I fiddled with my newly chopped bubblegum locks as I stood, facing the hospital. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. My three days of waiting were up, and it was time for me to get back to work.
I smoothed out the cobalt scrubs I had on and straightened my white coat. I wasn't up for changing into them in the locker room, so I wore them to work. Today, I'd be a simple nurse, filing paperwork and doing odd jobs. Still, I felt the need to wear my white lab coat, signifying that indeed I was a doctor. It felt nice to have it on, gave me some much needed confidence.
Usually, I'd diagnose and treat patients, turfing them to surgery when necessary. I wasn't a huge fan of performing surgery and the medical aspect of the hospital was always understaffed anyways. The surgical program always had the most applicants, oddly enough.
Quickly, I brushed my hair back once again as the wind blew it forward, in my face. Sighing at my own stalling and the futility of my bangs staying in place, I strode into the glass double doors and was met by the usual chaos. The scent of disinfectant filled my nostrils as I surveyed the scene.
Stacks upon stacks of paperwork and files were towering at the front desk, receptionists offering apologetic smiles to anyone needing their assistance. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the gift shop had been renovated, billowing with children's toys and flowers. It made me smile slightly. The shop used to be bare, save for blankets and small trinkets. It was nice that it had transformed.
Turning back to the women at the desk I offered them both smiles before I spoke.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Sakura Haruno. I was wondering what shift I'd have available today, and if you ladies need any help." I finished, almost laughing that the fact my title includes doctor. A medical nin has its perks and privileges. Usually, in other villages, medical nin are reserved for battle and missions, not allowed to serve in hospitals. In Konoha, it's entirely different. Here, I've got authority.
"Well we can't have a doctor helping us, we can manage the paperwork. You should be saving lives." The blonde replied, not looking up from her screen as she pulled various records. The other woman turned to me and mouthed 'help'. It made my lips tilt upward slightly.
"Badge?" The blonde continued. I nodded and unclipped my badge from my coat, handing it to her as I quickly admired how young I'd been when my photo was taken for it. Granted, I was around 17 for it. Time seemed unreal, in the sense that so much has passed. She scanned it and began to read from the computer.
"Your shift is from 8 am to 8 pm, we're understaffed again so you've got a long one, sorry." She paused, gauging my reaction before continuing.
"However you've been demoted to charting, paperwork, and nursing. By nursing I mean odd jobs the nurses need done. So that means no diagnosing, treating, or performing surgeries. No gathering patient histories. You've got an easier day, enjoy it." The blonde finished softly with a smile. She handed off my badge to the red head next to her. The woman stamped my badge with a blue seal, letting everyone know that I am not fit for my usual duties.
Immediately, I grabbed both stacks of paperwork from them as well as the patient charts that needed to be filled in. They both wanted to protest but knew the help was well needed. Hands full, I walked briskly into the opening elevator, surprised to see it empty for once. As it shut and hummed softly, I closed my eyes. All of this was just busy work to keep my mind occupied. So I wouldn't have to think. Kami knows what I would do if I was left alone with my thoughts.
Suppressing any negative memory that could possibly replay, I stepped out of the elevator onto the third floor. The beige walls of the hospital comforted me slightly as I sat in the attending's lounge, and started the first of the many patient charts. Shrugging off my doctor's coat onto the back of my chair, I sat, removing the badge and placing it onto my scrubs. A yawn escaped my lips as I began stretching slightly before focusing on my work. My eyes scanned numerous ones to update, darting to the most critical patients first. They'd need their charts updated and completed first. After getting in the rhythm of nonstop writing and reading, I exhaled quietly. It was silent in the room except for my own recurring, quiet breathing. I sat back and assessed the current situation.
