My eyes felt too heavy to open Tuesday morning. I know that I well overslept but I most definitely was not up for going to school today anyways.I hadn't gone yesterday either. Instead I laid in bed, tucked tightly underneath the covers. My phone buzzed until I couldn't take it anymore after Saturday so I just shut it off and left it on my nightstand.
On the inside my body feels terrible. My stomach is twisted in knots and I feel dead tired. I barely left my room yesterday. It was probably nine in the morning now and the voice in the back of my mind told me to get up but my body said otherwise.
I roll over in my bed, the sheets becoming tangled around me. A small groan escapes my mouth as cold air hits my skin. I kick the sheets off of me completely before I sit up and rub my eyes.
A sneeze escapes my nose before I can get out of bed. Great. I probably have a cold. I shrug off my drowsiness as best as I can before I slip out of bed.
My legs grew more and more wobbly with each step I took towards the bathroom. I avoid my appearance in the mirror knowing I already look terrible. I brush my teeth quickly and stop every few seconds to release a cough. After that I take a short shower to wash away any sleepiness left in me.
Once I have a clean sweatshirt and warm pair of leggings on I force myself to go downstairs. By now I was coughing uncontrollably and I stalked around in the kitchen for some cough syrup. I checked each cabinet until I find a bottle of DayQuil sitting near the edge of one of the counters.
I debate against making something to eat, the idea of swallowing a piece of toast making me want to vomit. Instead I trudge back on up the stairs and into my room. The whole space feels clouded by sickness and I wonder how I've never noticed it before. I open up a window, pulling the blinds to one side in order to let some fresh air into the stuffy room.
It was at least eleven by now and I had nothing to do. No homework to catch up on and I refuse to turn on my phone and be met with a bunch of notifications. I didn't want to seem off to Alyssa. She has been nothing but nice to me for the couple months that I've known her but I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone.
I've come to realize that I've now missed two days of school. My fingers curled up at the idea of going back tomorrow. Another day wouldn't hurt would it? By no means was I ready to go back and face Ethan. No way was I ready to see him with Aubrey draped over his shoulders and his huge cluster of friends surrounding him.
What do people see in him? He's disgusting. I wish they all knew how terrible he really is. I wish every single person who looked up to him knew how low he really is. No one ever would though. No one ever bats an eyelash at him. Ha- Imagine if anyone knew what he tried to do to me. They'd probably call me a slut looking for attention.
My throat tightens as I hold back tears. The back of my hands are pressed against my cheeks in order to stop the tears ready to fall. I don't want to cry, I really don't.
How do I forget what happened that night? All my mind is plagued with are images of him touching me and telling me vile things.
He asked me if I thought I was too good for him, Was I too good for anybody? But was it my own fault? I should've just stayed home and none of that would've ever happened. I looked ridiculous at a party like that.
But- I didn't know it was his house. I should've asked sooner. Had I known then I would've never willingly step foot in that place.
My legs buckle and I collapse on the floor. Salty tears drip down my cheeks and soft sobs escape my mouth. My coughs mix in with my erratic breathing and it causes my tummy to contract in pain. I curl up into a ball and lay sideways against the hard floor.
I lay like that for some time. At least enough for my crying to subdue and for me to wipe away my tears. It isn't until I hear loud knocking coming from downstairs do I sit up. I rub my hands over my face before I get up to go check the noise.
My feet hurriedly walk down the steps only to learn that the banging noise is coming from the front door. I wipe a couple pieces of hair out of my face and pray my face doesn't appear as puffy as I think it is.
Slowly I un-do the lock and pull the door open. Logan stands in-front of me, his arms crossed inside of his leather jacket with a frown on his lips. I'm not surprised that he's once again at my home but more so concerned as to what he's here for.
I eye him up and down before giving him a look. His frown deepens and his posture stiffens.
"Why didn't you come to school yesterday?" He asks. I stand there, shifting from one foot to another as I breathe through my stuffy nose. "Or today?"
I gaze to the side quickly and catch a glance at the clock on the wall near the staircase. It was only half past twelve.
"The school day isn't even over yet Logan." I say sniffling.
"Are you sick?" He questions, his eyes lingering on my face.
"Why are you asking so many questions? Why are you even here?" I fuss. It may have come off a bit rude but it doesn't phase him in the least.
