I was never a huge fan of hospitals, or doctors for that matter. They would prick and pry me with weird things, check my blood pressure which was always rather low, and stick that thing in my mouth and told me to say "Ahh". Children were always crying in the waiting room and the magazines were outdated and had faded water stains. The lady in the front always had an attitude and wanted to go home to her bratty kids, and the doctors never failed to ask me if I was sexually active in front of my parents.
That is how my parents found out I was with Calum by the way.
But this time I wasn't going for a daily check-up, or because I was in a car that swerved off the road. I was here simply to see someone, to get the closure I felt I deserved.
"Hi," I greeted the lady with a smile, only to receive an eye-roll, due to her annoyance that she had to take out her headphones. "Do you know what room Jenni- I mean, Jennifer, Wilde is in?"
The woman groaned, pressing away on keys. "Shes in the NICU, third floor, sixth door on your left. A nurse will prep you before you enter." Her voice was raspy, the typical chain smoker rasp, but I thank her with a nod and continue to walk. It quite ironic, working in the medical field and being a smoker, even though they are well aware of the risks.
I got to the third floor, sixth door to the left and I saw a similar cascade of brown hair over a pink fluffy suit.
"Are you going to go into the NICU?" A lady asked me. I turned to her, nodding. "Please put this on. It's for protection of the baby. Babies born prematurely are susceptible to practically any infection, so its better to be safe than sorry." She smiled widely at me, her blonde hair high in a pony tail. I thanked her, quickly shoving my phone in my jacket pocket and putting on what she had given me.
I left three soft knocks on the door, catching Jenni's attention, causing her to turn back to me. She rolled her eyes, sighing and adverting her attention back to something that was obviously much more important.
"Is there a reason why you are here?" She asked, I sensed some bitterness but I didn't want to jump to conclusions.
"I wanted to actually talked to you." I inched closer to her, my fingers hesitantly tracing a chair nearby, contemplating whether to pull it up to her.
"Thats a first." She commented back, causing us to both chuckle. She licked her dry lips and never took her eyes of her child. It was girl, like previously mentioned. You could barely even see her, over all the wires and contraptions that were essentially keeping her alive. Jenni had her hand, particularly her pinky, in the machine.
"I am waiting for her to wake up and latch onto my pinky" Jenni told me, her face slouchy. Her eyes were the same shade of my name and underneath them were shades of blue that didn't complement her eyes in the slightest. "I haven't had much sleep since they kinda took her out of me." She tried to add a forced chuckle, in attempt to lighten up the situation, but you can infer it didn't really help.
"I'm sorry." were the only words I could muster up. My mind raced and was still incapable of finding the right words to say in this situation, but how could anyone have the right words to say — what even are "the right words"?
"You don't have to be." She mentioned, exhaling deeply. "I'm surprised you're not out celebrating my downfall."
"Yeah bartender, can I have one shot of whiskey? I am celebrating the fact that my boyfriends fake baby mama almost lost her baby and got exposed. In fact, make that two shots." I joked, a combination of being light hearted and sarcastic.
"Okay that's not what I meant." A small smile appeared on her face. A moment of silence passed, the only thing making noise were the whirling of the machines.
"Did you think of a name?" I asked, curiously. She quickly nodded and grinned to herself, while looking down at her daughter.
"Ashton would kill me— not that he's pretty fond of me anyway. I'm pretty sure he was waiting to use this name a decade from now but—" She paused, clearing her throat. She inhaled sharply. "Her name is Abigail."
I don't know the full context of their relationship, or what happened at Hemsworth for that matter, but I do know that one point in time, Ashton, Abigail, and Jenni knew each other.
"She saved me, and sometimes I wish I could have saved her." She bit harshly on her bottom lip. "She never got to see her baby boy and dammit." Jenni's voice croaked. "She deserved to."
I sighed, licking my lips. "Its a beautiful name." I put my hand on her shoulder for reassurance. Using her free hand, she gently squeezed mine.
"You never told me why you came here to talk you know." Jenni mentioned. The thoughts had slipped my mind and honestly, my problems with Calum seemed minuscule to what Jenni was currently experiencing.
"I don't know why to be honest. My mind was racing so I started walking and ended up here." I admitted. "I think for closure" I bit the tip of my tongue after saying that.
"With Calum?" She questioned. I nodded in response. She exhaled softly, infused with a cough as well. Silence arose once again.
"He loves you, you know." She finally mustered up. "More than anything."
The air felt hard as I dug my nails into the chair. "I think that's what killed me the most." She continued. "I think I've always wanted someone to love me, but I came to realize that what I truly wanted was someone to love me the way Calum loved you."
I nodded taking it all in, for I didn't have much to say in the first place. "Maybe he does, but the timing is wrong." I admitted.
"You two will find each other." She looked over to me. "When the time is right." She smiled warmly, the first time she really took her eyes of her daughter for more than a second.
I got up and smiled back at her. I looked down at her daughter, placing a small kiss on the plastic that surrounded her, as if it was armor. I hugged Jenni from behind, squeezing gently. It was the first time that we ever got along and a part me thinks that we might've if Calum was not in the picture.
That was a lie, but a woman could hope.
I leave the hospital and I immediately get a message from Luke. Instead of reading it, I called him right away, knowing that I needed someone to talk to.
"I thought things were good?" He asked right away, the phone only ringing once.
