Chapter 46
Leah
I finally stopped crying, after crying all day again it was now seven o'clock and I was wrapped up in a blanket eating ben and jerry's watching Wuthering Heights in Granddads front room. They still hadn't come home from the hotel today but after last night's party I'm sure they just decided to take it easy today and come back home tomorrow. Which I was glad about, it gave me time I needed just to cry and drown myself in ice-cream. I heard someone opening and closing the front door of the house from the living room.
"Nan is that you?" I called but there was no answer, that's strange I thought jumping up from the sofa just when I heard someone's heavy feet on the wooden floor. I turned round to face the one person I've been crying about all night.
"Chris?" I whispered so quietly I didn't even really hear a sound. "What..."
"Look don't say anything ok, I've had this speech running in my mind the whole way here and I wanted to get it right..." he said but then paused for a long moment.
"So?"
"I forgot what I was going to say?" I couldn't help but laugh a little at his poor face. He looked so young and nervous.
"I had it all planned out in my head... I was going to come here saying how much I loved you and how much you completed me and you would just say 'you had me at hello' like in Jerry Maguire"
"Life isn't like the movies Chris"
"I know that, life would be so much easier if it was..."
"Chris, why did you come here?"
"I just had to check... I had to know that I did everything in my power, to fight for you" he said stepping closer to me as I took a step back. I had to have a clear head and if he was close I wouldn't have that. I looked up at him, staring into his eyes and hated that I saw pain in them.
"I can understand if you don't believe me, my past hasn't really helped back up my story there but I just need you to understand how much you mean to me, how much I love you. In my thirty years I thought I was living my life the best I could ever imagine it being, I thought this was the life that I was meant to have. I was happy having no strings attaches relationships with women; I was content living my happy bachelor life alone.
I thought everything was perfect... until I met you and I realised that I didn't have a life until then. I'd been living for nearly thirty years not realising that my life was completely empty. When you came in that day and guarded me from my door at work...I felt this strange feeling cover all over me. Like my heart dropped to my throat. I never noticed that the life that I thought was there wasn't, when I first saw you it was like my heart took its first beat that hit me so hard I nearly fell at your feet...
You scared me... you scared me so much because what you made me feel" I could feel the tears fall down my face at his words. I was so torn... I didn't know what to think my head and heart were telling me two different things but because they were both talking at the same time so fast I couldn't understand either of them.
"You have no idea what I felt when you left... I felt empty and I didn't like it... I hate every moment of not having you with me. When you went it was like my heart stopped beating again but this time I thought I was going to die. Looking back now I know that my heart has always been waiting for you because ever since that moment it only ever beats for you Leah.
In the past... when I first met you... I knew you were going to be trouble. I tried to go back to my old life of drinking and meeting women but you... you had changed me without even doing anything, by just being yourself. You made me feel weak and for months and months I couldn't work out why I wasn't happy with my old life anymore. I felt this overwhelming feeling to become a better person, someone you could be with.
You're so perfect Leah, your caring, loveable, witty, fun, you look on the bright side of everything, you try and see the good in everybody and you try so hard to not let people get you down, you're strong and brave. I could go on forever if I had to explain all the reasons why I love you. When I'm with you it's not just me but the person I want to be when you're near. I want to be better... I want to be the person you need... I want some of that goodness to rub off on me so I could be even just a little bit as amazing as you. You complete me Leah, you make me a better person... I just wish I was good for you.
What you saw back at the hotel last night...wasn't what..." I cut him off by running into his arms.
I believed him, after hearing his words and seeing how broken he looked I noticed how stupid I was being. Of course he loved me everything he had said and done since I met him has shown how much he loves and cares for me yet I've been so blind and scared behind it all. I felt so bad for not believing him and pushing him away.
"I'm sorry... I'm... so sorry Chris" I cried into his chest as his strong large arms wrapped around me.
"Hey why are you sorry hay? Sshh shh" he said comforting me. He pulled me back so his large manly hands were rubbing my cheeks wiping away my tears. I looked up to his face to see the largest smile I'd ever seen him have, which made me laugh.
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you, I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions and thought the worst of you instead of knowing your love. I'm sorry I listened to Jess..." I said looking deep in his eyes hoping he would forgive me for being so stupid.
