Authors Note: A lot happens in this chapter, you learn a lot, but not everything, so be sure to pay attention.
____________________________________________________
What…” I choked, hardly able to get the word out.
I heard static on the other line, me hardly being able to breathe. “They aren’t after all of you; you see, some of your friends aren’t exactly who they say they are.” I heard him chuckle a little. “They have to pay for what they have done in wolf city, killing humans.” I felt my throat close up at impossible thought. There was no way that was true. Killing humans? That was insane! “If you don’t believe me, ask any one of your little friends.” The line went dead, and the phone fell from my hands, my mouth still open, going dry.
My knees started to shake, and I felt like the ground was moving in circles beneath me. I fell to my knees, feeling like whatever I had eaten in the past week was about to come back up. I heard the door to Alice’s room open, and she came toward me worried as she knelt beside me. “Oh my, Ava, are you alright?” she put her hand on my shoulder and I winced from her touch because it almost seemed to burn my skin. “What’s wrong?” she asked again, fear creeping in her voice.
“Why…” I mumbled through my trembling lips. She shook her head, tried to put her hand on me again, and that’s what set me off. “Why did you do it!” I yelled, furiously enough to hurt my own ears. Dry tears were making my mouth feel numb and my eyes sizzle in their sockets.
“Do what Ava…I don’t…” she started, backing up and holding out her hands.
“Don’t lie to me!” I screamed again, standing up and balling my hands into such tight fists that I felt my nails dig into my palms. “You kill humans!” I felt a single tear fall down my cheek, and it was a relief.
The look on her face was probably what hurt me the most; realization. She clasped her hands together tightly, making her knuckles turn white, and her mouth shut tightly, turning her skin a brilliant pale color. Zane came out of his room, looking between the two of us silently, but I wasn’t paying attention to him. “Answer me!” I screamed, more of the hot liquid spilling down my face.
She started to whimper, crying softly and shaking her head as her face started changing colors. This time, she fell to her knees, her hands on the floor bone white. “I don’t do it…” she was shaking her head constantly like a bobble head; her tears were soaking the tile beneath her. “But…” she sniffed in. “Rosario, alexander…they run with the city wolves.” She looked up at me pleading for me to understand. “I only ran with them once, and realized they were monsters!” She was half screaming half crying. “I told you there were secrets…” she looked down again. “I told you…”
I shot my head up to Zane who was staring at me with hollow eyes. “You,” I started to back up, hardly able to keep on my own two feet.
He realized that I was talking to him, and fear kicked in. “no…Ava no…I,”
“You what?” I screamed at him, knowing that he was a part of this. “Kill humans? That is sick Zane! I have lived with humans…I know them, I…” I started crying harder, backing up against the door.
“I’ve killed a few, but I stopped a long time ago…please Ava.” He stepped around the ball of tears that was Alice, her head in her hands, her elbows on the floor.
“No, you stay away from me!” I yelled, grabbed the handle and stood in the open doorway. “I,” my voice shook. “I need some time to think…” I looked at his wounded face, like I was the one who had done something terrible. His held out hand drew back, a small, simple nod being the last gesture I saw before I turned around and ran. I jumped over the rail, landing on all fours and stood back up as I ran around the building. I could feel the ache rise into my throat, knowing that my eyes were a piercing yellow.
I felt my elbows start to sting, my knees, my neck, everything start to tingle like a thousand needles were puncturing my skin. I ran through a sticker bush, feeling the barbs cut into me and fell to my knees in a pile of muddy leaves. I screamed in pain as my joints started to break, my head started to pound, my eyes started to pulsate as black and yellow filled them. A shimmery glow surrounded me and my body started to shift into a nature that I belonged to; wolf.
I stood there, on four paws, gusts of mist puffing around my black nostrils. This had been the first time I had shifted in months. I pulled a throbbing leg up and then put it back down stepping over the shredded clothing, and quickly getting used to the fur and the wind that moved it. My ears moved this way and that, hearing more than ever; cars honking three miles away, a bee flying back to its hive in the dark, the crack of a twig from a raccoon looking for its den, and Zane breathing heavily outside of the apartment. In the night I could see perfectly, as if it were day, though a slight tint of grey filled my eyes. I looked back through the woods, hearing someone come towards me and bolted off into the forest as quiet as I could manage.
