"She gon' see some shit that she don't wanna see...
She ain't ready for it..."
___
If there's one thing Calum knew, it was that Royce had serious issues bordering PTSD when it came to her mom.
Her real mom.
Dina.
If there's one thing he also knew, it was that getting Royce to agree to meet with her was not only going to be difficult, but she might actually hate him forever for even suggesting the fucking idea.
This is something he relays to Dina after he meets her in the rain, beneath a small green awning outside of The Diner.
And despite this knowledge, he feels bad as he gets off the bus and meets Dina outside and her face falls as she sees that he's alone.
"Royce didn't come, I see?"
"I," Calum pauses, shoving his hands into his pockets, "I didn't tell her."
Her eyebrow goes up. "You didn't tell Royce...what?" She asks slowly. "About me?"
"About you, about us, about meeting her," he rambles. "I couldn't. I didn't--"
"She told you," Dina nods, chuckling softly. "Didn't she."
Calum's silence is all the reply she needs.
"Ah," Dina replies with a nod and small smile. "What a dutiful boyfriend."
"I didn't know how, honestly!" He exclaims. "She'd...she'd be so..."
"It's not your fault, Calum," Dina shakes her head. "It's mine. Believe me, I know what Royce would say. I know what she'd do. It was...It was selfish of me to ask this favor of you," she says, and there's a sadness and a sincerity in her familiar eyes that makes Calum feel not only worse, but again, like he's caught up in something much bigger than he, in high school, could handle.
"I--I'm sorry?"
"Don't be," Dina replies. "Calum, really. Don't be."
And Calum smiles sadly. Because honestly, he'd love it if he could get Royce to talk to her mom. He'd love it if she could start to move beyond the past. He'd love it if she could trust him enough to let him help her--
"What. The. Fuck. Is. This."
And Calum nearly chokes on his breath and swallows his tongue and passes out because Royce is standing outside with him and her mom in this pouring rain.
"I--" He gasps, because the look on Royce's face is murderous, her gaze so steely and furious that it scares him, shaking him so fully he can't even process words, "I--Royce, wait. I can--"
"Explain?" She grits, hands balled into fists at her side, her hood pulled over her head. "What the fuck's there to fucking explain."
"Royce," Dina steps between them, "Don't use that language; don't speak to him like that, he's here helping me."
"Ha--!" She screams, and Calum wishes Dina had never ever mentioned him helping her because that literally was a slap across Royce's face.
Blood floods his face.
"Wait, Royce--!"
"Helping you?" She exclaims, "You? What, he's your supplier now?"
"Girl," Dina's glare matches her daughter's, "you're so far outta line--"
"Oh, you tryna mother me, now? Huh? You tryna make up for lost time?" She sneers, "I told you, you can save all'a that shit."
And Dina laughs, shrilly, "This ain't about you, Royce!"
The words send Royce backwards, and Calum feels like he's on the wrong side of things completely, with Dina between them.
"You think this's about you, Royce? Huh? You think I owe you something 'cause I messed up?"
Royce throws up her hands. "Now you're the victim? When I was the baby left at home while you got high? Un-fucking-believable!"
"Stop it," Dina snaps, "And listen to me. You think the world's owing you something, don't you? You're really out here thinking that, aren't you?"
Calum's heart sinks into his stomach as his girlfriend wipes away at the first tear.
"Lemme tell you something little girl, the world don't owe you nothing. Nothing. You make it what you make it. Shit is gonna happen to you and you're gonna fall and it's all about whether or not you keep your ass on the ground or get back up."
Royce wraps her arms around herself, ducking her head as she cries.
"All I can do's apologize, Royce! Okay? Okay, will you understand that? Please? All I can do is keep tryna reach out, keep tryna do right by you. I can't take back the things I did, not to you, your daddy or your brother. I can't. But are you gonna run forever, baby girl? You just gon' keep running, aren't you?"
"What," Royce is shaking, and Calum thinks he's about to cry himself, "What do I have to do to leave you and all this shit in the past?"
Dina blinks.
And like that, Calum backs up, because this Royce that's staring back at her mother is not someone he knows.
This Royce is scaring him again.
This Royce is still crying, and shaking, and her hands are balled at her sides, but this Royce has a murderous glare that has left him speechless.
"You done?" She demands to her mother. "'Cause I don't think there's anything you could say to me to make change how I feel."
And Dina blinks again. Calum feels the sting from those words.
"I," Dina grits, "did not raise you to--"
"You didn't raise me at all!" Royce exclaims.
And she laughs. "You just run up on me and forget my daddy's the reason I'm here right now?"
"You selfish, ungrateful little girl--"
"Why should I trust you?" Royce grits, wiping at her face. "Huh? Fuck 'the world'," she snaps, "and the rest of that bullshit. I know about life I'm not a fucking idiot."
"If you don't stop cussin'--"
"Save that shit," Royce takes a step backwards. "I told you, I don't want it. I don't need you. And every time I'm starting to get my life together and make things work for myself here you come tryna apologize. Here you come ruining shit," and those eyes meet Calum's for the second time and he almost can't breath. "Shit that I really cared about."