"You have nothing to apologise about, love as long as you take me back I don't care" he said. I loved him so much I could never leave him ever again. I could feel his strength again and his heat on my body I couldn't stop my toes from rising up so I could bring my lips to his.
Despite the height difference, I fit perfectly in his hands and he lifted me off my feet, just like the movies.
"I love you" I said breathing along his lips.
"I love you too" he said then kissing me hard again. We stood like this for a long time just staring into each other's eyes, for so reason I was still crying. It was all just so overwhelming, all the feelings running around my body, being back in Chris's arms.
I wasn't used to feeling so loved and wanted before but now I loved the feeling.
I was still scared but it was a good and exciting fear that I wouldn't wish to not have. We moved over to the sofa and lay down wrapped around each other.
"It was all Jess by the way... She's been blackmailing Marie saying she'll tell everyone about the love child she has with Paul if she didn't do what Jess wanted" he said rubbing my arms up and down.
"What?! Paul is a Dad?" I asked shocked.
"He doesn't know, Marie's kept it from him... something about Paul hating her and she didn't want the press finding out and ruining Paul's career. Jess said she'll tell everyone about their baby if she didn't kiss me in front of you and try and break us up"
"Poor Marie"
"What?! Leah she nearly destroyed us!" he said angrily.
"Yes I know that but she didn't, did she? Well she nearly did but she was just doing what she thought was right for her and her son I can understand that" I explained and I just saw him roll his eyes with a smirk.
"Can you never see the bad in anybody?" he smiled teasing me.
"Yes I can thank you... Jess is crazy"
"I could think of worse things to call her..." I silenced him with a kiss.
"Let's not talk about them anymore... how did you know I was here" I smiled feeling so over joyed.
"Your Nan told me this morning" he said running his hands through my hair.
"Why are you so late then?" I asked. If Nan told him this morning why was he only here now and not earlier?
"I needed to sober up" my eyes widened, sober up? Chris never got so drunk, that he needed to sober up. "I got myself in a bit of a state last night when you left; I sat in the hotels bar all night drowning my sorrows. I haven't drank like that since I was at Uni and I don't remember a thing, not until I woke-up on the bar floor this morning with your Nan waking me up" he said and I couldn't help but laugh at him. I can't believe he slept on the floor all night, that so funny! Big rich business playboy slept on a bar floor last night.
"Hey don't laugh!" he said tickling me making me laugh more. "It was your fault that I drank last night. If you didn't leave me I wouldn't have drunk so much giving me one hell of a hangover" he smiled rubbing his head. I felt bad but just imagining what my Nan must have thought seeing him laid out on the floor was hilarious.
"I'm sorry..." I laughed making him frown again. "I won't leave you again" I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"You promise?" he said pouting his lip at me like a child.
"I promise" I kissed his pouting lips.
"Leah... I have something to ask you..." Chris was saying just as new voices entered the scene. I heard the front door crash open and a man hiss loudly in pain. Was that Granddad? I thought as both Chris and I ran to the front door.
When we both turned the corner towards the front door I couldn't move. I looked at the scene in front of me and was in shock, Nan had her arm wrapped around Granddad trying to keep him up from the ground.
"Chris Help! Please" Nan cried out to him. Chris moved quickly over to them as he pulled Granddad from his waist and started carrying him with Nan into the living room. It was then that I had to shake my head to get myself out of this shock I was feeling.
"What happened?" I asked
"Nothing... I'm fine" Granddad said trying to laugh but hiss again in pain.
"I'll go get your meds" Nan said running from the room. I was so confused what was wrong? I was in serious panic and everyone else was acting normal. Even Chris! I mean he looked worried but wasn't really shocked about what was going on.
"What meds?" I asked just as Nan came running in with a glass of water and a handful of different shaped tablets in her hand.
"That's a lot of different medications for a man that says he's fine" I said working myself up in a panic again to know what was wrong with him.
"Let's go make some tea Leah and let your Grandfather rest. After he will tell you everything" she said looking at Grandfather strangely. I was so confused, I didn't want to leave Granddad just lying on the sofa in pain but I thought it was best to just do as I was told and follow Nan, leaving Chris in the room with him.
