= Liam's POV =
Thirty-four hours, eleven minutes and fifty-three seconds later, here I am - laid up in my bed with my pillows soaking wet from my tears. I don't care if they call me a pussy for crying my eyes out.
It hurts.
It hurts real bad.
This is, by far, one of the toughest things I have to face in my life. So no, I'm not going to "man-up" any second now. I'm going to lay here, in my bed, and wait till I rot. I have no reason to live anymore. The one person who I love most - is now gone. Probably forever.
This isn't the first time that Lexi and I broke up. But this breakup hurts the most. Why? Because I have a strong feeling that it's going to stay this way. I have a feeling that this time around, we won't get back together.
Lexi - she's everything a lad could ask for. The beauty, the wit, the intelligence, everything. It's no doubt why I fell so madly, deeply in love with her. But a part of me wishes that I hadn't. Because I know that if I didn't fall in love with her, I wouldn't be in this very situation right now. But I know that Lexi and I were bound to fall in love - whether I liked it or not. It's destiny, as they call it.
And it's killing me.
She's right. If I truly love her, I would let her go and be happy even if that happiness she'll have won't be with me. Even if it means letting her go.
What's killing me most is knowing that I'm the main reason why she broke up with me. I'm the reason why people are hating on her. I'm the reason why she's hurt. It's all because of me. And I can never forgive myself for letting her go through all the things she's been through because of me. I can never forgive myself for all the times I made her cry. I can never forgive myself. I just can't.
Someone knocks on my door and I don't bother to answer it. I know that even if I tell that person to go away, they won't. The door opens and Louis, Zayn and Harry steps in. Harry's carrying a tray, probably with food on it. Louis rushes to my bed and pats my head.
"Oh, Liam," he says, giving out a sigh, "What are we ever going to do with you?"
"Who gave you the keys to my house?" I ask.
"We thought you'd keep a spare key under the mat out front. You're quite predictable, mate," Harry replies.
"You need to eat something, lad," Zayn suggests, taking the tray from Harry and placing it on the bed side table.
"I don't want to eat," I mumble, sitting up straight next to Louis.
"We all know that what you're going through is very, very hard," Harry says, also sitting on the bed. "But Liam, you also have to look after your health. You might faint any second now."
"And you've been crying like a teenage girl for the past couple of hours - which worries me quite a lot," Louis says, taking a look at my sore eyes. "I'm scared that the next thing you say will be; 'I can't live without her'," he says in a sad, dramatic voice.
Zayn slaps him softly in the arm. "The lad is in pain. Stop with the teasing," he reproaches him. Louis raises both his hands in surrender.
"I can live without her," I say, looking at both my hands as I play with them. "I just don't want to."
"We're here for you, Liam," Harry says, rubbing my arm soothingly and reassuringly.
"And if Lexi were any other girl, we'd tell you to suck it up and move on. But we just can't seem to tell you that because we know how much you loved her. And how much you still do," Louis says. He clears his throat and continues. "But Harry's right, Liam. You also have to look after your health."
"I just don't feel like eating anything," I say for the tenth time, giving out a loud sigh. "I'm not hungry."
"You haven't eaten dinner since last night, or breakfast and lunch earlier. And you're saying that you're not hungry?" Harry says in a tone of disbelief. "Niall would be very mad at you," he adds.
"Where's Niall, anyway?" I ask, realizing that the blonde Irish boy isn't around.
"He went to the airport with El and Perrie to drop off Lexi." Zayn replies in a hush tone.
"But he'll be back in a few minutes," Louis chirps in happily. Just then, the door opened and Niall entered the room. "Speak of the devil," Louis says, giving Niall a wide smile.
"Hey, Li," Niall greets, walking towards me on the bed. "How are you feeling?" he asks.
I try to find the right word that will perfectly suit my current situation. "Terrible," I reply.
"Has he eaten yet?" Niall asks, looking at Zayn. He shakes his head in reply. "Okay, that's it. You have to get your bum off the bed, Liam. Be productive!" Niall says, grabbing my arms and pulling me up from the bed. I try to balance myself with my feet on the floor.
"We need to go clubbing so that you can take your mind off of her," Louis says, sounding quite excited at the thought of going clubbing.
