Mark
So, this is really it. She wants me out of her life. Although I want to argue more, I can't. The words she just said were too hurtful. Clearly, she wants me out. Tears fall down my eyes again as I sit, lifeless, on the sofa in the hotel. Jake and the other guys leave me alone as I let go of all the emotions coming out of me.
After what seems like forever, my eyes dry up. I take my phone out and call my best friend.
"Jackson," I say softly.
"Hey, man. So, did you see her?" He sounds excited and worried at the same time.
"Yeah!"
"So?"
"Nothing. Jackson....She said she doesn't need me anymore."
There is silence in the other line. I guess he's also trying to figure out what to say. "I'm sorry," he finally speaks, regret and guilt clear in his voice.
"I just thought she really wanted me to get her." I sigh. "It's over."
"I'm really sorry, Mark. I should've stopped you in the beginning."
"No. It's not your fault. Everything that happened just did. I'm not blaming anyone. I think I understand her more now that I see her situation."
"Is she really with him?"
"Yes. And they're getting married. Shit, Jackson," I run my fingers through my hair, "I just don't know where to go from here. It was better not seeing her in Jeju that time. I should've just forgotten about her. Why did I even bother following her around?"
"Mark. That's just how you show your love. Now, just come back here."
"I don't know, man. JYP has given me a week off. I'll just take advantage of it and might as well visit my family in the States."
"You do that, Mark. You need time to relax and forget everything. Just be careful."
"Thanks, Jackson."
I tell Jake to book us a flight home. HOME...
"We're booked for the 6 AM flight." He tells me and I just nod at him.
I go down to the bar of the hotel and order myself a drink. I'm in my third glass when I sense a man sit beside me. I turn to my side and see GD with a bottle of beer in his hand.
"Sunbae!" I'm guessing he's not here for a concert. As far as I know, they're scheduled for a tour in Japan. "What are you doing here?"
He turns to me and smirks. "You look like shit, Tuan. Did you talk to her yet?"
"You don't look so fine either," I sass back. His hair is even more disheveled than mine. I shake my head and take a sip of my drink, hoping this guy would just leave me alone to mope on my own.
"Are you seriously letting her marry that madman?" His voice is serious and when I turn to look at him, his head is bent and he looks like he's hoping for me to say 'NO'.
I just shake my head and go back to my drink.
"I guess she's right about leaving you then." He lets out a soft chuckle. "You're a quitter."
This guy is seriously getting in my nerves. I knit my brows as I turn my full body to face him. "What do you know about me, huh?" I snarl. "If you are all too mighty, why don't you go there and take her yourself."
"Oh.." one corner of his lips turn up, "I will. Don't worry cause I'm not as weak as you, Mark. You know what? I really thought you were the one for her. That's why I let her go back to you. But, you're just nothing but a loser. I thought you really love her. I was wrong. I wonder what she saw in you."
He stands up and shakes his head, walking to the exit of the bar.
In any other circumstance, I would've followed him and beat the daylights out of that guy. But, now....I just let him be. He's just too full of himself that he thinks he can concur everything. What a pompous ass!!! Let's see how long he'll live with his cockiness.
I've already done what I can, but it seems like Jess doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. How can I compete with something that matters more to her than me? She wants her company back? I'll let her. She wants to get all the money in the world? Let her. She wants her family happy? So be it.
If that's what makes her happy....then I'll just back out. At least, she'll be getting what she wants, right? Who am I to stop her? Even if I don't want her to be away from me, I can't keep her. I can't give her what she needs. As she said, she doesn't need me anymore. She needs Lei more. Right?
But, why do I want to stay and fight for her? Why do I feel like she wants me to stay? Ugh...I'm so pathetic.
__________________________________________________________________
Jess
What the heck! I stand there frozen, just gaping at Lei and the needle in his arm. I don't know if I'm going to open the door or just slowly go to my room. I choose the latter. I haven't dealt with users before. From what I hear and see on TV, they're kinda scary when they're high. Is that why he acts strange sometimes? How long has he been using?
"Miss," the same maid who welcomed me at the door earlier, comes in my room. "Dinner is ready if you're hungry."
