JOE SUGG'S POV
The sound of a flatline.
That's the last thing I heard before Zoë pulled me through the door and shut it behind us leaving Alfie and Alyssa's parents in the room. She grabbed my hand as I stared at her, unable to comprehend what had just happened.
"She can't-" I stopped and tore my gaze away from the wooden door. I could heard the screams of the doctors as they tried to bring her back to life.
"She's not dead, Joe. They're going to bring her back."
"Zoë, I was just talking and then-"
"I know, Joe. I know," she whispered softly before pulling me into a hug. Zoë ushered me down the hallway towards the waiting room and then out the hospital doors. The sunlight hit my face, blinding me as Zoë led me away from the hospital.
Tears kept falling down my face as I stared at my sister. A sob escaped my lips as I crumpled against the wall, unable to support myself. Thoughts kept racing through my head and I couldn't help but feel something that I couldn't describe.
Zoë bent down to get to my level, her face filled with concern. She closed her eyes and blew out a small breath before opening them and looking at me.
"Joe, you really love her, don't you?"
The only thing I could do was nod numbly.
"Zoë, I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I don't want her to leave me alone in the world."
"She's a strong girl, Joe. She's going to make it through this." As soon as the words escaped her mouth, we heard the sounds of Alfie's screams. Zoë suddenly looked up, craning her neck in the direction of his voice.
"ZOË? JOE?" Alfie yelled as he looked for us. Zoë cupped her hands on either side of her mouth and then shouted out to him.
"ALFIE! WE'RE HERE!"
In a matter of seconds, Alfie rounded the corner and stood a few meters away from us until Zoë motioned for him to come.
"Alfie, please tell me she's still alive," I whispered as he looked at me straight in the eye.
"Joe, she's alive. They managed to resuscitate her."
I sighed in relief, closing my eyes, grateful that she was still living. As tears streamed down my face, I kept reminding myself that she was okay. She did it. I looked up only to see that Alfie had a sad look on his face.
"Why do you have that look on your face?" I asked, crinkling my eyebrows together.
"What look?"
"You know, the 'something else is wrong but I don't want to tell vulnerable Joe' look."
"I'm pretty sure that's not an actual look..." He started but I just ignored what he said and repeated my question.
"The look. Why do you have it on your face?"
"Just before I left, the doctor was telling Ben and Cassandra about some papers. DNR papers."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zoë's eyes widen. It seemed that everyone knew what DNR meant, except for me.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Joe, it means do not resuscitate. That means the next time she crashes-" he started to continue in but I'd heard enough. I got up as fast as I could, wiping off the rest of the tears that were on my face with my sleeve. Alfie and Zoë were right behind me as I marched right back into the hospital and into Alyssa's room. As soon as I opened the door, I saw Alyssa's parents and a doctor standing a few meters back from the bed. He had a clipboard in his hand and a pen in the other.
"How could you even consider something like this?" I asked Ben and Cassandra, who looked rather startled at my entrance. Ben sighed and then he looked at me carefully.
"We're trying to do what's in the best interest for our daughter."
"You call practically killing her the next time she crashes, in her best interests?" I asked, my voice slightly louder than before. At this point, I was the only one fighting to keep her alive. Zoë and Alfie were too scared to say anything and Ben and Cassandra, well they were basically considering to kill their daughter. I was the only one that wanted her alive, no matter what.
"Doctor Anderson, you told us that every time she crashes, it's taking a physical toll on her body, right?" Cassandra asked the doctor--whose name I now knew--who just nodded his head in response.
"So you're telling me that you want to sign these papers because she's in pain? Don't you think that she deserves to live?" At this point, I didn't give a shit about what I was saying. I didn't care that I was talking to Alyssa's parents or the fact that I sounded awfully rude. It was almost as if they were giving up on her.
"Joe, we don't even know if she's going to wake up," I heard Zoë say quietly from behind me.
"She's still fighting for her life, Zoë! It's like all you're doing is throwing her life away!"
"Joe, do you really want her to be in this physical pain?" Ben asked, reaching out to touch my arm, but I flinched away from his touch.
"No, but I-"
"You don't want her to die?" Dr. Anderson suggested as I nodded grimly.
