"But why?" The heartbroken way she spoke; the crack in her voice would always haunt me.
It was during the middle of the fifteenth century when I was ordered by Her Highness to return to her side to discuss about what to do with Spain.
The sky was was pink, turning orange as the sun dipped down the horizon. My men were carrying sacks of spices and gold back to the ship. I should've been satisfied with where I was at the moment, happy even, to return after everything that has been accomplished.
However, these calloused hands which I held in my larger ones were chains that could never be broken.
"I'm sorry, love" I couldn't face her. All I could do was stare shamefully at the gold band on her left ring finger.
"Must you really depart? Why couldn't it have been tomorrow, or even tonight? Why today when..." She trailed off, I could hear her whimper and my soul shook.
"I... I don't know what else to say. It's the queen's orders. I'm sorry"
Cold fingers tightened, quivering. I couldn't take it anymore so I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in. Her cheek was on my chest.
"I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry..!" Now my own voice was full of tears. I have faced many battles; have raised toasts in victory and suffered losses. But no bullet nor blade has ever prepared me for the pain of leaving this person behind on our wedding day.
We stayed like that for a moment. How long was that? I didn't care; all that mattered was her in my arms.
"Don't go, Arthur. Please. I know it's selfish, but just for today. I won't bother you again, just..." Then she burst into fits of muffled weeping. That was the first time in years I've heard her cry with such pain and helplessness. Guilt nipped at the corners of my heart.
I pulled her in closer and as tightly as I could, hoping that by some miracle we'd be merged as one. But alas, that is a prayer not even God could grant me.
"Darling, I..." My tongue stopped and my mouth closed. What was I supposed to say?
I decided to remain silent, punishing myself with her tears. One could tell that she was trying her damnedest to keep it together, I knew it from the way she covered her mouth with such shame as her hunched shoulders struggled. She didn't have to do that, she has nothing to be ashamed of. Those tears were for me and it has been a while since someone has ever cried for me.
Suddenly, she pulled herself away from my grasp and let her arms dropped to her sides. I was a little surprised, I must admit.
She took a deep breath to compose herself, and then she looked at me straight in the eye. I was tempted to look away but she held me in place.
I braced myself for her anger which I would happily welcome in place of her sadness. It may sound selfish but I find it more bearable for her to be furious at rather than depressed; the lesser of two evils, I should say.
"Arthur" Her voice sounded so firm despite the way it gave away how tired her throat must have been.
My poker face remained, not giving anything away as I waited for this woman's wrath.
"Accept my apologies" She muttered steadily and my eyes widened. Nonetheless, I said nothing and let her continue without disruption, "That was very unladylike and immature of me. It is unfair of me to place you in a position where you have to choose between myself and Her Majesty; pretentious even. Accept my apologies and attend to the queen as you must"
Once again, this woman managed to drag me deeper in love. If only she was the sea itself: I'd gladly drown myself in all of her.
"Love" I took a step forward but she held up a hand. Her lips, chapped from thirst and have been nothing but hooked downward so unfittingly, curled up slightly as she gave me a weak smile. Sometimes I couldn't help but tell myself that she really is a lot stronger than I can ever be.
"It's all right, Arthur" She turned her hand, the gold shining in the sunset "This isn't going anywhere"
It took a while but I finally realized what she meant and I picked her up by the waist and spun around. We shared a somber yet sweet laughter, and for a moment nothing was wrong.
Our faces were less than an inch apart when she whispered "Promise me you will return"
I swept back her hair and placed a peck on her forehead, "I always do"
My second mate came and informed me that we were ready to sail. I bade my beloved one more kiss goodbye before leaving. My eyes never left her waving form until she the shore was completely shrouded in fog.
We spent those years apart as we usually did: writing to one another about everything. She wrote to me how she was constantly being pressured by her mother and father to forget about me and marry a suitor of hers. I told her how we may have to go to war soon.
Neither of us were having the best time of our lives. That is until I sent her a letter informing her the defeat of the Spanish Armada (in your face, Carriedo) and my return. I didn't receive any letter back but I didn't think too much of it for I was too enthralled with the idea of finally marrying her to even consider the idea of any misfortune getting in between us.
The moment the ship was docked I practically raced to her parents' home. I knocked on the door and fixed myself up as I waited.
However, once the door opened I saw something I never would have even thought about in my sense of victory: the swollen, red eyes of her mother who was all clad in black.
I couldn't bring myself to ask what was wrong, but the poor old woman's husband managed to answer the silent question.
My entire being frozen, or maybe the world did.
I staggered backward "Y-you're lying. It's not true, she... she can't be" I refrained from using the word "dead" because it never felt nor sounded so foreign.
