Chapter 31: A Little Heart
Soundtrack: Heartache – One OK Rock
I should be looking for him. I should make sure that Eremitia was safe enough for him. I should be staying near him. So what was I doing in this bed curled up like a fragile ball under the sheet? I couldn't move. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. I was paralyzed with all the things rallying inside my chest.
Can I just rip my heart out and make it all better?
And it was once again morning. After the unfortunate event yesterday, I was left staring at the darkness until I was greeted by the heat of the sunlight. I didn't bother going outside the room. I didn't bother sleeping nor had the appetite for food. For some very rare moments of my life, I was left vulnerable and without direction. I was incapacitated by my thoughts and emotions tearing me apart.
Napapikit ako sa liwanag na dulot ng maluwang na pagkakabukas ng bintana. Matapos iyon ay naramdaman ko ang pag-upo ng isang tao sa gilid ng aking kama.
"Plano mo bang mabulok sa kwartong ito?" Tinig ni Summer. I thought she was just oversleeping on the other bed.
Tumalikod ako sa kanya at humarap sa kabilang direksyon. But she seemed to take the situation lightly and lie beside me. Gumalaw-galaw pa siya na tila pinakikiramdaman ang aking kama. "You're bed is softer and more comfortable," aniya.
Alam kong sinasabi niya lang iyon upang magsimula ng konbersasyon. Why would Vinea put different beds in the same room? And I checked it when we got here; the beds were just the same. Itinulak ko siya palayo subalit mas lumapit pa siya sa hinihigaan ko. I knew my gun was just under my pillow and I could shoot her in an instant. But I didn't feel like moving today. I was not in the mood to kill anyone. I wished she would just stop and give up. Subalit mukhang wala siyang balak tumigil dahil idinantay niya pa ang isa niyang binti sa aking bewang. Agad ko iyong inalis at saka padabog na umupo sa kama.
"What do you want?" Masama ang tingin na ipinukol ko sa kanya.
"I need money," seryoso niyang sagot.
What? All this pestering was just for money? Couldn't she be considerate?
"It's in the drawer. Leave me alone." At saka ako bumalik sa pagkakahiga.
"Damn! How can you stay here all day without eating?" Tumayo siya at saka binuksan ang drawer. "I know it's just in the drawer. But I wouldn't risk being shot because of stealing. Anyway, there are clubs that are open during the day. I'll go there and spend all these money."
Hindi ako sumagot. Why did she keep on talking about money? And why would I care?
"Ethan is with Detective Penber. They're drinking liquors for breakfast. I know those bad guys are up to something terrible! That stinky mad man might be using your bait." She continued talking when I didn't make a move. I grabbed a pillow and covered my head with it to muffle her voice. But she sat again on the bed and talked just in front of my face. "And Jazarah was seducing our drunken Sebastian since yesterday. That little shit would probably get what she wants if she put something in his drinks. Damn! Can't you see how fragile and weak our Tres is?" She said theatrically.
Bumalikwas ako at umupong muli sa aking kinahihigaan. I saw a wicked smile forming on Summer's lips. I knew Sebastian Freniere wouldn't fall for that stupidity. But she just wouldn't give up on separating me from my bed.
"Who's Jazarah?" Kunot-noo kong tanong.
She rolled her eyes and said, "The bitch we encountered the other night!"
Oh. So the woman has a name. "But I thought she's the Mayor's mistress." That's what I remembered from Ethan when we were at the beach.
"Yes. Mayor's mistress and soon-to-be-Sebastian's-whore. But the Mayor has gone to a trip so the damn bitch is out for some slut-ting spree." Halos hindi nawawala ang kanyang pagsisimangot habang sinasabi ang tungkol sa babaeng iyon.
Napailing ako. "How could you judge someone too much? And how could you speak with your mouth filled with profanities? Aren't you choking from all those swearing?" My ears had been suffering ever since she talked with me this morning.
She grinned. "I could go on if you plan to stay here longer."
Tumayo ako sa kama at nagtungong banyo. I turned my back yesterday from some consequences. So maybe, I should have the courage to face them today. Nang matapos na akong makapag-ayos ng sarili ay lumabas na kami ni Summer upang mag-almusal. We ordered pancakes and coffee from a nearby restaurant. I had to look for Ethan after this and maybe take a chance on facing Sebastian again. But hopefully this time, we would be able to get ahold of ourselves.
"You should go back to Freniere Mansion with Sebastian and Detective Penber. They already know about my treachery. You have no reason to be here anymore," I started formally amidst breakfast.
