Chapter 20
“What do you think about this one?” Allison held a shimmering green dress against her body and turned to face Jen. It was Friday afternoon and as of yet, Allison still didn’t know what she wanted to wear tonight for her date with Jared, so she’d called for reinforcements. “It’s not too short and doesn’t shout I’m desperate.”
“Hun, it shouts I’m not desperate enough.” Jen retorted as she lay on the flat of her stomach on Allison’s bed. “It might not be short, but if you want Jared to take notice of you tonight, I think you should go with something that’s above the knee.”
“You think so?” Allison analysed the dress and decided that Jen was right. She wanted to get Jared’s attention and a dress that hid her long slender legs wasn’t going to work. If she was putting the effort in to shave her legs, the least she could do was show them off.
Allison turned back to her closet and hooked the dress back on the rail, fishing through her other dresses for the perfect one. Tonight would be perfect and she needed the perfect dress to go with it. Maybe she should have gone shopping yesterday for a new dress, she mused as she rummaged through all the unsuccessful candidates.
“How about this one?” she pulled out a yellow cocktail dress and with a hopeful smile on her face she turned to Jen.
Her friend’s eyebrows rose as she scrutinised the dress. “Seriously? Trust me yellow isn’t a colour you want to go with when seducing a man.”
Allison took a long look at the dress. “Hmm… maybe you are right. Yellow doesn’t exactly scream take me now.”
Jen laughed, shaking her head at her friends failed attempt to be flirty.
“Maybe I should have gone to buy a new dress. After all, this is a pretty big night.”
“I don’t think we need to resort to that. You’ve got lots of great dress you haven’t really worn that are dying to come out of your closet. Why don’t you wear that plum dress? You know the strapless one.” Jen offered from the bed.
Allison walked out and offered Jen a deadpan look. “You know I wore that to our first date, Jen. You helped me pick out that dress as I recall.”
Jen shrugged nonchalantly. “I forget. That was a while back after all.”
Allison narrowed her eyes at Jen’s reply and crossed her arms over her chest. “You never forget details like that before. As I recall you still remember the dress I wore on my first date with Eric.”
Jen just offered her another shrug in response.
Okay, something was up with Jen. Allison had been best friends with her since they’d been in college, so she was able to read her like a book. The way Jen was acting, not really giving her input; it was almost as if she didn’t want to help Allison. But that made no sense at all. Jen was always eager to give Allison advice about anything when it came to her dating someone. In fact, she recalled the days when Jen had practically begged her to give her love life a chance and even making suggestions that she flirt with Jared.
Maybe she didn’t want her being with Jared. But that was crazy, Allison reasoned. Jen was crazy about Jared and could barely contain her joy when Allison had told her they were dating. What could have changed her mind since then?
And that’s when it rushed back. The tingling sensation on her lips, the warmth that filled her very core and the maddening desire for more. Eric’s hazy grey eyes, after they’d kissed, appeared in Allison’s mind’s eye and it was like she was back in the stadium all over again. She traced the memory of the kiss with her tongue and recalled the immense attraction that sparked between her and Eric.
She’d told Jen all about what had happened the next day. It wasn’t by choice. In fact if she’d hidden her emotions and her confused mental state better, Jen would never have pressed her with questions about what happened at the game the night before. Allison couldn’t lie to her and in the end – after much nagging on Jen’s part – she’d finally spilled her guts, so to say.
Jen had been enthralled and ecstatic as Allison had explained every detail to her, as per Jen’s request. It was in that moment that Allison let slip that she actually liked the kiss and that she’d been battling with herself for a better part of the night with the thought that she might still have feeling for Eric.
Jen had looked far too pleased then, making suggestions that Allison give him another shot, give herself another shot at truly being happy. And that’s where she’d drawn the line and made it clear to Jen that she wasn’t up for getting herself tangled up with Eric Denton again. They would be friends for Chloe’s sake, but where love and her heart was concerned Eric wasn’t getting anywhere near it. Jen had looked like she’d been about to argue this further, but was wise enough to keep her mouth shut. If something needed to be said, Jen was the type of person who said her piece, but there were times – like the one they’d shared – that she was clever enough to know not to over step the line.
Feeling a bit frustrated with her friends attitude, Allison snapped. “Jen!”
“What?” she asked, a bit annoyed.
“I called you over here to help me, but you’re not being much of a good helper.” Allison argued.
Jen opened her mouth to say something, but closed it instead and let out a heavy sigh and got off the bed. “You’re right; I’m not being much help. Let’s look at what you have, shall we?”
Allison gripped her friends arm, stopping her. “I know you Jen. You’ve clearly got something to say to me, so spill.”
Jen gave her a crazy look. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m here to-”
Allison threw her hands up in frustration. “You know what I’m talking about. Jennifer Scott, if you don’t talk to me, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Jen said calling her bluff.
