Brianna's POV
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"Are you sure you're not going to take your remedial exams?" May asked for the umpteenth time.
I looked at her and sighed.
"But Brianna. Its midterms. Big. Major. Exam."
"Yeah big major headache too." I casually answered and arranged stuff inside my bag.
"That's not what I mea-"
"And what I mean too is that there are more important things I'll be doing." I cut her off. "I thought you were happy that I decided to go back home?"
"Well, I am." She fidgeted with her nails. "But I'm also worried about you and school. And I just thought that maybe you might also want to have a plan about it."
I immediately choked on the air I was breathing in.
"What the hell witch? What are you my parents?"
Even with the dim lighting, I could see her face flush.
She clipped her hips and pouted at me. "Friends worry about their friend's school stuff too!"
I chuckled. "Seriously?"
"At least I do! I worry about Dawn spending too much time on the bulletin board getting C's in all her exams. I worried about Leaf missing school. I worr-"
She stopped talking when I gave her a funny look.
"Fine." She grumbled and looked away. "I won't worry then."
I laughed. "I'm sorry May. I'm actually gonna talk about it with grandpa, so no worries." I assured her. "Jeez I never knew you're such a worry wart."
She clasped her hands and smiled. "That's good to hear!" She came near me and patted my head. "Good girl."
My face immediately soured. "Stop it please."
"Oh." She paused. "I wonder where Oreo went."
"Oreo? Who's Oreo?" I asked.
"Oreo!" May called out. "Come here boy!"
And came running towards us was the white puppy May brought earlier. May picked him up as he started licking her hands.
My shoulders dropped in disbelief. "His name is Oreo? I thought I was the one going to name him!"
"Well actually it's his, uh, temporary name." She defended. "You can name him whatever you like after tonight."
I raised an eyebrow at her.
"I, I, I mean how could you not name him Oreo? His white and he have black sock!" She held him closer to me and showed me the black fur around his paws.
"May, Oreos are mainly black, he is mainly white. If I have to judge the way how you named him it's because you are an abuser of sweets."
She shifted eyes.
"That may be so but-"
"I'm renaming him by tomorrow." I cut her off and continued arranging stuff inside my backpack.
"No biggie." She stuck her tongue out. "I just have to spend as much time with him tonight."
I chuckled and rolled my eyes.
"Wait!" I called out. May turned around and looked at me. I breathed in deeply and tried to shake off my anxiety. "I'm not very good at it, but, thank you."
"About what?" She asked.
About what? My embarrassment immediately rose tenfold that it annoyed me instead. "What do you mean 'about what?'?" I infuriated. "You're not going to make me explain. I said my thanks already."
"Huh? But really, I don't know what you're talking about Brianna." She scratched her head.
"Ugh! For everything dumbass! Do you really have a working brain?" I exasperated.
"Ahh, oh, okay." She chuckled.
"Especially when you said about that thing about what my mother did for me, if I could remember any." I followed. "That really saved me."
"That's good to hear." May softened. "When I was young my mother would always tell me to never close my hands just because they're full, only hands that are open can get anything else and anything new."
"I'm still trying to understand it though." She added.
"I, I - I think I do.." I whispered.
"You do?! Tell me!"
"Nevermind. I don't." I shrugged and continued arranging stuff inside my bag.
"Okay then." She shrugged too. "Let's go Oreo, Aunt May is gonna teach how to do a belly roll."
As I folded my clothes, a single thought ran all over my head.
'Only hands that are open can get anything else and anything new'
...
A group of tourists ahead of me squealed. "Yes! We're finally here in LaRousse!" They were really excited and decided to be loud about it.
"You gotta see this city." One guy mentioned. "This city is so next level." He awed.
I rolled my eyes as I took my backpack from the baggage carousel. I picked up Oreo's black kennel and checked on him. He was panting air so fast. I chuckled.
In the end I kept the name. I find it cute, not that I wasn't able to come up with a cuter or better name or whatsoever.
Why do I suck at naming things.
I straightened up my back. Tightened the straps of my bag and continued walking out of the port.
'Home sweet home' I whispered to myself and breathed in deeply.
Fresh cool air crashed against me in a gentle and welcoming manner.
I hailed a taxi, placed my stuff inside and went in.
I told the driver the direction to my old house as he happily complied.
When the guy said that the city was so next level, I kid you not, LaRousse is indeed next level. The last time I was here the geography wasn't this technology advanced. There were only few tall buildings, probably all notable for business districts. There were now monorails snaking in and out city. The city still hasn't lost his greenery and despite with the structures, there are also an increase in the number of parks. The city is still eco-friendly. Unlike when I used to live here, the main source of power are now wind turbines.
