A pulsing sensation ran through me from the top of my head to my fingers all the way to my toes. Suddenly, Justin spun me around pushing me away. He forced me to sit on the lounge chair. He crouched down and his hands remained on my hips. He hung his head.
"What's wrong?" I tried to catch my breath.
"Nothing," he said quickly, looking up at me. "Ari, this is, uh. I can't. We need to cool it." He hesitated and moved sitting down next to me. His forehead rested in his hands.
"Did I do something wrong?" I started to babble. "I'm sorry, did I totally suck? Did I get it all wrong? I just couldn't control myself, I..."
He softly pressed his finger to my lips.
"Hey, hey, naw hardly. You, uh, you make me...you make me crazy, like..." he stammered nervously and sighed deeply. "Aw man, maybe someday I'll be able to explain to you."
"Then why did you stop?"
"Because I had to, Ari, right now it has to be this way."
"Do you want me to leave?" My mood went completely flat. My first make out session went up in a puff of smoke.
"No, I don't," he answered reaching over taking my hand. "Ari, when I saw you tonight, it was like lighting hit me. I've never felt like I wanted to hang with anyone more than I want to hang with you."
His eyes burned into mine, making me look away. "I feel the same way, I think, I mean, yeah, I do." I confessed, "I'm mad about you. That's how I feel right now, at this moment and I don't want you to stop kissing me."
"Ariana," he stalled and stood up. "Seriously, you have no idea what you do to me. Right now I think we need to just go in and put on a movie. I need to regroup."
Back in his room I threw myself onto the bed while he tooled around with the TV. He chose an old school flick I'd never seen and said I'd be sure to like it. He turned off the lights and hopped in behind me. He pulled me close and all I could think about was our kiss. It took everything in me to not flip over and suck his face off. His smell, his taste, I was consumed by him. Thinking again of Allison's words, my stomach sunk – "He's never going to be home Ariana..." What was I going to do when he left? I would die like grass in a drought. What if he did meet someone else? Someone who would give him what he would eventually want from me? I knew he thought I didn't know too much about sex.
Justin didn't know about all of my late nights with Nadine and Nicole's sexually active teenage cousin, Stacey. She filled our heads with all sorts of first hand information. She shared her encounters with her boyfriend in detail. I wanted Justin to know that I wasn't as naïve as he thought I was. I knew about those things and those things weren't something I was ready to graduate to no matter how heated it got. I just wanted to make out with him.
I thought of my sister, I wondered how far she's gone with a guy. I knew Owen was in her room from time to time without my parent's knowledge. They kept the music blaring as a distraction, but I knew he was in there. I caught him sneaking into the bathroom late one night and I was so freaked out I just shut my bedroom door. I use to think she was crazy, until now. Here I was, lying in some guy's bed, thinking about naughty things.
Justin's voice echoed in my head – "I've never wanted to hang with anyone more than I want to hang with you..." – What did that really mean anyway? Like a sick heave the question flew out of my mouth.
"Justin, how old were you when you had your first kiss and did you have sex with the same person?" His eyes rolled back and he rubbed his forehead.
Bewilderment plastered his face.
"Ari, why, why does stuff like this matter you?"
"I guess it doesn't really matter, but I wanna know, because what I feel is pretty intense. What happened back there wasn't lame or awkward for me at all."
"Ha, yeah, well, my first kiss was lame and awkward and so was my first time having sex. I would rather not talk about it with you either." He shifted uncomfortably moving away from me.
"Why not talk about it. You said you wanted to be the one, and now you are. Tell me." I pulled at his t-shirt trying to convince him to open up. "Come on, Justin, share with me."
"Alright," he huffed, reluctant. "My first kiss was when I played truth or dare with a bunch of girls in the 7th grade. I picked dare, and my dare was to French kiss a girl named Katie. She was in 8th grade. It was stupid and stiff."
"Okay, after that, when was it that you thought you knew what you were doing?"
"In ninth grade, I had a girlfriend and that's when it felt more natural."
"Why did you break up?"
"Because she moved."
"Were you sad?"
"Nope, I mean, I was bummed, but I didn't give it too much thought."
"Okay, when was your first time doing it."
I was riveted waiting for his answer.
"Ari, why is it important for you to know this?"
"Because, I know you think I don't know anything about it, but I do, and I know why you stopped kissing me. So I just want you to know that I get it. I understand how one thing leads to another."
"Now I'm curious as to how you know anything if I'm the first guy you've really kissed."
"Well, we, Nadine, Nicole and I, have a friend who's a senior, and she shares stories with us."
"Shares stories with you? Like what? Like Greg's brothers?"
"Yeah, I guess. Stories about her sex life."
"Really, I'm scared to ask."
"Are you asking?"
"I don't know. I feel strange talking about this with you," he admitted.
"Answer the other half of my question, Mister." I poked at his chest.
"Which was?" he smirked.
"Don't play stupid," I giggled nudging him. My hand remained on his chest and I could feel his heart beating with every breath he took. I wanted to move closer, just those few more inches to feel his lips on mine.
"It was just last year, and it was with someone older than me," he admitted, and my heart stopped. This meant it wasn't something awkward like he said. How could having sex with an older girl be lame? She would know what she was doing, right?
"How much older," I asked under my breath. I couldn't look at him.
"Ari, look," He lifted my chin and our eyes met. "This is why I didn't want to answer your questions. What I've been through doesn't affect how I feel about you."
"Tell me about it, Justin, I wanna know."
With a deep sigh he proceeded. "Boy, you're relentless aren't you," he paused. "She was like 19 or 20 and we were playing in New York, and that's the first time I had actual sex."
"Okay, so you were 16."