"I'll watch him?" he said as I walked out.
I went into the kitchen to see Nan running away making the tea. We both didn't say anything to one another as I helped her making the four teas. When we walked back in the room Granddad had sat back up and looked a little better already... this was weird I thought. Chris was sitting on a different sofa next to his and it looked like we just walked in, in the middle of then both talking.
"You still haven't told Leah yet?" Chris asked.
"Told me what?" I asked. Everyone exchanged a knowing look but no one said anything. "What is it that you're not telling me?"
"Leah honey, sit down" Chris said but I remained standing.
"Tell me now" I demanded
"I'm sick" Granddad said in a serious tone.
"What do you mean you're sick... is it serious?" I asked.
"I have colons disease" he said it like it was nothing like he just said he had a cold or what have you but colons disease? I didn't even know what it was but if it ends with disease it can't be good.
"What is...?" I was about to ask when Chris said.
"It's cancer of the bowel" I stood there wishing that I took that seat now. Everything around me started feeling fuzzy and I could feel my heart rising faster. I didn't even realise when Granddad started talking again.
"I found out a few months ago I've just been waiting for the right time to tell you. The doctor said the cancer is at stage three now and because my age there is nothing that they can do for me. It won't be long until the cancer spreads"
My breaths started coming up in rush strong strokes like I was having a panic attack. Chris was at my side leading me to a chair as quick as lightening telling me to breathe and calm down.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I screamed
"I... I didn't want to be the one that upset you" Chris said moving closer to me as I started moving back needing space.
"Oh and I'm not upset now! I can't believe you knew. I can't believe you knew he was dying and just wasn't going to tell me!" I yelled. I was so angry at them keeping me in the dark like that. Do they think me some naïve child that couldn't handle or understand what was going on so they just didn't say anything?
...but if I had to be honest, I wasn't handling this!
He can't leave me! He's all I got, the only person who has ever loved me and expect me for who I really am. He can't die I won't let him.
"He asked me not to" Chris said pointing his finger to Granddad. I know I was just getting angry at them because I was upset but I couldn't think... I couldn't breathe and calm down to think about what I was saying.
"Don't point the finger Chris! You could have told me any time you wanted to but you chose not to. And you don't think you're getting it easy!" I said turning to Granddad 'how dear you put Chris in that position about something like this. That wasn't fair, having into life for you'
They both stood there speechless looking at me. I took a big breath-in and looked up at the ceiling. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and knew any minute now I was going to break down. My hands were on my hips and I was trying to look strong in front of them both but then my hands suddenly started to shake and I could feel my cheek getting wet and could taste the salty tears along my lips.
Oh great now I'm crying!
I turned round quickly away from them, I knew I was being childish but I didn't want them to see me cry.
"Leah?" Chris said. That was my undoing I could feel my shoulders raising and lowing as the silent sobs came out.
I felt someone wrapping their arms around my shoulders. I turned around and started crying into Chris' shirt. I knew it was Chris holding me in his arms from his smell. My hands were on his strong hard chest and I felt safe being near him. I could feel myself calming down have I looked up at his face. He brought his hand up to my cheek and gently brushed away the tears. He was my rock.
God I love him! I hope he was always going to be there to brush away my tears.
We stood staring at each other when I saw Granddad was now standing next to Chris looking at me with a sad face. I didn't want him to die, it was too soon, everything only just started working out. I didn't want him to be sick and hurting.
I pulled away from Chris to wrap my arms around my Granddad and started to cry again.
I understand now why they didn't want to tell me, I can't stop crying! I've been in Granddad's arms for however long now and I still didn't want to let go.
I couldn't! I didn't know how long we we're standing there for when Granddad started leading me to the sofa and we sat there together me still crying when Nan came and joined us. I wrapped my arms around her as we both cried.
I looked up after a long moment to notice Chris wasn't in the room. My chest became tight and I found it harder to breathe as panic washed over me but I tried to calm down as I slowly moved of the sofa to go find him. But there was no need because as soon as I was on my feet Chris walked in the room looking ruined at me.