Everyone here was unfamiliar to me, which made sense since I was closer to the medic nin staff anyway. Those who still remained of them were most likely out on missions, rather than in the hospital. My pager had not rung yet, meaning the nurses didn't need any extra help so far. Sighing quietly, I continued writing in the charts, updating them as needed. It was times like this where I wished I was ambidextrous with a photographic memory. My handwriting was legible and clear, which was something positive. The stereotype that doctors had terrible handwriting wasn't all that applicable. Names numbers and dates flew through my head as I continued in elegant script.
It wasn't hard work, just time consuming. It was the type of work where you could afford to let your mind wander slightly. There were two whole feet length stacks of patient charts and double that of files that needed organizing. I groaned softly. This was not what I'd needed. Frowning slightly, I begrudgingly continued. Chart, after chart, after chart.
____
Unfortunately, the charting and file organization stole most of my shift. As it neared towards the end, I'd realized that the receptionists must have forgotten to hook up my pager to the nurses system, letting me finish the paper work in mind numbing agony.
No one disturbed my work, the attendings who came in ate in silence quickly and left to assist residents and interns once again.
As the last file was put into place, I stretched my cramped fingers and noticed a slight bruise from where the pen dug into my skin countless times while writing. Shrugging it off, I teleported to the first floor, almost face palming when I realized it didn't exactly fall under Yamanaka-san's accepted use of chakra. Somehow I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to follow his rules for very long.
Ignoring my lapse in following direction, I dropped off the organized completed work and received two grateful smiles in return. Glancing at the clock, I saw I only had half an hour left of my shift. My hand hurt as well as my head after staring at those bright white lights that were reflected off the papers but it was nothing I couldn't handle. So I decided to ask for overtime.
"That's not possible, Dr. Haruno. However for the remainder of your shift you can help the nurses on the second floor." The redhead answered steadily, smiling softly with an apologetic look in her eyes.
"Not a problem." I grinned, taking care to ride the elevator this time. Within a minute I was striding into the ICU, unsure where exactly I was needed. It was quiet, save for a few nurses in yellow scrubs.
"I believe I was called for extra help?" I spoke softly, the two nurses turning to acknowledge me.
"Oh, we've got it over here. The ICU is being relocated to another floor so we've been slowly moving there. These are the patients too unstable to move, so we're continuing treatment here." The first nurse spoke. She had brown curly hair and seemed to be in her thirties. She was tan, but had freckles splashed across her face.
"But I heard there's been a few more regular patients admitted, so the others might have their hands full with that. They're on the other side of this floor." The other spoke. She was younger and blonde, in her mid twenties. She had piercing green eyes, more vibrant than mine with tinges of yellow.
"Thanks, appreciate it." I offered them both a quick smile before leaving. In an instant I was at the other wing of the hospital, where it was chaotic. There were patients in every bed, doctors everywhere with their students in tow and nurses scrambling to keep up.
Quickly analyzing the scene I found the head nurse, giving directions to the others. Before I could make my way there I was stopped by a young doctor, probably an intern. His hand grasped my wrist, prompting me to turn back with a questioning look. The hierarchy goes: medical student, intern, resident, then attending.
"My patient is crashing and I need to intubate, I've never done an intubation before, it's my first day." He rushed, dragging me to his patient. The kid grabbed an intubation kit and was prepping quickly as I spoke.
"In the time it took for you to say that to me, you could've done it already. Plus you picked the wrong doctor." I motioned to my badge, the blue seal prominent.
"What does that mean?" He spoke quickly, removing pillows from behind the patient's neck and laying them down. He positioned their head accordingly. The monitors beeped wildly as the patient's sats decreased at an alarming rate.
"Not allowed to practice medicine." A steely voice cut through the air, and it almost sounded familiar.
The poor guy looked ready to wet himself, which was when I sighed, removing myself from the wall.
"You've read about this technique a thousand times, you know it. You have the materials. Laryngoscopy and visualize the vocal chords. Insert the ETT tube and cuff. Attach the bag and ventilate." I finished smoothly and calmly.