"Joe, as I said before, there's a very high chance that Alyssa won't wake up. I understand that you don't want her to die, for your own reasons, but as a doctor, I don't think she should be in physical pain every time she crashes and we manage to bring her back. We're trying to do the best that we can, but I think it's best that you accept it. Let Ben and Cassandra sign the DNR papers."
"Aren't you supposed to be trying to save Alyssa, instead of persuading something that's going to kill her, isn't that your job, to save people?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at Dr. Anderson.
"It's my job to make action, in the best interests of my patient. If Alyssa was here right now, what do you think she would say?"
"Don't you dare bring her into this," I growled, my voice suddenly becoming quiet. "She would want to live."
"I'm not here to fight with you, I told you my opinion, and I suggest that you stick with it because when she wakes up, she'll be in a lot of pain both emotionally and physically." After he said that, he placed the clipboard on a small table in the corner of the room. Putting the pen beside it, he nodded to all of us and then left the room.
The room was eerily quiet as we all stared at the clipboard, each having different thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder what was going through Zoë and Alfie's my mind as they made eye contact with me.
"What are we going to do?" Alfie asked as he looked at the clipboard. I shook my head and let out a sigh.
"It's not up to me," I whispered and looked over at Alyssa. She looked the same as before, except this time she was a lot paler. I made my way over to her bedside, pulling up the chair that I sat in about twenty minutes ago.
I grabbed her somewhat warm hand in mine and rested my head on the space beside our intertwined fingers. Blocking out all the voices of everyone else in the room, I rested my chin against our hands and looked up at her. It never truly hit me, until now. She was either going to wake up, or she wasn't and there was nothing that I could do to help her. In that moment, I felt helpless. Like the only thing I could do was pray and I just hoped that prayers were enough to keep her alive.
"I love you," I whispered softly, making sure that no one else could hear me. I took off my hat and ran a hand through my hair. Yawning, I got up and put my hat on the side table in the corner of the room. I looked around only to see that Ben, Cassandra, Alfie and Zoë were gone and the clipboard containing the DNR papers were gone as well.
I was about to go search for them, but my entire body was fighting just to walk. My eyes were fluttering shut as I made my way back to the chair and held Alyssa's hand in mine. I shook my head, fighting myself to stay awake but at the end of it all, I was emotionally tired and I let myself succumb to the fatigue.
"Joe!" I heard a voice say my name somewhere behind me. I turned around only to see Alyssa standing behind me.
"Alyssa? How-"
"You're dreaming, you idiot," she teased, letting out a small laugh. I couldn't help but laugh with her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her. I don't know how, but suddenly the scene changed and she was standing in front of me, wearing the same dress that she was wearing at the New Years Eve party.
"Come here," she said, pulling me close until our bodies were pressed together. She placed her hands onto my shoulders and my hands found their way to her waist.
"I miss you," I whispered as she placed her head on my shoulder and we swayed to the music that had just started playing.
"I'm right here," she said, placing a hand over where my heart was. I smiled and nodded, letting a tear silently slip down my cheek.
"Please don't leave me alone."
"I wouldn't dare to, the world's too scary," she whispered, looking up at me. She pressed her lips to mine quickly, and when she pulled away, the scene changed again.
This time I was standing in the street. There was a crowd formed around a girl. I pushed my way through the crowd to the middle of the circle, only to see Alyssa lying on the street. I scrambled towards her, falling to my knees and grabbing her hand in a hurry. Her entire torso was covered in blood, as was some spots on her face.
"Joe?" She asked as I nodded and smiled in the best way I possibly could.
"Hey," I said, making her smile softly.
"Am I dying?" She asked, as I inhaled sharply and shook my head, tears streaking down my face.
"The ambulance is on their way," I whispered softly, cradling her body in mine. "You're going to be okay."
"Joe, I'm scared."
"Don't be, you're going to be okay, Alyssa."
"I love you," she said softly, smiling. I could see that the life was fading from her eyes. I pressed my lips to her forehead and watched as her breathing slowed to a stop. I let out a sob as her eyes glazed over and her hand fell limp from mine.
It only took me a second to realize what I hadn't done.
Once again, I hadn't told her that I loved her.
And that, that was going to haunt me forever.