“I’ll – I’ll…” then she was hit by a stroke of genius, “I’ll tell Paul all about the portrait you’re planning on giving him for your anniversary.”
Jen’s eyes widened in shock, but then narrowed in anger. “You wouldn’t?”
She wanted to say she would, too add to the intimidation, but found that she really sucked at this bluffing game. Feeling her anger drain from her body, Allison shagged into the bed.
“You are right I really do suck at being badass.”
Jen features softened and after a few seconds she burst into flit of laughter. She sat down on the bed beside Allison. “I can’t believe you used the word badass. But I have to admit, you really did have me going there for a sec.”
Allison lips turned up in a faint smile. “Look, I know you have an opinion about my life and as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always made a point of telling me how you feel. So what’s stopping you now?”
Jen ran a hand through her blonde curls and considered her answer. “What’s stopping me is the fact that life, yours in particular, has gotten very complicated and I can tell you what I think and the way I would like it to turn out, but this isn’t college and we’re no longer young adults living for ourselves. We have families, kids to consider in our choices we make.” She paused for a moment, letting Allison take in everything she said. “I can give you advice, Ally. I can be supportive of your decisions, because in the end you need to do what’s right for you, for your happiness and your heart.”
Allison considered Jen’s words for a moment. Was she really doing what’s right for her by being with Jared tonight? She knew playing it safe, taking a chance on a great guy like Jared was what was good for her heart, but was it the right thing for her future, for Chloe. She couldn’t deny that she felt something for Eric. Her sleepless night proved as much when all she could process was the one simple kiss. But one simple kiss, one moment of infatuation wasn’t enough to make up or help her forget all the pain she’d gone through. Was it?
Then there was Jared to consider. He was so great and he ought to have someone who truly appreciated what a great guy he was. He deserved someone who could love him the way he should be. I could love him that way, given time. People didn’t just fall in love. Well, there were some who knew from the moment they saw each other that they were meant to be.
Much like me and Eric. She groaned. Was there no way she could escape this feeling she’d once felt as a twenty year old?
With a groan of annoyance Allison fell back onto the bed and threw her arms over her face.
Sensing her friend’s aggravation Jen decided to have her say. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“No, not really.”
“I think-” Jen continued, ignoring her, “you should give Eric another chance.”
Allison snapped up to a sitting position and looked at her friend as if she were crazy. “What?”
Still ignoring her, Jen continued. “I think you should leave Jared.”
Allison jumped off the bed and paced before she turned her attention back to Jen. “Are you crazy? Eric has given me nothing but pain for the past few years, while Jared has been nothing but sweet to me. He’s a great guy and I’d be crazy, no, dumb to pass someone like him over.” She shook her head at Jen. “I thought you wanted me to date other people.”
“I do – I did.” She stuttered. “But that was until I realised you’re still in love with Eric.”
Allison stopped in her tracks and murmured. “What makes you think I’m in love with Eric and not Jared?”
Jen stood and came to stand in front of her. Taking her by the shoulders, she stared straight into Allison’s eyes as she said. “Because I saw your face, Ally. I saw the way you looked when you told me about the kiss.”
“And what look was that?” she asked in a daze.
“The look of a woman in love.” When Allison shook her head in denial Jen pressed on. “You were beaming, your face literally lit up. It was so infectious that you even had me smiling. And you know what it reminded me of?”
“What?”
Jen smiled at her. “The night of your first date with Eric. When came back to the dorms that night I remember the goofy, dopey look on your face. You looked like a woman in love.”
Allison fought an internal battle with her head and her heart. One was saying something completely different from the other. They were both so loud that she couldn’t distinguish one from the other. One told her to go to Eric tonight, to talk to him, while the other said she should play it safe and go to Jared. The only problem was she wasn’t sure which one was saying which anymore.
For the first time in really long time Allison felt torn and confused. What was she supposed to do when she couldn’t make out one from the other?
Jen could see the inner turmoil her best friend faced. And as much as she understood that she had a need to protect herself, Jen also knew that if Allison wasn’t completely sure about what she needed to do, who she really wanted to be with, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. But she could see that Allison really did love Eric and that giving him a chance would be a gamble, but it was one she needed to take if she really wanted to be happy.
“Ally, sweetie. Go talk to Eric; hear what he has to say. You owe it to yourself. You love him, you just need-” but she was interrupted by the look on Allison’s face.
“He broke my heart, Jen. I gave him all of me and he just threw it aside like it was nothing to him.” A tear slid down her cheek as every word she spoke ripped through her heart.
“I know, but he is sorry that he did it to you and he promised me that he wouldn’t hurt you again.” Jen said earnestly.
Allison frowned as she comprehended her words. “You’ve been talking to him about us? How could you do that to me? How could you go behind my back like that and then take his side?”
“I’m not taking his side. I’m on yours.” Jen reached out to her, trying to convince her of her innocence, but Allison stepped away from her. “Ally,”
“I can’t do this with you. Please, just leave.” she whispered.