"No...thanks..." I answer, still thinking of Lei. "Wait," I call her back as she opens the door. "What's your name again?" I ask her, walking towards the girl.
"Amy, miss." She says shyly, looking down at her feet.
"Amy. Can we talk?" I tug at her arm to let her follow me to the table in the center of the room.
"What is it about, miss?" Her voice is shaking and I can say she's nervous. How much does this girl know about Lei?
"Lei." I tell her and she cringes at his name. I tilt my head to see her expression but her head is bent so only the side of her face is visible. She surely knows something. "How long have you been working for him?"
She swallows hard before answering, still not looking at me. "Seven years, miss. I and some of the people here, were with him even when he was in the US."
So, they must really know a lot. "How was he back there?"
"Huh?" She looks up now, puzzled.
"I mean, what was he like when he was in the US?"
"Oh.." she bends her head again, "he just studied, miss."
"Amy." I tilt her face using my finger so I could see her eyes, "You can tell me."
"Tell you what, Miss?"
"How long has he been in drugs?"
Her eyes grow bigger and she forces her head down, but I don't let her. I use both hands and cup her face to keep it steady.
"Amy. I'll be living with you from now on. You don't want to get to my bad side, do you?" I try to threat.
It seems to be working cause she gasps and widens her eyes even more. Although I hate doing this, I think it's the only way I could get info from them.
"Tell me," I say with a straight face.
"Uh....hm...." she stutters. She still seems to be hesitating.
So, I add, "either you tell me, or I tell Lei you tried to hurt me." I lift one corner of my lips and smirk to show her I'm serious.
Her brows knit and she now looks worried. She gulps and opens her mouth, "After high school, Miss. As soon as we got to the US."
"Do you know why?"
"I just heard...but I'm not really sure....that her girlfriend broke up with him."
What???? So, he started using because of that? Now, it's my fault he's like this? "Because of me?" I unintentionally blurt out loud.
She moves back and looks me from head to toe, a bit confused, too. "You're Ah-Cy? Ah-Cy Zhao?" She asks, obviously surprised, even dropping all the honorifics.
"Yes!" I tilt my head to the side and give her an equally puzzled and surprised look. So, they all know me every since? What happened? What has been going on when we were apart? What does this all have to do with me?
"You...." She points at me then realizes what she's doing. She goes down on her knees, "I'm sorry, Miss. I was being impolite for a second. I'm sorry."
"Hey," I immediately pulled her up and let her sit on the chair. "Don't be." She sits still, her hands fumbling and I see beads of sweat on her forehead. "How do you know me?" I ask her.
"I don't, Miss. I just know your name. I heard Sir mention you all the time. When he's drunk or sober, even in his sleep. The others told me you were the girl."
"So," I ask slowly, "what else did you hear about me?"
Suddenly, the door in my room bangs open. "You!" Lei storms in, shouting. "What are you doing here?" He walks to Amy and pulls her up.
"Lei," I hold on to his hand and try to pry it away from his grasp on Lei's arm. I see the girl wincing in pain. "Let her go. I asked her to come in. What's your problem?"
He looks at me then narrows his eyes at Amy. "You're fired," he yells.
The girl goes back down on her knees and begs. "Please, sir. I'm so sorry."
"Lei, what are you doing? What did she do?"
"What did this bitch tell you?" He turns to me and grabs my arm, pulling it up to an uncomfortable position.
"Nothing, Lei. Shit. You're hurting me. I just wanted to talk to her."
"About what?" He pulls my arm closer to him and I cringe.
"Lei, please. Let go of my arm, you're breaking it." I yell.
He flings it to the side and I stumble hard on the floor. "What did you want to talk to her about? Huh?"
"Sir," Amy crawls on all fours to my side, blocking Lei's foot from reaching my sides. "Please. She just wanted to know about the menu and the arrangements for the wedding." She lies.
That stops Lei from what he was about to do. "Get out!" He shouts, pointing at the door. "I don't want to see you here ever again, you hear me?"
Amy scurries to her feet and run as fast as she can out the room.
