Wednesday, April 6
After twelve years you would think she would be used to the calls in the middle of the night from her captain, informing her that they had caught another case. But she wasn't. Olivia Benson had been called in maybe 100 times throughout these twelve years, and each time she ached, moaned, and groaned not wanting to remove herself from her bed. After twelve years, her eyes still burned when they fluttered open and her body still craved more sleep.
But this was her job. She wouldn't have it any other way.
After taking a quick shower and slipping on her predictable black slacks and blouse, she hastily tossed her still damp hair into a low ponytail. Grabbing her badge and gun, going through her usual mental check list, she was almost out the door when her phone began buzzing on the kitchen counter. She groaned inwardly, already assuming it had been Captain rushing her.
"Captain, I'll be there in-"
"I was trying to be a good partner for once, but you're really killin me. How much longer ya gonna be, Liv?" The twang of his accent sounded through the phone. Sending a small bit of relief that it wasn't her Captain, but her partner. Elliot Stabler.
"Good partner? More like a pain in my ass. I'm on my way down," she ended the call and headed downstairs.
Night had still fallen and the streets of New York were asleep for once. Although the calls were often an inconvenience, this time of night had always been her favorite. Because for just a few hours the city was calm and quiet. Nearly everyday she had spent her time chasing down perps and helping victims.
Her days were chaotic and busy. Never calm and quiet.
So it was nice to even have just a moment to revel in the rarely harmonious city.
She stepped down from the stoop of her apartment building, and slid into the passenger seat of the squad car. Elliot greeted her by handing over a cup of coffee- black, just the way she liked it. The heat of the cup warmed her palms, not realizing how cold she really had been.
"What do we got?"
"15 year old girl shows up to the hospital in labor, a fews hours later she gets a few visitors who are also pregnant," she could tell he had been trying his hardest, but sleep was still evident in his voice. With her head leaned up against the window, she glanced over in her peripheral, turning up the corners of her mouth. "Hospital staff wants us to check it out. Something about them all being so young and pregnant didn't sit well."
"You get any sleep?"
For the past three days they had been working on yet another case, and had finally closed it the night before. It had been weeks of post spring break clean up, each day a new case file had been given to them. Leaving every squad member slammed, and working late each night. It never really bothered Olivia much, she didn't have anyone waiting for her at home. But Elliot had slowly become a concern. He actually had a family.
"No luck," he sat lazily in the driver's seat, his wrist resting on the steering wheel.
"Did you at least get to see the kids last night? Eli?" she knew to tread lightly on the subject, but found herself genuinely concerned. It was only a few weeks ago when they had been on a six hour long stakeout, when he had openly informed her that he and Kathy were separating..again. Except this time around it had been different. It sounded final.
"By the time I drove out there it was bedtime. I read him a story and tucked him in," he shrugged his shoulders, defeated. Over the years Elliot had learned to be thankful and cherish every moment with his children, never knowing when he'd get called away on a case. But when he Eli had come around, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't let the job interfere with his childhood the way it did with his siblings. He made a promise. One he couldn't keep.
"I'm sorry El," she placed a hand on his forearm that rested between them. He tensed up a bit, but soon relaxed into her touch. They didn't do this. They didn't touch each other, or show affection.
Over the past year their partnership had been strained once again like it had several years back after Gitano. It was only a month ago that she wanted to take her sig and shove it down his throat. For roughly five weeks Olivia had found herself being the legal guardian of a young boy named Calvin Arliss, when his mother Vivian (who had recently learned she was a product of rape) had left abruptly. The case had taken a copious amount of twists and turns, a factor they had grown used to over the years. But each turn had strained Olivia and her partnership with Elliot even more since she had Calvin.
She had every intention of finding Calvin's biological father, but it was her heart that wouldn't allow her to. The idea of motherhood had been pushed further and further towards the back of her mind as each year passed. Adoption had always been an option in her plans, but with every agency denying her, the idea of adoption had soon become mute.