"He needs to take a shower first," Harry suggests, scratching his nose. It is only then that I realize Harry's right, I stink so badly from all the sweat.
"How will we take his mind off of someone who his world revolves around?" Zayn asks. He's right. No matter what they do, it will be very hard for me to get my mind off of Lexi.
"Did she get on the plane alright?" I ask, looking at Niall.
"Yeah, she did. We all cried, actually. It's quite sad knowing that we won't be seeing her for a while. Perrie and El were crying hysterically. It was crazy," he replies.
"We wanted to come with you but you didn't let us!" Harry complains, crossing his arms and putting on a little kid's mad face.
"If you three came with me to the airport, no one would be looking out for Liam here." Niall replies, defending the choices he made. The three lads nod in agreement.
"Does she have a place to stay in New York?" I ask Niall. I bought a house in New York for Lexi to live in. But now, given the situation we're in, I'm pretty sure she won't feel comfortable living in that house.
"Yup," he replies, popping the p. "She's staying at Alice's. She said that she's going to your house in New York to get her boxes that you sent over yesterday."
"Okay," I reply, giving out a sigh. "How is she?" I ask him.
"She's hanging in there," he replies, not sounding so convincing. "But she clearly still loves you, Liam. And I know that she's trying her best to fight it."
"That makes two of us," I say, giving out a sigh.
"If you still love her and she still loves you, why did you two break up?" Louis asks, sounding very confused. "Why don't you just kiss and make up?"
"Because she can't take the hate anymore. She had had enough and I agree with her," I reply.
"Women and their testosterone," Louis says, clicking his tongue.
"Testosterone?" Niall asks, trying to stop himself from bursting into laughter. "Females don't have testosterone, males do. Apparently, you didn't pay attention during your Biology class."
"Well, I'm sorry smarty-pants, but I didn't think it was necessary since I never dreamt of being a doctor. Besides, I didn't eat up my books like you did," Louis replies, sticking his tongue out at Niall.
"Boys, keep quiet," Zayn tells the two, and they shockingly obey. Zayn is like co-pilot. When Daddy Direction is down, he takes charge. And I'm glad that he does.
"If you're still so in love with her, then why don't you go after her and fight for the both of you?" Harry asks, waving his arms around dramatically. "It's what they do in the movies!"
I look at Harry. "First of all, this is not a movie. Secondly, she told me that if I truly love her, I'd let her go for the sake of her happiness," I tell him.
"But that's not fair!" Louis complains like a little kid. "What about your happiness, Li?" he asks.
"I want her back so badly," I say, feeling tears rolling down my cheeks. "But I can't seem to do anything to have her back in my arms."
And that's when I break again. Niall's the closest person to me, so I pull him in for a hug. I cry on his chest as he rubs my back tenderly. I'm so happy right now that the fans aren't around to see this. Or else, they'll think that Niall and I are in some sort of a relationship.
"Louis, stop making this more complicated than it already is," Niall tells Louis, whilst rubbing my back as he tries to soothe me.
"It's okay, Li. You can cry it all out." I hear Harry say as another hand rubs my back. "We won't judge you for this, we won't," he says reassuringly.
"Make him sit. You might lose your balance and fall on the carpet," Louis says, patting the bed. I sit down next to him, with my head on his shoulder. "Crying doesn't make you weak. It shows that you have feelings, that you're human," he says, patting my head.
The four boys stay quiet and the only thing being heard in the room is my sniffing. After a few more minutes, I wipe the last tears away. I stand up, feeling determined and confident. "I'm a strong man so I can handle this. I am going to live my life," I say as the boys cheer me on.
"That's our batman!" Louis says, making us all laugh.
Once the laughter dies down, Harry asks, "Have you thought about what the media will say once they find out you two have broken up?"
"It's not like she's going to write a song about him, or something." Louis teases, making us all burst into laughter again.
Gotta love these boys. This is why I feel like the luckiest person in the planet - because I have these four boys as my best mates. They can manage to make me smile and laugh even in the terrible condition I'm in.
I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything in the world.
-:-:-:-:-:-
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
I hope you liked it! Sorry if it was quite short though.
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Question: What's your birthday wish for Liam on his birthday this year?
THANKS!
Katie :) x