Jen saw the look in Allison’s face and knew she’d gone too far. Not wanting to hurt their friendship any further with hateful word they both knew would come if she stayed, and in the end would regret, Jen nodded her head.
“Tell Eric I’ll be by tomorrow morning to pick up Chloe.” Jen took up her handbag and coat.
Allison just nodded her reply.
Jen walked to the door of her bedroom, but stopped and turned to face her again. “I really do hope you’ll make the right decision, the one that will make you happiest. That is all I want for my best friend, to be happy.”
Allison sank onto the bed, feeling more lost than ever. She knew she had to make a decision, the right one, before she ended up hurting herself.
***
Eric paced his living room floor. This had been one of the longest days of his life and considering he barely slept last night or the night before that, it only added to his edginess. He felt fatigued and in need of a good night’s rest, but how could he sleep when everything was slowly crashing down around him.
He closed his eyes as he felt the panic rise within him again. Taking deep, even breathes, Eric tried his best to think rationally about everything that had happened. He could still see Ally’s face as she blatantly told him that she felt nothing for him. Eric felt the anger in him well up. How could she say she felt nothing when he’d seen her face, seen the same passion and desire that burnt in his eyes, mirrored in her own?
Was she that scared of letting me in, of giving me and our love another chance? Flashes of the day he’d left her came flooding back. He’d been so callous, so ruthless with her emotions. The words he’d flung at her… Eric knew if he could he’d go back and erase ever having said those things to her, he’d erase the last eight years away from her.
What he wouldn’t give to hold her in his arms right now, to keep her beside him the way it should be. He loved her, needed her and that scared him. Never in his years as an adult or even as a teenager still living by his mother’s rules, had he needed anyone. Ally was his saving grace, his line to the true meaning of life and love and he knew without her he wouldn’t make in this world.
Running a hand through his hair, Eric recalled the serious, determined look Ally had given him when she’d confessed her intention for the night ahead. He’d been so angry with her. She’d hurt him with her confession and at the time being angry seemed much easier than feeling the pain that seeped through his bones, into his heart.
Eric clinched his jaw as he thought about Ally with Jared, his hands all over her. Jared didn’t deserve to feel, to touch such perfection.
Shaking his head, Eric knew he had to prevent what was to take place tonight. He had to convince Ally of his love and his commitment to her. And he knew he would do everything it took within him to convince Ally that he loved her.
***
The knock on the door had Eric jumping from his seat. His heart hammered in his chest. Everything that he said, everything that took place after he opened this door would determine the outcome of the evening. He needed to use the right words, to do the right things. Ally was fragile right now, like a piece of porcelain, and he knew just how to handle her fragile emotions.
“Daddy!” Chloe exclaimed and jumped into Eric’s waiting arms.
“There’s my favourite girl. I missed you.” He hugged her close and risked a peek at Allison.
She wasn’t looking at him. Instead she fiddled with the bag of Chloe’s clothes she’d brought along.
Chloe kissed Eric on the cheek once they had broken their embrace. “I missed you too.”
Eric smiled at his sweet, innocent daughter. It was funny how in a space of about a month and a half, she’d become the centre of his universe. He’d do anything for her, give her anything. Her happiness was key and Eric knew the focal point of any child’s happiness was to have both loving parents in their life, to be a family.
“I know we’re a bit early, but Chloe couldn’t wait to get here.” Allison explained, looking up this time, but not meeting his eyes.
“It’s fine. I was excited to see her too.” Eric tickled Chloe’s neck making her giggle.
“Yes, well I have to be going.” She handed Eric the bag and their hands brushed for the briefest of seconds. But even in that tiny second, neither Allison nor Eric could ignore the spark of electricity that passed from one body to the other, making them both shiver.
“I – err…” Allison stuttered.
“You should say goodnight to your mom.” Eric said as he placed Chloe back on her feet.
Allison kneeled before her daughter, tugging at her clothes. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Chloe smiled. “Okay,”
“Now, I want you to be a good girl for your daddy.” Allison instructed.
“I’m always a good girl. Right daddy?” she looked up at Eric.
He let out a slight laugh. “Yes you are.”
“See?” Chloe directed with a grin Allison’s way, making her smile.
“You are getting way too smart for your own good. Come here.” Allison took Chloe into her arms, feeling a sudden urge to never let go of her. The tears Allison could feel then welling up in her eyes, but she blinked them away as she kissed Chloe on the cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too momma.” Chloe kissed her on the cheek and gave her another quick squeeze before letting her go.
As Allison stood, Eric could see the pain that reflected in her eyes and all he wanted to do was gather her into his arms and chase all that scared and hurt her away.
“Why don’t you head upstairs to your room and I’ll be there in a sec.” Eric suggested to Chloe, to which she happily agreed.
