THE SHOUTS WERE GETTING CLOSER and I knew we did not have much time left. His head laid firmly on my lap and he groaned in pain. Blood stained his lips and his once blue shirt was now spotted with his own blood. My arms were wrapped around him and I constantly shook my head, not believing what was happening. A bullet to his chest had slowed us down and I had no idea if we were going to make it out alive. Tears wet my cheeks and a headache was starting to form. I knew crying was not going to help us but I could not help it. There was no way I could get him to the hospital—not in this condition.
We were trapped.
"You're going to be okay," I whispered, tightening my arms around him. "This...This is just one little bump in the road. We're going to make it out of this and we're going to sail the world together, remember? Do you remember what you told me that day at the beach?"
Elijah's glassy eyes met mine and the sight of him in so much pain hurt me. He opened his mouth to speak but only coughed up more blood. My eyes widened and I applied pressure to his wound to attempt to make the bleeding stop. He cried out as soon as my hands touched his wounded flesh and he bit his bottom lip. His forehead was covered with sweat and he smelled like blood...so much blood. I had a few wounds myself but nothing like this. A couple bruises meant nothing compared to a bullet buried within the chest. His chest rose and fell at a fast pace and every time he coughed, I winced.
"You..." Elijah met my gaze again and slowly shook his head. "You have to run."
"No," I quickly argued. "I'm not leaving you here alone."
"Run," he said again. "Change...Change your identity. Move away from this Hell. Keep your mother and Jett safe. Don't you ever look back, you hear me? You have to run and hi—"
"No!" I shouted.
"Don't get caught because of me," he pleaded. "I'll only slow you down."
"If they find you, they'll kill you, Elijah!"
"Gwen," he smiled weakly. "I'm already dead."
I cried out, knowing he was right. He was bleeding too much and even if I had managed to take him with me, he would bleed to death. They were getting closer to us and this caused me to panic. I had to warn my family about what was going to happen. I needed to tell them what I had been doing for the past few months and I needed them to trust me so I could keep them safe. Elijah was always right and I hated it. It was never supposed to end this way. No one was supposed to get shot. We were supposed to be fine!
"Go," Elijah begged. "They'll be here any minute and I won't let them take you."
"Please—"
"Why are you still here?" he struggled to look at me and this made me hurt even more. "Go!"
Fresh tears wet my cheeks and I nodded my head, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
I stood up quickly, making sure he was comfortable. He grunted when I laid his head down on the grass and I kissed him hard on the lips, knowing it would be our last. His fingers ran along the engagement ring on my finger and I choked on a sob. He kept his smile but his eyes were looking toward the trees. I kissed him once more on the forehead and turned to run. I ran as fast as I could and never once looked back. I heard yelling but I tried to block it out. I heard gunshots but I kept moving. My heart ached and I no longer cried silently. My knees gave way and I fell, screaming at the world for doing this to me. There was one more gunshot and I placed a hand on my heart, knowing exactly what that meant.
Elijah was dead.
• • •
I woke up screaming.
The room was dark and I threw myself around in the bed, screaming at the top of my lungs. My arm hit the lamp on the nightstand, knocking it to the floor. I heard the glass shatter but I kept screaming. My heart was reliving the memories of that night and I was unable to handle it. I had tried my best to ignore the events of that night but there was nothing I could do. Nightmares like these reminded me of why I had to do what I was currently doing. I managed to sit up and I clutched the blanket to my chest as I cried. I heard the door open down the hall and I knew I had woken Harry up.
I never looked his way when he opened my bedroom door and turned the light on. He cursed under his breath and I assumed he stepped on a piece of broken glass. I stared ahead at the black television screen and allowed the tears to silently fall. Harry sat down on the edge of the bed and he placed a hand on my leg. When I looked at him, he looked confused and frightened. My bottom lip trembled and my grip tightened on the blanket. He did not hesitate to pull me close and hold me in his arms. I buried my face in his chest and he ran his fingers through my hair.
"It was just a dream," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "It was just a dream."
I wanted to tell him otherwise but I could not. If I did so, I would have to tell him the entire truth and I was never going to do that. None of these people would ever find out what happened.