Each step I could feel my body getting stronger, so I ran faster, but I didn’t know where was going exactly. Panting, sending up gusts of mist, I stopped. I could hear a stream not far off, and headed towards it to drink some water. There was no telling how long or how far I had run. Time always seemed to move differently when I was a wolf, but then everything was different. Lapping up some of the cool icy water it only reminded me of how arctic my veins were, which only made me angrier. I took off running again, and this time longer and faster. With each beat of my resilient heart, I could feel how hard my paws were slamming into the ground.
Slackening once again, I found myself on the borders of a neighborhood. Something about it seemed familiar. I walked alongside of the wood line, stopping only to look into the windows of the warm houses. They seemed comforting, but then I stopped completely at one house, tilting my head at the voices inside. John…Cassie, they were sitting on the couch, watching a movie and holding onto each other in comfort, smiling at one another. I jumped over a log, and underneath the fence that was supposed to keep the animals out, but there were too many holes now.
I stopped at the back door, lifted on my hind legs and scratched at it, whimpering. I couldn’t change back, I tried, but the frost in my skin was to cold and the anger too radiant. I sat there scratching at the door, barking and crying for them to come, and after about two minutes the door opened revealing a very confused man. I was on my four paws again, looking up at him with large yellow eyes and white ears. I barked quietly, trying to reassure him that it was me, but I didn’t need to do that. “Ava? Oh my…Cassie! It’s Ava!” he yelled, kneeling down on one knee and put his hands on my head, stroking the wet fur.
“What’s wrong? What is it? Is she hurt?” my mother came bounding around the corner and then put her hand to her mouth. “Let’s get her inside come on. She pushed my father to the side and left an open gap so that I could run in. Even as a human I didn’t like being crowded. Inside they tried for three hours to get me back to a human, they tried blankets, warm water, steam, but none of that seemed to work. It wasn’t the frozen heart that was keeping me a wolf, it was my fury. I tried to forget and forgive, but I just couldn’t.
Zane had killed humans, and Alice had hunted with them. I wasn’t sure if I could trust them again after a lie like that. I was on the floor; my large head on my sharp, angular paws, watching my mother sit and stare at me with a thoughtful look. She got down next to me and put a hand on my shoulders. I knew she could feel the wild animal beneath her aging skin. “Honey,” she spoke softly, her voice kind and warm. “Whatever happened out there, whatever it was, you need to come back to us. Running away from your problems won’t solve anything.”
I looked up at her with my foreign eyes, and suddenly I felt an ache in my chest. Needles pierced my skin once again, and I started to whimper in pain. The fur on my body started to dissolve, my bones retracting back into place, forming that of a humans. I felt cold, but sweat was forming on my forehead as my body finished altering itself. I heard the last bone click and then collapsed on myself, covering my naked body with my arms and legs.
“Thank you lord!” my father said rushing in with a blanket and draped it over me. “Are you alright,” I nodded as an answer, because no matter how badly I wanted to, nothing was slithering through my lips. My mother cradled me in her arms as my breathing and heart rate slowed. Her hand kept brushing back the hair that was falling into my face, wet and matted. I noticed a few cuts and bruises on my body where I had fallen and ran through briers.
I struggled to stand, my hand in my father’s rough one. My legs felt shaky and weak just like they had when I turned. I tested my legs my easily putting weight on it, then stretched my hands open, and squeezed them closed. On them there were few small cuts where I had cut them with my fingernails. I hid them then looked at my mother’s troubled face. “Baby, what happened to you?” she looked at me, her hand brushing over my arm in a protective way, my fathers on my shoulders to keep me steady.
“It was them…” I hugged myself, wrapping the blanket around me like a cocoon, and I knew it was terrible to wish, but I wanted Zane to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. “Alexander and the others…killing humans.” I felt the anger pulse in my heart once more, and by the look on her face I knew that my eyes had turned alien once again. They exchanged looks, and something was different. Their expression wasn’t shock or realization, it was understanding and heartbroken.
“We know sugar….we have known for a while,” my mother pulled her hand back and wrapped it around herself. “We wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to upset you. You see, it isn’t all of our pack that does that. Your father and I were appalled when we found out, and so was Maple and Kegan, Alexander’s parents. Kegan knows what alexander has been up to, but he can’t kill his own son. He fears that when he comes to pass, Alexander will hand over the pack to Cipher.” She explained everything, and it upset and hurt me more than Zane had.
