*****
I walked into Kevin's house on Friday afternoon feeling a little nervous. Max had given me the afternoon off, so I had decided to speak to Kevin before I went home while Lyle was still in after-school meetings and Natalie was still at work. Damien was coming over to the apartment but that was only in the evening since he had to take his mother somewhere at five o'clock. He would be at the house at six. Everyone being busy gave me some time to meet Kevin without having anyone question where I had been.
The house was filled with the familiar people I had seen there previously and had the usual atmosphere of music and high fun. The only people that were never high here were the guards, there were six of them that were there to deal with anyone that got too rowdy.
"Hey, Hannah." I smiled at one of the guards, Blade. I wasn't sure if that was his name or not, it's just what everyone called him. I figured it was a nickname. I never actually spoke to him, we just greeted each other.
"Hey... is Kevin here?" I asked shifting nervously as I looked around avoiding his face because of his stare. He had a habit of staring at pretty much everything female really intensely. It was creepy and it made me uncomfortable, which was another reason I avoided anything to do with him beyond greetings.
"In there." He pointed to the other lounge; it was calmer than the one I walked into when I entered the house, which was funny. Shouldn't the calm one be at the entrance?
I thanked him and began heading towards the other lounge. I had never felt easy in the house unless I was really high... which was always just when I arrived. Usually when I arrived, the pills I took before school had worn off.
I walked into the other room and my eyes fell on a girl making out with a guy as she grinded her barely covered body against him. It wasn't something I had not seen before, though I tried to avoid it. It was an uncomfortable sight considering that one or both people usually looked quite out of it. There was money on the table, which was weird. No one usually just left money laying around, the white powder and the pills scattered across the table were not an unusual sight though... On another couch sat a girl dressed the same way in basically just underwear with a really short skirt, something the girl making out was missing, but looking bored as she played with the hem of her mini skirt and finally my eyes fell on Kevin who sat with his feet on a table as he typed on his phone. He looked up and smiled holding his hand out to me.
"Hey, Sweetheart." He always called me that.
"Hi... um... I can't stay, I just came –"
"To say goodbye? Figures." He said I furrowed my brows but he shook his head, "Ignore that. If you're saying goodbye, at least just stay a few minutes." He took my hand and pulled me onto the couch beside him.
"I, um... I can't. I have to meet someone later so I have to go now, but I won't be coming back... So I just wanted to say that and uh... thank you," I tried to get up but he grabbed my wrist.
"Not yet, Hannah. Don't worry, you can meet them later." He said, "Right now, though. I finally figured out how you can pay me back." He said.
I furrowed my brows. "But... I've been doing that... You said –"
"I know what I said, but that was for the first that I gave you. We neer discussed the terms of the rest, did we? Don't worry, it's nothing bad, well, if you're high it might not be that bad at least. You might actually enjoy it." He said.
I pulled my wrist from his hand and stood up, I noticed the others in the room watching but I didn't care.
"What – what are you talking about?" I asked. I almost screamed when someone took my shoulders from behind me. I turned to look at Blade; I would have relaxed if he wasn't weird. I pushed his hands away and stepped back from him.
"Blade here offered to pay your debt, for something in return... you."
I glanced at Kevin's smirking face before I saw Blade's hands move but without a thought, I turned on my heel and sprinted by him.
"Hannah!" I heard Kevin shout. I heard people following after me, and everyone else in the house looked confused at the sudden commotion. They seemed too wasted to realise that Kevin was yelling for them to stop me. There were guards at each door, except one. Blade had moved...
I sprinted out of the front door forcing my legs to carry me faster as I heard them behind me. I ran through alleys and parks, making constant turns until I was certain they were gone before I ran home.
After taking the stairs, I unlocked and stumbled into the apartment dropping my bag on the floor beside the door before I walked through the house. My legs were pounding beneath me but I tried to ignore that, the fact that I could feel my heart beating in my throat actually offered a helpful distraction.