Both parents watched her ascend the stairs to the second floor before turning to face each other. Things were silent for a minute as neither knew what to say. Eric knew he should say something now, try to stop her before she walked out of his life, but as he opened his mouth to speak no words came. How was he supposed to convince her of his love if he couldn’t find the courage to speak?
Maybe there was a reason he couldn’t speak. Maybe speaking wasn’t the right approach. He watched her for a second, really looked at her and for the first time he could see just how tired she was. Her makeup did well to hide her fatigue, but Eric had a sharp eye and he could spot her tired eyes with ease.
Was I the reason she was so weary, in this much pain? She’d been content in her life before he came along and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was the reason for her change. He remembered the way she looked the day he’d seen her, when he’d gotten back. She’d looked happier, not like this. Quiet and withdrawn. She’d had a sparkle in her eyes, they’d glowed a deep golden brown. Now, all that stared at anything that wasn’t him were two hollow looking stones.
Maybe I’m poison in her life?
“I really should be going.” She announced, breaking him from his thoughts.“Jared will be waiting for me.”
“You’re serious about tonight then?”
The question had thrown her off guard and Allison found herself looking up into his eyes. She wasn’t sure how to answer his question, if she should be answering. Was she serious about tonight? Yes, that was safe to say, she had every intention of going over to Jared’s and enjoying an evening with him, but was she serious about seeing her entire night with Jared through… that was something she didn’t know the answer to herself.
Deciding that part of the truth was better than the full explanation; Allison stuck up her chin defiantly and replied. “Yes, I am.”
The hurt she saw flash in Eric’s eyes for a brief second was enough to tear at her heart. By hurting him, was she inevitably hurting herself?
Eric nodded. “I see.”
The curt reply had Allison wanting to tell him that she wouldn’t go that she’d rather stay with him and try to work things out. She opened her hand to reach out, but she caught herself and pulled back. She needed to be strong, to forget Eric and move on with what she’d found in Jared.
“I really should be going. If you need me I’ll have my cell phone turned on in case of an emergency. What else am I forgetting?” she wondered.
Eric gazed at her face and saw the little crease lines that formed between her eyebrows as she thought. The corners of his lips turned up slightly. She always did look adorable when she concentrated. I loved that about her, he realised.
In fact he loved how she bit her lip or rambled when she was nervous, he loved the way the light shone upon her hair in the early hours of the morning when she was snuggled warmly against him. He loved that she lit up every time she was with Chloe, that she loved their daughter so much that she gave up her dreams for her. He loved the way she used to check him when he was being stubborn or his temper was going over the top, that she knew all the right words and things to say to make him calm down and feel okay. He loved the fact that he loved her and that they shared so much, that she supported him in everything – even when it hurt her the most.
He couldn’t let her go, not now, not ever and he was about to tell her just that.
“Oh, that’s it. Jen will be by to pick Chloe up tomorrow.”
“Ally-”
“I’m not exactly sure what they’re planning on doing, but I’m guessing they’ll be gone most of the day so Jen will drop her off back at my place.” Allison continued as if she’d never heard him.
“Ally-” he called again, this time taking a step closer to her.
“And please don’t let her eat too much junk food. I really have to now.” She state as she took a step closer to the door. “Jared will be wondering where I am.”
“Ally!” he called with more effort, this time getting her attention.
“What?”
Eric took the two short steps it took to stand but a hair’s breathe from her. He searched her face, her eyes for any sign that she might know what he intended to say, but she gave nothing away.
“I-” he breathed, “I… I don’t want you to go.” He finally said in a pained voice.
Allison shook her head, feeling all the emotions she’d been trying so hard to fight back well up inside her, threatening to spill out. She wasn’t ready or equipped to handle this, to handle him.
“Eric, please don’t do this.” She begged.
She was about to back away, when he took hold of her hands. His grip was gentle, but firm making Allison very aware of their closeness.
“Do what? Tell you that it is killing me inside that you want to spend the night with another guy you don’t love or that every time I see you with him, every time he touches you all I want to do is lose it and take you from him.” Eric confessed in a whisper, his voice surprisingly even.
“Eric I-”
He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want you to go Ally, please, just stay here with me.”
“Eric don’t do this, don’t ruin what we have.” She kept begging.
“What we have?” he said in disbelief. “We have nothing.”
She shook her head. “We have friendship, we have Chloe.”
Allison saw the tear that slid from Eric’s eye as the words spilled out. “That’s not enough. I want more, I want us.”
“What about what I want?”
“You want the truth.” He answered. “And it’s exactly what I want too.”
Allison felt the tears stream down her face. Yes, she wanted the truth. The truth was the one thing she couldn’t seem to have. She knew if she had it all of this confusion, this madness would all go away.
“And what is the truth Eric?” she sniffed.
Eric brought his hand up to cup her face and she found herself leaning against and closing her eyes she revelled in its warmth, in its strength.
Opening her eyes she saw Eric gazing back at her with such tenderness it constricted her heart. “That I love you and you love me too.”
