(Author's Note: This chapter is in Nira's point of view.)
I woke up to the normal, eerie silence that always greeted me upon awakening on the base. I missed the sound of waking up to sweet birds' calls that I awoke to every day on Tunstead.
I rolled over to see that Kylo Ren was not accompanying me in the bed. I then rotated my head to see that he was not in the room at all. My wondrous and confused thoughts on where he was were answered when the bathroom door opened and he walked into the main bedroom in only his black training pants.
My eyes widened at the sight of his sculpted abs and chiseled pecs. I gazed longingly at his robust arms and large hands. I dreamed of his coarse-yet-creamy fingers dragging up my body and I wished for his plush lips to press against all inches of my skin.
He looked down to see my full-on checking me out from the corner of my eye. I quickly looked towards the ceiling and felt my face begin to heat up.
Oh, God, I thought with humiliation.
"Enjoying the view?" He asked; his tone was indifferent, but I knew there was hidden sarcasm in his words. I didn't reply to his provoking question.
I couldn't get the image of his chiseled body out of my mind, so I was generally horrified when I felt his mind-control fingers reach into the depths of my private thoughts. I tried my best to replace his shirtless body with a blank slate in my mind but the image of his perfection would reluctantly pop up every few seconds. I knew he could see how much I desired to continue the semi-sexual acts of last night.
I didn't look at him. He didn't comment further on my poorly hidden dirty thoughts centered around his body.
I heard his manly footsteps trail down the side of the bed near the closet. I continued to stare at the ceiling, resisting eye contact due to shame. We both knew that I'd briefly, but intimately, examined his sturdy torso and we both also knew that I'd thoroughly enjoyed myself while doing so.
In an instant he was on top of me.
One moment I'd been lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how red my face was. The next moment the bed had shook and Kylo Ren was suddenly over me, his face inches from mine, looking down at me. His hot and enticing breath gentle blew down into my face. His fingers caressed my jawbone.
He lowered his head down to my ear and whispered, "Care to tell me what inspired your actions last night?"
My breath was shaking and oh, oh, I wanted him. I wanted him like I'd never wanted anything before. There was a tugging feeling in my gut that egged on the impulsive and sexual side of me. That tugging feeling begged for me to press my hands into his torso and bring him down on top of me and push my lips on his and --
But the rational side of me contained my lust. I continued to stare past his thick black locks, which lightly tickled my face, towards the ceiling. I tried my best to not acknowledge the tempting man who lay over me, taunting me and teasing me by heavily breathing his hot breath onto my ear.
My eyes, if possible, widened further. What caused more surprise, fear, and arousal in me, you may wonder?
Kylo Ren's hand had suddenly pressed tightly onto my stomach. He extended his fingers across my entire torso and slowly began moving his palm up to my chest. When he reached my womanly curves he shakily exhaled, but he didn't grope me. His hand slithered back down my torso again to my stomach.
"Nira . . . What happened last night?" He sexily and quietly asked me, moving his head so he could look into my eyes. I refused eye contact and continued my determined gaze at the ceiling.
"Answer me." His voice became just a little more forceful, a little more commanding, a little more, what's the word, a little more Kylo Ren. His hand's gentle press on my abdomen tightened so he was pressing his fingertips into my skin.
I bit my lip, reluctant to answer, but I feared what would happen if I didn't answer his question. "I don't know." I breathed out. Just then did I realize how scared I was, but why? How?!
Why are you scared? You did the same things last night that you're doing now and you thoroughly enjoyed it, so why are you scared now?, I exclaimed in my mind. I was frustrated with myself again. I was so tired of being undecided about everything, although I knew the real reason why I kissed him last night. I was only internally thwarting myself because I was tired of indecision.
The real reason I had kissed Kylo Ren and gotten quite intimate last night was because I literally needed affection and he was the only one I craved affection from.
While I was at The Resistance base, I had committed hateful crimes. I had murdered several people. It's true that my assassinations were purely in self-defense, but thinking back on it, I know I could've found a way to merely disable them. Instead of the calmer option, I had ended their lives, and most likely devastated everyone they knew. I knew that everyone they had any sort of relationship with would now despise me, and I also despised myself. For several hours I couldn't shake the thought of how horrible I'd become.
I had realized, while I was crying, that no one loved me. Kylo Ren didn't love me. Everyone that had loved me was dead, killed by stormtroopers back on Tunstead. No one on The First Order wanted me here except for Kylo Ren. The Resistance probably wanted me slaughtered just as I'd done to their own people.
No one in the entire massive universe wanted me. Except for him. Kylo Ren.