He gulps, his tongue too dry to ask what that means--to ask what she means.
"This is what your daddy lets you do? Huh? This how he lets you go around talking to--"
"To crackheads?" And Royce shoves past her. "You ask him. Don't come talking at me," she sniffs, "Mom."
"Royce--!"
And Calum doesn't even have time to grab her, because she doesn't even turn around, jogging instead, into the rain and in the direction of her mom's car.
He heads after her, because when Royce ran from problems she actually ran from them.
And he knew she was fast as hell.
"Royce, wait!"
The speed of her steps increase.
"Royce!" Calum picks up a jog. "Royce!"
And she groans, one hand on her keys and the other against her face.
She turns to face him as he runs towards her, and her eyes are still hard but they're also red.
She wipes at her face again and Calum feels worse.
She's still crying.
"What the fuck do you want."
"Royce," he falters, "Babe, oh my god, please don't cry--"
She sniffs hard, a short humorless laugh escaping into the rainy sky. "Aren't you used to this?" She demands. "Isn't this what you do? Make girls cry?"
"Royce," those words seem to kill him a little. "It's not like that--"
"What isn't? What people say? What people say about you?" She scoffs. "You just told me you had feelings for me, and now you run to the one person who--" She grits her teeth. "You don't care?" She looks up, trying hard to keep the tears from falling.. She shakes her head, "You're such a fucking liar, Calum--"
"No, no," he shakes his head quickly, "I wasn't lying to you. I do. I like you so much. I do. You've got to know that's not a lie."
"Yeah? Well, what the fuck is this?"
"Because," he falters. "Because I'm trying to help you."
"Help me?" She laughs bitterly. "Help me with what?"
And Calum's mouth parts. How does he tell her that he's trying to help her get closure without telling her about Emma and Snake and those late nights he'd been out running with the people tied to her mother and her past and all of the things she hated?
He doesn't.
"Royce, I--I can't tell you--"
"Of course you can't."
"I want to tell you," he exclaims. "But, I want to tell you," and he reaches out and grabs her arms, physically keeping her from walking away from him -- from them. "But, I know you're gonna freak. Please, Royce. Please, you just have to trust me, I didn't want it to happen this way--"
"Trust?" Her eyes flash angrily. "Trust you? How?" She demands. "And how am I supposed to do that?"
She stares ahead, gripping the steering wheel. "The one thing, Calum. The one thing in my life I can't handle--I open up to you about and," she grits, staring angrily at the rain, "and you fucking throw it in my face."
"No, Royce--! Wait, she gave me bail to--"
"Bail?" She gasps. "Bail...for what?"
Calum gulps. "Remember when we got arrested...?"
"The night you lost your license?"
"Yeah. Kenn paid for us to get out," he runs his hand across his face. "And I--we had to pay her back someway."
Royce blinks, disbelief written across her face.
"And, your mom offered to, to pay for us if I could bring her to you--"
"So she bribed you?" Royce hisses.
"Wait--" Shit, he falters for words. "Wait, no--its not what it sounds like--!"
"I can't," she shakes her head, jumping into the car. "I can't do this. Not now."
And she slams the door before he can react.
And she drives away.
He stumbles back towards the diner.
"Oh shit, I fucked up."
"No," Dina states. "I did."
And despite that (poor) attempt at comforting, Calum knew that anything she said in this moment would and could not make him feel any better.
For the love of god this was Dina. This was the woman who practically abandoned his girl for drugs and somehow, it looked like he'd chosen her side.
Fuck.
Royce was never going to forgive him for this.
Calum lifts his head out of his hands and, to make matters that much worse, makes eye contact with Emma, sat in the diner, her head against the window.
They stare at each other.
She waves.
And she laughs.
His blood boils.
She'd been there the whole damn time and seen that whole thing.
He doesn't know why he does it.
Honestly.
Like, he hated Emma. He hated her almost as much as Luke hated her, but for some reason, he puts one foot in front of the other and jogs around Dina, out of the rain and into the diner.
But, he stalks straight towards the back booth where Emma sits in front of a strawberry milkshake.
"Long time no see, Cal," she grins, "You coming to talk, too? I'm so fucking popular today."
"Popular isn't the word I'd use," he mutters grimly. "What the fuck're you doing here?"
Emma completely ignores his question.
"Royce and I just had a lil' chat," she says. "Or should I say, Poppy and I had a lil' chat. That's her government name, anyway."
Calum blinks. "How'd you fucking know that?"
"Know what?" Emma asks. "You gotta be specific, man."
"Poppy--" He shakes his head, "Royce. How'd you know her real name? She doesn't tell anyone outside of family--"
"And a few close friends," Emma grins. "Like me. Her bestie."
"Could you stop being such a fucking liar for like, five seconds!"
"Jokes on you, Cal," she leans towards him, "I'm not lying."
"Wait," Calum shakes his head, "what do you mean?"
____
Royce gets home wet, angry and exhausted.
All she wants to do is get in the bed and sleep until she stops feeling as messed up and upset and hurt as she feels.
Too bad she meets Paige at the top of the stairs.
"Where've you been?"
"Nowhere," she pushes past her. "Leave me alone."