Summer seemed to be caught off-guard. She gulped in her coffee before staring back at me. "You can't tell me what to do," pagmamatigas niya. I was already expecting this from her. I knew she would protest.
"This is more dangerous than what you're thinking," I said.
"I had a dangerous history, too," she insisted.
"And you should have learned from that. You almost died." She looked at me with the same flame and bravery in her eyes from that time I saw her last December. She was probably thinking of what happened during that time. I was hoping she'd turn back from such kind of deadly things this time.
"Are you going suicidal with your mission because your heart was broken?" She asked.
Hindi ko nagawang sumagot kaagad. The logical part of me, the one watching me do things that are quite perilous, was agreeing and saying yes. I remained cold and unfeeling for a very long time and that caused my heart to shrink until it has gotten smaller and smaller. I didn't know I still had that little heart left on me until I decided to risk it. And when I risked it, I risked all of me.
"When you lose your heart, you lose absolutely everything," I answered.
"Are you hurting?" She asked again.
She just saw me cry yesterday. There was no sense in lying. "Yes," I said. I couldn't believe I'd be talking about this kind of thing with her. Worse, I couldn't believe I would be this honest. It was the first time someone was asking me about personal stuff like this. She made me feel that I exist, too. All this time, I was just a reaper. Everything must be about missions and orders.
"Then that's a good sign. You still have a heart to feel pain. You love Tres. I am sure of that. Don't you dare hide it from someone who also loves the darkness creatures like him bring," she said in a business tone. She was lecturing me on a feeling that seemed to be unknown to me. Since when did she become an expert with this?
I sighed. "I only have a little heart to give and I decided to risk it with my revenge."
Umiling-iling siya. "Revenge wouldn't do you any good. You're risking it for wrong things."
"So what do you suggest me to do?" I asked. Gusto kong malaman kung ano ang iniisip niyang tamang gawin.
"Palayain mo si Ethan. Naisip kong kung anuman ang nagawa niya dati, pinagsisisihan na niya. And Van seemed to forgive him. I must forgive him, too. Tres just wants to kill him because you're keeping him. That's the monster's way of dealing with jealousy. Umalis na tayo rito sa Eremitia. I know Van would forgive you. The Mafia will welcome you again," aniya.
Bumuntong-hininga ako. I wished it was just that easy. She didn't know the Mafia. Sir Algernon Freniere was willing to kill his own if he needed to. And I was just a reaper. I wouldn't escape the Mafia's wrath. And I was already here. I didn't reach this far just to back out.
"I can't go back, Summer. That's not how things work," wika ko.
She gritted her teeth and grasped my arm. "You'll kill Ethan in the process. You'll break Tres again! And that's how you will lose your heart."
"I've lost mine in an assassination when I was young," wika ko at binawi ang braso sa kanya.
Muli sana siyang magsasalita subalit mabilis akong tumayo sa aking kinauupuan dahilan upang bumagsak sa sahig ang silya. Inilibot ko ang aking paningin sa paligid at tiningnan ang bawat taong naroroon. Wala akong pinalampas na mga pares ng mga mata.
"Henrietta? What's wrong?" Tanong ni Summer subalit pinatahimk ko lang siya gamit ang pagsenyas ng aking mga daliri. Mukha namang naintindihan niya iyon at inilibot rin ang paningin sa paligid.
I just suddenly had this feeling that someone was watching us. Hindi ko lang matiyak kung gaano katagal na dahil mukhang nadala ako sa usapan namin ni Summer. But this thing was familiar. It wasn't just here to warn us. I knew it would cause harm in any ways. Marami nang tao ang nasa restaurant dahilan sa ilang oras na lang bago magtanghaling-tapat. Pinanatili kong malapit lang sa akin si Summer Leondale at iniharang ko ang katawan ko upang protektahan siya sa anumang pag-atake na mangyayari. Isang pamilya ang lumabas ng restaurant at agad nitong nakuha ang aking atensyon. Naramdaman ko ang panlalamig ng buo kong katawan nang magtama ang mga mata namin ng isa sa mga tila miyembro ng pamilya. His sinister eyes were looking straight at us while his lips are curved slightly into a smirk. Summer turned to his direction and paled when she realized the familiarity of his features. I ran fast towards the group but when we reached outside the restaurant, he was gone. He disappeared like a ghost. Bumalik ako sa kinaroroonan ni Summer at hinila siya palayo sa lugar. We were with the real danger now. Eremitia was no longer safe.