He did everything I said quickly, though his effectiveness could be brought into question. I eyed the patient as the intern pumped the bag, shaking my head slightly.
"You put it in the esophagus. I'm guessing you didn't actually see the vocal chords." I sighed, stepping to take over when the resident in charge stepped in. He was an unfamiliar man, who brushed past us both and redid the intubation, ensuring the patient's airway was now out of danger. He stood, ventilating.
The intern was about to scurry off with a heavy heart when I threw a cheerful smile.
"It was your first time, don't worry about it. You'll get better." I waved a hand in dismissal as the young man smiled graciously.
As he left, the resident next to me scowled.
"You knew he wouldn't get it the first time. I saw you moving to intubate the patient yourself when you have no authority. Why didn't you call someone? Why in the first place allow a first day intern to intubate?" He questioned angrily, glaring at me with hostility.
"Everyone deserves a chance." I replied harmlessly, ignoring his anger effectively. If he didn't watch it, he'd be flying through a few dozen walls.
He snorted, rolling his eyes.
"You're also a firm believer in chances for screw ups, right? Judging by that seal, it looks like you embody your belief." He snarled arrogantly.
"I'd hate to pull rank, but you're a resident and I'm an attending. I think we know who has the bigger say around here." I smiled as I finished quietly, full of dominance.
"How'd you know I was a resident?" He inquired defensively.
"I can smell the fear."
And with that, I exited the room with a grin. Immediately seeing the head nurse, I questioned her, asking if there was anything I could do.
She replied, "Assist that short brunette, she's new."
The said brunette smiled and handed me a file with a scalpel set and latex gloves.
"I just need you to grab a skin graft for me and take it to the lab; normally a doctor would do it but they're stretched thin. All the information is in the file." She finished, walking away quickly. Probably in a rush.
I glanced over the file, mentally diagnosing the patient. A rash with a headache and nausea could be a few things. I'd know more when I'd get in there, but I had a gut feeling. Writing underneath a purple tab in the file, I shut it before walking in. There was a Konoha symbol in the file, meaning it was a ninja. Hopefully not someone I knew. Or worse, Yamanaka-san.
I opened the door and stood, greeting the thankfully unfamiliar patient before shutting it behind me. Before I could blink, something whizzed past me and hit the wall.
A kunai.
"I'm sick and tired of these doctors! All of you. You all just want me to die." He snarled, standing next to his bed. He was dressed in his shinobi gear rather than a hospital gown.
My mind registered his paranoia. That plus the rest of his symptoms meant..
I smirked, my initial diagnosis seeming to be right after all. I'd still need to get a skin graft to the lab to confirm.
However more importantly, he needed to calm down soon.
I held my arms in surrender, balancing the scalpel tray and files.
"I'm not going to hurt you." I responded calmly, not the least bit afraid. I'd dealt with worse.
"Yes you will. Just like they all did. But before you can hurt me, I'll hurt you." He grabbed the vase of flowers, smashing it onto the floor. Glass littered the ground and danced under the fluorescent lights.
"Can I put these down? I don't have any weapons." I called out loudly and slowly. He mulled it over, eyes crazed and scared. He pulled a kunai out and put it to his own throat.
"I'm my own hostage." He laughed bitterly, shaking his head.
"Kick it over to me, the tray. I don't care about the file." He added, smiling as I kicked the tray to him. The key to situations like this is to make him think he has all of the power. It was a delicate situation, but nothing I couldn't handle.
"I'll slide the file under the door. Since we don't need it." I convinced in a steady tone. He nodded as I slid it under, where it would go unnoticed among all of the chaos. Hopefully not for long. If anyone opened the file, they'd know this patient has a flight risk since I wrote it down before walking in. Shinobi tend to dislike hospitals, so in case I usually write that they are flight risks. And a possible flight risk would bring people here qualified to safely restrain him. It was a tough balancing act with this patient; what was the correct amount of strength needed to subdue him rather than harm? A professional would know better.
