By midday I had managed to complete my morning routine. After falling asleep at around five in the morning I finally woke up at eleven. I had fixed my bed, brushed my teeth, eaten breakfast and cleaned the house from top to bottom like I did every Saturday.
I had just finished taking a shower and putting on my clothes which consists of a pair of thin skinny black joggers that clings to my legs and a light pink jumper that swallows the top half of my body. I stare into my mirror trying to figure out what to do with my hair.
I run my fingers through it, sorting out tangles before eventually just pulling it into a loose braid. Once I finish I place it over my shoulder push back a couple of stray tendrils out of my eyes.
My fingers search for the perfume bottle I usually spray on myself and spritz out the contents until the smell of strawberries linger on my skin.
Quickly glancing out the window I check to see if it has started raining already. It hasn't yet, but grey clouds had set up across the sky meaning it would soon. I then grab my boots and tug them on before going on the hunt around my room for an umbrella.
Is it really worth it to go outside today? I could wait until tomorrow.. No. The sooner I got an answer the faster this dumb question would stop parading around my mind. Postponing this would only make it worse.
I make my way downstairs to grab my coat off of the couch and swiftly pull it over my sweater. My boots make sharp click sounds as I walk around the house making sure that nothing is left on while I'm out.
Once that's done I grab my keys, slip my phone into my pocket and hold my umbrella in my other hand in case it begins to pour while I'm walking. I go over my plan for today in my head. Every sentence that I expect myself to say I repeat in my head twice to make sure I can get what I want to know without being too obvious.
Only after walking to the bus stop and finally getting a seat on a bus that goes into the city do I realize what I've forgotten to do. I didn't even call Logan to tell him about any of this! I can feel my pulse beginning to quicken at my dumb mistake.
My hand fumbles around in my coat pocket for my phone and when I find it hurriedly pull it out and unlock it. I scroll through my recent calls and tap on Logan's number. I press my phone up against my ear and wait as the tone rings. The call rings out and I call again. This time Logan picks up after the first ring.
"Hello?" He asks angrily. Or at least he seems angry.
"Hi Logan." I speak softly into the phone.
The line goes oddly quiet for a couple seconds until I hear Logan clear his throat.
"Oh- sorry Gracie. I just got out the shower when I heard my phone ringing. I didn't check the caller ID." He responds, the anger in his tone dropping.
"It's alright."
"So... Did you need something or what?" He asks sounding confused.
"Um- Yeah," I answer awkwardly while running my fingers over the length of my braid. "Are you doing anything later? Its just- Well, I need to talk to you about something."
"Now?"
"Kinda. I mean, if you're busy-"
"No," He cuts me off "I'm not but I promised Aaron that I would finish this thing for him. Can you wait a little? I won't be long. I can pick you up if you want to go somewhere."
"Oh no, it's fine. I'm already on the bus. I sorta forgot to call you earlier about this. But yeah I can wait."
"Bus to where?"
"The city. We can meet at that café with the green and brown sign. Do you know what I'm talking about?" I ask timidly. My hands start to feel tingly about the whole situation.
"Yeah I've heard about it." The conversation goes quiet for a bit. I clear my throat before opening my mouth to speak.
"So I guess I'll see you in a bit?"
"Yeah, see you." He abruptly hangs up after responding.
My eyebrows knit together at the shortness of the conversation. I get that Logan and I never had hour long conversations on the phone but that happened so fast it's like it almost didn't occur. Usually he was more inquisitive. Then again, he did have something to do for Aaron. Maybe he was just rushing to get it done.
After another twenty minutes on the bus it finally makes a stop at the city. The way it sounds is completely different from what it is. It's not an actual city like you would think, more like a couple of long stretched out sidewalks littered with stores. The only reason for the name was the large banners hanging from the light-posts with the words "City Max" on them.
I cross the streets carefully while paying attention to all the large cars bustling through the streets and how fast the walk signs change. Finally I make it to the café I was telling Logan about.
As soon as I walk in the aroma of coffee and vanilla intertwine and greet my nose and the soft sound of pop music fills my ears . The bell attached to the top of the door rings as I walk though and I glance around the area. There are small tables spread across the room with workers taking orders and serving them out. There is also a large glass counter showcasing desserts and other small foods with a large drink menu hanging above it incase you wanted to just purchase something quickly and leave.
My eyes linger over the tables and I walk over to one in the far corner next to a window. Taking a seat I begin to pull off my coat and place my phone on the tabletop.
I breathe in the scent a few times over and a small smile tugs at my lips. I had been here a few times before, the first couple of times being with my mom.
