Here's the first chapter of Broken!! I hope you enjoy it and keep reading to see how Grace and Tyler's story ends. (:
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It's amazing how slow the world seems to move when your mind works at a faster pace. All of these faces I'm passing in the hallways. All of these different people with different stories, and I don't want to associate with a single one.
I find myself wanting to disappear into the crowd at school. The loud hum of people talking amongst themselves about things that won't matter in a couple of years, but right now they mean more than anything in the world. It's like everyone around me is out to get to me. I know that's not true, but my wonderful anxiety tells me different lies that make me question a lot of things about myself.
I finally arrive in my class, and I'm thankful to be away from all of the people. I always show up to class too early. I suppose it feels better to walk into an empty class than to walk into a class full of people, all eyes on you. The thought makes me shiver.
I pull down my sleeves to my arms making sure to carefully hide the dark lines that cover my wrists. I take a deep sigh as I catch a quick glance of the fresh cut I made a couple nights ago.
I want to stop. I do. It's always been a goal of mine to do so, but for some reason it's like a habit, or even worse, an addiction.
It's just sometimes, it feels better to turn to the razor then to feel any other kind of emotional pain. It helps me forget, and I guess that's ok.
The usual flood of people start coming in, and the empty seats in the classroom fill up quickly. All of these people and I don't talk to any of them. Normally people associate at least a little, but I don't. Middle school totally ruined that sense of outgoingness for me.
Despite my lack of social skills, I have a group of friends I talk to, but they don't even know. I put on a fake face with them. They wouldn't even begin to understand what I go through. They are all perfect, and that makes me question a lot why they even hang out with me. We have Lindsey, my best friend since the first grade. She could be Barbie's best friend with her stunning brown hair and flashing eyes. Then there's Aaron, star football player. He has girls all over him. Makes me wonder why he still chooses our little group to hang out with after all these years. Haley, our little nerd who just so happens to look like a model with her dark skin that literally glows. I met her in the second grade and me and Lindsey easily added her to our little group. And lastly, we have Parker, star basketball player. He's always been a little quirky, but no one ever guesses that until they get to know him. I have wonderful friends, I just don't know why they're friends with me.
The bell rings, breaking my thoughts and I sink in my seat in the back of the class.
Mrs. Johnson is my least favorite teacher. This woman is always trying to get me out of my comfort zone. She doesn't understand today's teens. Some of us need to not associate with our fellow classmates.
If anything I think it's healthy to not talk to these jackasses, but she sees it as an essential to life. Waiting for the day I can finally tell her to F off and find a better job, but until then, might as well hear what she has to say.
"Good morning class." she says as she makes her way to her desk. She's and older woman, but still manages to dress nice. Hell, even nicer than me.
"This week I am giving you this class period to work on an assignment. The project will be over a famous person that you look up to. You will be presenting this to the class at the end of this month after I've reviewed them all to make sure they're school appropriate."
School appropriate. It's a shame that teachers even have to check nowadays, but that's not what's concerning me. Presenting. I avoid these people at all costs because of how they all are. Judgmental assholes. I've spent all of this time keeping myself hidden. Why does this teacher have to ruin this for me?
This. This right here is why I hate school. If someone has social anxiety, me for example, we are forced to stand in front of our piers who we, being me, hate.
"You have this hour to start working on ideas for your project." she says and walks over to her desk. She won't be bothering us for the rest of the hour.
I pull out my notepad and pretend to get to work, when in reality, I'm worried about that stupid presentation. I can't think straight with that on my mind.
I look around my classroom, and I see all of these popular kids who think they're all that. I am no where near as pretty as them. They'll probably make fun of my extra body fat. God, compared to them I have so much. They all don't eat. The thought makes me sick, and I sink into the chair, keeping my eyes glued to the floor.
I see a pair of Nikes and girly light pink Vans take a stop right in front of my desk, and I lift my head to see the one and only Noah Thomas and his bratty little girlfriend, Quinn. These two make me want to vomit. They've been teasing me since middle school, and the tormenting has never stopped. You'd think they'd be over it by now, but no, they can't get enough pleasure out of watching me suffer.
"Babe, look at our favorite little mute today. I saw your face go pale when the teacher said presentations little Grace... or should I say big Grace." Noah says to me and my stomach drops so far down that I swear it touches my feet. They've made fun of me for numerous other things, but never my weight. My weight was never a problem. I'm not even big, only compared to Quinn who has no boobs, no butt, and a stick thin figure.
I feel my eyes start to well up with tears, but I choke them down. Not in front of them. Not in front of them. It's just one insult, I can take a hit.
"And what about her sleeves? It's 90 degrees outside and you're wearing a fricken jacket. What are you?" she says to me, loudly. Great. We've attracted the attention of some others in the class. This is just what I need today.
"Would it kill you to wear a t-shirt?" she says while she shakes her head at me just like a mother reprimanding her own child. I can see the amusement in her eyes. Almost like a cat playing with a mouse. She has all the power and she knows it.
"What if she's hiding some kind of weird lizard skin?" he asks. I wish they'd just drop this. Keeping the scars hidden is hard enough without people trying to expose it.