When my eyes opened, it took me a minute to realize that I had just had a dream. A dream that seemed so real. It was almost like Alyssa was right there, in my arms, not in the state that she was currently in.
Except for the ending of the dream.
I looked at the clock to my right, only to see that I had spent an hour and a half sleeping. Pressing a kiss to Alyssa's forehead, I got up from the chair, pushing it back in a way that it hit the wall. I grabbed my hat from the side table and then opened the door, only to come face to face with Caspar.
"Caspar? How did you-"
"I booked the earliest flight out of South Africa," he interrupted me, pulling me into a hug. We stood there for a moment, embracing each other, before I pulled away and looked back at Alyssa. I bit my lip in hesitation before I moved out of the way. Caspar walked into the room and I noticed that he was holding a paper bag. Caspar followed my gaze down at his hand and he put the bag on the table.
"I figured that you would be hungry," he said as he motioned towards the bag.
"I'm not."
"When was the last time you ate, Joe?"
"Yesterday," I whispered as his eyes widened. He frantically rummaged through the bag before pulling out a burger. He threw it to me and I caught the wrapped burger in midair but instead of digging in, I just looked down at it and sighed. "I'm really not that hungry, Caspar."
"That's bullshit. Eat the damn burger," he ordered as he pulled up a chair that was from the table and sat down beside me. I unwrapped it as he looked up at Alyssa, fully taking it all in.
"She's in a coma, Caspar. They don't know if she's even going to wake up," I said softly, taking a bite of the burger.
"Alfie and Zoë told me what happened. Do you think Alyssa's parents are going to sign the DNR papers?"
"I have no idea and that scares me the most."
"Why?"
"It's my fault that she's like this, Caspar. If I hadn't fucking kissed Brooklyn then-"
"You kissed Brooklyn?"
"It's a long story."
"We have time," he said stubbornly, taking a bite out of his own burger.
I ended up explaining everything to Caspar starting off with Brooklyn and ending with Marcus' phone call. He knew everything else and I didn't what to have to tell him every through that was going through my head. While I finished off, he listened, nodding his head softly every so often.
"My biggest regret is not telling her that I loved her. And if she dies, then-"
"Don't think like that, you're going to be able to tell her that you love her!" Caspar scolded me, playfully hitting my arm.
I was about to say something in response to what he just said, when the door opened and Alfie, Zoë, Doctor Anderson and Alyssa's parents walked into the room.
"You made a decision, haven't you?" I asked Cassandra who was holding the clipboard in her hands. She nodded quickly and then looked at Doctor Anderson.
"We're not signing the papers," she said suddenly, catching both Doctor Anderson and I off guard. She handed the clipboard to him, and he took it. He was about to leave but then he turned around and looked at Ben and Cassandra.
"What changed your mind?"
"Everything that Joe said, that's what changed our minds," Ben said softly, glancing over at me. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled quickly before looking down. "He's pretty persuasive."
"That he is," Dr. Anderson said, "now I would suggest that you all go home, relax, maybe even sleep, but I'm not sure if any of you will listen to me."
He put his hand on the doorknob and once again he was about to leave, but then he turned back to all of us.
"Just in case you do go home, I'll make sure to update you on Alyssa's condition if I need to."
"Thank you," Alfie said and then the doctor was gone, almost as quickly as he came.
"I think I'm going to go home," I told Zoë, who just nodded in response. "Feel free to stop by if you need to."
"I'll keep that in mind."
I opened the door, letting Caspar pass through it first before I cast one last glance back at Alyssa. I shut the door behind me before leaning against it, my eyes shut.
"Joe, are you okay?" Caspar asked me, his voice quiet. I opened my eyes and nodded quickly, ignoring the thoughts that I had in my head.
"Let's just go," I said, though my voice was barely audible. Caspar placed his hand on my shoulder and led me out of the hospital. Hailing a cab was easier then expected and the two of us got inside.
"Do you want to go out somewhere? Get your mind off things?" Caspar asked, catching me by surprise.
"Aren't you tired? I mean you just got back from South Africa and all..." I trailed off as the driver actually started up the car and we were off.
"I mostly slept the whole flight," he said before smiling. "So I'm all ready to go out and have fun if you really want to."