I bit my lip as I reached my room and looked at my shaking hands before I clenched them shutting my eyes. It's okay. I got away. I'm okay.
I grabbed the pills from my cupboard having left the bag at home because of the risks of someone else seeing it and poured them all into my hand before I walked to the bathroom. I was alone, so I could throw them away. I knew had to and Damien made me want to as well, but I paused when I opened the toilet.
I had an aching urge to take one but I knew I shouldn't.
"Throw it away, Hannah. Throw it away..." I whispered to myself but I couldn't.
I grit my teeth as I sat on the edge of the bathtub, my eyes still fixed on what was in my hand.
Take it and one will lead to another... I wouldn't have another parking lot moment with Damien. He would be fed up. I didn't want to go back to Kevin. I hoped I never saw him again and taking more would lead me back to him.
But these made me feel so good... I doubted I would ever feel as happy as I did when I took the pills. I missed that feeling...
I was happy with everyone since I had forced myself to stop taking them but it didn't measure up... and when I was alone and surrounded by silence, I felt worse every time and I just needed to take a pill to change it. I bit my lip. That might have been because of the pills...
I jumped as I heard the front door shut. Crap, I had forgotten to lock it. Lyle was going to be so annoyed with me because he had told me to lock the door whenever I'm alone more than five times.
I opened my mouth to call out to him but I stopped. Natalie and Lyle were those weirdos that always announced their arrivals when they got home, they always called out a greeting. The silence that followed whoever entered felt off. I listened as a door opened.
"I know you're here..." My breath caught in my throat, "I just wanna talk, Hannah." I shot up; my legs had stopped pounding and now just felt numb. I ran over and locked the bathroom door quietly, realising it was one of Gerald's friends. The prison thing. I knew it. "Where are you, honey? I don't want to hurt you..." he called, "I have to though." He laughed.
I felt panic fill my chest as I looked around. I needed to get out. My phone. I tried to pull it from my pocket but my shaking hands caused it to slip and fall onto the floor, the screen smashing directly onto the tiles. I couldn't breathe as I realised the noise must have shown him exactly where I was.
"Ah." I stepped back hitting the bathtub as his hand banged against the door, "Come out and I'll make it hurt less. I'll make it quick, Hannah." He said. I held my breath as my eyes blurred because of my panicked tears as I grabbed my phone from the floor only to see that the screen had been smashed. The battery had been dead anyway so it would have made no difference if I hadn't dropped it. "Have it your way then."
I jumped hearing a loud smash that made the door shake. It didn't sound like he was using his hands. I looked out of the bathroom window; we were too high for me to jump. This building had no fire escape. I felt panic run through me as he slammed against the door. Could I climb down the pipes?
He was going to break the door and then I would either fall to death or get beaten to death.
No. I sat down forcing myself to calm down and think as I shut my eyes trying not to focus on the banging and the sound of the wood breaking. There had to be something else. Something that wouldn't hurt.
I opened my eyes suddenly realising that the bag of pills was still clenched in my fist. I bit my lip as I stared at them as hot tears ran down my cheeks while the bathroom still filled with the smashing coming from the door.
Get beat. Fall. Feel nothing.
I shut my eyes trying to stop my tears. I wish I could say goodbye to Lyle. Tell Damien that I so much more than just 'liked' him even though I was afraid of his reaction to that. Tell Natalie I loved her. Tell Kristy, Jake and Keith that they were the greatest friends I could have asked for.
I pushed my hand to my mouth and forced myself to swallow every last pill before I climbed into the bathtub and curled up crying. I desperately wished that I had taken enough pills to have overdosed. I hoped I went into a coma before he made it inside. I sighed softly into my arms. The pills always took time to work, this time wouldn't be any different and I didn't have that much time.
Just when I decided living wasn't so bad, it was going to end. I let out a cry as the door finally smashed open and his laugh filled the room.
*****
About two or three more chapters left, it's almost over :(. Will Hannah be there at the end?
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