Allison’s brows rose in shock as Eric finally revealed the true nature of his feelings for her. She wanted to say something, anything, but found that not one coherent word could be formed in response. Before she realised what he was about to do, Eric’s lips crushed hers. The kiss was ruff and hard, demanding that she feel the truth in his words. It was different from the one they’d shared in the stadium. It had been gentle then, slowly lulling her into submission, but now it demanded a response almost immediately, which she found herself surrendering to almost too easily.
At the sound of her soft moan, Eric wrapped his arms about Ally’s waist, bringing her closer to press her form against his. This was his moment, his chance to show her how much he needed her, how lost he would be without her in his life.
Allison felt hot and cold all at the same time. How could he do this to her, pull all these different emotions from her at the same time? For once she didn’t care for an answer. All she cared about was his mouth upon hers.
This is wrong, a very faint voice whispered in the farthest reaches of her mind. She knew she should listen to it, but found she didn’t want to. And that when Jared’s face popped into her head and she knew no matter how right it felt to be with Eric that she was still with Jared and he didn’t deserve her unfaithfulness.
Allison ran her hands up to his shoulders and pressed against them. In his fogged state, Eric felt her withdrawal from him and it was with much reluctance he broke the kiss, but didn’t let go of her.
“I shouldn’t be doing this with you. Jared… he doesn’t deserve this.”
Eric shook his head. “What he doesn’t deserve is you.”
“I – I…” she sighed as his kiss swollen lips made contact with her jaw.
“Does he kiss you like this?” His lips travelled down, all along her jaw to her neck, were he trailed kisses to the hollow below her ear, a sweet spot that he’d discovered himself. He felt her weaken in his arms, as he’d suspected she would and nuzzled her, drawing a throaty moan in response.
“I bet he doesn’t even know that you love to be kissed there.” His breath fanned her ear as his whispered those sweet, seductive words. “Does he even know how you like to be touched?” his fingers moved expertly to the nape of her neck, gently massaging.
Allison licked her lips, as her eyes rolled back in her head from the overwhelming pleasure she felt. When last had a man touched her in this way? Eric had just awakened years of dormant need and passion, igniting a flame that couldn’t be doused by only a taste of what the real thing would be like.
Damn! She cursed. She should be stronger; she should be able to fight her urges, to fight Eric’s male magnetism. But how could she when she was weak against him? He knew everything about her soft spots, every curve of her body had been roamed by his hands. And every curve of his body by her hands. Oh how her hands longed to set his flame alight.
Opening her eyes, Allison tried to think reasonably. She knew she needed to get away from him and his temptations and all that was needed was to take a couple of steps back, one at a time.
Pressing her palms against his shoulders, Allison broke Eric’s hold over her. She placed her head in her hands and ran them through her hair. What had she just done?
“Ally, please I love-” he reached out to her, but stopped when she held up her hands.
“Don’t you say it.” The tears came again. “Don’t you dare say it if you don’t mean it, Eric.”
Eric stepped closer once again. “That’s just it, I do mean it. With every beat of my heart.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.” She murmured.
Eric froze. How could she not? “What?”
Blinking the furious tears away, she ran for the door. “I’m sorry, Eric. I just can’t do this with you. I have to go.”
Without another word she ran for the door, leaving a stunned Eric in her wake. It took Eric some time to comprehend what had just happened, but once he did, Eric rushed out the door to see Ally standing inside the elevator doors.
“Allison, wait!” he exclaimed as he raced for her, but the doors slid closed before he could reach her in time.
Dejected, Eric wondered back to his apartment in a daze. He shut the door behind him in a dream and found his body steering him to the sofa, where he sat down. Closing his eyes he felt her; he felt her skin, her moist tears – the ones he tasted upon her lips, her soft hair, and her warm skin… her kiss. How was it only moments ago she’d been in his arms, giving him her all, only to have her vanished right before his eyes and running to another man? Eric leaned back on the sofa and ran his hands over his face.
“Daddy?” Chloe’s soft voice came from in front of him.
Eric opened his eyes to see the one thing in his life that still made sense. “Hey sweetie.”
“Is everything okay? You look sad.” She murmured.
Eric offered her a reassuring smile. “I’m fine my angel.”
She was silent for a moment than asked. “Do you want a hug?”
Eric couldn’t help himself, he let out an emotionally laugh. “Actually now that you mention it I would very much love a hug from my best girl.”
Chloe smiled and reached out her arms to her father. Eric pulled her onto his lap and hugged her close. He truly loved her and still had a hard time believing she would only be turning seven soon. She seemed so much older sometimes, knowing exactly what he needed, like this hug and truthfully he was feeling better already, though not fully healed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully healed.
“Thank you, I needed that.” He said once they broke apart. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes,”
“Let’s go make some dinner then.” And maybe I’ll be able to forget your mom, if only for a little while.
