Patrol duty is boring. We just hang around on the street outside some buildings. We don't even know if Harry, Hermione and Ron are in there, or if they're even together. I doubt that they would have separated, but I'm not telling anyone that. It's been a week since we got home and reality has definitely sunken in. Draco has been leaving early and getting home late. I've been on patrol duty at all hours of the day and night and we're both crabby and snappish with each other. It's awful.
I've been helping take care of my sisters during the day, from about eight until I start patrol at five. I've been trying to do some school with them, reading and writing. Jess is fairly good and Tori wants to learn, but the twins just want to run around and play, it's exhausting. For those who have lost track, Jessie is nine, Sarah and Drew are seven, Tori is five and Sophia is nearly three. I think Mother and Father have decided to stop having children. I hope. They'd had kids every two years since they started, so unless Mother is pregnant now, they've finished. Or maybe they're just waiting until after the war, like everyone else.
It's about one in the morning now. I was on patrol from five this afternoon until midnight. When I got home Draco was already asleep. We haven't spoken for two days. Once of us is always asleep when the other gets home or leaves. We've taken to sleeping in different rooms, so we don't wake each other when we come in or go out. I'm sleeping in one of the spare rooms tonight. It's comfortable and all, but I miss Draco's snoring. I never thought I'd say that, but I do.
I haven't had a chance to go and see Fred and George again. I keep thinking about Fred's suggestion of becoming a double agent. It's madness! But at the same time, it makes sense. I have family and friends on both sides. If this was a novel I'd somehow be the link between the two sides and show them how they're not so different, how they're really the same. Sadly, this is real life, and real life is ugly and lonely.
Lonely. I haven't felt like that for a while, but I think I'm lonely now.
I put my book down and climb out of bed. I creep down the hallway to the master bedroom and carefully push open the door. Draco is lying on his side, curled up in a ball. I've never seen him sleep like that before. He's frowning and mumbling in his sleep. I tip toe over, trying not to wake him, and slip into bed. I wiggle over closer to him, trying to hear what he's saying, but I can't make it out. I gently reach over to brush a few strands of hair away from his eyes. At my touch his brows furrow.
"No," he groans softly. I withdraw my hand guiltily.
"No, no, no!"
Oh crap, what did I do?!
Draco curls up in a tighter ball, clinging to the pillow. I sit up, alarmed. He's clearly having a nightmare. I heard once you shouldn't wake someone when they're having a nightmare. Or was that sleep walking?
"NO!" Draco's shout startles me. He starts to cry, holding the pillow tightly.
"No, Autumn, no!" he sobs.
"Draco!" I shake his shoulder, "Draco, wake up!"
He wakes with a jolt, tears still pouring down his face.
"Shh," I brush them away, "you're alright."
"Autumn!" he sits up and pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly, "it was a dream."
"Yes, just a dream," I tell him soothingly, rubbing his back. He buries his face in my shoulder and I run my fingers over his hair, relishing in his embrace. Once he's calmed down he sits back and wipes his eyes.
"Sorry," he says.
"Don't be," I reply, "what was your dream about?"
He shudders.
"I dreamt..." he hesitates, "you left me. For Potter, to fight with him. And the Dark Lord, he..."
Draco shudders again.
"Sh, it's alright, you don't have to tell me," I say, touching his cheek softly. Draco shakes his head.
"I don't want to lose you," he says earnestly, "Autumn, I can't lose you."
"You won't," I promise, wrapping my arms around him, "I'm going to stay here with you. You won't lose me."
Draco rests his cheek on the top of my head.
"I'm sorry I've been a git," he says.
"It's fine, we've both been tired," I say, cuddling up to him, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too."
***
Draco wakes me before he leaves. Even though I've only had five or so hours of sleep, I get up and have breakfast with him.
"I'll try to come home early," he says as he kisses me goodbye.
"I'm starting at three this afternoon," I tell him, "maybe we could have lunch together?"