"Hey," Harry forced me to look at him. "Do you know what Clare told me the first time she caught me crying?" I wiped my face with the back of my hands and shook my head. "She told me tears tasted like saltwater and I should taste at least one tear in my lifetime." I looked down at my lap and took a shaky breath. "I know she was just trying to cheer me up but it actually worked. Do you want to taste—"
"Where did I go wrong?" I cried out to no one in particular.
"Sydney—"
I looked at him, pain clear in my eyes, "Where did I go wrong?"
"Doll," he placed a lock of hair behind my ear and pressed his forehead against mine. "I don't know what you dreamed about but you listen to me, okay? It was just a dream. You're the most perfect person I've ever met and it isn't possible for you to do anything wrong." I shook my head at him as my eyes watered again. "Oh, come here."
I just wanted to be held. That was all I wanted. Harry had no idea why my dream had hurt me but he did not care. He just wanted me to stop crying and get better. It was very rare he saw me cry and I hated it when he saw me this way. I had not had a dream like this in a very long time and it confused me that they were suddenly coming back. I wiped my face again and I noticed Harry was looking down at the floor.
"I broke the lamp," I murmured.
"Eh," he glanced up at me and smiled. "I never liked it, anyway."
"I'll pay you—"
"Ssh," he placed a finger on my lips. "Screw the lamp. It doesn't matter right now. What matters right now is you and I need to know if you're all right. Are you?" I moved his finger away from me and sat up straight. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours and Harry's expression softened the longer I stared at him. "I'm not going to leave you in here alone, if that's what you're thinking. When I heard you screaming and then the lamp—Jesus, I thought you had hurt yourself."
"I'm okay."
"Physically, perhaps," he said. "But I don't think you're emotionally okay. Here, come on. You're sleeping in my room tonight. I keep my door locked to keep the nightmares away."
I laughed.
We held hands as we walked out of the room. I made sure not to step on any broken glass and Harry led me down the hall to his bedroom. It was dark and I wondered if he jumped out of bed as soon as he heard me screaming. He turned on the light and I stopped in the doorway, looking inside of his room for the very first time. I was left standing there and I probably looked displeasing. My body was still shaking from the nightmare and my heart was still beating out of control. Harry pulled the blanket back and patted the spot on the mattress. I walked to him slowly and he took a step back as I got comfortable on the mattress. He covered me with the blanket but I was still sitting up.
"You should really try to get some sleep."
I shook my head.
"No?"
"No," I repeated.
He smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Well, then, I guess we'll just have to stay awake together."
I did not argue when he moved beside me and our shoulders touched. I simply laid my head down against him and smiled when my cheek met his warm skin. This was nice. I did not mean to wake Harry up but I was somewhat glad I had done so. I was so used to being alone when my nightmares came. I would always cry alone and be trapped in the dark—too afraid to get out of bed to turn on a light. When Harry rushed into the room and turned on the light for me, my heart nearly leaped for joy.
"You're pretty," Harry murmured.
I smirked, "You're pretty, too."
"Really?" I had a feeling he was looking down at me. I nodded my head and he laughed. "I guess we'd make a pretty cool couple, then."
I immediately sat up at his words, "But what about Jillian?"
"I know. I'm working on it. I just need time. She hasn't been answering her phone lately. I can drive by there tomorrow after work and talk to her if you want."
"Okay," was all I said.
"Hey," his tone changed and it was somewhat sad. "I'm going to make things right but you have to trust me. I can't just break up with her. I would never do that to a woman. I just need to talk things out with her and make her agree into going our separate ways."
I nodded.
"Are you mad?"
I shook my head.
"Lay down with me?"
I obliged and laid down beside Harry. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. I was able to hear his heartbeat from where my head was positioned and I closed my eyes as I focused on the sound. Harry's lips pressed against my forehead and he ran his fingers through my hair several times. My breathing calmed down and I was able to breathe properly. I was still a little frightened from my dream but I was going to have to get over it. Harry did not deserve this and I was not going to let him suffer because of me. I was going to have to push my nightmares to the side and appreciate what I had now. I still loved Elijah but he was gone. I could not hold onto him forever. I was sure he would want me to move on at some point.