"Well hello to you too." I scoffed, jokingly.
"Hi Scar." He groaned, a ruffling sound coming from his end of the phone.
"What are you working on?" I questioned, walking towards the nearest bus stop.
"I'm just throwing out some lyrcis thats completely blow." He sighed loudly, the sound of him jumping on a bed filling my ears.
"Mind sharing?" Luke has this bad thing were he undermines how well of a song-writer he is. Michael and Calum have been seen as powerhouses when it comes to the band's lyrics, but Luke was just as good.
"I think I asked you a question first." He retorted.
"Things are good" I stressed on my last words, putting in my change in to get on the bus. I smiled warmly at the bus driver who seemed to be in his late 50's. He smiled back, tipping his hat a little.
"Is that why Calum called me crying?" He responded. I gulped, my left leg begging to shake as I sat down.
"H-He was crying?"
"Yes, and he said that you were leaving."
I bit the inside of my cheek. This was not how I wanted Luke to find out.
"I wanted to tell you in person." I said, after a brief moment of silence. "I got into UCLA, and I'm leaving in a few weeks."
All I heard was his sniffling, he didn't respond for a while after that. I sat there, listening to him breathe and while I was anxious to know what he was thinking, the sound was comforting.
I had gotten off the bus a stop earlier, wanting to walk as the bus got too stuffy and overbearing for me. I couldn't breathe and needed fresh air.
"I don't think I am ready for you to leave." He mumbled.
"I'm sorry Luke." It was all I could muster up to say.
"I had already lost you once, I don't know if I could do that again." He said, much clearer this time. I knew he was referring back to that stupid bet Calum and him had made years back. From my knowledge, Luke had liked me first, for the longest time, but then Calum and I had kissed, and the rest of it was history.
"You never lost me." I told him, digging for keys to enter my house. My mom's car was not parked out front, so I assumed I was in the clear.
"I'm not talking about it in that way." He responded.
"I know." I began walking up the stairs, passing my brothers bedroom. The phone as pressed in between my ear and my shoulder, as I looked for the keys to my room. I often kept locked due to my brother always sneaking in to taken stuff.
"The doors open." I heard Luke say. I looked at my phone, turning the knob to see him lying on my bed. He looked at me and I couldn't help but smile. "You can hang up the phone Scar."
I chuckled, pressing the red end button. "Well you could have told me you were at my house. How did you even get in?
"Chris. I had came after Calum's phone call to check on you but you weren't home so I just waited."
"Yeah, for almost an hour." I chuckled mid-sentence. We just looked at each other for what seemed like forever, just grinning like fools. "You never lost me." I assured him. Calum may have won my heart but Luke was always special to me. I cared for each of them differently.
"You were the one that got away." He confessed. "The girl of my dreams falls in love with my best friend. Saddest cliché ever."
"It normally makes for a good plot line." I joked, taking everything he had just said in. I lied right next to him, on my side to face him.
"Yeah." He sighed.
"You know I was supposed to bring into the closet that day." I admitted. "It was between you and Calum, and its weird because you were and always have been the ideal guy, but I still chose Cal. Maybe for the risk of the all. Because I knew that everything was going to be crazy, as crazy type love. A love thats painful, devastating, at times even difficult. But it was also life-changing, extraordinary. I knew that I would get that would Calum."
"Love isn't suppose to be like that Scar. It shouldn't hurt. Not in the way it has hurt you." He responded.
"I know, I know, but thats all I have ever been exposed to." I referenced my parents and growing up. Everything was complicated and I thought that was all I was ever destined for. "With you, I knew that things would not be complicated. I know you would have made me feel safe, secure. And while thats all nice Luke, its quite scary."
"Why so?"
"Because something that good could easily be taken away from me, at any time. Thats not the kind of thing I'm ready to lose." I wiped the brim of my eye.
"Well you'll always have a world of chances when it comes to me. When you're ready for that sort of love." He nudged me.
"Oh c'mon Luke, you're going to find a beautiful girl who's just as amazing as me. You just as dorky as you. I promise." I put up my pinky
He rolled his eyes, but latched his pinky on anyways. "Not possible. You're the best the world has to offer."
I grinned, thanking him. My face flushed, the first time out of happiness and not of anger. I couldn't muster up the courage to look at Luke without possibly blushing.
"I—" Luke started to say, but I cut him off, leaning over and pressing my lips onto his. Everything was calm, soothing, as if everything in life was finally stable. The world sort of stopped, but I wasn't scared. I wasn't holding my breath. He smiled into the kiss and I couldn't help but do the same.
"I know. I know you do." I told him, knowing that he doesn't have say he loved me. He looked at me, pushing my hair out of my face and placing a kiss on my forehead. I moved myself closer to him, placing my head next to his heart. His chin rested on my temple and he sighed.
"I'm coming because I need to find you
Is anybody there who can rescue
somebody like me?" He mumbled.
"He's a lost boy." I responded. I thought he was onto something and that could possibly be a great song. He nodded, pulling me in closer.
And we lied there, all night, sleeping, talking, even adding more to the song.
And this new dynamic felt weird, but not wrong.
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wow im a fucking mess, i havent updated in a whole year because wow i dont even know but im gonna try more now im a mess im sorry.
hope you guys enjoyed, and i have already starting writing the sequel.
twitter: @PLVTONIC