“So you guys too.” I started to walk upstairs. At the top I looked down at the distraught faces. “You guys have been lying to me to.” I shook my head and went into my room, closing them and everyone else out. Dropping the blanket I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible; I had mud all over my face and shoulders, a small cut on my cheek. I knew that in the morning it would all be gone and the bruises a faded a green color. In the shower the water turned to a brownish, red color as it emptied into the drain. The hot water stung my skin, but somehow it warmed it up more than Cassie could, especially now.
I didn’t know what to think about them, and I didn’t know what to think about Zane and Alice either. Alice I could forgive, but I could never forget. She hadn’t killed anyone like Zane had. Realization struck at in my chest, dropping my heart into my stomach. Zane had killed someone. He had taken a human life, and that was the secret Alice had warned me about. This was the pack I was going to join, a pack that was going to be cast over into the dark, run like rats through the streets and killing people for sport and food.
I knew I was crying again as I stroked my wet brown hair underneath the fall of soothing water. What could I do now? My phone was inside of the apartment on the ground, so I couldn’t call anyone, and I didn’t want to stay here. Out of the shower I got dressed in some furry boots, thick black leggings, a jeaned skirt, and a long sleeve blue shirt. I grabbed my jeaned jacket off the peg beside the door and filled a small backpack with clothes and some essentials. My hair was wet and sticking to my face as I rushed to get everything together and then opened up the drawer beside my bed and pulled out my emergency flip phone. I don’t know how I had forgotten about it.
I opened my window just as Johns voice sounded on the other end. I didn’t stay long enough to hear what he said, and leaped out of the sill landing on the ground with a hard thud. Right away I took off running down the street towards the park. I could rest there for a little while until I could figure out what to do. The air was chilly, even to me, but the coldness of it didn’t really affect me. It was like I felt the ice on my skin, but I was numb to it.
The sky was a brilliant color of blue sparks and orange glow. I stopped for a moment to look at the glowing moon high in the sky, knowing that it was passed midnight now. I started to feel lost, standing there with giant puffs of air forming around my mouth as I breathed in and out. I took out my phone, turned it on, and looked through the recent contacts. I was lucky I was smart enough to keep the phones synced to one another. The Vigor twins hadn’t used the phone, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they had looked through it. I looked through the recent calls and called the number I hoped was Jadako.
It rang for a while and then went to voicemail. I sat there for a moment listing to the sound of nothing and then clicked it off. Taking another step forward I resumed my walk, hearing a cricket chirp every now and then. Since winter was around the corner, there weren’t a lot of bugs around, so I was amazed to even hear that. Most of the animals, it seemed, was asleep in their homes, resting the night away. I thought of the irony that me, a pack wolf, was walking as a lone wolf, so alone that there wasn’t a single car in sight.
As the abandoned playground came into sight, I was reunited with the memory of Max and our short time together. How he had kissed me on the bench and how there was no feeling in it, but max was dead. It was nothing but a painful reminiscence now. I sat on the bench and brushed my slender fingers over the polished wood, setting my bag on the ground. He wasn’t my first kiss no. In fact, my first kiss had been a human boy in ninth grade. Everyone knew that he liked me, and he had even asked me out a couple times. We were at a party one night, and Randy Lowers dared me to him in front of everyone, and said that if I didn’t, everyone would know what a coward I was. So, my wolf instincts took in and grabbed him by the neck, forced him against the wall, and kissed him hard.
Of course, Zane saw the entire thing and became furious that Randy would dare me to do such a thing. He ran away scared considering he was a freshmen up against an almost senior. I caught myself smiling, and then that just made it even bigger. A modest tone sounded in my pockets and I looked at the number. This time I said hello before assuming who it was. Jad answered amused, and I sighed thanking him out loud for calling back. .
“Oh, are you alright?” he asked, concern sneaking into his voice.
“Actually, I don’t know. I mean I guess, but I’m at the town park. Where are you?” I asked hopefully, and wished that he was nearby. I was a pack wolf, I didn’t like being alone.
“I’m just getting back into town from my parent’s house. Do you need me to come and get you?” he asked, and I heard a car ignition turn on in the background.
“You don’t have to.”
“Well do you have somewhere to stay?”
I was quiet for a moment. I didn’t want to cause him any trouble. “No,” I answered inaudibly, and I was amazed that he had heard me.