The mother became hysterical "I am not lying!" She screamed and her husband began to rub her shoulders "I wish I was" She whispered, crying once more, "My poor girl. Give her back to me..."
I suddenly felt even more sick. These were her parents; the couple who raised and loved her, and wanted nothing but the best for her. I had no right to act like this to them.
"I'm not lying..." The woman cried hoarsely.
No longer wanting to be a bother, I offered them my apology and left for the ship. My crew appeared as though they were ready to celebrate with all the bottles they bough. However, I refused to talk to any of them, tiredly ordering them to not to bother me.
Once I reached my quarters I threw my hat and coat on the floor. I snatched the half-finished bottle of rum on my table and took one, big gulp.
Ah. I treasured the burning sensation on my throat, but like everything and everyone else in my life it doesn't stay for very long.
I slouched on my chair, feet on the floor and legs wide apart. Tapping the glass, I tried to recall what the father told me.
"She's dead, Captain" He spoke lowly, like he was trying his best so his wife couldn't hear him "She... Well, she finally agreed to marry her suitor"
It took a lot of self-control on my part not to start shouting "She... she did?"
"She did" The mother cut in, "Like any good daughter should" Then returned to her rag of a handkerchief. She kept calling her daughter's name.
The father bit his lip, doubting if he should continue. In the end he did "You must understand, she hasn't been receiving any letter from you for months since the last one about the war with Spain. Her faith was diminishing day by day"
"That's impossible" I spoke up "I've never stopped writing to her"
"Neither did she" He countered, and I looked away.
"Our daughter was miserable. Please understand that we were losing precious time. We would've lost our home, w-we couldn't afford waiting..."
"For me" I finished for him what he couldn't, and who could blame him? "You couldn't afford to have her wait for a man who may not have been entirely loyal to her, or could have died and not return"
He lowered his head, probably in shame.
"I see..." I leaned on the wall for support "W-what happened?"
"She... well, she..." He gulped. Clearly this wasn't easy for either of us, including his wife who continued in his place.
"She jumped"
I couldn't believe my ears. I turned so I could face the mother "What?"
"She jumped overboard right before the ceremony" She repeated "We always knew that she wasn't quite comfortable with her groom but we thought she understand. But then, just before the sun set, she reached out for the horizon and dove down into the water" She raised her head up to me "Do you know what it's like Captain? To bury an empty coffin?"
Reluctantly, I answered: "I do"
Before I left, I remembered the father tell me matter-of-factly, "She kept calling out your name, you know"
I said nothing.
"Even when she felt trapped and maybe even betrayed, she was searching for you"
Spinning on the heels of my boots I eyed him "What are you trying to say?"
Exhausted, the man merely shrugged, "Don't think for a second that she stopped loving you"
I threw the empty bottle at the stack of books near the windows, "Fuck!" I yelled. It shattered into pieces and fell to the floor with the. Forcing myself up, I take another bottle from my stash. Sitting down by the windows, I pulled out the cap and took another gulp.
The moon was bright. You could see her for all that she was tonight. Such a shame, now every time I look at her when she's like that I will be reminded of how cold the night was.
A year later
"Captain! Captain!" The cabin boy knocked hastily on my chamber door, "Captain, please open up!"'
I shut my book close and with a sigh, made my way to him "What is it, boy?"
He was panting but his wide eyes and wide smile seemed glued to his face. I raised an eyebrow.
"Quick, here!" He ran, expecting me to follow him. When he realized I wasn't he stopped and made a waving gesture "Sir, please. You must see this!"
I sighed and surrendered, "All right, I'm coming"
"We're here. Hurry, Captain!" The boy stopped when we reached the upper deck where the majority of my crew were gathered around something.
"What in bloody hell are you all doing away from your posts? I--" My words vanished from my tongue as my men made way for me. Now I saw the reason why they were all here.
"Captain..." One of them muttered in a hushed, low tone of pity.
"Is this a dream?" I stepped forward as slowly as possible, afraid that if it was I may end up waking up from it.
My first mate put a hand on my shoulder "This is not a dream, captain"
I fell to my knees, forgetting what I've been taught since I was wee boy like staying strong in front of the men I lead. Not a part of me cared as I reached for the sleeping mermaid's face. The face I came to love for years, the face I can never erase from my mind, the face of that person who I lost without so much as a farewell.
But now here she lay in front of me, sleeping soundly. Her hair was longer than before and she had a beautiful fish tail iridescent blue and gold scales that reflected the morning sun. She was tangled in seaweed and one of our nets. Nets!