He had his kunai at his throat, pressing slightly. Enough to draw a thin line of blood. He rummaged through the tray with his dominant hand, examining the contents. There were two scalpels, betadine, gauze, and some medical tape. It was a pretty bare set of materials for retrieving a skin graft. I narrowed my eyes. Did the other nurse know he was a flight risk, or know about his temporary psychosis? Well, hopefully temporary.
There was a glass bottle to the left of him, which could serve as a weapon. He was armed and I was open to attack, in case he turned the kunai at his neck to me. My only option was chakra.
As if he knew my thoughts, he threw the bottle at me, catching my shoulder as it shattered on impact with the door.
"What do you need?" I questioned softly, ignoring the blood welling up quickly. Applying chakra instantly, it wasn't a bother.
"To get out of this place." He heaved, adrenaline through the roof.
"I can do that. We can figure this out. You can trust me. I'm here." I spoke, taking a tentative few steps forward. He was conflicted for a few moments before a decisiveness so clear settled on his face. His eyes burned into my being as he growled.
"Liar."
He spilled the betadine on the floor, making it seemingly impossible to move closer or away without breaking a bone. I realized that I was too close and needed to retreat; he was going to explode soon.
I stepped back, glass crunching as the room went silent. He saw my movements as rebellion. Without warning, chakra went to his feet as he slammed me into the wall, quite painfully with his hand circling my throat. I struggled to breathe as he tightened his grip on my neck, my hands on his arm. Deciding this was too much, I gathered chakra and chose an easily fixable muscle to split in hopes of loosening his grip. It did nothing. My vision blurred intensely as I broke his arm. He let out a grunt, loosening his grip before switching his arms. He didn't even recognize pain at this point.
Gathering chakra, I kicked him away, he flew across the room and hit the wall. Easily I could've made him go through three walls, but he was still a patient with a problem who needed help. As he made an impact, an object made contact with my hand. A scalpel pinned it to the wall. My eyes widened at this. I didn't have time to think about whether or not I should take it out before he came again, sending a spray of betadine and glass over me.
Blood began to obscure my vision as a sharp pain occurred in my thigh. Another scalpel. He twisted it in and inserted it with the use of chakra, to the point where it wasn't even visible outside of my leg.
I yelped before attempting to slide down to the floor to get weight off of it, everything stinging. The wound in my hand tore wider with the motion, making me silently sob. I bit my lip until I drew blood, holding everything in. He finally was calm before he spoke.
"I can't take this place, just wanna go where I can get some space." He shrugged, opening the door and slipping into the chaos, camouflaging within it all.
I whimpered softly. In this setting I allowed myself pain and vulnerability. The hospital was my place. And yet here too, is where I fall. I'm not weak, but I had to restrain myself for the sake of the patient. Though, I should've done a better job protecting myself.
The tears wouldn't stop streaming and I exhaled to calm myself. With a few shaky breaths, I yanked it out, muffling my screaming with my hand, in total agony. Quickly, I grabbed a scroll hidden in my scrubs and sealed my blood without another thought. Grabbing the excess gauze and medical tape, I packed both wounds and continued moving. There was no time to remove the other scalpel in my thigh.
With no time to waste, I exited the room, ignoring the horrified staff. They weren't used to battle. To casualties on their own side, the 'invincible' doctors. There's a whole lot of irony I could muse about, but I refocused. A patient's life was at stake.
I knew where the patient would go. At this point I'd classify him as a danger to everyone, someone who needed to be taken down. He was most likely unaware of his actions and their consequences as part of his condition. Easy enough to realize where he would visit.
To get through to the roof you pass through the surgery wing for kids, the pediatric surgery ward, nicknamed 'peds'. It's the only way to the roof, since the staircase is located on the other side of the pediatric floor. A line of concerned staff followed me as I went up the main stairs to the wing itself, gritting my teeth with each hurried step.
