact that you have been lying to me for the last seventeen years of my life? Why would you lie about something so trivial?"
I am more confused than angry at the moment. The fact that Mom would lie to me about where she came from seems so bizarre.
"It's a long story," Mom says. Now I am just annoyed.
"Well we have all the time in the world. I am not leaving this place until I know why you did not tell me."
All these questions are running through my mind. Like did Dad know? Did they actually meet in Rehoboth? Why did we move back here? Why did she leave in the first place.
My mother sighs and then takes a deep breath. She is getting ready to explain the whole thing.
"You should know a few things about Smith Falls. First off the community there is really tight. Everyone knows everyone. Second, a lot of the people there are employed by one big company. There is not much contact with anything outside of Smith Falls. Most people never leave, not even for college." Mom starts.
"Are you sure we are not part of a cult?" I ask my mom, but instead of laughing she just continues, "When I was ten my grandpa passed away, leaving my dad in charge. It is a family business you see. That was always the way it has been; the owner passes on the responsibility down to their oldest child. I knew I would be next to take over the company, and I always thought I was ready. Once I graduated high school I would shadow your grandfather and I would learn all the ropes. Then when I would be older I could continue on the great job my father had done. But life can be unexpected sometimes. Three days after my 16th birthday your grandfather died. There is no waiting when the CEO dies, there has to be a new one right away. And that was me. Knowing I was in no way ready to take over Dad's company, I ran away."
Mom has a far off, sad look in her eyes, she is probably remembering the day she packed up her things and left.
"As I told you before, the whole town is pretty much employed by this company in some way or another, so when I left I let the whole town down. Keith was only ten years old at the time and no one expected him to take over the company, so out family legacy died and the whole company got passed on to father's right hand man of sorts. Pierre Langois."
"Cole's grandfather?" I ask. I am somewhat in shock. Mostly because this seems like I am listening to some sort of Soap Opera about some royal family. Not a story about my family living in small town Colorado.
"Yes, Cole's grandfather. When Cole's father passes away Cole will take on the responsibility. Pierre was not the best man for the job. He was not used to having all his options open, and he made a lot of wrong choices. The town was angry at me for leaving and claimed had I stayed they would have been better off."
"But how did you know they were thinking that way? You never returned."
Mom takes a bite of her food, chews, then takes a sip of her water before she starts talking again. "I kept in contact with your uncle, mostly to know that he was alright, but some information about how the town was doing leaked through. Anyway, I was embarrassed of running away and of my past. So when I arrived in Rehoboth I created a new future for myself. I met your father when I was a lifeguard, that part was true. I just chose to tell him I grew up there my whole life. I was ashamed of what I had done and saw no reason to tell him. When things started getting serious between the two of us I chose to tell him, but when we had you I decided there was no real reason for you to find out. I never wanted to return here, and Rehoboth had become my real home."
The food on my plate has barely been touched as I listen intently to my mother's story.
"If you were so ashamed of what you did, why did we return here?" I ask, my brain still not fully grasping the whole situation.
"You were right when you said we moved away because of me. I needed to get away from the place I had always lived with him. However, I loved this town when I was little. It was what shaped me into the person I am today. When your grades started dropping, I realized that maybe coming here would help you find yourself after your Dad was gone."
I still do not understand why Mom never told me about Smith Falls, but I do understand why we moved here. That does not mean that I like it, or even agree that it shaped me in any way. There must not have been an asshole like Cole here when Mom was younger, or a boy like Jason who broke her heart. The salad in front of me suddenly looks a lot more appetizing than it did beforehand. I can now appreciate the delicious food infront of me, and I devour it quickly.
The car ride home is mostly quiet; I am in charge of the auxiliary chord, which means we are listening to my music, instead of Mom's cheesy love ballads. My hangover is mostly gone now, which is good, because as soon as I return home I grab my school books and head over to the library, which is open until 10 p.m. I am ready to try my best this year and prove to my mother that I am serious about my future.
I am going to kick this school year's ass!
Had a bit of a hard time writing this, because it is a bit of a boring chapter, but it contains a lot of important information, so I tried my best!
Love all of you to bits xoxo