So it was Elliot that pushed her to find the biological father. It was Elliot she blamed when he took the DNA sample from her desk and turned it in. It was Elliot she blamed when Vivian came back to collect her boy after his biological father had murdered her lover. It was him. It was all his fault.
"Kathy gave me shit about it, but I'm used to it by now," he managed to crack a small smile, and so did she. Olivia remembered the numerous amount of times Kathy had shown up to the squad room, a child or two in tow, looking for Elliot. She remembered all of the times she had covered for him, when in reality he was up in the cribs catching up on sleep. Not ready to return for diaper duty just yet.
"You ready?" she slurped the last few sips of her coffee, before unbuckling herself as they pulled up to the hospital.
That was how they worked. Always moving onto the next. Never allowing for anything to get to deep.
~
"Lady cops like you always think we need saving. My baby and I will be fine! Let me go home!" the dark haired girl bit back at Olivia, who had been questioning her for the past hour. She wouldn't cooperate, and had left Olivia irritated with her.
"Listen to me Stephanie! You and your baby won't be 'fine'. Teenage pregnancies carry a number of risks. Risks I'm sure you're unaware of since you haven't been getting any prenatal care. I'm here to help you."
"How old are you? Huh? Gotta at least be pushing 50. You probably go home every night to an empty apartment, no family. The sight of me just leaves your womb aching, wishing you had a baby. You're just jealous no man has wanted you enough to have his baby. Fuck you lady, I don't need your help!"
"I'm gonna go get some air," Olivia had abruptly pushed away from the desk her and Elliot had shared for over a decade. She walked briskly through the squad room and headed for the roof before anyone could speak to her.
She didn't expect for the interrogation earlier to have an affect on her, but it continued to run through her head. Those same words taunting her, reminding her of Calvin, the failed attempts at adoption.
You're letting a 15 year old get inside of your head Olivia. For chrissakes, suck it up. Calvin is gone. And you do go home to an empty apartment. Truth.
"I don't wanna talk about it El," no matter how quiet he attempted to be, Olivia was always able to feel his proximity. She leaned on both elbows, peering over the city going into 5 o'clock traffic.
"Liv-" he spoke in a low tone, one she wasn't used to. She knew he was close, not only by his voice, but the heat that radiated off of his body.
"Elliot I swear to god I'll kill you," as hard as she tried to appear confident and okay, her voice had failed her and cracked when she spoke.
"I've told you before and I'll say it a hundred times more. Anyway you wanna do it, I'll support you Liv. It's not too late. Every kid out there would love to have you as a mom," it's been decided. She was going to kill him. A slow and painful death.
"I love this whole 'trying to be a good partner' skit you're doing, but I can't right now. I just wanna be alone," she inhaled deeply, finally allowing herself to breath. Her lungs burned at the sharp intake, but she didn't care. She need to feel something. Something besides this numbing aching feeling that had crept up on her.
"I'm not 'trying', I am a good partner. Probably the best to be honest," she looked over at him, a shit eating grin plastered across his face. He stood beside her, facing towards her and leaning back on his elbows. His face squinted, eyebrows knitting together as he tried to peer up at the sky.
"Don't try to be funny Elliot. Just let me be miserable..alone," she lifted the corners of her mouth, slightly amused by his antics, trying her hardest not to take her anger out on him. Something they had both been reckless about doing.
"How about take out and a movie at my place tonight then?" he grinned making the dimple in his left cheek appear. She thought about giving him a swift kick to the legs and punching him just hard enough to leave a mark, but she decided to give him a one time break. He had to be lonely at his "new home" and keeping him company wouldn't be the worst.
"Only if you order extra lo mein," she pinched his shoulder, her irritation forgotten. Olivia was slightly thankful for the intrusion on her plans to only go home and snuggle up to a glass of wine. Elliot had always seemed to do that; somehow drag her away from her single and lonely life.
But she assumed that's what a good partner did.