***
Allison willed her tears to stop as she stood parked a few blocks away from Jared’s beach house. She needed to pull herself together before she went to see him. She sniffed as she wiped the last of her shed tears away and hated that she was about to admit this, but she found she didn’t want to spend the evening with Jared. Not that she wanted to with Eric. After what happened, all she really wanted was to spend the evening alone, with a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and a cheesy chick flick, with Jen by her side.
Her tears started again as she thought about Jen and how mean and unreasonable she’d been to her best friend. Jen was right, she conceded. Maybe she was rushing into things. There was no denying that she cared for Jared, but maybe spending the night with him wasn’t such a good idea after all, especially not after what had happened between her and Eric.
Oh, that kiss. Jared didn’t deserve someone cheating on him and never in her life had she imagined that she would be the one to do it. What was she supposed to do, tell him? No, she couldn’t do that. It would break his heart and what would happen at work than?
She knew dating someone from work was a bad idea. Sighing, she knew she couldn’t keep it from him. And right there and then Allison made up her mind that she would tell Jared the truth, before anything happened between them.
She flipped down her visor and checked her appearance. Her eyes were still a bit swollen from all her cries, but the redness had faded. Blowing her nose, she reapplied her lip gloss, pinched her pale cheeks and started her car, making her way to Jared’s house.
***
The place was perfect fit for Jared, Allison acknowledged. She’d been here before, only ever once though, and it had been for a work function, back when they’d still been friends. Why couldn’t they have stayed friends?
Getting out of her car, she grabbed her handbag and the bottle of red wine she’d brought along. Jared had assured her that she needn’t bring anything with her, only herself, but since she wasn’t in the habit of never showing up at someone’s house empty handed, Allison decided that going with a nice bottle of red wine would help.
She made her way up the short pathway to the three small steps that took her to the little front porch. She’d always wanted to live in a beach house. A nice place where she could raise a family, a place she and her family could call home. Jared’s place was comfy enough, but it was too modern for her taste. She wanted a home that still had an old, timeless feel to it. The porch would wrap right around the house, with a larger deck in the back for entertaining guests on a hot summer’s night. The deck would have a short flight of stairs that would lead down to the backyard, where a little play area would be setup for the kids, a swing for Chloe would be perfect too. There would be a fence wrapped right around the house, with a gate at the back, which would lead to the beach below.
The inside would be homey, bright in colours and warm with love. Pictures would be placed all over, reminders of the happiness shared, of memories never forgotten. She always pictured her life turning out in a certain way, back when she’d still been in college. She’d have her PHD, kids, the home and Eric…
She’d dreamt this dream with Eric. He was the one she pictured at her side through all this. As she stood on the porch of Jared’s home, she closed her eyes and listened to the lapping of the waves on the shore behind the house and tried to picture that life, but only different.
She pictured herself as a nurse, Chloe and maybe one more child, a house similar to this one and her husband with his arms about her waist. She glanced up at him and froze when she saw Eric’s face and not Jared’s. Taking a deep breath, she steadied her nerves. She really needed to push Eric from her mind.
Deciding on a plan of action, Allison decided to enjoy the meal with Jared – after all he had gone through a lot of trouble, then she would tell him about the kiss. Yes, that was perfect. She rang the doorbell. If he got angry or broke things off with her, she’d understand and wouldn’t even put up a fight. She didn’t want to hurt him anymore than she already had.
The door swung open moments later, to reveal a handsomely dressed Jared.
“Hi,” She greeted him with a smile.
“Hi. You look amazing as always.” He complimented as he ushered her inside, kissing her on the cheek she offered.
“Thank you. You look real handsome yourself. I know you said not to bring anything, but my mom would kill me if I didn’t bring a little something along. She’d wonder where all the lessons in etiquette went too.”
They moved through to the living room, which was on the main floor.
“Well than to save you from your mother I’d say thank you.” He took the wine she offered. “Why don’t you join me in the kitchen?”
“Okay.”
They headed up a short flight of stairs and turned the corner to an elegantly designed kitchen. It was furnished with all the latest technologies and at this moment, the most delicious mess was wafting from the stove.
“Hmm… smells great.” She took a seat at the island in the centre of the kitchen. “Can I help you with anything?”
Jared took out two wine glasses and poured them both from the wine she’d brought along. “Nope, you brought the wine, I’ll do the rest.”
She pouted. “Are you really going to make me sit here and watch you cook?”
He pecked her on the lips. “Yes.” And with that said he went back to his cooking.
Allison sat frozen. He’d just kissed her. She knew he would, after all she was his girlfriend, but Allison couldn’t help the guilt that ate at her. She hated feeling this guilty, but not as much as she hated admitting that that kiss did absolutely nothing for her.
***
Dinner went by smoothly. Jared had cooked her a most delicious dish of baked potatoes with a sprinkle of chives, roasted vegetables, and steak, drizzled in a mushroom and herd sauce. For desert they shared a deliciously rich slice of chocolate cake, with a divine Italian roast espresso.