"What are you all standing around for?" I snapped at them, causing everyone to flinch "Help me get these things off her, and one of you get a giant tank and fill it with sea water"
They all seemed surprised with my order so I yelled again. This time they got to work.
The precious thing began to roll over and began to blink her eyes. I grinned as I began to cut "Don't worry you'll be fine. I promise you"
She didn't say anything, merely stared at me with curious eyes.
I stayed by her side while my men prepared the tank and brought to my room.
"Do you like it?" I asked her as she tried to get used to the tank "It's a small, I know. But I promise I'll buy you a bigger one once we dock"
She touched the glass and stared at me.
"What is it?" I asked "Is something wrong?"
She tilted her head and I realized she was looking at the plate of fish in my hand. I laughed "Oh, you're hungry. My sincerest apologies, love. How rude of me"
I climbed the ladder leaning on the side of the tank. I had to hold the dish up because the ladder wasn't that tall, "Fresh from the sea. It's still a little hot so be careful--" In one swift motion, she snatched the fish from the plate and dove back to the water.
She swallowed the fish whole. How she didn't choke to death was beyond me.
I watched her look around. She didn't seem afraid but her eyes widened at everything.
"Do you even remember me?" I whispered, placing my palm on the cold glass "Or have you forgotten?"
She twisted her torso, merely a side of her face was visible from where I stood. Her delicate lashes brushed her cheeks as she blinked. Next thing I knew she was right in front of me with her palm over mine. The only thing separating us was the wretched glass.
A wide smile appeared on her face, framed by her locks of her long hair.
Something lit up inside me and I leaned my head on the glass "So you do..." However, her smile was replaced by a small frown.
"What's the matter, love?"
She glanced at something on my face. I licked my lips--I've been crying.
"Oh this? Don't worry" I reassured her "I... I'm just so happy to have you here with me"
Her expression remained the same.
"I'm happy" I shrugged out my puffy shirt and kicked off my heavy boots "Because you're finally with me. Aren't you?"
I grabbed the edge of her tank and pulled myself up. She swam so her head would be above the water. She never took her eyes off me, nor did mine her.
"I'm back, like I promised" I stretched my arm at her, hoping to touch her. However, she was faster. She pulled me in with her and soon I was floating with her arms around me. She buried her face in the crook of my neck.
Her touch was so foreign. How long has it been since we last felt each other's skin?
Something stung but I was close to drowning in her to notice.
I heard the door swing open and then, glass shattering "Captain!"
***
"... and the beautiful yet mysterious creature brought into mind the image of dragons with her mesmerizing tail that was thirteen feet long; her fine-looking fin spanned over four feet. Her head, however, easily destroyed any remnants of beauty. It was a hideous toad with bulging eyeballs and every time she bared her teeth it was like every inch of the wall of her mouth had knives.
When we first discovered the creature it had spewed out an arm with no flesh but its ring finger had a gold band hanging from it. Everyone was both surprised and confused when the captain admired it with such deranged longing in his eyes. We have been through so much in our short lives but the captain... his age and the pain that came with time, we didn't know if a man would grow stronger or madder with all those years.
Up to this day, we never found out if those bones belonged to the Captain's lost lover, but it doesn't matter for he certainly convinced himself that it was and in the process managed to trick his own mind into believing that the serpent-fish was his beloved but with a tail instead of legs.
Imagine my complete shock when I found him in the water which was turning red. It had bitten him! Fortunately, I managed to break the glass by throwing a hefty chair at the tank and suffocating the fish. The captain survived but was grief-stricken.
Now, as I lay weakly on my bed as a man stricken with age and time, I remember my Captain's face--a child in sleep and dreaming of Heaven--when I saw him in that beast's cage. I let my mind wander off, wondering how he is now. He probably still has those blonde tresses of his. Back then, as a young lad I never understood why he never liked the idea of eternal youth, but I get it now. He has been through so much. While he stays, everyone passes by and leaves"
- Excerpt from the journal of John Ward, one of the cabin boys of Captain Arthur Kirkland's crew.
***
Folklore claims that mermaids were as proud and fierce as the ocean from which they came. Some legends say that they took the form of those they've devoured. Legends also say that mermaids would often come to the surface to mingle with human men for entertainment.
Author's Note: Well, this is a long one. Pardon the extensive use of adjectives but I hope you enjoyed it anyone. Please leave a comment or favorite or whatever. Thank you for reading and stay awesome. I was inspired by the second episode of Pet Shop of Horrors:
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia or the mermaid silhouette(http://images.clipartpanda.com/black-mermaid-silhouette-Mermaid_Silhouette_by_desertbird.jpg) in the book cover. The butterfly isn't mine (https://openclipart.org/detail/242519/retro-floral-butterfly-silhouette).
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