The first time she brought me here I was around nine. Since then the café has changed dramatically. Before the sign was a bright yellow with lime green stripes and white polka dots unlike the warm brown and dusty green color it is now.
The last time I was here was more than a handful of months ago. I came here rarely ever since I learned how to take the bus places other than school. It's not like I could go out that much, nor do I have enough money to constantly be spending it on food.
Come to think of it I don't even know why I chose this place to meet up anyways. I peer through the large glass window next to me, staring at the other stores. I shrug the thought away, my mind traveling back to my mom.
Come to think of her, one of the last times I saw her we were here with my dad. On my birthday. Definitely one of the worst birthdays of my life. The whole time we were here they chatted me up, making me even more excited than I already was about my birthday and putting all these thoughts into my mind. A few hours later when we got home everything just started falling apart.
I remember clear as day it was because of the house phone constantly ringing. My mom was getting annoyed by it since it was my birthday. She had even taken the step of powering off her phone so that she could spend every moment of that day with me. When it wouldn't stop she attempted to pull the jack out and my dad just lost it. He started accusing her of sleeping around and that it was one of her men calling for her.
I remember how hard she cried too when he lashed out at her and started calling her the most atrocious names ever. I had witnessed the whole thing but I don't think either one of them knew that I had. I also remember the big chocolate ice cream cake in the freezer that I was looking so forward to eating. I never did though. I had lost my appetite for it halfway into the fight.
"Are you ready to order?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts by the snarky voice directed towards me.
The waitress is a tall girl with bright amber eyes and shoulder length black hair. Her name-tag reads Isabelle and her uniform which consisted of a black pants and black v-neck with the café name on it showed off a large amount of cleavage and fit snug against her body.
"So? Yes or no?" She asks, her annoyed tone indicating that she was tired of waiting for an answer.
"Actually, C-Can you come back in a bit? I'm waiting for someone." I ask shyly.
"Sure thing." She answers sighing. Before leaving she flashes me a small fake smile, with teeth and all, as if she was silently telling me thanks for wasting her time.
I peel my eyes away from her and look down into my lap. I try to not drown in the memories of my mom and instead just sit quietly listening to the music.
Soon another fifteen minutes have gone by and Isabelle has returned twice more. Each time I tell her I'm not ready she grows even more impatient with me. From across the room I can see her finishing up an order. She turns around, seeming like she's about to revisit my table for the fourth time.
My attention on Isabelle is suddenly directed to the door when the familiar sound of the bell ringing starts. Logan walks into the café dressed in a semi-tight black sweatshirt, dark wash jeans and black sneakers. His eyes scan around the room, like they did that one day in Ms.Thomas's class, until he settles upon me.
I sheepishly raise my hand and give him a small wave. His expression doesn't falter and remains a bit blank as he walks over to the table I'm sitting at.
"Hey, sorry for taking a while. How long were you waiting?" He asks while pulling out his chair and sitting on it.
"Uh, not that long. It's okay." I answer.
He doesn't respond to this and instead stays quiet raking, his eyes over my appearance before dropping his gaze down to the menus on the table. He picks one up with his hand and pulls it to the edge of the table focusing his eyes on it.
I bite down on my bottom lip feeling unsure of how to open the conversation. Usually this isn't my problem, Logan was more of a talker than I am. Even just that one sentence that he spoke sounded different than his regular tone. He sounded less lively.. and more distant.
I ball my hands into fists in my lap and knock my fingers together in hopes that maybe he would break the silence hanging between us. He continues staring at the menu and momentarily sets it down to crack his knuckles but his sight remains latched onto the laminated rectangle in front of him.
"Logan.." I mutter his name.
"Yeah?" He finally looks up at me.
The sentence I'm about to let out gets stuck in my throat as I watch him. His green orbs bore into mine a few seconds later and he narrows his eyebrows in confusion.
"You gonna speak or not? You said you had something you wanted to talk about." His words indicates a hint of annoyance behind them.
I can feel my stomach drop like a ton of bricks. My mouth goes dry and suddenly the conversation I had imagined us having disappeared from my mind. My eyes flutter down to my lap and my lips form different words testing out what I could say.
"Uh, I'm sorry I just need to use the bathroom really quickly." The words rush out of my as fast as I stand up from my seat. Logan just sighs and nods his head in response.
I make my way to the bathroom and push forward the big door. I stumble up to one of the large mirrors and stare at my reflection. More pieces of my hair had fallen out of my braid and fell around my face in odd places. I quickly tuck them back into place before letting out a sigh.
