To deal or not to deal
That is the question
When thoughts
Smells
Activities
Or lack thereof
Trigger memories
A flood of torrential thoughts
Flying through the brain
Hoping to catch on a web
Get entangled
Sprout roots
How could the smell of a certain
Laundry detergent
Make one anxious
How could a collection of beautiful sheets
In a rose pattern
Threaten a PTSD attack
Yet it can and it does
Because those simple things
Were around
When all was bad
And scary
When the darkness
Of the night
Made fears
Quadruple in size
When you couldn't deal
Because you didn't know how
When everything was going wrong
And you wished
Oh how you wished it would all just stop
The tears came then
And do now
The sadness isn't for the now
But for the then
That time
When you couldn't deal
As human beings we process grief
Loss
Angst
Fear
Sorrow
Differently
Some do it immediately when they feel it
While others have to wait until they know
They have a sure footing in this world
But what if every step is new
Because the yesterday
Was the beginning of the end
To the beginning of anew
All went downhill fast
Last year
Only 2.5 weeks left
To die
To be reborn
And that was never dealt with
Not the dying
Or the death
Only the rebirth
Because of how sudden and magnificent
It was
When two brutal, horrific years
Ended at the end of
45 minutes of weeping and praying
When G-d gave me my life and soul back
The majesty of it was sublime
Divine intervention
But in order to be extra thankful of that
The rest has to be dealt with and processed
I just wish and pray
This fear leaves with the next rain fall
Because after all
"God is in the rain."
YOU ARE READING
Rebirth (Book 4)
PoetryThis book starts where Survivor left off only from a much more changed stand point and learning and living one day at a time. That doesn't, however, mean that I am cured of ME or Myalgic Encephalomyelitis; which I was diagnosed with in September of...