Do the drugs make him do this? Is it the effect? Did he do everything he did in the past because of the effect of what he is taking? The arson, the threats, everything..... And to think he started using because of me.
I try to push myself up with my arm but it buckles under me. I use both hands and stagger at my feet, sitting on the bed near me. I sit silently still as I absorb and recall all the things that have happened in the past months.
I don't even notice Lei sitting quietly beside me. "What are you thinking?" He says in a voice that seems foreign to me. I look at him with a puzzled expression. "What?" He asks, as if nothing happened. Does he even know what he just did a few seconds ago?
"Lei!" I exclaim, staring at him in disbelief.
"So," his voice changes again, softer and unsure, "how did your talk with Mark go?"
Mark. With just the mention of his name, I space out. How is he feeling right now? Is he angry at me? Is he out drinking? Could he have gone back to Korea? Would he still remember me after what I did to him? Would he ever forgive me?
"Hey!" Lei pokes my cheek, his voice cracking in worry.
"It went ... well." I answer, with my mind still flying somewhere else.
"You ok?"
Of course not. How can I be ok when I just let go of the person I want to be with?
I take a deep breath and nod.
He bites his lip, furrows his brows and grabs my shoulder to let me face him. "What are you thinking? Are you regretting coming back instead of staying with him in the hotel? Huh?" And again, the tone of his voice becomes angry.
"Lei, no." I lie.
"You're lying!" He shouts, making me lean back in surprise. "You know what, Jess? Maybe you still don't know this, but I can tell when you're lying. Your eye twitches when you do."
It does? For real? Why didn't I know that? Is that why everybody who've known me for a long time tell that I lie even if I try to act my best? Damn it!
He just smirks. "So, did you?... wanna stay with him?" The last words are barely audible as he murmurs them.
"Lei...please...give me some time. It's only been two days. Just....please..." I say exasperatedly.
"You've only known him for months, Jess. You've known me for like....forever. Is that not enough? How can you forget me easily and not live a single day without thinking of that jerk?" He shouts again, pacing the length of the room. His hands are shaking again and he runs them through his hair as he wipes beads of sweat on his nape.
"Lei, I did not forget you that easily," I raise my voice and stand up in front of him, blocking his path.
Suddenly his hand flies to my face, making me fall to the floor, "Liar," he shouts. "You always lie. Why can't you for once be sincere with your words?" He picks me up, pulling my arm, making me yelp in pain.
"Aahh..." I cry. "Enough, Lei. Please," I'm already in tears as he continues to drag me to the other side of the room and throw me to the chair. He slaps me yet again and another on the other cheek. "Stop!" I sob. My voice getting softer as I just let the pain eat me up.
He then steps back and looks at my shabby body. My dress is now in disarray, my jacket is off my shoulders but still hanging on my arms, my hair disheveled and sticking to my wet cheeks, one shoe off and the other with a broken heel.
I can't even look him straight in the eye anymore, scared that he'd slap me again or throw me somewhere else in the room. I pull up my knees so my feet are on the chair and hug them.
"Fuck!" He says aloud and I see his feet nearing me.
I hug my legs tighter. "Please, enough," I say between sobs. I lean my body away from his incoming hand, hoping to lessen the impact somehow if it lands on my head.
Instead of a slap, he caresses my cheek. I see him kneel in front of me with tears in his eyes. I look up to him and he cusses again, "Shit!" I cringe in fear. "Jess," he takes my shoulders and pulls me to his arms, wrapping them tightly around me and kissing the top of my head. "Sorry....Shit! I'm sorry."
This guy is clearly bipolar. Fuck. Would I still be alive in a week? How far can I endure this? If I am to marry him, this has to stop. I take a deep breath and gather all the courage and energy I have left...which is not too much from all that's happened today and the beating I've received. I pull away from him and stand up.
"Jess?" He follows me out of the room as I quickly go to his bedroom. "Where are you going?" Then, "what are you doing?" a little louder when he realize I am about to open his drawers.
"Where are they, Lei?" I ask him. I open the top drawer of the first cabinet at the left.
