"Tell me everything about her,"
Camila wasn't sure what to start with, there was so much that she could say about her younger sister, the memories that came flooding back to her seemed beautiful however each one was saddening as she knew that she wouldn't be able to make another memory with Sofi, like the old ones.
"She loved butterflies," Camila whispered, shifting slightly so that she was facing Lauren more.
"And princesses so I used to call her my butterfly princess," The younger girl paused for a moment.
"If she woke up during the night, she would come to my room and I would tell her a story about the butterfly princess and sing to her as well and then she would go back to sleep. I don't even remember the last time that I told her a butterfly princess story," Camila said, her voice catching in her throat again.
"It's okay, carry on," Lauren encouraged, kissing Camila's temple.
"One summer, we went to the park and there was a small pond there, really not that deep but Sofi fell in and she was a very theatrical little kid, so I jumped in and carried her out and for the rest of the summer break she called me her super hero. Because I saved her. She stopped calling me that though. I don't know why," The brown eyed girl said, taking in a deep breath.
"She wanted to become a ballerina when she was younger as well, and also a police woman. I told her she could be whatever she wanted to be and I would play games with her where I'd pretend to be the bad guy and she would arrest me," Camila said, laughing slightly at the memory.
"She would have to let me out off the fake prison though because it would be dinner time," Camila laughed again. "She was such a messy eater," She giggled, turning onto her side so that she was facing Lauren completely.
"What are you staring at?" Camila asked.
"A very beautiful girl," Lauren whispered, closing the gap between the two girls and kissing Camila gently.
"Camz?" The older girl asked.
"Yeah?"
"I love you," Lauren smiled, quickly kissing the brown eyed girl again and smiling happily.
"I love you too," Camila replied, resting her head on Lauren's shoulder and closing her eyes.
"Tell me more," The older girl said, running a hand through Camila's hair.
"She was very pretty, beautiful, astonishing," The brown eyed girl spoke, her eyes still shut. "Her smile would always make me smile and that also happened with her laugh. It was infectious and she knew when I was sad so would make me laugh," Camila paused briefly.
"Oh yeah! And for about the first six months of her life, I called her fluffy because I wanted a cat more than a sister," This final story made Lauren smile the most because Camila truly laughed at the memory.
"I think I want to sleep for a bit," Camila mumbled, slowly sliding out from under the cover.
"Where are you going?" Lauren asked, reaching for Camila's hand.
"To bed," The younger girl replied.
"No, stay here, please," Lauren pouted, pulling Camila back down onto the bed. "I still have some work to do but I'll just have my laptop," Lauren said, quickly grabbing her laptop then going back under the cover with Camila who was quick to lean against the older girls body as she felt very weak and tired.
After about ten minutes of silence, Camila spoke up again. "She never got to experience love," The brown eyed girl whispered, feeling her eyes beginning to water as she gripped onto Lauren's hand. "She didn't get to know the feeling you get when you're in love with someone. How they're constantly on your mind and always make your heart flutter and your pulse pound so heavily..." Camila slowly trailed off as she realised all the things that Sofi never got to do or try or experience.
"You experience it for her," Lauren said, placing her laptop down and wrapping her arms around the younger girl. "You need to love for the both of you because I bet that she is probably watching right now and smiling at you, at us," The green eyed girl gently said, playing with Camila's hair.
"Okay," Camila whispered, admiring how the older girl can make a situation seem so much better then it actually is.
"I love you, Lauren, and I'm going to be saying it a lot more now," Camila smiled, turning so that she could kiss the older girl gently.
"I love you too," Lauren responded, closing the gap between the two girls once again.
"Your phone," Camila said, reaching over to the cupboard and passing the older girls phone to her.
"Ugh, my boss," Lauren muttered before answering.
"Yes, I'm just finishing it up now, actually," The green eyed girl said, reaching for her laptop.
"Wait, what?!" Her tone suddenly changed. "Okay, fine, good bye," Lauren hung up the phone and walked over to her desk angrily, picking up all the work that she had completed in the last two days and scrunching it up into massive ball before flinging it against the wall.
"What's wrong?" Camila asked, unsure of what Lauren's boss could've said to her to make her so angry.
"They don't need any of the work anymore, they've done it elsewhere," Lauren muttered, kicking the paper ball across the room.
"But you worked so hard on it! I don't understand why," Camila exclaimed, figuring that this was why the green eyed girl had become so annoyed.
"I don't understand either, I hate this fucking job!" Lauren suddenly shouted, storming out of her room with no particular intention, followed quickly by Camila.
"Babe, I'm sorry, maybe you can look around for a different job?" The younger girl suggested, gripping Lauren's wrists tightly and trying to calm her down.
"I don't know," The older girl mumbled, sitting down on the sofa. "I don't know," She repeated, taking deep breaths to try to calm down. Letting out a sigh, Lauren turned to face Camila who had fallen silent.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so angry, are you okay?" The green eyed girl asked.
"Yeah, I mean, concerning the circumstances," Camila replied, wrapping her arms around the older girl in a tight hug.
"I'm sorry," Lauren repeated, kissing the top of Camila's head. "I probably will start to look for a different job. I've done this for a few years, it gets pretty tiresome and repetitive after a while," The green eyed girl spoke. "Do you want to eat something?" Lauren asked, walking towards the kitchen.
"No, I'm alright," Camila replied, surprising Lauren slightly with her answer. "Well I'm hungry, I'm going to make something and leave some for you in the fridge, alright?" The green eyed girl informed, fully disappearing behind the kitchen door.
Camila sat on the sofa, unsure of what to do, she felt sad, of course she would, she just found out that her little sister had died from a woman she had only just met over face time. Camila found herself becoming angry at herself and her parents, a whirlwind of horrible memories tunnelling back to her all at once. As a child, Camila was very happy and vibrant and when Sofi was born, it was like nothing could be better. But around that time, she began developing her own opinions and feelings for things, things that her parents didn't necessarily agree with.
Slowly pulling herself up and walking to her room, each foot step felt heavy and almost tortuous to Camila. It reminded her of when she had first had her depressive thoughts and how she never felt good enough.
"Why don't they love me?" Camila whispered to herself, rummaging around her desk drawer as a tear fell from her cheek. "Why couldn't they accept me?" The brown eyed girl asked into the empty room. "Why the fuck am I not good enough?!" She suddenly shouted, as her hand clasped around what she was looking for. Unscrewing the small screw of the sharpener, Camila discarded the yellow casing on the floor, leaving her with the sharp blade in her shaky hand.
"Camz, did you call-?" Lauren began, wandering into Camila's room with a mouthful of food.
"Woah, woah, woah, Camila stop," Lauren spoke, not too loud in case she startled the younger girl but enough to make her look up. Grabbing the blade from Camila's hand, Lauren walked the younger girl to the bathroom, running her arm under the cold water tap which she thankfully had not done much damage to.
"Come here," The green eyed girl softly spoke, picking up Camila and walking to her bedroom.
"Camila, you cannot blame yourself for this. This is not your fault," Lauren said, laying the shaking girl down and covering her arm in a dampened towel.
"This," Lauren said, gesturing to the younger girls arm, "is not safe, do not do this to yourself," The green eyed girl spoke calmly.
"But I'm just not good enough,"