"I'll come home for it," he promises, "around one o'clock, okay?"
"I'll be here," I smile. He kisses me and leaves. I sigh. There's not much to do around the house, since I have Tippy. It would almost be worth having a baby just so I have something to do. And an excuse not to take care of my sisters.
I look at my watch. I don't usually go there until eight, but I guess I could go now.
I knock on the front door and Mother answers.
"Oh, darling, thank goodness," she says, "how are you?"
"Great," I say, "bit tired."
"Oh, poor thing," Mother pats my arm, then turns to the stairs, "GIRLS! AUTUMN IS HERE!"
Sophia comes tearing down the stairs, making my heart fly into my throat. I'm always terrified she'll fall.
"AUTUMN!" she throws herself into my arms for a cuddle.
"Guess what!" she says.
"What?"
"Sarah and Drew's teeth are falling out!" Sophia looks ecstatic.
"Gross," I comment, "let's go see, shall we?"
I carry her upstairs and in to check on the twins. They're playing The Floor is Lava in the nursery with Tori.
"Sissy!" Drew yells, diving off the bed.
"YOU DIED!" Sarah proclaims triumphantly.
"I DID NOT! THE GAME IS OVER!" Drew yells back.
"Hey, hey, hey!" I say before Sarah can reply, "Sophia told me someone has a wobbly tooth?"
"We both do!" Sarah says, climbing down off the set of drawers. She and Drew run over and show me. Their top middle teeth are wobbly, and their bottom middle teeth have already fallen out.
"Did the tooth fairy come?" I ask, sitting on the end of one of the beds and putting Sophia on my lap.
"YES!" Drew squeals. They both run over to their beds and pull two sickles from under their pillow.
"Look!" Sarah shows me, "one for each tooth!"
"Look at that," I say, "you'll be rich in no time!"
"Autumn, when will my teeth fall out?" Sophia asks.
"When you're a bit older," I tell her. She pouts.
"Better keep those safe," I say to Sarah and Drew.
"Mummy said you'd take us to get some sweets!" Drew says, "didn't she?"
"She did!" Sarah affirms.
"Do you really think sweets is the best thing while your teeth are falling out?" I ask, "maybe you could get a doll or something."
"Will you take us to Dragon Alley?" Sophia asks eagerly.
"Diagon," I correct her, "I suppose I could..."
"YAY!" the three of them start jumping around.
"Where's Jessie?" I ask.
"She's in her own room now," Sarah says, "because she's a grown up."
"Which room?" I ask.
"Your old room," Sophia says, "come on, look!" she leads me down to my old room. I knock on the door.
"Yeah?"
I push the door open and walk in. It's been repainted with a pale pink and has white, lace curtains. It's very different and very girly.
"Hey Jessie," I say, "do you want to come shopping with us?"
"Sure!" she says, "can you braid my hair?"
"Have you guys had breakfast?" I ask.
"Not yet," Sophia says, "Mummy only just got up when you came."
I check my watch. It's eight, so breakfast time. After breakfast it'll take an hour to get them all ready and out the door, so if we leave here at nine thirty we can either walk or take the bus. I don't know which one would be better.
"Well, let's go and eat, then we can go shopping," I say.
After breakfast I begin the long task of getting the girls dressed and groomed. I pick out a dress for Sophia and Tori and dress them while Jessica gets dressed by herself, but Sarah and Drew want to pick their own outfits.
"I wanted to wear the blue one!" Drew yells, "I always wear blue!"
"I want the blue one!" Sarah says, clinging to the blue dress, "you wear the pink one!"
"Give it here," I say, taking the pink dress. I change it blue and hand it to Drew.
"There, now you can both wear the blue one," I say. Crisis averted.
"Can you braid my hair?" Jessica asks, sticking her head in the door.
"Sure, come and sit here," I sit on the bed and put a short chair in front of me, "one or two braids?"
"Two."
"Can you braid my hair?"