"I think I'm going to have to pass on that Caspar. I'm tired," I said, which wasn't entirely true. I mean I was tired but at the same time, I didn't want to do anything that I could regret, if you know what I mean. "Thanks for the offer though, you're an amazing best friend."
"That's what I'm here for Joe. I'm gonna be here for you through it all."
"I appreciate that, mate."
Caspar looked like he was about to say something but then he shut his mouth and just smiled. The rest of the car ride was silent after that but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was just the sort of silence that you shared with you're best friend, the comfortable type.
The first thing that I did as soon as we got home was hop in the shower. When I was finished, I put in a pair of pajama pants--not even bothering to put on a shirt--and then curled up in my bed. I tried to fall asleep and I probably dozed off for about twenty minutes before waking up.
There were too many thoughts that were floating around my mind. I had already postponed my main channel video for this week and there were already rumours floating around about Alyssa and I. They were all true, considering that we were together but my viewers just didn't know. They were good at figuring things out, I had to admit it.
After another few minutes of just letting all my worries and all my thoughts consume me, I got up and actually changed into regular clothes. I opened up the door and started to walk up the stairs only to stop when I heard Caspar's voice say something.
"He doesn't want to see you," he said, as if he was talking to someone.
"Just let me talk to him, Caspar," I heard a girl say but my brain was mush and I couldn't quite figure out who it was.
"Caspar? Who is-" I started to say but I stopped as soon as I saw the girl that was standing in the doorway.
"I tried to get her to leave but she insisted on talking to you," he said, frowning slightly as he looked between the two of us. "I don't know what she wants to talk about though."
"Do you mind if I speak with you alone, Brooklyn?" I asked, glancing towards Caspar nervously. She nodded slowly and then he seemed to get the silent message that I was hinting at. Without another word, he walked past me and disappeared down the stairs. Once I heard the sound of a door closing, I turned back to Brooklyn.
"Why the hell are you here?"
"I care about you," she said softly, looking at me with those grey eyes that I used to adore, that was until she broke my heart. "More than you think."
"You don't give a shit about me," I muttered, leaning against the doorframe, "if you did then you wouldn't have kissed me."
"If I recall correctly, you kissed me back, so technically I'm not at fault, am I?" She said slyly as I rolled my eyes in annoyance.
"It was a big mistake, one that I'll regret for the rest of my life," I said softly, stepping back from the door. "But that's not all you want to talk about is it?"
"No, as a matter of fact it isn't."
"Then get on with it already."
Brooklyn took a step towards me before she placed a hand on my chest, seductively. I flinched at her touch before taking a step back and narrowing my eyes.
What game was she playing?
Then the next thing she said answered my question.
"That girl, who was she?"
"That's none of your business."
"Ah, I see," she said before leaning in towards my ear, "you always get protective about the ones that you love."
"I-"
"Don't be so surprised, I know you better than anyone."
"What are you trying to do here?"
"Oh baby, don't you see? I'm just concerned about you."
"If you were really concerned about me, then you wouldn't be badgering me with questions about my comatose girlfriend!" I said before I could stop myself. I closed my eyes as she let out a soft laugh before smiling.
"What'd she do? Beg for a car to hit her just to get away from you?"
"Get the fuck out."
"What?"
"Are you kidding me? You're going to pretend like you didn't just hear me?" I asked in disbelief, she simply shook her head in disbelief.
"You can't take a joke, can you?"
"I'm not laughing, am I?"
"I hope your girlfriend dies," she spat, turning on her heel and strutting towards the door, she turned towards me before leaving, "that way I can have you all to myself."
"I'm never coming back to you," I said as she just rolled her eyes in response, "not in a million years."
As the door slammed shut, there was some part of me that wondered what would've happened if that conversation would've been longer. The other half didn't give a shit about Brooklyn anymore and I hate to say it, but that part was happy to see her go.
All I cared about was Alyssa now.
+
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I really liked writing it, especially the whole part where Joe had a dream about Alyssa.
I'm going to be honest, I actually love writing in Joe's POV. I have no idea why but I just love it.
Hopefully the next chapter will be up within the next week.
-Angelina
P.S - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 300 COMMENTS! <3