"I... I think I need some air. I'm going to go sit on the balcony in my room" I said turning to walk out of the room but came face to face... Well face to chest with Chris.
"I'll go with you" he said holding my hand as we both walked out the door saying a quite goodbye to Nan and Granddad. As soon as we walked out the room Chris' hand that was on mine was now around my waist pulling me into his hard body. I was standing in front of him and he pulled me into a hard tight hug.
We walked to the stairs when Chris went to get his bag from his car quickly so I went up to my room leaving the door open so he could see which one was mine. I was sitting on the bed swing that was on the balcony with a blanket wrapped around me when Chris walked out.
I was still angry that he didn't tell me about Granddad, I really wish he did but I could never stay angry with him. Not when he was the rock I needed and with Granddad... I didn't want to stay angry at him; I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could before... He was gone.
"I'm so sorry Leah" he whispered in my ear as we both lay on the bed swing. I was curled up in a ball literally on his lap crying into his chest. He was perfect just sitting there kissing my forehead and telling me everything was going to be ok. I felt so warm and safe in his arms like I could take over the world with the strength he was giving me.
"I'm sorry for your Granddad and not telling you I never wanted to see you like this. It breaks my heart" he said holding me tight. I can't believe this. I thought everything was finally going right in my life. I had Chris, the guy I loved and who loved me back, new friends and a new family with Chris's.
I knew God wouldn't have given me a lucky hand without a fault.
"It's breaking my heart too" I sobbed into his chested. "I feel like a part of my heart is being ripped out of me" I said as he held me tighter.
I could feel my heavy eye lids shutting and all my body weight lifted in the air and I felt like I was flying. Before I let my eyes shut completely I saw Chris had me in his arms bridle style as he gently dropped me to my bed. It was soft and silky just like I remembered them; I got up into a little ball and could feel the wet tears still falling from my face.
I felt Chris's hand rub on my cheek and then pull way quickly leaving me feeling cold. I watch him as he walked to take off his trousers and shirt. I pulled my arm out towards him asking him to join me in the bed.
He came and lay behind me hugging me to his chest. I felt his arms wrap around my waist tight as he brought me into a safe heaven. I took a breath in and started to cry again but this time I didn't stop until sleep took over me and I still think I was crying in my sleep.
Chris
It's about one in the morning and Leah has finally gone to sleep after crying for so long. I hated seeing her like that, vulnerable and broken and me not having nothing to say about it.
I should have told her sooner I know but if you could have seen the way she was today.... No one would have wished to see someone they loved like that. Go through that pain.
I sat back and just stared at her sleeping form...she was the most beautiful site I'd ever seen. She looked like a gift from the heavens given only for me to see. No one else... Leah was mine and I knew that I was hers, whipped down to the ground. I was her first and I intend to be her last.
She made a soft little mourn before opening her eyes a little, she looked half asleep. She kept on making little mourning sounds as she could work out where she was.
"Hey, hey you ok?" I asked her kneeling back in front of her.
"Hmmm" she said rubbing her eyes "I love you" she said. I was sure she was still asleep but I didn't care.
"I'm going to marry you Leah Anderson. And there's nothing anyone can do to stop me" I said out loud knowing she was too deep in her sleep to hear me but I didn't care. Know that she was in my arms again I would never let her go. I knew it was too soon and really I should wait but I couldn't after last night scare of her leaving me I wouldn't chance it again.
And with that last thought in my head I let sleep take over me as I snuggled up to Leah's body.
The next morning I was phoning work telling them that I had business still with Mr Anderson and wouldn't be back for another couple of days, I wanted to stay with Leah until the shock had left her. My broad wasn't too happy with it but they couldn't really do anything about it. There was a lot still do to with the merge of Anderson Co and having Ben running some businesses for me. Yep there was a lot to do.
I was down stairs in the kitchen on the phone when I saw Leah coming down the stairs in her pyjamas just as I ended the call.
"Hey" I called to her smiling at her beautiful sleepy face.
"Morning" she walked over hugging me. "That was a long sleep" she said with her face in my chest, I laughed when I heard her smell my shirt.
"Do I smell nice?" I teased. She looked up at me with her cheeks bright red. Just as I kissed her head a new voice entered the room.