"Andrew is dead! Who is that?" Naguguluhan subalit nahihintakutang tanong ni Summer.
"I don't have any information about him but right now, we need to find the others. Where's Sebastian?" Tanong ko.
"In that club," turo niya sa isa sa mga bukas na club na naroroon. Mabilis na pagtakbo ang ginawa ko habang nakasunod sa akin si Summer upang marating agad ang lugar. The club wasn't crowded at this time of the day compared at night. Mabilis kong nakita ang kinaroroonan ni Sebastian. Nakita ko rin ang pamilyar na mukha ng babaeng kasama niya na tila ahas kung makalingkis sa kanyang katawan. I didn't know where the anger came from but I suddenly felt it mixed with the adrenaline and tension. I reached their spot in great speed and tore the girl from him.
"What the hell, bitch?!" Protesta ng babaeng may pangalang Jazarah. Hindi ko siya pinansin at sa halip ay hinarap ang bahagyang nakainom na si Sebastian. He seemed to be sober enough to listen and deal with the situation.
"You need to leave now. It's not safe," seryoso kong sabi sa kanya.
He smirked at me and shrugged his shoulders. "If it's not safe then why are you here?" Tanong niya.
"To save you and get rid of this stupid damn leech sucking all your shit!" Malakas kong sabi. Muntik ko nang matutop ng aking mga kamay ang aking bibig. Mukhang naiimpluwensyahan na ako ni Summer pagdating sa pagsasalita.
"Wow. Did you just curse, my treasured Reaper?" Sebastian asked.
Ilang sandali pa ay humahangos na dumating si Summer at inirapan ang babae na nasa tabi ni Sebastian. "Move your ass from that couch, Tres. We need to go," wika niya.
Nang tangkaing hilahin ni Summer si Sebastian ay agad na umalma ang babae sa tabi nito na tila pag-aari nito ang kinukuha namin. Pinalo niya ang kamay ni Summer at sinubukang itulak ako palayo sa dibdib. Subalit hindi ako natinag mula sa aking kinatatayuan. Sinubukan niyang muli akong itulak subalit nabigo pa rin siya.
"Leave us alone, bitch! Leave my man alone!" Malakas ang tinig na wika niya. She seemed to be ready on clawing my face with her red-painted nails.
That was when all the heat and tension reached my head. I grabbed her neck but still careful not to completely block her airways, but just enough to shock her. I stared at Jazarah coldly. "I've killed lots of demons walking in this land. You could be one of them considering of your lustful and slutty ways of cheating. You're a mistress to a Mayor and he's a married man whose family you've ruined. You're neither beautiful nor attractive. You're just a whore and dirt in my path. I could step on you until you die but I don't have the time. You're nothing more. Now, can you step aside?" She was frightened and incapable of responding. She just fell effortlessly in the couch when I freed her neck from my grasp while staring at me with horror in her eyes.
"Damn. I loathe cheaters. Why you didn't warn me?" Sebastian said who was so amused at watching the scene.
"Sebastian, let's go now," seryoso kong sabi.
Subalit hindi pa rin siya kumilos. He just looked at me as if he was amazed by the things I've just done. But I'd done a terrible thing. Was he looking at a mirror?
"It's the Novous!" Summer exclaimed which broke whatever trance he was in. His face turned serious and stood up in an instant. Nagmamadali kaming lumabas ng club habang naiwan ang nakatulalang si Jazarah. He was already on his phone ordering someone to get a helicopter in Eremitia.
"Let's go to the rooftop of that building. We'll wait for our ride there," wika niya kasabay ng pagturo sa pinakamataas na gusali sa Eremitia.
"Summer, where's Ethan?" Sa halip ay tanong ko.
Galit na hinawakan ako ng mahigpit sa braso ni Sebastian, halata ang pagkaubos ng pasensya sa kanyang mga mata. "What's with that f*cking bastard?" He growled.
Binawi ko ang braso ko sa kanya subalit mas hinigpitan niya ang pagkakahawak. "I will not leave without him," matigas kong sabi.
He glared at me. His dark eyes filled with hatred and disappointment bored on me like I had just stabbed him with a knife he didn't expect I'd be using. I also saw a hint of pain.
"Sebastian," I couldn't help but say softly. And just like that, he shoved all weak emotions aside and went back to his own savage self. Nagsimula siyang maglakad tungo sa gusaling itinuro niya. Halos kaladkarin niya ako habang atubili namang sumunod si Summer sa aking tabi. She seemed uncomfortable to see me helpless.