Why was I being so weird? I can do this. I'm just going to have a simple conversation with him. I shake my head and turn the faucet on. I drench my hands into the water letting the coldness ease my worries.
I think back to how slightly annoyed he seemed moments ago. Was this worth it anymore? He didn't seem interested in what I have to say and I'm beginning to feel like he thought coming here was nothing more than just a tedious task.
I pull my hands back from the water and turn off the faucet. I shake the excess water dripping from my fingers into the sink before grabbing a paper towel to dry my hands. Before exiting the bathroom I breathe in once more and tell myself that having a conversation with Logan was not that hard to do. I had done it before and I can do it now.
Stepping past the bathroom door my eyes drift over to the table where Logan is and suddenly my feet pick up the pace. Isabelle was standing there with her notepad and pen a bit too close to Logan. The closer I got to the table the deeper the mischievous grin on Isabelle's face got.
I could sense the small smirk playing at Logan's lips too. I lessen my pace, my feet working slower as I approach the two of them. A few seconds later and I'm standing right before them and I slip back down in my seat without looking at either of them.
"So are you ready to order now or do I have to come back for the fifth time?" She questions, irritation dripping from her tone.
I shake my head no and forcibly tear my eyes away from the floor to look up at her.
"So what is it you want?"
"Can I get an iced peppermint tea?" I mumble.
"A what?" She asks, acting as if she wasn't close enough to hear what I had just said.
"Iced peppermint tea." Logan tells her.
Isabelle turns towards Logan sending a small smile in his direction.
"Sure thing." And just like that all of the irritation from her voice disappears and is replaced with a slight warmness.
I try not to roll my eyes. At least she was making her dislike towards me clear. She leans over the table to collect our menus from us. She does it slowly, trying to make sure that Logan gets a good view of her chest and from the way his gaze lingers on her I can tell he did.
My fingernails dig into the skin of my palms as I watch them. It's like someone lit a match and set my stomach on fire. I want nothing more than to just get her out of Logan's line of vision but he didn't seem to mind it and it was bothering me.
I had only been gone for a couple of minutes and Logan was emitting more emotion around her than he had with me from the time he walked in here to when I had left to use the bathroom.
I sit patiently, waiting for the moment that Isabelle leaves. She shows off her straight teeth in a smile towards Logan before stating that she'll be back with our orders shortly. I don't miss the way Logan's eyes trail down her body as she walks away.
I clench my hands so hard my nails seem to pierce into my skin and draw blood. It stung but I shake off the feeling. The fire inside of me was growing and was beginning to taunt me. It makes me want to snap Logan's head back into place so that he can be looking at me instead. Too bad I can't.
"Logan." I call, my voice going a level lower than it usually does.
"What?" He replies. His gaze drifts back to me but it doesn't make me feel any better.
"N-Never mind." I whispered slightly.
A moment passes by and Logan shifts his position in his seat clasping his hands around the back of his neck. He rests comfortably before opening his mouth.
"So what do you need to speak to me about?"
I take in a deep breath, ignoring the feeling in my stomach.
"Well- You know how the other day I told you I was going to go meet up with Alyssa after school?"
He nods yes.
"And go to the mall?"
"Yeah."
"So what happened?" Logan inquires.
"She kinda told me something and I wanted to ask you-"
"Here you go!" I'm cut off by the sound of Isabelle placing our orders on the table. She gently places Logan's drink, a coffee judging by the smell, and then places mine with a bit too much force in front of me.
I gasp as the cold liquid overflows from the cup and past the lid from being slammed onto the table. It spreads out across the table and falls onto my sweater. Immediately I push back from my chair and stand up. I frantically search for the napkins and when I find them I take a few out and dab them against the newly created stain.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" Isabelle apologizes loudly. I could tell she wasn't sorry. She was rude to me and now she was 'sorry' for something I know she did on purpose.
My hands feel wet and sticky from trying to take care of the drink soaked stain and any kind of patience I have is beginning to run thin.
"Do you want me to get you another drink? I can take this one back." She offers me sweetly.
A frown tugs at my lips and I say no. Only a fourth of the drink had spilled and I don't want her to come back with another drink to make a mess of.
"Are you sure?" She asks once more.
"I'm positive." I snap.
"All right," She sighs while side-eyeing Logan eagerly, "Let me know if I can get you anything else."
Isabelle walks off, but not before giving me a certain look. I turn back to Logan and he stares at me a bit wide eyed.
"What's up with you?" He says it in an accusing tone as if I'm the one at fault here.