Their conversation had been light. Mostly they spoke about the practice and all that Allison had missed in her week’s holiday. Then the conversation turned to other non-consequential things. Allison found herself falling deeply into the role of friend with Jared as they joked and had laughs about all that they shared. It was only when Jared slipped his hand across the table to hers that she remembered that Jared was her boyfriend and not her friend. She had to resist the urge to pull her hand from his, but couldn’t stop the feeling of guilt that welled up inside of her.
Had his hand always felt like this on hers? Strange and unfamiliar. Allison glanced up at him and tried to remember all the times she spent with him, on their dates, or when they spent any time together as a couple. Maybe she was just over reacting; a product of Eric’s sinful kisses.
Deciding she didn’t want to think about this any further, Allison pulled her hand from his and started clearing up the table. She didn’t want to look at his face, knew he’d probably be wondering about her sudden change in attitude.
She’d just about gathered the dishes together when Jared stood. “As I recall, I said I’d take care of everything else.”
“Yes, but you cooked, so I will do the dishes.” Allison countered, still proceeding to place the dishes in the basin and ignoring Jared’s protests.
She needed to keep busy. If she sat still and watched as he once again took care of things, she’d start to think and end up losing her mind.
Jared tried once again to stop her, but it was futile he realised. She was stubborn, so it was with much reluctance on his part that he agreed to dry while she washed.
“You know, you make it real hard for a guy to spoil you.” He commented in a mumble.
Allison laughed at him. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to watching others work. I’ve always been the busy sort. A habit I’ve gotten from my father I have to add.”
“Your father?” the look on his face had her laughing again.
“Yes, he was a hardworking man. Always busy. He never even took a moment to breath over the weekends. He’d spend time with his family or be busy doing some odd job or another around the house, or his favourite pastime, tending to his garden.” Allison recalled with a smile on her face. “He was and still is a great dad.”
Jared looked at her thoughtfully. “You know this is the first time you’ve really spoken about your family.”
She kept her eyes on the task at hand. “Really?”
“Yes, I was wondering when I’d get a chance to meet them. I mean after all you’ve met my father and mom. And that was all before we were dating.”
“Funny.”
Jared laughed. “Your dad sounds like an interesting man. Do you think he’d approve of me?”
She considered his question before answering. “I don’t know. I think he would, but he’d probably make you sweat.”
“Hmm… I’ve yet to meet a father who wouldn’t do that. He’d want to see if the guy is worthy of his daughter’s affections.” Jared shrugged. “I would be that way if I had a daughter.”
Allison said nothing as they finished off the last of the dishes. So he wanted to meet her parents. She swallowed, well after what she was about to tell him, he might just change his mind about that.
Once they’d finished the dishes, Allison went back down to the living room, while Jared got them more wine. There was a sliding door to the back of the room. It opened up to a balcony which lead down to the beach below, which was only a minute’s walk away from the house. A big screen T.V. was mounted to one wall, with its entertainment system just below it. There was fireplace as well; one which she knew must be pretty cosy on those rainy winter nights. She walked out to a wall that had a few family photos and recognised Dr and Mrs Martin, with Jared and his older brother, Harry, when they’d still been kids. They looked to be on holiday at a lake.
“That was probably my favourite summer.” Allison’s heart jumped as she heard the voice coming from behind her. She turned to face Jared and saw the look of pure fondness as the memory shone in his clear ocean blue eyes.
“How old were you?” she asked as he handed her the glass of wine.
“About twelve years old. My dad rented the place out for the week. He had no patients, he left work behind for that one week and all we focused on was each other. Best family holiday growing up.” He reminisced.
Allison took the sip of her wine and looked back at the smiling family. “You certainly look happy.”
“I was.” Jared looked at her and took her hand, leading her to the sofa.
He just looked at her, said no words, as he held her hand in his. She knew this was her moment. She needed to tell him now or be damned. Allison hated that this was how they’d end a great evening, but it needed to be done.
“Jared, I have something I need to say to you.” She started.
“If it’s about tonight,” she tried to stop him but he pressed on, “I want you to know I’m not expecting anything to happen tonight. If you’re not ready for an… intimate relationship I can wait.”
Allison silenced him with her lips, brushing a brief kiss to his. Still she felt nothing not even a spark and it had her wondering if she’d ever really felt anything for him in the first place that was beyond friendship.
Looking up at him she started. “Jared, I…”
Looking into his blue eyes and seeing the care, the love that shone there for her, she couldn’t form the words that would break his heart. He was so sweet, how could she do this to him? Maybe if she gave it time, gave what they had a chance, she could love him, could be truly happy.
“Thank you for the meal. It was delicious and unexpected. I really don’t deserve you.” She touched his face tenderly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It is I who doesn’t deserve you.” He placed his hand under her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his.