"Come on, come on." I muttered, taking a sharp breath when the pain was scalding. Fire erupted from each side of my body, my thigh especially. At least the weapons used were sterilized, it could've been a lot worse. Finally, we passed through the pediatric ward. I covered myself with another lab coat lying around to spare the eyes of the kids, though it didn't do much to hide the facial lacerations I had. My scrubs were shredded and covered in blood. Kids didn't need to see that.
Finally, the group including myself were at the staircase to the roof. Unfamiliar faces filled with concern surrounded me. A few of them were fellow nurses, two attendings, one surgeon, and an intern. The attendings had already paged Tsunade, calling a code. I didn't remember what color it was for a violent suicidal flight risk patient. I think it was grey. Code Grey.
"He'll get startled if all of you get here at the same time, give me five minutes then come in." I pleaded, my eyes revealing how close to the edge this guy really was. Being that I was the only one who had contact with said patient, the group parted like the sea as I walked through the door to the roof. He was a fellow shinobi who wasn't in the right mind, he didn't deserve to be treated like an animal.
"Hey, I told you I'm here." I finished as he turned to face me on the roof. The sun warmed the roof uncomfortably, the only relief being a slight gust of wind.
"I see that. Why don't you leave?" He snarled, stepping closer to me.
"I'm a shinobi too, you know. I know how you feel. You're confused inside and messed up and you don't know how to deal with it all, right?" I prompted, his shoulders slumping in defeat when he realized that I knew what he meant. It was an easy thing to decipher. I'd felt the same, at one point.
"You have a good kick." He admitted quietly, eliciting a laugh from me.
"Thanks, you've got good aim." I gestured to my wounds as his face fell.
"I didn't mean it." He murmured, gaze shifting to the floor in shame.
"I know you didn't. It's okay. Hey, my name's Sakura." I pointed to myself.
"Hey Sakura? Can you do something for me?" He asked tentatively, gaze still at the ground.
"Yes?"
"Grab some white roses, a slab of dark colored marble, dango, and incense. Oh and yourself too. I'd like you to create a shrine for me. Near a river would be nice." He pondered softly as I shook my head violently. He was returning to his own sense of self, but I realized I was wrong. His initial suicidal thoughts weren't from his sickness– they were always there.
"No, no, no, no." I continued whispering in disbelief as he chuckled lightly.
"For a smart girl you sure are hard to convince." He smiled, happiness lighting up his features.
The door to the stairwell opened, various voices asking a million questions. I tuned them all out as tears welled up again. I roughly wiped them away, focusing on the fellow shinobi across from me.
"Why are you smiling?" I shakily voiced aloud, taking a mere step forward.
"I finally got some space."
And with that, he was gone. Voices continued. I was silent.
"Page trauma, cardio, and general surgery!"
"Does he have a pulse?"
"Someone start CPR! We need a crash cart! And an intubation kit, he still has a chance!"
"Wonder what would be enough to make him slit his own throat. Though it's amazing he didn't even hit the carotid."
I excused myself from the scene as I walked away. I knew that guy had no chance. He has no will to live, and without that, it's all meaningless. The doctors can't save himself from himself.
Like he just said; "I'm my own hostage."
That and he punctured his airway with the kunai. By leaving it in, it looked irreparable. He'd bleed out with the removal of the blade. Just facts.
Feeling woozy and unable to continue, I unpacked the gauze and medical tape from my hand wound and healed it instantly, not in the mood to wait around for surgery. No need to waste the resources. The steps to the roof were bustling with equipment and people, so I took it upon myself to occupy an empty pediatric room. Lying on the bed, I sighed heavily before getting to work, pushing any sadness out of my mind.
The leg was a bit more difficult, as there was a large scalpel still in it. One hand slowly moved it upward and the other healed the newly exposed muscle that came with the removal. It was a slower process, but the intricate nerves and muscles required full attention.
