HEY GUYS IM SUPPER SORRY ABOUT THIS LATE UPDATE!! IVE BEEN WORKING 8-10 HOUR SHIFTS LIKE 3 DAYS A WEEK WHILE ALSO TRYING TO STUDY AND GO TO SCHOOL ANNNNDDDD LIKE Y'ALL KNOW EXAMS HAVE ALREADY BEGUN SO MY STRESS LEVEL IS HIGHER THAN HIGH. AGAIN IM SORRY!
PUT YO SEAT BELTS ON BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A DRAMATIC EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER RIDE! Enjoy.
(Comments of all kinds and votes are deeply appreciated! Thanks guys!)
(Not edited)
| LAYLA'S POV |
(Recap)
Before I open the door, someone opens it, I slowly look up and find myself gasping and dropping all the bags on the ground.
The face staring at me looks surprised and happy to see me. But I-I can't. My hands start to shake uncontrollably and a few tears make their way down my face.
I've missed him so much.
This can't be. He can't be here. What am I going to ? Oh Allah help me! They don't know! He doesn't know about Melak! How am I going to explain? Will they believe me? Will he look at me with disgust? Will they disown me?
"S-s... Sami?" I ask through my blurry eyes and shaky voice.
He takes a step forward. He slowly raises his hand and wipes away my tears while looking at me lovingly.
"Habibti Layla... I've missed my beautiful sister so much!" He says and kisses my forehead.
I forget everything for a moment and just let the moment sink in.
My brother. My brother is here. My brother whom I haven't seen in forever, 2 years and about 9 months to be precise, but who is counting right?
Why? Because I'm ashamed. And scared, and a coward, and petrified , and all the awful and unwanted feelings no human wants to feel.
I ran away. I hid. I was lost.
I'm still a coward.
I look into his light hazel eyes, almost identical to mine and see happiness reflecting in them. I immediately throw my arms around his neck and cling to him like a second skin. No words needed to be spoken.
I've missed every little thing about him. Having a brother can be annoying sometimes but it's times like this when you actually feel how necessary they are for your own life. For your own good. For a second it almost felt like I was at peace again. Like I was home. His familiar smell alone brought so many memories at bay.
I hide my face deeper into the crook of his neck and let my tears fall endlessly. So many memories are flooding back and it just felt like I couldn't handle anything. It was only now and then. Nothing more, nothing less. The sobs continued to rack through my body while his hands went up and down my back in a comforting manner. Sami kept murmuring soft words into my ears while hugging me back just as tightly.
A soft uncertain throat clearing from behind Sami pulled me out of my pity and sorrowful party. I pull back from our tight embrace and look behind him while I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand.
My eyes fall on a familiar looking stranger standing behind Sami looking quite uncomfortable but I look away still wiping my dried tears.
Adam clears his throat, "let's go inside, it's getting quite windy."
I nod my head and bend down to pick up the forgotten grocery bags with the help of Sami.
"No sis, I'll do it, I've missed helping your annoying backside!" He says with a chuckle.
I smile at him with a faraway look not paying him any attention.
What am I going to do?
We walk inside the house, and into the living room. I look at the grey fluffy carpet and spot Melak's few scattered toys, I look to my right and find her doll stroller, I look at the table spotting one of her pacifiers long forgotten... My baby girls evidence is everywhere..
I look at Sami and see if he has noticed anything and find him looking around wearing a confused look on his face. No no no.
What am I going to do? or say?
How come he is here? Did grandma send him? No she wouldn't do that..
Thank got Melak is still at daycare...
Sami turns to me, bewilderment clear as day on his face. "Layla, what i-"
I don't let him finish before my thoughts take over.
"Please Sami don't hate me, I beg of you Wallah I swear to you, please believe me-I-I I didnt do anything! Wallah!" I shout hysterically while the tears make their way back down my face.
Sami looks taken aback, he takes a step closer to me, step by step. "Layla, what's wrong? What are you talking about? Why would I hate you?" He asks holding my shoulders and hugging me to him.
"Please Sami, please don't hate me. Don't leave me alone. Not again.." I say hoarsely through my tears.
"Layla take a deep breath and tell me word for word. Maybe I can help you?"
"No. No one can help me. I'm sorry I-I ca- I can't!" I shake my head and take a few steps back backing away from him. I look at him still shaking my head sadly, filled with shame and fear, I move my gaze to a pale looking Adam with his mouth agape standing next to the familiar looking stranger.
I hate attention. Everyone is going to know. Everyone will leave me. They'll hate me. They'll think I'm a-
Before I get to finish my thoughts my legs and brain decide to team work and take me running upstairs to my room, sobs still shaking my already tired body.
I run into the room and shut the door behind me. I slide down the door, landing with a thud feeling empty and scared. I bend my knees and bring them close to my body and rest my head on them.
Allah please help me.
What am I going to tell him? How will I explain?
I'm tired Ya allah, so tired. I'm done.
I stay in the same position until a faint knock pulls me away from my thoughts. I ignore it until I hear it again. I stay quiet hoping it would go away.
"Layla, open the door its me Adam."
I ignore it. He's he last person I want to see right now. I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now. But my daughter. But my sweet innocent daughter that has done nothing wrong in her life but was still introduced into the would in the cruelest way possible.