His heart constricted when he saw the vulnerable look in her eyes. All he wanted was to gather the shadows away; no matter how distant she’d been tonight he knew he needed to chase those shadows away.
Jared’s lips met hers, crushing her with all his passion. Allison felt the tears in her eyes as his mouth caressed hers and she found herself wishing she could feel the way he did. She didn’t feel alive or dazzled and confused as she had earlier with Eric’s kiss. She didn’t love Jared, not in the way a woman does a man, not in the way she still clearly did Eric. Jared was a friend, it was time she faced it, and she needed to end things with him before they got out of hand.
Allison was about to break the kiss when Jared beat her to the punch. “I can’t do this.” He stated.
She looked at him, stunned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I can’t do this with you. Not when you’re crying and won’t even respond to my kisses.” Jared let out all at once as he moved off the sofa, away from her.
Allison touched her damp cheeks. She hadn’t even realised she’d started crying. She looked up at Jared to see the pained look in his eyes.
“Jared, I’m-”
But the shake of his head made her stop all she’d wanted to say. “I tried to ignore it. I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter, that you’d chosen me, but now… now I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
She got up and looked at him in confusion. “What are you talking about, Jared?”
He looked at her before he answered. “I saw the kiss, Allison.”
She stiffened as her heart plummeted to the bottom of her stomach. How did he know about the kiss? He definitely couldn’t have seen it. And nobody had been around when it happened. That’s when it hit Allison. He had to be talking about the kiss at the game.
“How did you see? I thought you went to buy drinks.” She whispered.
“There are screens at the stand. I happened to look up at the time.” Jared finally revealed.
“Jared I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“You looked happy.” He went on as if she’d said nothing. “I’ve never seen you glow like that after we kissed.”
She opened her mouth to speak, to try and salvage what she could of their relationship, but no words came. What could she say anyway? It’s not like she could lie to spare his feelings. He’d seen first-hand proof of how she truly felt for Eric and how much she obviously didn’t love for him. There were no words in the world that she could use right now to make him feel any better.
Jared turned from her and walked over to the patio door. He slid it open and walked out. Allison stood there watching the open doorway. She needed to make this right, for the sake of their friendship, or what was left of it anyway.
Going to the door, she walked out into the cool ocean air. Jared stood leaning over the railings, looking out to the ocean’s rough waves.
“There are no words I can say that would express how I feel. I wish things could have turned out better… for us.” She finally said.
He heaved a sigh and turned to face her. His arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the railing he acknowledged her. “I wish they had too. I could never make you as happy as he could, Allison.”
She knew who he was referring to. “He broke my heart, Jared. I’d be crazy to let him do it again.”
Jared pushed off the railings and came to stand in front of her. “It probably would be crazy, but that’s love for you. We do crazy, stupid things for it. It blinds us from the truth.” He said as he took a strand of her hair between his fingers and letting it drop. “We can’t help who we love, Allison.”
She shook her head. “Yes we can. If we really tried.”
He smiled at her attempts. “No we can’t. And whether you want to admit it or not, you do feel something for Eric, even if it’s not love. You owe it to yourself to be with the one your heart is calling too.”
She let out a mirthless laugh. “Have you been talking to Jen too?”
He arched his brows. “Jen?”
“She just said something similar to me earlier. Weird.”
“Well, maybe it’s time to stop ignoring the signs and advice given to you and take a chance. Love it a gamble after all.” Jared advised.
“But what if things don’t work out between me and Eric?”
He cupped her face in his hands. “I’ll be here waiting. But I’ve got a feeling it will be in vain.”
“And what about us? Where do we go from here?”
He took a step back from her. “We go back to being friends and colleagues. Just like before.”
She smiled as best she could up at him. “I want you to be happy Jared.”
“As I you.”
He placed one last lingering kiss upon her mouth before he escorted her to the front door. “Things will work out. You’ll see.”
She tried to see things his way, but couldn’t. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
He smiled at her and with one last glance Allison turned and headed to her car. She felt like she couldn’t breathe and thought she would have a panic attack. Deciding it was best not to lose her mind until she got home she took even calming breathes and started her car.
Half hour later, she walked into her empty home. Never before had the silence been this ominous. Allison felt the tears threatening again. Why was she falling apart so much lately? Because everything was going to hell, she grumbled. She didn’t want to be alone, couldn’t be alone.
Taking up the receiver, she dialled the number of the one person she knew she could turn to at any time.
“Hello,”
“Jen,”
“Ally, what’s wrong?”
“I really don’t want to be alone tonight.” She said with a tremble in her voice.
“Where are you? I’ll be right there.”
“I’m at home.”
“Sit tight. I’ll be there soon.”
***
The story’s really coming along. I know this is not how some of you pictured things, but let’s see how it all turns out. I really love this chapter.
I’m sorry I haven’t reapplied to your comments, but I’ve read them all and want to thank you for each and every one of them.
You guys are seriously awesome :)