*Warning* The following contains Physical, Psychological and Sexual Abuse.
My mother's nose was wrinkled and she had stepped back a pace. "look at the mess you made!" she hissed. My eyes were blurry and I could faintly feel tears on my face and the cooling tracks running down my hot chest. I tried to look where she was pointing toward my feet. I had wet myself! I was embarrassed and scared. Would I be punished for this too?
My mother looked at me with disdain and flicked her hand toward me in dismissal. I slumped in relief until I heard her say "You can have her Ryan. Don't fuck the whore. Not yet. Clean her up and do whatever else you want with her. Then send her back here to clean up her own mess" She said as she indicated the floor. She turned her back toward me and went to the fridge to find something to eat.
Ryan stalked toward me with that look of deprivation in his eyes. I tried to hunch forward to protect myself but with my elbows tied together it was too painful and shocks shot through my arms. He swept me up into his arms and walked down the hall to his bathroom.
Gently he set me down in front of the toilet and looked at me, eyes glittering in the dull light. He pushed the hair back from my face and smiled gently "You shouldn't have run off. I'm supposed to protect you. I need to be with you to be able to protect you... Your mom just wants the best for you. Just like I do. When will you realize I am the best you deserve?"
Tears came to my eyes. Maybe they were right. Both of them. Maybe I was just a bad daughter, inconsiderate and worthless. Maybe he was all I deserved, the best I was really worth. Apparently I was not worth very much.
"I'm going to take this towel out. Go ahead and scream... No one is going to help." He pulled the towel out of my mouth and I gagged a little as it brushed the back of my throat and at the thought that he was right. No one would come. My mother had given me to this monster after beating me black and blue, to do with what he wanted. My sister had most likely helped him get me in trouble in the first place. Marc was far far away at the moment and I didn't even exist in anyone else's mind. Somewhere there might be a teacher who remembered me or a kid from school who wondered where the strange silent girl from class went. But there was no one to save me. Not now, not ever. It would be easier to do what he wanted than to get hurt more in the process of fighting.
He nodded when I didn't say or do anything. "good girl, I'm going to take good care of you"
I tilted my head forward slightly to ease the pressure on my arms and he grabbed my hips and pulled me to face him as he sat down on the toilet seat. He reached up and unbuttoned the top of my jean shorts and started pulling at the zipper. I hastily backed up a step. Cold flat numb eyes glared up at me through thick brown lashes and I wheezed through my dry throat. He reached toward me and I took a tiny step forward breathing heavily. He unzipped the zipper and slid the shorts down my legs. I shuddered violently as his fingers hooked in my underwear and those followed my shorts. The spark was back in his eyes and he was beaming. Did he think I liked this? Was he that crazy?
He picked me up again and put me in the shower and started the water. It was luke warm and felt amazing. I groaned a little as the cool water ran over my burning hot breasts. Smiling he grabbed the soap and went to run it over me. I flinched away and he rushed towards me getting in my face growling out "what did I say about being good?!"
I cowered against the wall under his chin. Looking up I tried to seem contrite and submissive "I'm sorry, it's just my breasts really hurt... the water feels very nice though. Thank you?" I didn't mean to make it sound like a question but it came out that way.
I seemed to have done something right for once because he backed away slightly and the furious look melted off of his face. "well, why didn't you say so babe?" He asked as he lowered himself down onto the edge of the tub and pulled my hips in front of him again. His face hovered in front of my belly button and I felt incredibly vulnerable.
He was looking at my face then his eyes wandered down to my red and purple breasts to my bleeding nipple, then down further between my legs. I tried to clench them together but he just moved one of his knees between my legs to keep them apart. I struggled to keep my legs together and turn sideways but he shoved me against the wall and growled "we are going to do this until you stop fighting!" My arms protested from the pressure the wall was putting against my elbows and wrists. I sighed inwardly knowing that there was nothing I could do without making it so much worse. I will fight, I told myself, if I have to.
Bending and grabbing the soap back up knocked me into the wall again and I squeaked out a gasp of pain. He shoved a knee between my legs as he sat down on the edge of the tub again while he soaped up his hands. Starting at my knees he rubbed slow circles up my thighs giving me goosebumps. He reached my core and I jumped but didn't back away. I just cringed away in my mind distancing myself from his touch as best I could. He touched gently, with exploring fingers. I don't think he had ever touched a girl before. This worried me and also gave me some small piece of hope. Mostly I hoped that he would be cautious and wouldn't go too far or be too rough, but what if he wanted to see how things worked and ended up trying to have sex with me!
I was hyperventilating and couldn't stop the shivering. 'So much for keeping your mind distanced, Sang!'
He looked up at my face again and took a shuddering breath. I gasped. That hungry look was back in full force. He looked back down and unexpectedly shoved a soapy finger inside of me. I jerked backward hitting the wall with my shoulder and twisting my body to the side as far as his knees would let me while bending slightly at the waist trying to get away from the intruding presence. His face was red, angry and something else less definable. I breathed out slowly and whispered "Please? I don't want this. I'm not like this."
Confused eyes looked back at me "You are! You are a whore."
"No. I am not. I am a virgin. I have never kissed a boy let alone let one touch me or see me like you have made me let you tonight!"
He brushed his fingers lightly over his lips "Your mother says you are a whore. Why would she lie?"
