I knock once on the front door and let myself in with my free hand. The other is carrying a pan of brownies and a tub of freezing cold vanilla ice cream. It's already dark out, even though it's only six. My teeth chatter as I hang my coat up.
"Ryleigh!" Peter greets, blowing into a noise maker and hugging me. "Michelle says she doesn't know if she'll make it. Is Eric coming?"
I shake my head and step into the kitchen. I drop a pan of brownies on the counter and put a gallon of ice cream in the freezer. Peter holds out two bottles.
"White or red grape? No wait, let me guess. White!"
"Right," I reply, laughing and opening a cabinet for two wine glasses.
"One for you," Peter says, pouring one glass, "and one for me." I hold out the second glass and we clink and drink.
"Do you want to eat brownies while they're still warm?" I ask, letting a small burp slip out. I set my glass down and open the warm pan. The smell makes my mouth water. It's tradition that whenever I eat brownies and ice cream, I mix it all together until it looks like a light brown mush.
"Sure. I got bowls," Peter says. He pulls out two bowls and two spoons.
We take turns adding ice cream and brownies to our bowls. Then we put them away, grab our glasses, and head downstairs.
Immediately, I plop down on the futon and cover my legs, criss cross applesauce, with a blanket. Peter sits next to me. He doesn't turn the television on, but instead pulls a leg up so he can face me.
"Mash it all up, like this," I say, demonstrating it for him.
"That looks disgusting," he comments.
"Try it." I hold up a spoonful of it. Peter tries it and says it tastes just like normal brownies and ice cream. "Exactly!"
"So how come Eric isn't coming?"
"I'm kind of maybe avoiding him."
"And why is that?" Peter mashes up a chunk of the tough brownie edge to mix in better with the ice cream. I take it he's going to do what I do with mine. My parents copied me, Michelle copied me, even Simon did too, whenever I'd bring brownies over. Sadly, they're box mix, since I've never found a good recipe to make them from scratch. My cookies are still from scratch, though. I refuse to make box mix cookies.
"This is awful, but we got drunk at a Christmas party and almost did the dirty." The words sounded strange coming from my mouth. I usually don't speak inappropriately.
"You didn't want to?"
"Of course not. I mean, we were only planning on dating for the school year, and then I thought that maybe we could last, but now I'm godmother so it's not like I can abandon Michelle and go to college. Plus, I can't see myself doing those things with him," I confess.
"I get it. Sorta. I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or any of that."
"For real?"
"Well, you and Michelle and Simon's mom are the only three women that know I'm here. Michelle always had Simon, Simon's mom is too old for me, and you have Eric."
"You know, I figured something out awhile back, but I never applied it. Eric and Michelle and everyone else help me forget and be happy. When I'm alone, it's like pure sorrow. But with you, I can grieve and still be happy at the same time."
Peter raises his eyebrows and sips his drink.
"What if I was wrong, and Eric really isn't the one?"
"Technically, you wouldn't be wrong, since initially, you didn't expect it to last, and you still don't."
We stare into each other's eyes. The bowl in my hands feels heavy and lowers to my lap. Unsure of what to do, I look away and set the bowl on the table.
"Simon used to talk about you." I look up again. "Back when you first started tutoring him. He always told me I'd love you if I got to meet you. He was right."
My cheeks turn pink. I look over at the bowl.
"I know that you're with Eric still, so I'm not going to make a move or anything."
"What if I do?" I whisper.
"I can't stop you," Peter whispers back. I lean forward and kiss his cheek, then his lips. Adrenaline rushes through my body, the excitement taking over.
"Do I break up with him?"
"It wouldn't be right to do it over text. He'll be mad at me."
"Technically, I just cheated on him."
"Who's the bad one now?"
I pull out my phone. "Just because I'm telling him we should take a break does not mean we'll become a thing right away. Besides, I haven't talked to him in almost a week, so this'll probably be awkward."
