It's just a month
Like any other one
Out of the 12 in a year
And yet it's petrifying to me
Not every single
July
Is so scary
Just the one that I went through
Last year
And it's been a year since
The moderate/severe ME
Turned into severe/lethal ME
When the shit hit the fan
When everything collapsed
When I stopped breathing
So one can imagine
Why a year later
With so much change
I get anxious
Waking up in
July
I don't want to think this way
But I do
My brainwaves
Connect on a level of fear
That's justified
And yet shouldn't be there
I was saved
Blessed
A miracle
Of divine proportions
Happened
I was reborn
On August 1st
But that still leaves
All of
July
To go through
To remember
When I so badly
Want the brain fog
To swallow it whole
The stomach blockage
The hex
The ovarian cyst ruptures
The pain
The hernia operation
The anesthesia side effects
The medication poisoning
The panic attacks
The body collapsing
The vessel starting to slowly give out
And die
All through the month of
July
How can one possibly forget that?
In the blink of an eye
It is impossible
But since I can't forget
Then I have to heal in a different way
As it was sung in a song
"The pain that you feel
Can only heal by living."
So I must raise my head up high and
Go through the month of
July
Understanding that I am not there anymore
I am here
A year later
In recovery
Let those positive thoughts
And visuals of the truth
Show me the way
I am in a new time
I am a different person
Though the illness doesn't have a cure
I am determined never to relapse
And this month will somehow
Through my own work
Will become just another month
Out of the 12 in the year
So mote it be