He huffs and pushes his hands into his pockets.
"Well after what happened Saturday, you didn't answer the other times I called you. You didn't come to school yesterday or today either.. plus Alyssa couldn't get a hold of you and she lives next door to you so I thought something was up." Logan explains.
My grip on the door handle tightens as I listen to him speak.
"Are you doing okay?" He asks once again.
I nod my head timidly and smile tightly at him.
"I'm f-fine, just have a bit of a cold." I throw in a few coughs at the end of my sentence just to reassure him.
We both stand there for a few seconds letting the sound of wind pass by. Cold air comes into contact with my bare feet and makes me shiver. I open my mouth to speak.
"Well, It's cold and you should probably leave-" I say beginning to close the door but Logan grabs the door handle.
"No Gracie. Stop doing this. Just tell me what's actually wrong." His hand grazes mine lightly as his figure leans halfway through the doorway.
My pulse quickens as he stares at me and I shoot my gaze towards the floor.
"Logan why do you do this?" I ask, my voice coming out shaky.
"Do what? Wonder if you're not dead?" He demands.
"If that's what you like to call it then fine. Why do you do that? Why do you come to my house and ask me all these questions and wonder if I'm dead or alive? Why don't you just leave me alone?"
He scoffs before rolling his eyes.
"I'm serious Logan.. why do you want to know so much about me? I don't know anything about you."
"Well do you want to?"
His question catches me off-guard and makes me bite my lower lip. I glance up at him and see the bitter look crossing his features.
"N-No." I whisper. I release my grip on the door by mistake to push him away from me. I didn't want to know him. He already knew too much about me.
His hand grips the doorknob and pushes the door open.
"Really?" He sounds truly curious. His eyes gaze intently at me.
"I'm serious Logan. I don't know if you want me to thank you again or something but you can't keep showing up here. I don't want to talk to you. You keep forgetting that we're not friends-"
I stop talking when he suddenly wraps his arm around my waist and pulls my chest into him.
"It doesn't matter if you don't want to talk to me because I know you will. And anyways, I wouldn't want to be just friends with you Gracie." He says against my ear. "It's a little to late for that considering what we've done already." The smugness in his voice is evident and makes me squirm.
"Don't talk about that." I can feel the redness emerging onto my cheeks and the anger brewing in my stomach.
"Why not? You liked it."
"What does it matter? It was a waste of your time right?" I mutter bitterly.
"Are you still on this shit?" He groans. "I already apologized twice-"
"Did I ever accept?" I cut him off.
He drops his hold on me and takes a step back. Logan takes a large breath before running his hand through his hair. I continue to stand there, now folding my arms and beginning to glare at him.
"I didn't come here to start all of this. I came here to find out what's really wrong." He exhales.
"Well-" I pause for a second, "You won't. So leave."
"No." He snaps, his jaw clenching.
"You can't stay here."
"Look it doesn't have to be about that okay? What's so wrong about me and you hanging out for a few hours?"
"Logan.. Still-"
"C'mon Gracie."
I stand there shivering, looking at him up and down. Sighing, I move to the side and watch as his lips flip into a crooked smirk.
Half an hour later I'm situated on the couch seat furthest away from Logan. My knees are pulled up against my chest as I flip through the channels on the t.v.
"Can you pick something already?" Logan asks frustratedly.
I look to the side to find him with his legs sprawled out and dangling off of the recliner. His jacket is off and his arms are crossed showcasing his muscles. He turns his head to me and shoots me a blatant look.
"Give me the remote."
I shake my head no and go back to flipping through the channels. I don't hear him get off of the recliner but surely enough he does because a few seconds later he stands in front of me blocking the view of the t.v.
He holds his hand out waiting for me to give him the remote. Rolling my eyes I move one seat over and continue to look for a good show to watch.
Next thing I know Logan is hovering on top of me. His fingers tickle lightly over my body and I can't ignore the giggles that escape my mouth. I clutch the remote harder into my chest and wheeze for him to stop. Soon my laughing turns into coughing and the remote drops from my hands to cover my mouth.
Logan leans over the side of the couch and grabs the remote off of the floor before sitting upright and smiling at me. I give him a glare as I fix my shirt.
"Don't do that again." I cough.
"You should laugh more Gracie." He says before clicking on an episode of Arrow.