"Please, just don't fight back Henrietta. You're just going to hurt yourself," wika niya sa pagitan ng pagmamadali at pag-aalala. I knew she felt bad about leaving Ethan but couldn't do anything about it because of the situation. Sebastian decided and moved too fast for us to make plans. Isa pa, kung talagang gusto kong mahanap si Ethan, dapat siya ang una kong pinuntahan sa halip na si Sebastian. I guess, this time my little heart made decisions on its own without me realizing it, until now.
The receptionist in the hotel building recognized Sebastian immediately and smiled at his direction without questioning about his companions. What would I expect from someone who seemed to have a 'very-important-person' label everywhere he goes? We walked directly towards the elevator. I decided not to fight anymore and assessed the situation as well as our surroundings. I couldn't go back and find Ethan until I had Sebastian and Summer safe. I carefully checked the surrounding with my eyes since Sebastian seemed to have no plans of letting me go yet. Wala naman akong nakitang kakaiba. Hindi ko rin nararamdaman na may nagmamatyag sa amin. Nang magbukas ang elevator at lumabas ang mga lulan nito ay agad kaming pumasok na tatlo. Pinindot ni Sebastian ang button papuntang roof top at nang magsimulang tumaas ang elevator ay sinamantala namin iyon upang kumalma at huminga.
"Will you let go of me now?" Wika ko kay Sebastian.
Agad namang sumang-ayon si Summer, "Yes. Let go of her. Kanina mo pa siya nasasaktan. Hindi naman siya makakaalis dito," wika niya habang nakatingin sa namumula kong braso.
He smirked at me and said, "She would find a way to escape in this elevator. Believe me, she has numbers of ways."
"I will not!" Kontra ko. That was true but I had no plans to escape this elevator.
He looked at me with scrutiny in his eyes and said, "Shall I trust you?"
Hindi ako umimik. I was not in the position to ask anyone to trust me. I couldn't ask him to trust me when I know I would betray him again. Subalit pinakawalan niya ako sa kabila ng aking pananahimik. Summer sighed in relief while waiting for us to reach the top floor. Nang tumigil ang elevator at bumukas sa pinakataas na palapag ay agad kaming lumabas. Kinailangan pa naming umakyat ng hagdan bago makarating sa rooftop. Bumungad sa amin ang mainit na sikat ng araw nang marating namin ang itaas. Isang tauhan ng hotel ang sumalubong agad kay Sebastian. He always had his way of moving things quickly in just a flick of his fingers. Nagtungo ako sa gilid ng rooftop at tiningnan ang ibaba ng gusali. Halos matatanaw ang malaking bahagi ng Eremitia sa taas ng lugar na kinaroroonan ko. I couldn't help but see a familiar picture. Few months ago, I was also in the rooftop chasing a very dangerous personality. I failed to get him. That was where I met Ethan who was already willing to die at that time. I stopped him. I put his death in my hands at my own time. All this time, he saw my worst intention as saving him. Maybe this time, he would realize that I was far from being his savior. He would see me as nothing but a dangerous, treacherous reaper by leaving him in the claws of an assassin. But, wouldn't that be a waste of everything? I looked at Sebastian and he instinctively turned to me to meet my gaze. He was the one securing everything in our departure. He wanted to move to the safest place. He was vulnerable here without the presence of Freniere Mafia.
Halos sabay kaming nagbawi ng aming tingin nang matanaw namin ang munting pigura sa kalangitan sa di kalayuan. Maya-maya pa ay maririnig na ang munting tunog na nililikha nito. The chopper was almost here.
"Let's just go back to Ethan when we already have the power and help we need. He wouldn't die that easy." Tinapik ako ni Summer sa aking balikat habang pareho kaming nakatingin sa paparating na sasakyang panghimpapawid. Hindi ako sumagot sa kanya. Nanatili akong tahimik hanggang sa tuluyan nang makalapit at makalapag sa helipad ang chopper.
"Hello, my favorite reaper," pasigaw na bati ng isa sa dalawang piloto ng helicopter. Her red hair was being carried by the wind as she tried to greet me with her sweetest, poisonous smile. She didn't have the ability to drive a car in the land but she sure could fly. She was like an eagle watching her prey from afar. That made her an excellent and deadly sniper of the Mafia Freniere.
Summer rolled her eyes at my side and whispered, "What a creep."