She steps closer to me, and all in one movement, she pushes down my sleeve revealing my scars. I try so hard to cover them before anyone sees, but it's too late. They're exposed. The dark, the light. All out for everyone's eyes to see.
"What an attention whore." she says with a loud laughter, and the whole class looks at me. The teacher is so oblivious to the situation as she stares at her computer, but that doesn't stop all of these eyes. All of these judgmental eyes looking at me. All looking at me with clear amusement. I feel my cheeks start to burn with embarrassment, and the pain in my chest only grows.
The tears fall, not even bothering to put up a fight anymore. I run out of that rotten classroom feeling everyone's eyes still on me. Why can't they all just look away?
I was doing so good. I was staying strong. One swift movement from them and everything just comes crashing down. The pain in my chest throbs as golf balls emit from the bottom of my throat causing only more pain.
I burst through the door, and in my attempt to get away, I end up bumping into someone. I feel my legs give out from under me, and I swear I'm about to bust my ass on this floor, but firm hands grab my arms pulling me back up before I get the chance.
I meet eyes with a guy. I can only see blurry outlines from the tears that fill my eyes, but I can see enough to know that he's examining me. Just like everyone else in that hell like classroom.
"Hey, are you ok?" he asks me, but I can't bring myself to answer. I feel like I've lost my will to speak.
He lifts my arms and then my scars are exposed. His eyes meet mine for a brief moment, and I feel that aching feeling all over again. He looks at me with pity. Those brown eyes saddened by the harm I've caused to myself. I yank my arm away from him and start to run away. Nobody else needs to see this today.
Why does this always happen to me? Out of all the people that could get screwed over time and time again, why me?
I run until I'm at the football field. No one is out here right now, and it feels great to be alone. To finally be away from eyes digging into my soul pouring their judgments out there for everyone to hear and see.
The fresh air fills my lungs as the cool wind chills my cheeks. I look out onto the field. Complete vacancy. My heart continues to race even when I know I'm finally alone. The tears have seemed to slow, but not stop. The harsh thoughts fill my head like a crashing tidal wave. I can't seem to get them out.
I hate myself.
The sentence rings in my head like an ear piercing scream. Telling me over and over again all of my insecurities. The insecurities that make me want to disappear all together.
I am fat.
I am ugly.
I hate my stomach.
I hate my thighs.
Nothing... about me is beautiful.
I take another deep breath trying desperately to clear my mind. I don't want to think anymore.
I jump when a hand rests on my shoulder. I turn around to see that it's the guy from the hallway. He stands there, eyes locked on me, and I can already feel my cheeks burning red from having this unwanted attention. Now that I'm thinking somewhat clearly, I can see who it is. I can finally get a good look, but it shocks me completely when I do.
Tyler freaking Smith.
Tyler rolls with the same crowd that was torturing me inside. Well, what I should say is that they roll with him. He gets into a lot of fights at school, and I've heard that his temper can be out of control. He plays by his own rules, and they follow him like lost puppies. I guess they all want something exciting in their lives, and Tyler is surely that. With his stunning smile and his brooding walk with biceps flexed and all, he makes girls want him and guys want to be him
I've never even been in contact with this guy and it feels like I'm meeting a celebrity. You don't ever expect a guy like this to talk to a girl like me.
"I saw you in the hallway, and I had to know if you were ok." he says looking at my cheeks, wet with tears. The attention makes me squirm as I take a step away from him. I'm afraid this will all take a turn for the worse. That he'll turn on me like all of the people inside. That I'll just end up feeling like crap all over again.
"Why do you care?" I ask him, barely able to get the words out. My voice is strained, and I already start to criticize myself over it in my head.
He stays quiet for a moment as he steps closer to me making my heart beat wildly in my chest. The closeness is exactly why I stepped away, and here he is closing the gap again. It's like seeing someone from afar for so long until finally, you can see them for real. All of a sudden Tyler Smith is not just a blurry face at the end of the hall, he's an actual human being.
He grabs my arm, rolls up the sleeves, and looks at my cuts before returning his eyes to mine. I feel nothing as he does so. Maybe I would on a different day, but today, I just feel numb.
"Because of this." he says motioning towards all of the scars. There's so many. The old ones have healed, but there's still marks to remind me of every single time I ever felt worthless. Every single time it felt better to hurt myself than for others to hurt me.
"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" I ask him trying to direct his attention off of me.
"Yeah, but aren't you?"
Silence falls between us. I don't know what else to say.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asks, and his eyes never leave my arm. I pull it away from him, and he finally diverts his eyes back to me.
"None of your business." I say, feeling my cheeks start to burn, and I pull my sleeves back down.
"Then I'm just gonna have to make it my business." His comment throws me off and my eyes immediately shoot straight at him. Sudden anger fills inside of me.
"You don't know me. You know nothing about me. Stop pretending like you care. Just stay away from me, ok. I've had enough people in my life bullshit me, and I won't have another one. Besides, I won't be somebody's charity case."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, my feet are running away. Running away from him and this weird encounter.
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Hope you enjoyed the first chapter!! Please keep reading<3