And Paige groans, "Royce..."
"What?"
"I know you saw Dina."
That halts her steps.
The fuck?
Royce groans, spinning on her heel. "How the hell do you know that?"
"She called," Paige replies. And she sighs. "C'mon, Pops--"
"Don't Pops me right now, Paige. What'd she say?"
"That she...She said a lot. Look, Royce," Paige steps forward, "don't ice me out. I don't want to fight, okay?" She rubs her arms, "I don't--"
"You know that scar, the one on Chris' hand. That big one you used to tease him about when we were little?"
Paige laughs. "Of course."
"He got it when he was six," she continues, "'cause the iron fell on him and nobody was there to take care of him when Dina left us to get high."
Paige's mouth falls. "I--"
"Didn't know," Royce finishes. "You didn't know. I know. Why? 'Cause we don't tell you. We've never told you."
"But, I'm your sister--"
"And why bother you with our past, Paige? How's that gonna make anything better?" She shakes her head, "You've been up my ass about Calum and Dina and other shit that really doesn't even matter, honestly, but right now I'm telling you about this because I am literally this close to popping off on your ass and you need to know that it's gonna be well deserved."
And she leaves her sister in the hallway, alone, slamming the door to her room.
you + me + kenn + jesse fisher = partyyyy
Royce flips mindlessly through all of her texts.
Because she's ignoring the voicemails she has sitting.
The voicemails from Calum.
Until he texts her.
Royce.
And again.
Princess.
And again.
Poppy.
And as she rolls her eyes and scoffs and tries to ignore the pain in her gut, he sends her another one.
Please stop ignoring me.
How the hell was she going to bring him to this stupid dinner her mom had planned?
He leaves a voicemail.
"Hey, babe. Royce. Hi. It's me. It's Calum. I just...I don't think I'll ever stop apologizing to you for today, but you've got to know it wasn't supposed to happen. None of that was supposed to happen. I promise. I promise you, Royce, and I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry, I swear to fucking god I'll do whatever you want just please talk to me--"
"Knock knock."
Royce fumbles to pause her voicemail, turning to see her brother's figure in the doorway.
"Dinner, Royce."
She nods. "Coming."
"Just," her dad interrupts, appearing beside Tobe in her doorway, "one moment, Royce."
She blinks. "Okay..."
And her dad enters the room, now.
Shit.
"I just want to talk to you for a second."
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Royce is thinking the worst, but trying to maintain her innocent, nonchalant persona.
"Okay, daddy," she nods, watching him stride across her pink bedroom and take a seat at the edge of her bed. "What's going on?"
"Royce," her dad begins, "I received a call today."
Royce frowns instantly. "From who?"
"Ha--" Tobe whistles, "Probably Harvard. Yale. Pretentious University."
"Hush, Tobe," she replies, hating that her brother's words have made her think of Calum. "Who, daddy?"
"Dina."
Goodbye.
The room falls silent.
All of a sudden, Paige is in the doorway too. "What'd she say? Wait, you actually talked to her, Royce?"
"Said she ran into her," he continues, "at The Diner and you exchanged words..."
"That's..." Royce has suddenly lost her appetite. "True."
"And I don't care about how bad things were, Royce," her dad has employed his angry voice and now Royce knows she's in trouble, "but I don't ever want to hear that you've disrespected her that way ever again. You understand?"
"Wait, Royce--"
"Paige!" Their father roars. "Get out," he nods, "and take Tobe, too."
Royce grins at the sight of her brother and sister's retreating figures.
Until her dad's glare is back upon her.
Her smile falls.
"You hear me, Royce? Because I didn't hear you."
Her voice is low, muffled and insincere. "Yes?"
"Excuse me?"
She replies, a bit louder this time. "Yes, daddy."
And, he sighs. "I know this is hard, Royce--"
"That's much easier said than done, daddy" she scoffs.
"I know," he nods. "I do. And as a parent, it's breaking my heart that you've even got to go through this in the first place."
Her dad shakes his head, "But," he pats her thigh, "these, unfortunately, are the cards you've been dealt, and whether you like it or not, you have two mothers that care about you."
She snorts. "It feels like only one."
"Might feel like that," her dad grins sadly, "but that doesn't make it the truth."
"Daddy--"
"You have to face this, Royce. She's a part of your family-- a part of you," he shakes his head. "You can't keep running."
She was getting sick of hearing those words.
"Deepak Chopra once said--"
Royce fights a groan. "Dad..."
"No, listen to me," he states, "This is deep."
He nods, "He said, Forgiveness is very desirable. For those who receive it, the burden of guilt is lifted. For those who give it, resentment and anger can be released, clearing the slate in a relationship and making room for peace."
"So, believe it or not," her dad rises slowly from the bed, "forgiving your mother isn't for her," he says. "It's for you."
And he offers his hand, helping her to a stand. "Understand?"
"I'm trying."
"That's all I can ask," he nods, leading her from her bedroom. "Let's eat," he pauses, "and Royce?"
She hums.
"Tell me about this...this detention."
___
Can my girl royce just de-stress? can she live???
lol.
this story's wrapping up wtf
0-100/the catch up || drake