"Wasn't counting on it," Peter calls as I walk to the bathroom. This is strange. I don't know what has come over me. One day I was in love with being with Eric. The next, I kiss Peter and suddenly feel like I don't want Eric anymore. It can't be as simple as Peter is making it out to be. Then again, he's never been in a relationship or anything, so maybe his perception of the world is a little different than the rest of ours. Silly me, of course his perception is different.
I turn the light on and lean against the sink. I remember the last time I was in here, I was throwing up. Simon and I were chugging cans of root beer and seeing who could burp the longest. I smile at the memory. It was around my birthday, that day; I can't believe how long it's been.
I dial his number and Eric picks up after two rings.
"Are you alright?" His voice is tinged with worry.
"Yeah, fine. Sorry for not talking to you for a few days. Michelle had her appointment, it's one boy and one girl."
"I know. She gave Karen my number to call and tell me. What's up, Ry?" Michelle must've remembered me avoiding him and made sure he found out anyway. I add it to my mental notepad to thank her.
"I don't really like saying this, but I think we should take a break or something."
"Is it because we almost had sex? Are you alone with Peter?"
"Kinda, and kinda." I take a deep breath. That isn't the only thing I have to tell him, and I'm definitely not enthusiastic about the next one.
"Gosh, Ry, I'm sorry, it was a mistake. And that's why I don't like when Peter is alone with you. I feel like he tries to get in your head. I know he wants you."
"I kissed him, alright?"
Silence. I almost regret telling him. But if I didn't, I'd have to try and tell him later.
"He said he wouldn't make a move or anything so I did. I'm sorry. I didn't like that I was cheating."
"So you're breaking up with me so it doesn't count as cheating anymore?"
"I don't know! These whole past few months have been so stressful. I'm thankful for you always being there and making me happy. Eric, you said once that if I couldn't be your girlfriend you'd still be happy having me as a best friend. Can you still go by that? I love you, regardless of our relationship status."
"I-I, we'll see. I might have an answer by the time school starts. Happy New Year."
"Bye."
I drop my phone on the counter and slide down the wall. Peter knocks.
"Sorry, Ryleigh. I wish it didn't have to be that bad."
"It's not your fault," I sniffle. I reach over for the handle and open the door.
He steps in and sits down next to me. "I still don't want your and Eric's relationship to end because of me."
"Well, we're still friends, I hope, so you didn't ruin anything. It's for the better." I offer him a smile and wipe my cheeks.
"Now that you're single, I can make a move, right?"
"If you're quick enough."
I lean over and kiss his cheek before he can react. When I pull away we're both grinning. Peter is capable of boosting my mood. It's why I need him, right? To grieve Simon without feeling too much pain.
"Besides, I grew up with Eric. He's like a cousin."
"What does that make me?"
"Whatever you want to be."
He kisses my forehead, stands up, and offers a hand to help me up. I watch his bicep bulge as he pulls me up with ease. He really does work out, I conclude.
We both sit back on the couch. I finish my dessert, followed by my drink. Peter pours more sparkling white grape juice and turns on the television. This time, we face forward and share the blanket.
"What if I don't deserve you?" Peter asks.
"I could say the same."
"No, you can't. I got expelled. You're a tutor. I... I've done much worse."
"What? You sound like you were about to say something."
"I almost did." Peter shakes his head and chuckles. "If I were to tell you, man, I can't even imagine. Let's just say every outcome involves you never speaking to me again."
"Just for not telling me, maybe I will."
"Is that right? I could just kick you out, in the middle of winter."
"But I know you wouldn't."
Apparently I sounded too confident because Peter scoops me up, carries me upstairs, and opens the back door. I scream and slap his chest but he tosses me into a pile of snow.
"Peter!" I scream. I try to mold a chunk of snow into a ball and throw it at him, but it's far too cold to pack. Instead, I throw handfuls of the powder at him.
"Cut it out!" Peter laughs, walking towards me. I shiver and giggle and keep throwing snow.
"Take me inside, please," I command, holding my arms out. He grins and picks me up.
Before opening the door, Peter brushes the snow off of my leggings. I get goosebumps.