Hindi ko tinugon ang kanyang bagbati. Alam kong may nalalaman na siya sa aking ginawang pagta-traydor sa Mafia. And if there were people I should feel threatened right now, she was going to be one of them. She was one of the most loyal Reapers of the Mafia. She had been in the organization ever since she was a kid. She grew up playing with the youngest Freniere and I knew she was silently affected when he died.
Forest grinned at Summer and said, "I'm rescuing you from the mess you are in."
"She makes me want to go back in the Vinea and sleep instead." Summer gave her a disapproving look.
Naunang pinasakay ni Sebastian si Summer. "Are you sure it's safe to be in the air with this freak?" Tanong niya. Sebastian just shrugged it off. Pagkatapos ay hinawakan niya ako sa siko upang makapasok. Natigilan ako at napatitig sa upuan na pupuwestuhan ko. Once I settled myself in there, we would fly out of Eremitia, leave all the dangers here and face the consequences in Freniere Mansion. It might be too late to get back to Ethan once Van decided to save him.
"Get in, Reaper." Sebastian ordered. The coldness was evident in his eyes and tone of his voice.
I could fly out with him. I could be his reaper and stay with him. But why couldn't I move my feet to get to my seat? Why did I feel like I would be leaving something important and undone in Eremitia?
Napalingon kami pareho sa pagbukas ng pintuan at paglabas ni Detective Penber. Tumakbo siya sa kinaroroonan namin at halos pigilin ko ang sarili ko na salubungin siya.
"Where is Ethan?" Tanong ko agad sa kanya.
Detective Penber returned my look. "He was taken by a person who was too fast to run after. It's like he was taken by a ghost," he said grimly.
I couldn't answer. I just suddenly felt uncomfortable and wanted to go back to Vinea. I just couldn't bear myself to get in. I wanted to stay. I looked at Sebastian and said, "Forgive me, but I can't go with you."
Ikinuyom niya ang kanyang kamao at nagtatagis ang mga bagang na sinabing, "I can't let you stay here."
I shook my head slowly and stepped back. He grabbed my arm again and tried to pull me towards him. But I resisted. I used my own energy to go against his will.
"What the f*ck is wrong with you?" Sigaw niya nang hindi niya ako magawang maisakay sa helicopter.
"I have to stay. I have to finish the things I started," sagot ko.
He brushed his fingers through his long hair exasperatingly. I couldn't help but be amazed at how the strands seemed to compliment the brightness of the sun. His looks, his perfectly devilish features, the air of arrogance he brought and his dangerous nature were just some of those things I would miss once I turn my back from him.
"Just stay with me," he said. His eyes were pleading. It was painful to look at him like that. A part of me was seeing Ian, the one I was longing to be with, again. But I knew I couldn't be with him. I couldn't go on and stay at his side unless I retrieve something I lost. I needed to avenge my almost dead heart.
Umiling ako. "I can't," My voice croaked as I turn him down once again. I always disappoint him. How many times do I have to break him?
The pain that crossed his eyes was evident as he gritted his teeth. "Tres. Just let Henrietta go. Trust her this time!" Muling bumaba si Summer at lumapit sa amin.
Sebastian didn't seem to bother with her presence. He just pierced me with his eyes and said, "Turn your back from me and I would consider you dead," banta niya.
I gave him a sad smile and stepped back again until I made a safe distance between us. It seemed that he couldn't bear the rejection I was going to make so he turned his back and walk towards the chopper. I felt my eyes stinging with suppressed tears that were threatening to fall. I had to push this aside this time. There was no space for weakness.
Bago pa ako tuluyang makatalikod ay tumakbo si Summer sa aking direksyon at sa aking pagkagulat ay niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. That triggered my emotions and I suddenly felt my tears wetting my cheeks.
"Someone important to me once said that I won't be able to move on by running away. Maybe you're making the right decision this time. Be careful, Henrietta." She whispered to my ears. She pulled back and waved goodbye to me before going back to the chopper. I watched as the helicopter closed its doors. Forest gave me a cold stare before she flew the chopper into the air.
Naiwan akong nakatingin lang habang pinagmamasdan ito papalayo. And once again, I felt alone. I let the thing that would keep me safe get away from me. I let Sebastian move away from me. I was left with nothing. And when the helicopter disappeared from my sight, I sighed and wiped my tears from my face. I looked at the sun coldly and turned my back from it, back to the door of the building. It was time to become a Reaper.