"And mine!"
It takes about an hour to give them all two braids, but finally they're all done.
"Right, let's go," I say, "get your shoes on."
I go and find Mother and let her know we're leaving.
"Oh, thank goodness," is all she says.
All the girls apart from Sophia have their shoes on when I get downstairs.
"I need some help," Sophia says. I put her shoes on for her.
"Come on, Sophia and Tori, hold my hand, Sarah, hold Tori's, Drew, hold Sarah's, Jessie, hold Drew's."
We step out onto the street and I'm still debating whether to take the bus or walk.
"Will we take the bus or walk?" I ask them.
"WALK!" Sarah and Drew yell immeidately, "THROUGH THE PARK!"
There's an idea.
We cross the road and I let them loose in the park.
"Stay where I can see you!" I yell after the twins. Jessie walks along with me. Tori and Sophia run a bit ahead, not quite as far as the twins. Once we reach the other side I call them in and make them hold hands again.
"Can you carry me?" Sophia asks, "I'm tired."
Tori is looking tired too. I wave my right arm and the Knight bus appears with a bang. There's no way they're going to be able to walk the whole way to Diagon Alley.
"On you get," I say, lifting Sophia and Tori up. We get our tickets and stick at the front. I sit Sophia on my lap and sit next to Tori so I can keep a hand on her. As the bus pulls out, the seats go sliding around the bus, to the amusement of Jessie and the twins, and the terror of Tori. She climbs onto my lap with Sophia and we all hold onto each other for dear life. I try to keep an eye on the other three, but they're all sliding around like mad, giggling. I just assume they'll cry if they get hurt, and sit back, trying not to be sick.
"Leaky Cauldron," the conductor calls.
"This is us," I say, putting the girls down, "everyone grab a hand!"
We all jump down off the bus, the twins and Jessie still giggling like mad.
"Can we take the bus home?" Drew asks.
"No!" Tori whimpers. I don't answer.
"Come on," I lead them into the Leaky Cauldron and through to the back.
"Now, listen," I tell them all seriously, "you are to stay close to me. Do not let go of whoever's hand you are holding. Don't talk to anyone. Understand?"
They all nod, wide eyed. I take a deep breath and tap the brick. The Alley is even worse than it was a week ago.
"Come on," I say, pulling them along, regretting bringing them here at all.
"Where're we going to go?" Drew whispers.
"I know a place," I tell her, "only, don't tell mummy or daddy where. It can be our secret shop, okay?"
"Okay," they all agree. I lead them quickly past the beggers and venders. Sophia is clinging tightly to my hand.
"Look, there," I say as soon as I can see the twin's shop.
"Wicked!" Sarah and Drew chorus. I have a feeling they'll like Fred and George.
The shop is empty again. As we step inside George looks up from the counter.
"Fred!" he calls upstairs, smiling at me. Fred slides down the bannister and Sarah and Drew clap loudly. Fred bows deeply, grinning.
"Wow, got into having kids quick, eh?" George jokes.
"These are my little sisters," I say, "Jessie, Sarah and Drew, Tori and Sophia. Guys, this is Fred and George."
"We're twins too!" Sarah and Drew chorus. Sophia and Tori are a little more shy, and hide behind my legs. Jessie starts looking around. Fred and George take the twins to look at some of their merchandise.
"Nothing messy," I warn Fred and George. They shoot me identical grins. I wander around with Sophia and Tori, having a look.
"I think I've got something you'd like," Fred says, squatting down to talk to Sophia. She leans against my leg, looking at him warily.
"What's your favourite colour?" he asks. Sophia looks up at me, uncertain.
"Pink," I answer for her. Fred produces a little ball of fluff and holds it out to Sophia. It squeaks and wiffles its nose at her. She giggles.
"Do you want to pat it?" Fred asks, "he's very soft."
Sophia gingerly extends her hand and taps the tiny creature twice on the head.
"What is that?" I ask.