The taxi slowly turned to a curve and I saw the roof of our old house slowly starting to resurface from the horizon.
A million thought ran over my mind as I got nearer and nearer.
Hug her. Say 'sorry' to her. Never leave her alone again. Hug her. Say 'I love her.' Say 'sorry' to her. Hug her. And hug her. And just hug her.
I got out of the taxi after paying the driver.
I straightened the folds of my navy streamlined skirt and wondered how so much has changed since I left. The footpath that used to be plain was now lined with potted yellow daffodils. The green painting of our walls has now become gray and the little garden we used to have at the side has now become a playground.
I blinked my eyes rapidly.
Something is wrong.
I heard noise as I got closer to our house. There were, cheering? And laughing?
I knocked on the door. I knocked twice.
"Yes? How may I help you?" An unfamiliar lady with short blond hair shot me a smile, she looked around early 30's.
"Who are you?" I asked, to which she only answered with a confused look.
"Why are you in my house?" I asked her.
"Ahh!" She shot me a second smile. "I'm sorry dear but I'm afraid you might have mistaken this house. We bought this house half a year ago."
"Buy?" I made sure anger wasn't obvious in the single word I spat. It took me a couple to second to recollect myself before making another mess. "This was for sale? How? Why?" I asked her. My vision slowly tunneling down.
"Honey? Are you okay?" The lady asked. She was so sickly sweet.
I felt my temple in an attempt not to collapse on the footpath. I turned around and started to walk away.
Just how? Why?
Where could mother be?
Anxiety started to flicker as I fished out the envelop in my breast pocket, realizing that I never had the chance to read it yet.
Brianna dear, before I'm going to say anything else, I'm very sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry I wasn't there enough, I'm sorry I wasn't strong and mature to take responsibility, I'm sorry for the promises I threw away, I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you and all the hurt that you've been through. I know it had not been easy, it's been harsh and I should have been there for you but I wasn't. I failed you as a mother. I failed you as a family. I could never be sorry enough.
I left our family back then when I knew I had leukemia. I kept it quiet. I didn't tell your dad because we barely have any money to spend for bills and food. So when I knew I had the same disease that took over your grandmother's life, I ran away because I didn't want you or Edward to know and worry and turn our family's trouble into something more. We were already suffering and I didn't want to add more to it. But as I was away, I forgot that loneliness was something I could never be good at.
Truth be told, you were a product of my fear of loneliness. But you're the only thing that I'm most proud of.
If you're reading this you won't probably see me again, my savings could no longer afford my treatment. And as I told Drew, you don't have to see me. You won't probably like what you'll see. Anyway, how are you? How's school? It's good to know that you and dad are doing fine now. That puts my heart at rest. Knowing you and your dad are doing fine now, I never knew loneliness could be this comforting. I think I just conquered it.
If I can only ask you for one more thing, it is not to forgive me, but forgive Drew. That's all. I miss you and tell your dad I miss him too.
I love you Brianna. I love you so much. Take care.
It took me awhile before I regained control of my senses and the realization of what I have missed the entire time of being away.
Mother is sick. Mother has been sick for a long time.
I quickly hailed another taxi.
"LaRousse City Medical Center please." I quickly got in and told the driver.
"Miss you're trembling, are you okay?" He asked. I didn't even know that I was trembling. I looked back at the piece of faded paper in between my hands. Yes, indeed, my hands were shaking. My vision started to get hazy.
"Please hurry." Was all I could say as the driver stepped on the gas.
A huge surge of pain traveled up my body and I gasped for air as tears started exploding from my eyes.
I quickly took the kennel and my backpack when I reached the hospital. I took whatever money I had in my pocket and left it on the backseat. I don't care about the change or if it even has change or was it even enough.
If you're reading this you won't probably see me again, my savings could no longer afford my treatment
It doesn't matter right now. Nothing else matter right now. Nothing else except the life of my mother.
I ran to the information desk and chased air. I wiped away my tears. "Miss Dianne Blink?" I hurriedly asked the nurse.
The nurse was quite astounded when she saw how hectic I was. "She just finished her chemotherapy session yesterday, she resting in her room at the second floor room 202."
I mumbled my thanks and hurriedly went up the stairs.
Thank God she is still here. Thank God. Thank God.
I ran across the hallway ignoring the glares from the staff and other patients. When I reached her room, I paused when I grabbed the door knob.
"Wait, her chemotherapy session? I thought she could no longer continue her medication?" I twist the knob open and saw my mother sleeping. I dropped my backpack and placed the kennel on the floor. I went near her.