“Stay where you are.” Was all he said and then the other end went blank. I stuffed the phone back in my pocket, and leaned against my knees with my elbows. I tried to distract myself by listing to the things around me, but honestly it was so quiet. I looked at the stars and just felt worse. I tried to think about my family, or Zane and Alice, but it only made me upset. I wanted to think about the wielder and the voice on the phone, but it only hurt my head. What if the wielder was the voice on the phone, but then why would he want to warn me? There were so many things that needed to be answered, and I could feel my wolf starting to pull itself from its pack spirit. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could be a pack wolf without being aligned to one.
My eyes started to feel heavy in the vast, empty playground. The more I thought about it, the more peaceful it was to me. There was nothing here; there were no problems, no worries, just tranquility. I breathed in deeply and then bit down on my lip. No, that wasn’t true. There were problems all around me. I heard footsteps behind me and froze, and in an instant I stood up, turned around gave off a soft warning growl deep in my throat. “Easy Ava, it’s me. If that had been a human, you would have scared them to death with those glowing eyes.” He nodded towards me and I breathed in to try and calm down.
“Better?” I asked relaxing my body and holding of my arms close to my body. He nodded and walked around the bench.
“Are you alright?” he asked taking a step closer, his gestures full of apprehension.
I scratched at my arm nervously and shrugged. “I just want to lie down in a place I can feel safe, and right now, there is nowhere.” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, not feeling flirtatious, just lower than the ground.
“What about your friends, or your parents? Don’t you belong to a pack full of friends and family that could help you?” he asked with authentic interest.
“To be honest, that’s why I’m here. I guess I don’t want to say I was betrayed by all of them, but I figured out hours ago that my whole life I have been lied to by the people I have cared about the most.” I dropped my arm, because talking about it was just making me feel worse, it really happened.
“Well, come on.” He held out his hand, and that was it. I ran toward him and stuffed my hands into the inside of his thick jacket, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my head onto his chest. I could hear his heart rate hasten faintly. Slowly his arms started to wrap around my shoulders tightly. “Hey, you’re okay now.”
“I’m sorry,” I pulled back and gazed up at him. “It’s just…don’t know who to trust.” I kept my hands inside of his jacket.
“You can trust me. I mean, I don’t even live here.” He smirked, his cute dimples popping out. I giggled a little and had to admit that he was right. We walked silently back the way he had come and he pulled some keys out. “I borrowed the truck from Rick.” He answered my unrequited question. “I was pretty far out and there was no way I could walk. He told me I could use it for a few days since he was going to stay at our house in the city, the one’s our parents own.”
He unlocked the door and I climbed up into the big, red truck. It had a small bed in the back, and only two seats. The engine roared to life and he started driving. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. We hadn’t really known each other long, even though he had already kissed me, but that was just to save him from being arrested. So far, he had been the only one that hasn’t let me down. Jad was nice, and sweet, and seemed completely honest with the way he basically told me his whole story.
“I noticed that you were a little shaky when you were sitting on the bench,” he spoke up and broke the silence. “Did you shift recently?”
It took me a second to register that he was asking me about my wolf. “Um, yeah, I did actually. I shifted after, well, after what happened, and then I just ran.” I messed with the hem of my skirt.
“So you use your wolf as an escape?” his expression seemed to peak some interest.
“I wouldn’t say that. I mean it does make me feel free, safe, and indestructible, but I don’t do it very often, intentionally anyway.” I explained how I felt about my other side, and was kind of interested in what he thought of his wolf, but he never said anything about it, just kept driving.
He was quiet until we had gotten to a small motel, and I looked at him again with the same look I had given him when he showed me the truck. Smiling locked the door after I got out “No worries, I’m just tired and I don’t want to drive all the way into the city just to have a place to sleep. Besides, I think being somewhere no one knows where you are will be one of the best places to sleep don’t you?” he walked toward the office, turning around for my final answer. When I didn’t say anything he nodded his head once and then disappeared inside. I looked up at the sky to the descending moon and knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.
He came out moments later spinning a key around his finger and then catching the brown, plastic slab in his hand. “Room 3,” he said tossing his head back. The place looked very shabby and cheap, but then what did I expect in a small town that hardly anyone stopped at. As he was unlocking the door he chuckled to himself. “You know, it was funny, the clerk was asleep when I walked in.”
“I’m sorry,” I started. “I hope this isn’t causing you too much trouble.”