"Look.. Logan. Can we just do this somewhere else? Please?" I beg him softly. I want to get out of here and away from that she-devil.
"What's wrong with here?" He takes a sip of his coffee.
"D-Did you not just see what happened?" I stutter.
"So? She apologized and offered to bring you another drink. It's not the end of the world Grace, stop being a damn drama queen."
My mouth gapes open as what he just said processes through my brain. No, of course he wouldn't want to leave. Not if she was showcasing her boobs to him every time she came to our table and only acting nicely in front of Logan.
I look down at my hands not knowing what to do. Maybe this was sign that I shouldn't ask him anything. My eyes flicker towards what's happening outside past the glass window. The sky was getting a bit dark and I can tell it will start raining any moment now.
"Just tell me what you need to tell me." He demands, shooting me an exasperated look.
"Forget it. It's not important anymore." I mutter eyeing the counter a couple feet away.
My body stands up and gently slides off of my seat grabbing my drink with a napkin in the process.
"Where are you going?" Logan asks me, his face becoming serious.
"I'm going to go pay for my drink and go home." I whisper quietly.
The last thing I do is grab my coat. I hold it underneath my arm and begin walking away. Logan's arm shoots out and wraps around my waist preventing me from going any further.
"You can't be fucking serious." He groans.
"Let go of me Logan."
"You really want to leave?" He says this time, his voice lighter.
"Yes." I give a curt answer.
"And you really expect to go home.. on the bus.. while there's about to be a thunderstorm?"
"Yes," I answer again. "Just because it's the bus doesn't mean that I'll die."
He mumbles something angrily under his breath before getting out of his seat and grabbing his drink.
"You guys are leaving so soon?" I almost rip Logan's hand off of me in order to get away from Isabelle.
Logan simply nods his head, pushing in his chair with his leg.
"Well in that case..." I hear the sound of a piece of paper ripping.
All of a sudden Logan releases his grip of me and lets me go. I take a few steps forward and then glance back to see Isabelle handing Logan a slip of paper. I wasn't so far away that I couldn't hear their conversation so I definitely don't miss hearing Isabelle suggest that Logan should call her later.
My nose crinkles in disgust and I put as much distance as I can between us. I walk up to the cashier and quickly pay without taking another look in Logan's direction. As soon as I leave I begin to walk down the sidewalk heading to the bus stop a couple more blocks down.
It was lightly drizzling now and I could feel the small drops of water lightly coat my hands. I approach the end of the street and spot a garbage can. I look down at the drink in distaste, my want for it no longer existing. I toss it in the trash and begin to walk again. Before I can cross the street someone gently pulls my body back into the corner near a store. I roll my eyes already knowing that it's Logan.
"Gracie.. can we just cut the bullshit already? Come on I'll take you home."
"I know how to get myself home." I grumble bitterly.
"Fucking stop," He snaps. "First, you call me telling me you have something important to tell me and where to meet you and then when I come you get frustrated and just leave?! What's the point? What the hell do you have to say?"
I glare at him.
"Don't give me that look. Just say what you have to and then I'll take you home. That's it! Is it that fucking hard?!"
After hearing that I lose it. I push him off of me and begin to just blurt everything out.
"Fine! You want to know what I have to say? You want to know what this whole thing is all about? The other day when I was with Alyssa she told me something, She said how she overheard you telling Finn something about liking me. That's it! All I wanted to know was if you like me or not. It almost seemed reasonable at first. If you liked me then that would be a reason you even showed interest in me or gave me the time of day. But I guess not. Not if you stare at some other girl's boobs and take her number and pretty much act like I'm an annoyance the whole time I'm there. If you do and you still did that then I guess you just don't know what you want." My voice goes hoarse towards the last couple of sentences and my throat begins to burn.
Logan stares at me. His face is completely serious and his jaw is clenched in anger.
"I'm the one who doesn't know what they want?" He sneers, his voice coated with harshness. "You're the one who doesn't know what you want! One minute you're letting me touch you or console you and then the next it's like you never want to talk to me again! You're the one who constantly rejects me! So what if I do or don't like you? It wouldn't matter to you! You're the one who doesn't want me!"
He presses his hands against his shoulders, his elbows pointing towards me and his head pointing towards the sky. Logan snaps his head back to me after a few seconds with a scowl plastered across his lips.
"And don't start shit with me about that girl back there. I can look if I fucking please. You're not my girlfriend." He speaks bitterly.
His words send what feels like a thousand stabs to my stomach. All the butterflies that had been flying around in there were dead. Now all it felt like was a numbing void.