"Jess!" He looks horrified. Maybe by now he knows what I'm looking for. "Stop it!"
"Where are you hiding them?" I open the next two drawers at the same time but find nothing. I go to the next cabinet and do the same, still finding nothing. "Lei!" I turn to face his shocked face which is now slowly turning angry.
"What do you think are you doing?" He asks, his teeth gritting and eyes narrow. I can see his hands already making a fist, so I take three steps back.
"Lei!" I say again, sterner this time.
"Jess!" He yells back, taking a step forward as I take another step back. "Get out of my room!"
"No. Not until I throw out all those damn fucking drugs that make you like this." I am shaking inside in fear, but I stay still, looking back at him with the same fury in my eyes.
He doesn't say anything, instead he takes a deep breath with his eyes closed. Grabbing the opportunity, I go to the next set of drawers behind me. And there they are. I grab bottles and plastics and vials and pills and look around for the bin. I dump them all there and pull the bin near the drawer to make it faster to dump the others in.
"Jess!" He shouts, coming to me in long, angry strides. He grabs my hands and pulls me away from the drawer. "STOP!" He yells at my face. "Stop this!"
"No. Lei," I shout back. "You should stop. You don't need those." I gently remove one hand from his grasp and touch his face with it. "Lei," I say his name softly, "I'm here. You don't need that."
His expression suddenly softens, too, with my words. He holds my hand that's on his cheek and kisses my palm. "I'm sorry." He apologizes again. His tears are now running down like streams. "I really am. I just....I didn't know how deal with everything." He admits.
I feel pity now for him. All my anger and frustrations towards him gone. I hug him and, this time sincerely, "I'll help you. I know you became like this because of me. I promise, Lei. Everything's gonna be alright."
He hugs me back and we cry in each others arms.
I stay with him in his room that night, laying on his bed and holding his hand. I assure him all is gonna turn out fine. With all the drama, I fall asleep beside him. Although, I know he won't be sleeping tonight because of the effect of the drug he just took, still he lays beside me.
A noise from outside the gate wakes me up. When I open my eyes, Lei is already by the window, looking out. I quickly run to his side to take a peek. It's still dark outside but with the help of the lights from both sides of the gate and from the front of the house, I can make out the man throwing fits beside the road. He has a bottle in one hand, tilting it up to drink.
Lei's breathing becomes rugged and he faces me again with those scary eyes. I already know what's coming as I cringe to the pain that is about to come. And it happens again. My body flies to the side as he pushes me by my shoulder to the floor. "You bitch! What's he doing here, too? Did you call your whole entourage to come and save you?" He yells at me. He gives me one last kick on my side before going over me towards the door. He takes something out from under his closet and slams the door behind him.
Is that a gun?
I quickly stand up, ignoring the pain from my side and run to the door. I almost stumble down the steps as I try to catch him. "Lei...." I shout after him. "No...."
But he doesn't listen. I follow him out, limping a little from the fall I just had in his room when he pushed me.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" He shouts at the guy outside the gate, who is smirking when he sees Lei. Even when he sees the gun in his hand, he still chuckles.
"Are you going to shoot me now?" He rests his arms between the bars of the gate, with the bottle of vodka still in his hand.
"Get out of here!" Lei shouts. As soon as he gets near the gate, the guy pulls his arms out and gives another smirk.
Shit! How can he be so fearless.
"Kwon!" I shout from behind Lei. "Please. Just leave."
"Jess!" He finally sees me as I step into the light just a step beside Lei. He has the sweetest drunken grin on his face. His smile disappears when I step closer. "Jess? Fuck! What did he do to you?"
Only then that I realize I have bruises all over my body and probably my face. I quickly walk back to the shadows.
"You heard her. Now leave." Lei hollers.
"Fuck you, Lei. What did you do to her? Open this damn gate," he throws the bottle at Lei but it lands on Lei's feet, shattering into small pieces. He shakes the bars of the gate, making a rattling sound. "Jess!"
Lei flexes his neck to both sides, making a cracking sound. He then shakes his head and lifts the gun, pointing it at GD.