"Yeah.. Sure." I say sarcastically.
"I'm serious, you've got a cute laugh."
"I sound like a dying whale." I deadpan at him.
"Then dying whales must sound cute." He grins at me.
I turn away when I feel my stomach start to twist into knots and my throat go dry.
"I- I'm gonna go get some water." I stutter before getting up to go to the kitchen.
"Can you get me a glass too?" He requests and I nod my head in response.
Stepping into the kitchen I pull two glasses out of the cupboard and set them on the counter. I open the fridge and pull out the filter mug. As I finish pouring water into the first glass my elbow hits the second glass and causes it to fall off the counter.
It crashes onto the floor and breaks into tiny little pieces. I groan before setting the filter onto the table and bending down to pick up the glass pieces. I hear Logan's feet against the hardwood floor and turn around to see him giving me an alert look.
"What happened?" He frowns as he studies the glass on the floor.
"Uh, the cup fell." I answer, carefully picking up the sharp pieces.
"Move, let me pick it up." He orders, bending down next to me.
"No it's fine. I got it."
His hand captures my wrist and pulls it to the side.
"Stop- You're gonna hurt yourself." He glowers.
"No I won't." I bite back.
"Yes you will."
My fists ball up in vexation as I watch him pick up the pieces of glass. When he finishes he stands up and walks towards the trash bin. I continue to sit on the kitchen floor and glare at him when he turns around.
"Stop being so stubborn and get up." Logan says leaning over my figure.
His hands move to wrap around my waist and pull me up. I slap his hands away and get up on my own.
"What's your problem, why are you always so mad at me? I was trying to help you." He thunders.
"Well I didn't ask for your help Logan."
"Are you fucking serious?" He groans.
I stare at him silently for a few seconds before turning around and grabbing the glass of water. I shove it into his hand with a polite "here you go" before marching back into the living room. I drop back onto the couch and wrap my arms around my body.
A few minutes later to couch dips down as Logan sits beside me with a blank look on his face. I can feel him burning holes into the side of my face but I sit there breathing in and out, my eyes focused only on the t.v.
"Gracie," He says in a warning tone, "Look at me."
I ignore his voice and instead tighten my grip around my body. All of a sudden his hand grabs my chin and pulls my face towards him. My attempts to escape his hold fails when his other arm wraps around my back and leans me against his chest.
"You've got to be the most frustrating girl." Logan frowns looking me in the eye.
"No one's asking you to put up with me." I breathe out.
He leans forward, his face inching closer to mine.
"I know."
My insides were tangling up again, the butterflies in my stomach turning into wild animals. My hands itched to touch his face but my brain told me otherwise.
His nose lightly touches mine for a spilt second and I can sense his eyes staring at my lips. My shoulders tense up at the tiny space between us. Realization strikes me before his lips can meet mine and I push his chest away from me.
"N-No. We can't." I whisper.
"Why not?" He asks, disappointment lacing his tone.
"I'm sick." I mumble.
Logan shoots me an incredulous look before chuckling.
"I've got a strong immune system."
"Still..." I begin fiddling with my fingers.
"So what does that mean? If you weren't sick you would've let me kiss you?" A suspicious smile curving his lips.
"I.. I don't know." I answer honestly.
Out of the blue his phone starts ringing and he rolls his eyes before digging in his pockets for it. He stands up and answers it, mumbling out short answers. After a few minutes of watching him quietly respond to the person the other line he hangs up and grabs his jacket off of the recliner.
"That was Finn, he needs me to do something for him." He explains, throwing his arms inside the jacket.
"Oh."
"Don't miss me too much while I'm gone Gracie." He smirks walking in front of me. "Maybe we can do this again, when you're not sick."
I let out a scoff as I trail behind him towards the front door.
"No. This'll never happen again."
He turns around and pulls me into him.
"I'm sure." Logan says sarcastically. He places a quick kiss on the top of my head and orders me to come to school tomorrow. Before I can get a word in he walks out the door and it slams shut behind him.
I run my hands over my face in annoyance. What the hell was I doing? What the hell was wrong with me? No- not me. What the hell was wrong with Logan?
We had to stop this. Whatever this was. It's only going to lead to something I won't be able to handle. I know it.
Happy Valentine's day! Thanks to everyone who actually reads this book, it means the world to me. <3
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