The memories of Elijah being shot to death made my eyes water. I gripped onto Harry's shirt as I silently sobbed and every time I closed my eyes, Elijah's bloody body was in front of me. I knew I was not going to go back to bed and when I glanced over at Harry's alarm clock, it was a little after three. I hated myself for waking Harry up so early. We both had to get up in a few hours to start getting ready for work. I knew Harry was going back to sleep because his breathing was slowing down. His chest rose and fell slowly and if he was not already asleep, he would be soon. I ran my fingers along his chest and his body stiffened at my sudden touch.
I asked, "Are you still awake?"
There was a brief pause.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry for waking you up."
"Why are you apologizing? I'd wake up early any day if it meant I could see your beautiful face."
"You don't mean that." I sighed. "You're only saying that to make me feel better."
"Okay, you caught me," I heard the sarcasm in his voice and smiled. "A man needs his sleep and I can't get that if you're dreaming about zombies eating this hot body and shit."
"Shut up!" I laughed.
"We're not getting any sleep, are we?"
"You can go to sleep, Harry. If I'm a distraction, I can go back to my room so you can sleep."
"And risk you having another nightmare? No, it's fine. I had planned on waking up early, anyway."
"Not this early," I argued. "I'm serious, Harry. If you need to sleep—"
"Stop talking to me like that, crazy."
"Talk crazy to me."
"Get out of my room."
"I was about to state a flaw of mine but I guess those no longer work."
Harry laughed and I joined in. He rolled over onto his side, giving me no other choice but to move over. He ran his fingers along my cheek, "Want some tea?"
"Tea?"
"We drink too much coffee when we're together. It's time to switch it up a bit. I have about six different teas downstairs. Care to join me? Now, if you're tired, we can stay in bed and relax."
"I want tea," I was already getting off of Harry's chest.
He got off the bed, too, and I pulled the blanket off the bed to wrap myself up like a burrito. Harry did not complain and I left the room with the blanket wrapped around me. His hands were firmly on my shoulders and he whistled as we made our way downstairs. The wooden floor was cold against my bare feet and I took quick steps to the kitchen table. Harry went and started boiling the water. I watched as he brought six different boxes of tea to the table and he laid them out in front of me to look at. I tapped my chin as I tried to figure out which one I wanted. The lemon tea was calling my name and when I pointed to it, Harry threw me a thumbs up.
"Hey," he said from the stove. "It's going to be autumn soon."
"Yeah, it is."
"There are holidays in autumn."
"Aren't there holidays in every season, though? Even if they aren't major?"
"We'll be spending these holidays together, yes?"
"I guess."
He pulled out two mugs—one white and one green—and sat them down on the counter beside the stove. His movements were slow and I assumed it was because the water was not boiling yet. I laid my head down on the table, surprised that both of us were wide awake. The images of Elijah's bloody body no longer appeared every time I closed my eyes but the thought of him like that kept me up and alert. I stared down at my finger where the engagement ring once was and exhaled slowly. It was hiding away with everything else from my past upstairs in my shoebox. I kept it underneath the bed, afraid Harry would find it in the closet. He told me he would never go in the room without permission but I could not risk it. I had no idea how I would explain the contents in the box if he ever found it. The thought of Harry finding my box made my stomach ache.
My cheeks were wet and I was quick to wipe the tears away. I was not quick enough, though, because Harry was at my side in an instant and he was rubbing my back.
I laughed, "I'm sorry. You shouldn't see me like this."
"Ssh," he shook his head. "It's all right to cry."
"You're comforting me and you don't even know what I'm crying about."
"It's none of my business," he shrugged his shoulders. "If you wanted me to know, you would have told me by now. I'm not going to force it out of you because that is not who I am."
"I'm going to go wash my face."
"Don't take too long," he smiled. "We're still having tea."
I unwrapped myself from the blanket and left it on the seat as I went upstairs to the bathroom. I decided to go to Harry's bathroom because I had already seen his room. His door was still open and this caused me to smile. I opened the door to his bathroom and turned on the light. I saw my reflection and frowned at how red and puffy my eyes were. Harry did not say a single thing about how horrifying I looked and this made me love him even more. I splashed some cold water on my face and shook my head to get rid of the excess water. I felt much more alive and better. I looked at myself in the mirror again and I saw something black sticking out from behind the door. I raised my eyebrows and turned around to see what it was. I grabbed the door and closed it, my eyes widening at what sat in front of me.
There, leaning against the wall, was a shotgun.