"It's a pygmy puff," George says, appear with Sarah and Drew.
"OH! CAN WE GET ONE!" they cry, crowding around Fred.
"He's mine!" Sophia says quietly. Fred gently takes her hands and tips the pygmy puff into them. Sophia holds it close to her chest, looking protective.
"Can we get one?" the twins beg.
"How much are they?" I ask the twins.
"We have two sickles each," Drew tells Fred.
"Well, isn't that convenient?" Fred exclaims, "they're two sickles each!"
"Oh, can we get one?" Sarah begs me, "please, Autumn?"
"What do they eat?" I ask.
"Anything, same as a puffskein," Fred says, "easy to care for."
"They will sometimes drink from the toilet," George says, "but you can train them out of that."
"And they do have a habit of sticking their tongues up your nose while you're sleeping," Fred adds, "but you just wake up with a clear nose."
"That's so gross," I mutter.
"Do you have blue?" Sarah asks.
"We have a blueish purple," Fred says, "come and have a look."
He leads us over to a big cage full of them. The girls go insane and I know there's no way we're leaving until they each have one. I notice a price tag on the cage. 1 Galleon each. Fred and George are busy matching each girl with a pygmy puff of their choice. I fish out five galleons and put them on the counter with a quickly scribbled note.
Thanks. A x
The girls all crowd around me, showing me their colours and cages. Sarah and Drew importantly hand over their sickles.
"Can we show Mummy?" Sophia asks.
"Can we?"
"Can we, please?"
"Sure," I check my watch, "we'd better let Fred and George have their lunch. Say thank you."
"THANK YOU!"
"If you want to go out the back, it's safer," Fred says quietly.
"Thanks."
He shows us a way out and we flag down the bus. This will be interesting with the pygmy puffs.
"Thanks," I give Fred a hug as George helps the girls climb on.
"Have you thought about-"
"I'll try to see you soon," I interrupt, "stay safe."
"You too."
***
I manage to get the girls home safe and sound. Mother enthusiastically examines each pygmy puff, asking what its name is. Sometimes she's such a good mother... Other times...
"They're adopted," Tori says importantly, "just like Autumn."
"What's adopted?" Sophia asks. I glance at Mother. She didn't hear, she's engrossed in listening to Drew tell her about how they eat bogies. Great.
I sit down and pull Sophia on my lap.
"Adopted means that you bring someone into your family," I tell her simply.
"Was I adopted?" she asks.
"No, just me," I tell her.
"Autumn's real mummy and daddy didn't want her," Tori says.
"Tori!" Mother heard that one, "that's not true!"
"But they gave her away," Tori says, "when I don't want something I give it away or put it in the bin. Did they put her in the bin?"
Mother kneels down near us.
"Autumn's parents wanted her very much," Mother says, "but sometimes a mummy or daddy can't take care of their baby, so they give the baby to someone who can. That's why we have Autumn."
Sophia looks utterly confused.
"The point is that we love Autumn very much," Mother says, "and her other parents loved her very much."
"Do I have other parents?" Sophia asks.
"No, just me and daddy," Mother says, "now, come on, let's get these creatures settled and get some lunch."
Today was exhausting. The girls didn't want me to leave, so I was very nearly late for patrol duty. I only just managed to get Tori and Sophia down for a sleep and then I had to dash. I hope those pygmy puffs are tough, I don't want to have to deal with one of them dying.
I'll try to go and see the twins again on Saturday, if Draco is working. I know I have to make a decision, but everytime I make one, I double guess myself and can't decide if I've made the right choice or not. I wish I had someone to discuss this with who could be entirely objective.
Mother mentioned Hogwarts today, asking if Draco and I are going back. She said that some of the other Death Eaters said we should, to be at the school among the students, like spies. Maybe that decision will be made for us.
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Decisions, decisions... Hogwarts or Home? Double agent or not? And poor Draco, having nightmares... Will they come true? Vote, comment and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!