I held her face, I traced her jawlines, the dark bags under her eyes, I traced her arms and her neck. I was afraid that if I hold her she might crumble.
Tears were falling out of my eyes as I watched her breathe. She had lost all her red flowing hair. She looked paler than the last time I remembered. Looking at mother made my chest burst with indescribable amount of pain as if I just swallowed fire.
"I've been away for so long mother." I cried. "I'm sorry for leaving you too."
I knelt on the floor and held her palm. I broke down an anguish cry. "I'm so sorry... Please forgive me."
The door beside me opened and a nurse with swirling blonde locks went inside. She was carrying a tray of food and water.
She placed the tray on the bedside table and looked at me.
"You must be Brianna." She guessed. "Ms. Dianne's daughter?"
I sniffed away my tears and stood up. I composed myself. "How did you know?"
"Well you got the same eyes and hair as your mother." She smiled. "Dianne talks a lot about you."
I bowed and pressed my palm against my eyes. The waterworks were still ongoing.
"She must have really missed you." She continued and opened the drawer of the bedside table. "Look here."
I wiped my exhausted bloodshot eyes.
Inside were all my old drawings and writings way back when I was in grade school, there were also pictures of me, our family and grandma.
"When her savings could no longer afford her medication, she told me that it's okay to stop her chemotherapy sessions halfway and just wait the stage four disease to take her out." She smiled a sad smile and took a pair of stool, she gave me the other one and continued talking. We sat down together. "But one night, she suddenly had a change of heart. She decided not to give up, she wanted to live longer. Maybe, perhaps in hopes of seeing you again."
I looked back at mother and her peaceful breathing. I tightened my hand around her palm.
"She sold her house and everything in it to continue her therapy session and saved these beautiful memorabilia to herself. This is what's left of her now. All these mementos, of you, her husband. Your family."
"So she sold our old house to continue her therapy?"
"Yes. But even with the money from the house, it wasn't enough to continue her medication."
"Still not enough? Bu- but if it's not enough then who's funding it right now?"
The nurse was about to answer when the door creaked open for the second time. It was a man in a black double-breasted suit. I know this old school way of dressing up, I just knew it. His dark auburn hair was pushed back in a slick fashion.
I can't believe who I am seeing right now.
"Dad?!" I stood up from my seat, astonished. "What are you doing here?"
"Brianna?" He was as shocked as I was. "What are you doing here too? I thought you were in school."
"So that's why you weren't home last night!"
"So that's why you've been skipping your exams!"
The nurse's laugh slowly stopped our bickering. "He's actually the one who's currently funding your mother's therapy. Your dad."
"No way!!!" I hugged him tightly. "Daaaaaaaaad." I cried and jumped to his embraced like a toddler. "Mother, I hurt mother so much..."
"It's not just you sweety, I hurt her more. I never knew your mother could be this troublesome. I left her when she needed me the most. This is my mistake."
"Will she be okay?" I looked up at him. "Will she be okay?" I looked at the nurse.
"She will be okay Brianna." The nurse replied. "This is her last session of chemotherapy. She is healing."
"Oh thank god." Father replied. "Thank god. I'm so gonna marry the shit out of her after all of this."
"You better marry her!" I added.
"I better do!" Dad let go as we wiped our tears and came to a soft chuckle.
"Hey, how did you know about mother's condition?" I asked. "I only knew it just a few minutes ago."
"Someone sent me a message a couple of days ago. It was an unknown number. The sender told me the details. I had trouble believing it at first until he texted Dianne's name. So I hurriedly came here. I didn't let you know because I didn't know how much of it was true." He replied. "It sounded like a scam, it was shady."
"Actually an acquaintance of your mother visited her just Tuesday this week. I think he's the one who sent you the text sir." The nurse answered thoughtfully.
"An acquaintance?" My father and I asked.
"Yes. I actually saw him in the pantry before I came here. If you go there now you might still see him there. He occasionally visits the hospital when he gets to stay here in LaRousse." The nurse smiled.
"Which way is the pantry?" I asked the nurse."
"First floor, rightmost room."
I walked outside the room. Dad decided to stay and wait for mom to wake up.
When I opened the door of the pantry room, I looked around for someone who I might know, an acquaintance to our family. But what caught my attention was a white knit-cap at the corner of one of the dinner benches of the pantry.
I walked near him and he smiled as he saw me coming.
"Brianna!" He called out.
I clenched my fist as I strode closer and closer to him. I didn't reply.
"Did your dad receive my text? It's about your mother. It's serious-"
I hugged him immediately. He was surprised. I felt his body get stiff.