I take a deep breath and avoid looking him in the eye before the words I say travel out of my mouth.
"Y-You're right. You're right about me not knowing what I want. I know I push you away and I know I seem like I don't want to be around you. I'm just- I-" I freeze. This isn't the time for me to start crying but I can feel my eyes beginning to water. I'm choking under my words.
"You're just what?" Logan steps closer to me, the ire in his expression beginning to fade.
"I'm scared." My voice cracks. I can't bear to look up at him so I drop my gaze to the ground.
"I'm scared because I don't know if I can do this. I'm scared because you pay attention to me and worry about me and no one ever does that. I'm scared because I feel like I'm not good enough, that you can do so much better than me and that you'll just get tired of me. I'm scared because every time you touch me I want more but I want to believe that I don't. I'm scared because there are a lot of things you don't know about me and I'm more of scared of how you'll react if you find out. But- I like you and what that can lead to scares me the most."
I stand there with my arms wrapped around my body. The rain begins to get a bit more heavy and begins to fall more persistently against the cement we stand on.
My mouth feels dry where as my eyes feel soaked, despite the lack of tears that I'm unable to feel falling down my cheeks. I can't believe the words I had just said. I wait to hear a response from Logan but I'm met with total silence.
I shake my head and release a small and sad laugh. It's on the nervous side as well. It's shaky and sounds more as if I'm just trying hard not to cry, which I am.
"I'm sorry." I whisper and cover my face with my hands. "This must just be one huge inconvenience for you."
I can sense him taking a few steps closer to me. His hands cover my wrists and slowly remove my hands from my face. His fingers intertwine with mine and he rests our hands under my chin making my eyes come into line with his.
"This isn't a huge inconvenience for me. That's not what you are to me." He speaks softly. He undoes one of his hands from mine. I don't realize it but both of mine are clutching onto his other one. Logan runs his fingers across my jaw and then some.
"Please... Don't be afraid of this." His thumb grazes my lower lip before his hand rests against the back of my neck and pulls me into him.
His lips cover mine with such softness and warmth that I begin to melt into him like honey. All of my worries begin dissolving into nothing. Nothing can hold me back for this moment. Our mouths move in perfect unison and I can't help the moan that escapes from my lips.
I drop my hands from his to cup his jaw. His now free hand makes it's way to my back and rests there. His tongue parts my lips and the taste of coffee mixed with something sweet begin to invade my mouth.
The butterflies that had died were back in full effect now, multiplying by the dozen. I want to keep kissing him, I want to keep savoring the memory of this but I can't breathe.
I pull away and rest my head against him. I'm breathing quickly and for a second I glance up at Logan and catch a glimpse of the brightness shining in his eyes.
He smiles at me and watches as I catch my breath. I feel like I'm floating. His arms are still wrapped around me and my hands are still on his face. A full blown smile decorates my face as realization comes to me.
"You like me." I whisper to him.
"I'll be damned if that kiss told you otherwise." He says.
The sound of thunder roaring in the sky above us interrupts our moment and I stare up in shock as it begins to down pour.
Logan's hands drop from my back and touch my hand again.
"Come on, I'll take you home." He winks at me and I look away in embarrassment.
I trail closely behind him as we walk to his car quickly. I glance at my umbrella but decide against opening it. I would have to close it soon if I open it anyways.
The familiar sound of chirping indicates that we've found his car and he unlocks my door for me. We both slide into the leather interior of the car and pull on our seat belts.
Logan puts the key in the ignition and the car comes to life with the windshield wipers pushing left to right to clear the rain off. Logan clears his throat.
"Gracie?" I hear his voice call me.
I turn my head to the side, my eyes silently questioning him.
"Try not to be scared. I'm not going to hurt you."
I hope this long chapter makes up for the wait. I will admit I teared up a bit while writing this chapter. By the way, I know that a lot you guys feel that this story is going too slow and that nothing is happening but that's because this story is slow paced. I'm sorry but for me I just don't prefer when two characters fall in love and are popping out babies or whatever and you can predict the end of the book by like chapter 10 (no offense if that's what you're into, I'm just not).I want to let you guys know that starting from here things are about to get real. If you're already feeling frustrated just wait until you read the next couple of chapters. Thank you so much for helping this book get to 1 MILLION READS and also #2 in Romance! I still can't believe it and it wouldn't have happened without you guys :) Thank you so so so much! I love all of you! Let me know how you felt about this chapter and what you think is gonna happen in the next few ;)
Vote+Comment <3