Within fifteen minutes I was done; good as new. I slipped off the borrowed coat and gently left it on the ground. There wasn't a badge on it so I had no idea who to return it to. I shrugged it off; the owner would know sooner or later it was missing.
I would get a full exam done tomorrow by another doctor. But for now, I just wanted to go home. My facial lacerations were healed, only to not raise alarm with Yamanaka-San or any loved ones. As I walked down the ward, behind me I heard the sighs of the various staff after one voice murmured softly. It was a woman who spoke.
"Time of death: 22:05." She sighed.
Not sparing another glance, I made my way to the front desk from the stairway. The elevator wasn't fast enough.
"Could you have someone drop my coat off at my apartment? I'm afraid I'm feeling sick. It's in the attending's lounge, no badge." I stated quietly. The two women nodded in response, already sending someone up to the attending's lounge to deliver it. They didn't really need more of an explanation. Sometimes doctors just had to get away from it all.
I exited the building, not knowing what to feel about the day. What I did know was that Yamanaka-San would find out and question me endlessly. I groaned at the heavy hearted sadness I was carrying with me. Shaking it off, I placed a determined look on my face. I had a mission.
Stopping by various places for supplies, I gathered everything together as I made my way to a place near the KIA stone. There were various clearings nearby and I knew of a possible candidate for my personal little mission.
It was a secluded clearing with plentiful trees and bushes. The nighttime with stars littering the sky beautifully brought a peace that enveloped the area. However what caught my attention the most was that there was a clear running stream a few feet away. It only affirmed the perfection of the place. With a firm and sturdy looking oak tree as my base, I got to work. Setting down the slab of dark grey marble, I carved a word into it with a single kunai I picked up from the shop.
Space.
Around it I sprinkled white rose petals, tucking two full bouquets of them at each side of the slab. I had been fighting with myself on whether or not to get them from the Yamanaka shop, but I knew deep down they have the best flowers in all of Konoha. Surprisingly, Ino's mom had been working instead of Ino so I had no inquiry about my purchase. Yamanaka-san seemed to be out as well, thankfully.
I set the tray of dango in front of the marble, and stuck a few unlit incense sticks into the ground next to it. Finally, the kunai was laid down in front of it all; my own little touch for the memorial. Stepping back to admire my handiwork, I smiled lightly. Even though I absolutely did not have any obligation to do this for someone who hurt me, this was okay. This made an unforgettable memory. It taught me something. I enjoyed every bit of it, in hindsight. And somewhere in my mind, I knew I'd always will.
Shrugging off the tension from the day, I removed my shoes before entering my neat, silence filled apartment. My coat and forgotten badge lay together, folded not my coffee table. I hadn't realized I lost my badge somewhere along the way. Idly wondering who dropped it off, I made my way to my room.
Stripping off the mess of dirty scrubs, I stepped into the bathroom, throwing them into the hamper. Ignoring my reflection in the mirror, I showered quickly and dried off, small pangs of pain hitting me in my hand and leg. Aftershocks of pain.
Slipping into shorts and a shirt, I raided my fridge and ate a quick meal of rice in silence. Swallowing a few painkillers, I downed three whole glasses of water. Mostly it was to make up for not drinking water throughout the day. Though to be fair, there wasn't much time to do so during today in particular.
Even though I was tired beyond belief, I brushed my teeth and washed my face, the cooling mint filling my nostrils. My eyes closed in contentment as I continually breathed in the scent. It was a nice smell. Comforting, above all else.
I sighed heavily before climbing underneath my cool linen covers, eyes already shut. Too tired to think any more. Snuggling into my blankets and relaxing into my freshly laundered sheets, I found an extremely comfortable position. Remembering all of the day's events in a swift blur, I thanked Kami. Out of sincerity or mockery, I wasn't sure. It was a day I would never be able to forget, regardless. Turning onto my side, as soon as my head hit the pillow completely, I was gone.