I knew I was pulling a show in front of all the other people in the pantry, I could feel stares like laser sights. Come to think of it, I've been pulling out shows in front of crowds ever since May saved me that night. But it all doesn't matter to me, at least not for now.
"Thank you. Thank you so much." I hugged him tight and forced the millionth sob from spilling out my throat.
"Ohh.." He slowly relaxed and returned the hug. "Your mother didn't want you guys to worry, but that is not how family works. You always worry about each other, that's how family works."
"No matter how much you scorn each other, they will always remain an important piece of your life." He added.
"How come you know a lot?" I broke the hug. "And you could use a little practice with your texting though, my father thought you were a creep."
He chuckled awkwardly. "Uh, yeah, it's not the first time someone told me that." He awkwardly ran his palm over the nape of his neck. "I'm working on it."
I hid my hands behind my back when awkwardness started to creep all over me. I avoided eye-contact. I was sure my bloodshot eyes made me look like some cocaine addict.
"Here." I felt something soft over my head. "It's kinda loose that it can cover your eyes." I realized too late that it was his white knit cap.
Brendan stood closer to me and dragged the piece of cloth downward partially covering my eyes. I was speechless. An unknown kind of warmness flickered inside me.
Damn it. He knew I was trying to hide my eyes.
He removed his hands and showed me a thumbs up. And it was another late realization that he was asking me if the placement of the cap was okay.
It took me a while before I responded with another nod.
I was never this stupid before I swear.
"Good!" He relaxed. "Anyway, my dad and I are on a business trip here in LaRousse and the owner of this hospital is my uncle. When my dad works I stay here and uncle usually teaches me about medical stuff since he thinks I could become a good doctor someday." He chuckled. "And since you're originally from here why don't you take me on a tour and help me explore this city?" He smiled. "Since, uh, uhm, my uncle doesn't take me to tours. Sadly."
I laughed despite the slight blush across my face. "That's fine I guess." I looked at my red sneakers. I didn't know what I was doing with my hands.
"Then it's a deal." Brendan cheered.
"I guess we're left with our own Christmas party then. Just the two of us." I joked.
"That's not bad. That'll be great." He turned around and picked a bouquet of flowers on his seat. I didn't even notice the object until just now. "But before that let me visit your mom again. I'll give her these. She needs all the encouragement we could offer."
It was then I remembered my interview with Brendan some time ago. He lost his mother at such a very young age.
He must have done all of these because he fully knew how it felt like to lose a mother.
Your mother didn't want you guys to worry, but that is not how family works. You always worry about each other, that's how family works. No matter how much you scorn each other, they will always remain an important piece of your life.
Only hands that are open can get anything else and anything new.
I wonder how many stuff I missed for closing my hands all this time. I looked at them and noticed that they were still clenched. I slowly opened them, for some reason they were shaking.
Only hands that are open can get anything else and anything new.
Not just figuratively, but maybe because I've literally been used to clenching my hands why they now shake everytime I open them. I forced it to stop shaking but it doesn't. It didn't.
Only hands that are open can get anything else and anything new.
Stop shaking please. Stop shaking ple-
My mental ramblings halted when another warm hand held mine.
"What are you doing watching your hands all this time Brianna? Let's visit your mother already." Brendan destroyed my thoughts, cracked open the shell of my heart. "The sooner we visit her, the sooner you get to tour me around." He grinned impishly.
And before I could even respond, he pulled me running out of the pantry, the stairs and into the hallways.
End
Chapter Twenty Five: With Now Open Hands
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A/N: Haloo, uh, does this chapter seems kinda off to you guys? Because it is kinda off for me and it's been really annoying me because I still haven't figured it out what makes it off. I've been reading it all over again and again and I just can't point it out. And the reason why I posted this chapter is just to stop this paranoia ugh.
So I'd like to share that I actually went emotional while writing this the other week. My dad died from colon cancer last year September and I realized that when I wrote this chapter I was sort relieving what happened to me by giving Brianna this kind of happy ending. I projected myself in her. I wrote here things I should have done before everything was late and I felt really pathetic. It sucks. My father and I weren't really in good terms, he has insecurities about me and my anxiety and in return that fueled my insecurity even more. He believed that I was always bound to do a lot of serious and unnecessary mistakes, and that made me depressed because I looked up to him so much. I always feel that he could never be proud of me. And when I wrote this, I was writing the opposite route with the route I took with the relationship I had with my father. I was really relieving my grief.
Anyway, this chapter will close the curtain on Brianna, as well as Brendan. Next chapter will be the preparation of the christmas party and back to our main heroine. Thanks for reading!