Jude Christopher Brahm,
I stayed at Mom's last night. She came to see you with me earlier.
She has so much hope for you, Christopher. She believes so much, almost as much as I do.
The doctors have started bothering me again. They still want to switch the nutrition formula.
(Idiots.)
But I swear, if they mess with something without asking me first, I'll make sure they regret it. No one gets to touch you without having to answer to me. (And believe me, no one wants to have to answer to me.)
But you already know that, don't you?
God, I miss your smiles, Jude. Come back.
~ ~ ~
We'd only been on the road for an hour before I made you pull over, and I lost my breakfast.
"Are you okay?" you asked, rubbing my shoulder gently. You looked concerned, worried even.
My stomach had been upside down and inside out for the last two days, but it hadn't been this bad. I had been able to quell the feeling with a tylenol and a moment sitting down.
This morning, however, I'd only been able to deny the feeling until we were on the road.
You knew something was up. I wasn't the carsick type.
"Do you want to stop at the next town? If you need to, we can call it a day."
"It's not even noon yet," I managed, closing my eyes. "Just... try to keep going? I'll be okay."
"You'll be okay?" You ducked your head to get a better look at my face, searching my eyes. "Are you sure? Absolutely sure?"
"I'll be fine," I sighed, mustering a little smile.
We got back in the car and went on.
"Drink some water," you said, handing me a bottle. "Maybe it will settle your stomach."
I took a couple of sips and set it back in the cup holder, closed my eyes, and tried to sleep.
I dozed for most of the day.
By the time night fell and you checked us into a hotel, my stomach had settled.
You carried both of our bags up because you wouldn't let me carry my own. I opened and closed every door to make up for it.
"Chill out," you said. "If you're sick, you shouldn't be exerting yourself."
"I'm fine," I assured you. "It was just something I ate. I'm sure of it."
You handed me the room key, and I unlocked the door. "Aurora, I love you, but really. Just in case."
"'Just in case' what? I feel fine now." I sat down on the edge of the bed, and flicked the lamp on. "Jude, I really love you, but really. I'm fine." I looked up at you teasingly.
You shook your head, dropped the bags, and sighed. "Fine. I'll take your word for it."
I stood and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Thank you."
"Don't worry about it, dear." You grinned a teasing grin and ran a hand through your hair. "Now what?"
I shrugged. "Watch some TV?"
"Sounds good to me."
I changed into a comfortable t-shirt and shorts and climbed into bed, picking up the remote to turn the TV on.
You put on a pair of flannel pants and climbed in beside me, propping your back up with pillows. "Found anything?"
I shook my head, flipping past a few channels that mainly consisted of reality TV and other such junk. The Kardashians? No, thank you. Not today.
You watched me skip through the channels without a word, seeming to approve of my ways.
Finally, I found a decent travel channel and stopped there, lying back into the fluffy pillows.
You shifted closer and rested your head against mine. "You smell really nice."
"Yeah, right," I chuckled, reaching over to rub your hand gently.
Your laugh was soft and deep in your throat. "I love you, baby." You sounded sleepy.
"I love you, too."
I traced the veins on the back of your hand, just breathing, letting the TV play for no reason, and thinking about you.
I genuinely felt sorry for everyone who wasn't us.
That sounds very conceited, but it was simply the truth. I felt that everyone deserved to have the kind of love we did, with the gentle, caring kisses, the playful bickering, the genuine concern for each other.
Not everyone has that. Not every love has staying power.
I sat contemplating this for a good long while, holding your hand, body tucked closely to yours, just thinking.
You stretched one arm around my shoulders and pulled me even closer, kissing the top of my head.
I smiled.
And then, suddenly, my stomach changed its mind about how I felt.
I scrambled free of your arms and sprinted to the bathroom, with just enough time to resign myself to a death of agony.
"Jude," I cried, resting my forehead in the palm of my hand, one knee pressed against the cold, tile floor.
I heard the bed shake and then you were beside me, brushing my hair out of my face, eyes murky with sleep and panic.
"I'm sorry I scared you, but... yeah." I swallowed. "I don't feel better."
You took a long breath, and helped me to my feet. "Are you going to be sick again?"
"I hope not. I don't think so." I let you lead me back to bed.
I lay down where you set me, curled onto my side, and closed my eyes. I was thinking. Retracing the week... trying to remember if we'd been inside any particularly dirty establishments, if I'd eaten anything that was food-poisoning questionable.
And then something came to mind... something Mom had told me.
"If you miss a month and you're nauseated without a clear reason, you're probably pregnant."
And I had missed a month.
"Jude," I said softly, "could you run to the store for something?"
"Yeah, what do you want?"
"A pregnancy test."
You stopped pulling on your shoes, frowned, and looked back at me. "What?"
"I need a pregnancy test."
You blinked, unmoving, then slowly you reached up and rubbed the back of your neck. "You're pregnant?"
I swallowed. "I might be."
"O-okay," you said quickly, and pulled on your second shoe surprisingly fast. "I'll be... I'll be right back."
And you were gone.
. . .
When you got back, you were more awake than I was sure you'd been all day.
"Here," you said quickly, handing me the box.
"Settle down," I said softly, smiling as best I could. My stomach was a bit better, but not much. At least I hadn't gotten sick again. "It doesn't help to be wild."
You smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. Just... wonder."
I nodded. "It's alright, Jude. Just calm down. I'll be right back."
I climbed out of the bed and made my way to the bathroom, where I followed the instructions on the box and waited.
"Any news yet?"
"I'm waiting," I said softly, stomach churning.
You stepped through the doorway and knelt beside me, kissing my temple. "This is crazy."
"You're telling me," I sighed, chuckling wrily. "This wasn't in the brochure, Jude."
"No, it wasn't. But think. A baby?"
"Don't get your hopes up. It could just be the eggs I had for breakfast this morning."
You chuckled, shrugging. "I suppose you're right."
The timer I had set on my phone went off, and I picked up the test stick.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them again to study it. There was one line, dark, and then beside it, there was another very faint line.
I was pregnant.
"We're pregnant," I breathed.
You exhaled softly. "We are?"
"We are." I turned my head to look at you, and you grinned at me widely before bundling me up in your arms and kissing me.
I could tell, though, that even though you were very gentle, you were wildly excited. Your hands were trembling.
"It's okay," I whispered, holding your face in my hands. "It's okay."
You laughed, eyes teary, before going down to your knees and pressing a soft kiss to my stomach. "Hello, baby."
I laughed, threading my fingers through your hair. "Hello, Daddy."
You raised your eyes, smile entirely blissful. "I love you."
"I know," I replied, smiling. "I love you, too."
~ ~ ~
My God, you were happy. And even though my stomach was feeling all topsy-turvy, I was happy, too.
When I think about it, I'm happy. That's how precious that memory is.
I need to go back to Mom's, but you're so warm and I'm comfortable beside you and I don't want to leave you, and Jude Christopher Brahm, I adore the music your heart makes.
Don't ever stop playing my favorite song.
I don't think I'm going home tonight.
Sincerely,
Aurora
~~~
I have like four chapters written and unposted, so updates should be fairly regular. :)
~Anne