Another thing I came to realize is that I've turned into a monster. A literal, murderous, vicious, selfish monster. I killed. I destroyed. I helped The First Order's leader escape from captivity! I also came to the realization while I was crying that I had transformed into a sinful, corrupt, evil being.
I had been so desperate to know that someone needed me in any way so I kissed Kylo Ren just to see if he would kiss me back. He did, which soothed a bit of my internal pain. As the kiss continued, though, I began to realize how thoroughly I relished it.
I wanted to kiss him more.
That's when I realized that I didn't care what Kylo Ren had done before. He still cared for me even after my malicious deeds. He still wanted me after how much hate I've treated him with and after how many times I'd rejected him. He still truly accepted me even though I'd mutated into a villain.
Anyways. Kylo Ren hovered over me, and looked me straight into my eyes. I averted my glance to the side, avoiding his heated gaze. "Nira. Look at me." He slowly and threateningly enunciated each word. I hesitantly moved my eyesight into the trail of his, and we finally looked into each other's eyes.
"That is not the real reason why you kissed me." He stated the obvious truth. He looked almost expectantly down on me, or maybe he was looking at me with disappointment, and I looked hopelessly up at him.
"I don't . . ." I sighed, pressed my lips in a tight line, glanced away, then looked back into his gorgeous dark eyes. They stared at me so intimidatingly. They pierced me. I felt like his shadowy, beautiful eyes were effortlessly sweeping through my body and into my soul and mind. That's why I mainly avoided eye contact with Kylo Ren; you always thought you could sense his soul, his being, The Force he uses, inside your mind. He constantly invades my mind and he makes me feel helpless.
"I . . ." I attempted to explain the reason why I'd driven us to heated passionate actions last night, but my words failed me. I was completely unable to express my internal conflict.
Upon seeing me struggle to dispatch my reasoning, Kylo Ren slowly and placidly pushed his Force-Fingers into my mind. I frowned uncomfortably. I could literally feel a tingling sensation and I knew that Kylo Ren's being was slithering into the deepest depths of my thoughts. He had read my mind before, but never this deeply. Kylo Ren, all within twenty seconds of utter silence (except for our soft breaths), learned everything about me; he learned everything about who I truly was, what I aspired to be, what my perception of myself was, my opinion on everything, my bravest moments, and my thoughts on him. He discovered everything I factually knew, all of my buried secrets, all of the atrocious lies I've told, and my darkest fears.
I felt the fingers rapidly pull from the abyss of my thoughts and I stared up at him. I didn't know whether to be scared, confused, angry, or relieved.
With a jolt, I realized he may have found out that I still contain my electrical powers that he'd initially taken me from Tunstead for (if you recall me using them on The Resistance fighters on their own base and killing them). If he found out, I would be in trouble. Big, deep, life-threatening trouble.
For several anxious moments he gazed down at me with a monotonous expression and I stared up at him (probably looking worried).
"I see your self-hate, Nira. I see that you think you've become a sinner, and an antihero," He began thoughtfully. He paused, and then added, "I see why you wanted me. I see why you continued to want me." All the while Kylo Ren made intense eye contact with me that was the causation of my quickened pulse and uneven breaths.
He cocked his head to the side and leaned down an inch so our noses brushed together. "I see what you know about me."
His eyes ever so slightly narrowed and he menacingly whispered, "What my mother told you."
Oh, no, I thought, suddenly feeling intensely threatened. Kylo Ren's tone had not been docile in the slightest. He had sounded as if he was angry at me. Furious with me.
"I -- I didn't ask to hear that. Any of it." I whispered, feeling a lump begin to construct in my throat and tears beginning to assemble behind my terror-stricken eyes. Kylo Ren distanced his head from mine. I felt the covers shift underneath me and quickly focused in my peripheral vision; his fists had clenched the blankets tightly. His skin was tightly wound around his knuckles and his veins were prominent on the back of his hands and forearms.
"You think differently of me because you know of my past."
I could feel the danger of the situation significantly increase and I felt a sudden pulsing sensation in my stomach that told me to flee.
Get away from him! He's getting angry!, I hurriedly thought. I could feel my adrenaline rising rapidly and my heartbeat quickening fiercely.
"No, no, Kylo Ren! I think of you the same!" Even I could hear the desperation clearly in my voice. He and I both knew the truth.
I knew Kylo Ren (or should I say Ben Solo) was a merciless criminal before General Organa informed me of his grim and deep past. The only thing that changed when she relayed his terror-inducing history was a sharp increase of the fear I felt for him.
But Kylo Ren did not like that. He did not like that increase of horror at all.
I watched his jaw furiously lock into place. I felt so helpless, and I felt like I was going to get injured. I have to get out of here, I thought. I began to slip into total anxiety and panic.