"Yes, last year, I was a junior."
"And before that nothing with anyone else?"
"I wouldn't say nothing with anyone else, we're talking about sex, Ari, intercourse."
"Okay, okay. Tell me about it."
"Is this what you do to Stacey?" A nervous smile peaked out. "I feel cornered."
"Actually, yes, we beg her to tell us stuff, and you wanna know why? It all started in sixth grade when we found dirty magazines in her parent's room. We brought them to her and asked her what the hell."
I laughed nervously at my admission.
"Shit, you're kidding." He laughed, too. "Ari, there's so much to sex than I can't explain, and to be honest with you, I don't' really want to, because I don't know all that much either."
"Then why is it, from what I'm told, it's all guys think about. I mean, I hear my dad talking to my brother, and Nicole's brothers talking about this and that..."
Justin interrupted. "Thinking about it and knowing the nuances about sex are two totally different things." He hesitated and his eyes roamed the ceiling. "Okay look, think about how you felt when we were kissing, it's so much more intense than that."
I nodded in agreement. It did feel good and it's all I could think about. "Um, I'm gonna bring up a sore subject. Rachel. You said you did it with Rachel..." He interrupted me again.
"Ari, I'm not gonna rehash that with you. It's done. It's over. It was a mistake. I don't wanna talk about her any more. As for you and I, I like how I feel when I'm with you, you make me feel..." he hedged, "You make me feel new, awake. I don't feel the urge to get fucked up anymore. I feel high just knowing you're there.''
I gulped. The more he professed his affection for me, the more I was drawn in. We lay there for a long moment, silent, staring at each other. Every inch of me was wired. He reached up and touched my face, kissing me again, gentle and soft. I melted like wet sugar.
"You really have no idea what you do to me." He declared rolling onto his back.
The fact was I did and I wasn't going to make any more of it. We fell asleep at some point watching Animal House. Morning came too quickly and I was awakened by a knock at Justin's bedroom door and his mother calling his name. I dashed into the bathroom and hid behind the door.
"Yeah," he shouted out.
I could hear Pattie's muffled voice. "Love, I'm sorry for waking you, but there's a gal at the door for you, she says it's important."
I knew it was about me. If I went home wearing boy's clothes I would never see the light of day or Justin ever again. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Shit, this is what I get for sneaking around. I was busted.
Justin jumped up opening the door and vanished. I leaned against the wall sinking on to the cool tiled floor. Next thing I heard was Nadine's voice. She was in his room. As soon as he shut the door I walked out of the bathroom.
"You effing dogs, you," Nadine said giving me a sly smile.
"Shut up," I whispered. "Justin, where's your mom."
"She's in her room. She went back in before I got to the door. I think you woke her up too," He said looking at Nadine.
"I'm sorry." Nadine offered, looking over to me. "Ariana, we called over to your house this morning when you weren't answering our texts and your cell went straight to voice mail. Dude, your sister answered the phone, she said you weren't there, and we were like oh shit, and then she said she thought you were sleeping at Nicole's house." Nadine took a deep breath continuing. "So then, of course Nicole was sitting right next to me and we're like, oh shit, she must be with Justin – and damn – here you are. Your sister said you'd better be home soon."
"Oh my God, what the hell, you totally just gave me a heart attack. Oh, gahh!! My phone is ruined because of the pool water. Shit, I didn't even think about that, it's in the shorts pocket I was wearing last night." I paced back and forth. "My clothes, my bag it's at Nicole's still. I'm going to have to tell my mom the phone fell in the pool, she's gonna be pissed!"
"What do you want to do?" Nadine said gesturing at me.
"Nadine, will you please go get my bag, I'm begging you." I held my hands in prayer under my chin.
Her face drooped. She was about to speak and Justin chimed in. "Nadine that would be sweet if you could do that."
Her expression changed immediately when Justin asked her. What an ass kisser, I thought. I found it irritatingly humorous. Just like my sister said - "Everyone kisses Justin's ass."
Nadine was back in no time. Justin released his warm arms from around me when she threw herself through his bedroom door. Why couldn't she have taken just a little bit longer? She must have ran there and back. Why couldn't my happy times drag by like I was in detention? No, only shitty times crawled by. I guess that's part of the punishment, like the fucking universe just knows or something. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I stood unable to move. I didn't want to leave. Staring at the rumpled sheets on the bed made me ache inside. I wanted him next to me all the time and it was getting more difficult to think of anything else but him. I pushed him from my head and got dressed, thinking about my impending volleyball practices which would keep me away from him. I wanted and needed to spend as much time with him before he left. Volleyball would just have to wait.
"The party's over," I said, somberly.
"Oh come on, everything's chill. You'll see," he said walking up to me giving me a hug. "I would say text me later, but your phone is out of commission."
"I'll just see you later." I wondered out loud.
"I have an extended band practice today. We're going to a studio we've never been to later and I have no idea when I'll be home. This week's gonna be tough, I'm not gonna really be around."
I knew this already, thanks for reminding me.
"It's a bummer and now I don't have a phone. Hopefully my mom or Kyle will take me to get a new one." I rambled. "All right, I'll see you later."
"I'll see you soon."
"This is kinda like ripping off a band aid," I said laughing, trying to be light hearted.
"I'll be home late, so when you see my bedroom light on, come over."
A smile crept to my lips. "Okay, I'll see you later then." I stood on my tiptoes giving him a quick peck and breezed out. I quickly ran across the cool damp grass of our front lawns looking every which way to see if anyone was around. I took in a deep breath of relief when I arrived at my front door.
A/N:
I have suprise for the next chapter ;)))))
thanks for reading and voting y'all
I love yaaaa xo