He stepped aside and let me walk in first. “Don’t worry, it’s no trouble at all.” He gave me a gentle grin and shut the door behind me, walking over to turn on the light to the bed on the right. On the inside it actually wasn’t as bad, there were two small beds, elegant pictures, decent drapes, a small television, and an attired bathroom. I stepped into the bathroom, my backpack on one of my shoulders. I pushed aside the shower curtain, looking at the clean white that hid behind it. I turned back, dropped my bag next to the bed and sat down with a slump.
“Fun,” I slammed my hands down on my knees and rocked back and forth, squeezing my lips as I looked up at him. He was fiddling with the keys in his hand; his leather vest zipped up and tight. After a moment he put the keys on the television table and came over to sit next to me, rubbing his hands on his pants legs and watching how tightly my hands were bound to each other. I wasn’t nervous really, but I felt hot somehow.
“It’s not too bad. I could turn on the television,” he twisted back and threw a thumb at the back, square box and then revolved back, but I was shaking my head.
“I’m exhausted, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get any sleep. I could use the air turned on though,” I hesitated. “If there is an air unit…”
He chortled, hoisted back up, and turned on the air that was concealed behind the curtain. A hum activated and discharged through the walls, blasts of air coming out of the trifling vents. I knew it would take a while for it to get cold, but the thought of it was making me feel better. He took his place next to me again; enfolding an arm around my back and skimming it back in forth in a comforting way. “I hope that’s better, and I’m sure you will get some sleep once you actually lay down.” He stared at me, trying to give that ‘I’m telling you’ face.
I leaned back against the sheets, my legs still hanging off the short bed, and eyeballed the ceiling. His rough hand patted my arm before he stood up and took off his vest and through it on the table over the keys. I sat up on my elbows and looked at him as he started to unbutton his shirt. “What are you doing?” I asked feeling panicky.
He looked at me like I was crazy as the last button was unclasped and his shirt slid off and was thrown on top of his jacket, and then took of his shoes. “Getting ready for bed; men don’t normally wear a shirt you know?” he stood there with his pecks staring at me in the face, and amazing lines that wrapped around his hips and disappeared into his low hanging jeans. He had a flat stomach that was pretty muscular for a guy skinnier than Zane. His shoulders were fixed dreamily; curves that shaped off his collar bones and down to his biceps and forearms.
“Of course, sorry.” I tried to look away, but found my gaze sliding back up to his eyes. He gave me that face he seemed to favor with San-June, and then turned around toward the bed. His back had a perfect line that went from his neck down to his boxers, his back curving outwards, and dimples that were close to one another on his lower back. I could see the muscles in his shoulders as he moves his arms to pull the sheets back, his jeans hanging lower with each move.
I closed my mouth when I understood it was marginally open, and then turned my body so that I was facing the end of the bed and crossed my legs. He started to settle himself into the sheets, one leg hidden, and the other protruding out. One of his arms was tucked behind his head, showing the hair that was sticking out underneath. His eyes flicked over toward me and smiled when his gaze met mine. Shutting his eyes he moved slightly more onto the bed. “You know staring is awfully rude.”
“I know, I was just looking for the right time to tell you thank you, but there is no way for me to repay you for this.” I waited for him to open his eyes again, but they never did.
“Well, you can start by turning off the lamp there.” His lips pulled up again and once of his eyes opened. I got up and turned off the bathroom light and then stood by the door. “What? You aren’t going to change?” he asked, one eye still peeping at me. I took of my shoes and threw them over by the front door. “That’s not changing.” He shut his eye and nestled into the pillow.
“It’s not because you’re here, I just am too tired.” I spoke after a while, still standing by the bathroom door.
“Then go to sleep.” He replied solely, his voice getting deeper with sleep.
I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge of it, right next to his bare chest and limp arm. “I don’t think I can.” I eyed him, trying to look past his sealed eyelids which flipped open. He curved his body to the side, giving me more room when he moved his arm across his stomach, the other still settled behind his head. “Would it be too much to ask,” I beheld him like I was a little, lost puppy and his eyebrows pulled together in response. “Can I sleep in the bed with you? I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but it might help me sleep.”
His dimples appeared, and his face lit up a tad. “Sure, but if you don’t turn that light off, I’ll make sure neither of us get any sleep.” He sat up and stirred to the other side of the bed, ruffling up the sheets as he did, and then I turned off the lights.