Should've Known Better
My body's grown cold
My lips have turned blue
As I stare down at my body, thinking,
Why did I do this?
Was it because of you?
I feel the earth beneath me
Like a soft pillow, under my head,
There are no knives or guns,
But there are pills, instead
The bottle is next to me
It's empty; the cap's unscrewed
What did I do?
This was all because of you
My spirit floats away
And there, my lover finds me
As he kneels down, his hands press together
And he sits beside me to pray
When I reach for him, I'm sucked away
The deep crest swallows me
From inside death's waves
I watch him from a distance
His hands pounds into the ground
He's screaming, "Why, oh why?
What did you leave me for?
Could I not do enough?
Did life grow too bored?"
I hold back my tears
I know my time has come
But I watch them all,
Wondering how I could be so dumb
My parents have arrived,
My best friend is there, too,
And I think to myself,
"Why have I done all of this to you?"
The pain is too deep
And I look away
My life has finally came to it's end
But at what cost?
The pain I felt is now buried in others
And I wonder to myself
"Will I be the cause for another?"
I look back, just taking a last glance,
They're zipping me into the body bag
I did this all to ease my pain
But instead, I've lost
And haven't gained
I watched my family,
Looking down on them,
And I realize something
But now's the end
I regret that night
My life stopped ticking
I regret the fighting
And I wonder if I can carry on through the battle
If I've already gone