It's all Allah's will, I remind myself.
A while later I hear the lock clicking. What on-
The door opens and in walks Adam, with an angry yet concerned look on his face.
I look away, "Go away."
Crap. My voice is still hoarse, giving away the fact that I was still crying.
"Layla, what was that out there?."
"Nothing."
"Layla tell me what's wrong maybe I ca-"
I stand up hastily cutting him off mid sentence.
"You wanna know what's wrong?" I ask my voice rising.
I don't give him time to answer me, I'm going to answer his questions anyway. I'm done. I'm tired. Enough is enough.
"You want to know what happened to me in the past? I'll tell you. Yes Adam I will tell you every single detail you so badly want to know!" I shouted, making him flinch.
My blood was boiling right now, the fear running identical and along side the anger I'm feeling inside. Why does no one understand? They all think they know what's best for me. But they don't. They make everything a million times worse.
"I'll tell you every single detail of my past Adam, my dear husband because that's what you want HUH? You want me to tell you why I've been hiding away from my parents for the past few years? You want to know why I've been having trouble sleeping, always waking up screaming or crying hysterically? You want to know how I lived on the streets while hiding away because I was afraid? You want me to tell you that sometimes I look at my daughter and feel sad even though I should feel happy? You want to know why I don't like being around people, specially men?
You want me to tell you that my parents think I'm studying at college having the time of my life not knowing that they have a granddaughter that's old enough to walk? You want to know that on the same day I graduated high school, I was also attacked?"
Adam had gone completely pale but I continued anyway, not knowing how to stop.
"You want to know that on that day, I go-I got ra- raped. Adam, raped. Two men cornered me while I was walking home, they were completely drunk and I was young and naive. I was powerless in their hands, I couldn't scream, couldn't hit, I couldn't do anything. They held me down. You want to know how some bastards raped me and took my virginity that I was saving for someone special? Want to know how I've got no fucking idea who the father of my daughter is?"
I just cursed and I don't curse but I don't care. I don't care anymore.
Adam tries to take a step closer to me, I see something glinting in his eyes but I ignore it and I stop him with my hand before he gets any closer.
"Want to know how they got me pregnant? That night I walked home completely broken, bruised and unfixable. I walked into the house without my parents noticing, took a shower, washed away all the blood and shame and cried myself into a sleepless night. It continued that way, crying, not eating, not sleeping, more crying and my heart breaking even more with every minute. Want to know how a few months later I realized I was pregnant and had to flee? I couldn't bring any shame to my parents, they are everything to me. I can't let them down, they'll hate me, they'll disown me. I can't have them do that, my parents and Sami are everything to me! So I fled. I ran away and experienced horrible things until I found my way here. Do you still want to know how I love my daughter to pieces even though she was conceived in the ugliest way possible and that every time I look at her my heart breaks even more!"
I stay quite for a moment, trying to hold my uncontrollable sobs in, but failing miserably.
Adam takes another careful step forward.
"You know what hurts the most everyday? The fact that I would go back in time and live through that horrendous night again if it meant that my angel would be alive today. She deserve to live the best life there is, she deserves the world... Just not under the circumstances I've brought her to." I whisper hoarsely, this time not being able to keep the tears in any longer.
Adam looks at me, and slowly raises his palm to hold my cheek. He wipes away my tears while a lone tear makes its way down his face. He looks at me with so much feeling... Feeling and something else that I can't pinpoint.
He suddenly takes me into his arms and clutches me to his chest. One of his hands tightens on my back while the other one caresses my hair, while he kisses the top of my head continuously.
"I'm sorry Layla, I'm so so sorry." Adam croaked, his arms still tightly wrapped around me.
I clutched his shirt in my hands and sobbed uncontrollably, letting all the pent up pain and anger inside of me out in one go.
I've never told anyone any of that, no person, no human, no soul. I couldn't bare the shame and disgust that would be directed towards me. I refused to tell the police and from that day on I decided to not tell anyone and just live life my way. This was the first time that I had ever mentioned the fact that I was raped and attacked.
After I've calmed a bit, I slowly pull away from his embrace, not being able to look into his enticing eyes. He steps back, letting his arms fall loosely around me and looked at me tenderly, his eyes were beautiful and held so much warmth, so soft like melted milk chocolate.
"I'm so sorry Layla, I won't let anything hurt you again, even if it's the last thing I do." He promises, with compassion lacing his voice while he clenches and unclenches his jaw.
I look at him with tired eyes and shake my head at his words. "Don't worry about me Adam, I've been broken many times before and it has left me unfixable, broken beyond repair, nothing can hurt me anymore." I tell him with all honesty.
A pained look shows on his face, as if my words hurt him. "Don't say that, don't. I can't let you think that way. I can't bare to hear that." He whispers pleadingly, wrapping his arms around me again.
I hide my face in the crook of his neck, letting a few more tears leak out of my eyes.
I've finally told someone. I've finally bared my pain and shame to someone other than myself. I've told a living creature, that creature being the thing currently wrapped around me.
But little did I know that I simultaneously told another person. That person being my brother Sami, who was currently standing at the door, looking helpless while a few tears made their way down his face.
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*hides from my readers*