At that moment, lying there underneath him, I came to the horrid conclusion that Kylo Ren was dangerous. I obviously knew he was dangerous to his opponents and those he loathed, but I realized that Kylo Ren was dangerous to me.
However much I didn't want to admit it, I knew it was true; I was not safe.
My eyes flitted to all places, looking for an escape or a weapon, but I hopelessly figured out deep in me that nothing I fought with could defeat the almighty Kylo Ren.
"Kylo Ren, I think of you the same. Please listen to me!" I uselessly begged to the raging man above me.
He suddenly ripped himself off of the bed. I immediately sat up and got on the edge of the bed. I was ready to either fight or escape at any given moment.
He paced the room vehemently. He forcefully grabbed at his hair and his muscles flexed viciously. Fear escalated in me like never before.
All of a sudden, Kylo Ren turned to me and began rapidly advancing. In response I stood straight up and pressed myself flat against the wall. I flinched as he neared. He slammed his palms against the walls directly above each of my shoulders and bent down a fraction. I fearfully shrunk underneath him.
"Nira, I am your teacher. You will obey me and think nothing of my past. There is a reason as to why I am so impressive, powerful, and conquering. There is a reason why I can do what is right for The First Order and feel no mercy no matter what the mission is. There is a reason why I can flawlessly execute nefarious atrocities and feel absolutely no regret afterwards!"
He paused, removed one palm from the wall, pushed his midnight hair back out of his face, and angrily heaved air in and out of his (beautiful) mouth.
I was stiff with fear. He had never done anything that sent me into more terror than I was then.
"I am evil. I am cruel. I am ruthless. I am unforgiving. I remember those I loathe. I remember the disloyal. I remember the dishonest. I am not afraid of anything, or anyone. I am without regrets. I am dangerous."
He pushed himself off of the wall and slowly stalked away from me.
Suddenly I found myself opposing my feelings of last night. I was needless of his affection. He scared me too much for me to desire any affection he had to offer.
I remained recoiled and trembling against the wall.
There had been several times on that abhorred day where Kylo Ren had repeatedly frightened me more than he ever had. He achieved the irreversible detested feat of causing me new levels of panic many times on that wretched day. One time it happened came directly after the parts of the story above.
He walked completely to the other side of the room, smashed the wall with his open palms again, and turned to face me. His arms were slightly extended away from his body, his head was slightly angled downwards, and his eyesight looked up at me.
I saw anger and hate in his narrowed eyes.
He extended his palm. I heard a clatter and a whir.
I saw his red lightsaber was suddenly glowing prominently by his side in the dim light. I concluded that he must have summoned it with The Force when he extended his palm.
He's going to kill me, I thought. All hope had left me. My entire existence fell pointless. I thought somewhat angrily, So this is how I die. I die at the hands of an angry First Order leader due to something I didn't cause. What a pointless, stupid death.
Kylo Ren took two fast, large strides towards me and he continued to glare at me with so much rage. His rage endlessly confused me; what did I do to cause it?!
I was unable to do anything but stare at him with wide eyes and press my body further back into the wall. I was petrified. I found myself unable to breathe. My chest was tight and my throat was constricted.
He readjusted his grip on his lightsaber. He was actually going to kill me.
It'll be okay, I told myself, It'll be okay. You'll be okay.
But I did not die.
For several minutes there was only myself, fearfully compressed to the wall, Kylo Ren standing with intimidating and threatening posture, his chest heaving heavy, and the ominous, faint buzzing of his lethal and devastating weapon.
It felt like a balloon popped inside of me when, with a whoosh, the lightsaber slipped back into the handle at his command. Kylo Ren only held his glare on me for a few more seconds. He then stood up straight, gently placed his lightsaber on top of the dresser, and turned away from me.
I heard a deep, meditated breath erupt from him and I thought with much hope and relief, I'm going to live. Maybe. I might survive this.
Immediately after my semi-optimistic thoughts, Kylo Ren slowly put on his armor and clipped his lightsaber to his belt. Much to my confusion, he strode quickly out the door.
I can't believe that just happened.
_____
Author's Note
I feel like my chapters view on things and Nylo are kind of bipolar, but I think that's how it'd be like being Kylo Ren's almost-lover, so don't hate or be upset!
And don't worry, either, because this certainly is not the end of Nylo! There will be more Nylo coming up very shortly (within the next few chapters). I promise!
Question: BB8 or R2D2? I think I'd choose R2D2 because (and yes I know BB8 is funny) R2D2 is hilarious. I don't know, his personality just cracks me up in all of the movies he's in.
Okay, I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I owe you all a huge thank you and through-the-screen hug for all of the nice comments and votes! They make my day over and over again!
Thank you so much! Bye for now :)