I sighed "She doesn't like me, neither does my sister. They blame me for my father leaving us? I don't know why she says or does the things she does!"
"But your dad is the one who abused you! Not your mother" He shot back at me.
"Do you really believe that after what you have seen tonight?" I growl at him looking down at my nakedness, swollen red and purple breasts and still tied arms.
"YOU'RE the one who told us that is was him and not her!"
I hung my head. That was true, I did, to save myself more pain. How was that working out for me?
"If I could take it back and explain everything I would!" Would I? She scares me so much... "I was afraid that she would be more violent with me if I tried to tell the truth, so I just told you guys what she wanted me to tell you. Can you understand that?" I pleaded
Fingers still at his lips he nods slowly "Yes... Plus she told me not to fuck you tonight anyway. Not yet."
With my eyes wide with shock he sprays me off quickly then yanks me roughly out of the shower knocking into my breasts so hard I see black and my knees buckle slightly. He holds my face against the wall making my aching breasts hurt even more until I feel the tug around my elbows. Letting me go! He is untying me! My arms let loose from their tight ties and slowly, achingly come forward again. My muscles are screaming in agony but I pull them forward and shake out my hands. What is left of my shirt and bra falling to the floor in a sopping mess.
Ryan stands there leaning against the counter watching. I am turned away toward the wall where he left me but I am naked now. That remnant of shirt I had had left, that trifling protection is now gone as well.
"Come here" It is clearly a command. Ryan has decided what to do with me. Well now that he has untied me he can expect a fight if he thinks he is going to rape me!
I turn and look up at him. He is holding a towel in his hands. Reaching for it burns my shoulder blade but the movement is useless anyway as he grips my hand and wrenches me to him. A hiss from the pain escapes me but he doesn't seem to care. "You are mine. I own you. I will do what I want with you. Right now, what I want is for you to go and clean up your mess in the kitchen"
I start to pull the towel toward me and look around for clothes. I don't have any down here. My shirt is in shreds and my shorts are covered in urine. The towel is jerked from my grasp and Ryan kneels down before me. He slowly wipes the towel up and down each leg and pats lightly at my core. Then he stands again and slides the towel up my waist and to my searing breasts. I take a deep breath and hold it in as he starts a feather light circular motion of drying off my sorest spots. Finally dry he dumps the towel on the floor over my shorts, underwear and shirt and motions for me to pick it up.
Stalling for a minute my finger flutters to my mouth to press my lip to my teeth. "I'll need something to wear?"
"You will be fine. You are going to clean the kitchen like this. No point in getting anything else dirty with your filth."
Guiding me ahead of him I walk naked to the kitchen with an arm full of wet smelly laundry. I can feel him behind me. His eyes burn into my skin looking at parts of my body that no one ever sees. I flush just thinking about where he has touched me tonight.
We arrive in the kitchen and Marie is there. Her eyes widen as Ryan motions for me to put down the dirty laundry and it is revealed that I am naked. She turns her back to the counter grabbing a sandwich off of the counter that she just made and watches me as I gather up paper towels and cleaning supplies. Marie stands there happily watching with Ryan standing next to her until my mother comes back into the room.
Seeing me naked on my hands and knees with Marie and Ryan standing off to the side watching as I scrub the floor seemed to entertain her. "Marie, make me a sandwich too." Marie shuffles around watching me furtively as she works. I am careful to clean every inch of floor and cabinet that I was near during my punishment with bleach and then a fruity smelling cleaner as my mother hates the smell of bleach. It must be one hundred percent clean or I will be punished again.
Convinced I am done I stand to face the three people in my audience "May I go start laundry and get dressed now?" My mother nodded tightly at me "yes, whore. You know what you are now don't you? You have been taught?"
I glanced between Ryan and my mother "Yes, Mother" Marie glanced around at all of us and seemed to decide nothing fun was going to happen, seeming bored she walked out of the room. Ryan looked like he was miles away in his own fantasy world. Hopefully that world would never touch me again.
"Sang? Go to bed and don't even think about leaving your room until Marc gets home to take you to registration Monday"
I nodded and picked up the wet towels and shredded clothes and bolted.
I got to my room and grabbed clothes. I didn't need pajamas I needed clothes. A loose top and no bra a jacket and jeans. I crept over to the bathroom and made sure the door was locked. I stood there in front of the mirror and let myself fall apart. I silently sobbed. My breasts were red and swollen with some spots on the sides blue, purple and even almost black. Some small part of my mind was impressed though, a bra and a modest top would cover everything. She was becoming calculating and methodical in her torture.
I shook off my shock and jumped into the shower. Anything to get him off of me. I kept the water cool and washed quickly. I dried off as fast as I could and then dressed slowly. My arms were still painful from the position they had been bent in. I struggled into my jeans and then sluggishly pulled on the old t-shirt. It was so painful for my shoulders to get over my head I almost gave up. I smoothed over the large green t shirt that had once been Maries before she decided it was too old and ratty. I usually used it to run around in the forest but it was lite and soft so it was perfect. Who would see me in the middle of the night anyway?
I packed another set of nicer clothes, my journal, a few books I was reading, my flashlight and my school registry forms. I was leaving the house. Maybe I would go stay in the house they were building up the street from here. I don't know yet. All I know is that I can't stay here. Not now. Not after tonight.