Inside, Simon's mother is standing in the kitchen, arms folded. "You two are making so much noise! Interrupting my romance movie," she says, smiling and shaking her head. I know Michelle's been over a lot lately, helping his mother slip out of depression.
"Sorry," I say, slipping out of Peter's arms.
"Yeah, sorry, Ryleigh kept screaming."
I punch Peter's arm and laugh. "We'll go back downstairs. You should have some brownies and ice cream. Have a nice night, Miss Anderson."
Peter picks me up and carries me back down stairs. I don't complain this time, since he drops me on the couch instead. He notices my shivering and pulls me close to him to warm up.
"Now will you tell me what you were about to say?" I ask.
"I don't know. I don't want to keep anything from you, but I don't want you to see my bad side."
"It can't be that bad."
Peter looks like he's debating it. I press a cold hand to his cheek and kiss his lips, hoping to persuade him.
"You aren't making this any easier," Peter says. He has yet to kiss me anywhere besides my forehead.
I take his right hand in my left, which was sitting on my leg until then. I reposition myself so that my head is on his arm, instead of it being in the middle of my back, which wasn't very comfortable.
"How about, if I promise to stay the entire night, will you tell me? I won't leave, I'll listen the entire time."
"I wouldn't want you to stay if you didn't want to."
"Stop being so respectful and spit it out. I know I sound harsh but you won't feel better until you say it. On a smaller scale, by telling my parents everything, it made me feel better."
"I was the one who broke in."
A pause. It became clear he had no intention of speaking again for a little while.
"Simon was trying to stop you? It makes so much more sense!" I slap my forehead. I always thought Simon was talking about stealing that night. I didn't know it was about preventing it.
And here comes the big question:
"Why?"
Another pause. Peter looks down on me with pain in his face. He squeezes my hand.
"Simon's mom has been paying for all of my online schooling, clothes, food, everything for eight years. On top of that, she had to pay for Simon and she was struggling to keep her job. I thought, if I could get her some money, maybe she'd be a little less stressed. She isn't even fifty, yet most of her hair has turned gray. Are you mad?"
"Of course not. Peter, you're a respectful guy. You just made a bad decision. You were trying to help her. I can't blame you."
"But it's all my fault." He begins shaking and crying. I straddle his lap and hold his face.
"I'm not saying I'd glad that Simon is gone, but look at all the things that have happened. Michelle probably would've gotten an abortion, which would ruin us. Simon's mother would continue to struggle financially. I wouldn't have met you. I bet Simon wants us to see all of these things. He wants us to be happy."
And so for the first time, Peter kisses me full on the lips. And it's feels amazing.
"I'm sorry. Ryleigh, you're too good for me."
"Excuse me, I'll determine that," I say, kissing him again. Peter holds my hips as I wrap my arms around his neck. I've never felt how soft his hair is until today.
"I really do love you," he says, smiling and brushing a strand of hair out of my face.
"I really do love you, too."
Eventually I rolled over to sit on his lap. We watched news channels until the New Year's Eve special came on, broadcasting all of the reporters in Times Square. At midnight Eastern time, Peter and I stood up to have a traditional Midnight Kiss.
"Are you sure you've never kissed a girl? You're amazing."
"Maybe you're just awful, too," Peter says, laughing.
We watched a lot of the music artists perform. I told Peter that they should've gotten Billy Joel to perform and that I'd pay to watch him sing live.
"Noted." I wasn't' sure that meant but I didn't focus too hard. I was having a good time.
"Completely forgot about the champagne for children," I say, grabbing the bottle. I take a large gulp and prepare myself to burp.
After that, we took turns swallowing the carbonated drink and belching. Peter thinks he won, but it was definitely me.
Peter fell asleep before me. As promised, I didn't leave. I still have full intentions of staying until morning.
I pull my phone out of my pocket. I got to inbox and scroll down until I find Simon's last message. It was sent that night, around eight o'clock at night.
I have to go take care of something. We still good for Friday?
I never responded to him.
A few days before, he sent one introducing the event on that Friday.
Mich says she'll be out of town this weekend. Wanna come over? There's someone I'd like you to meet.
I remember how he used to call her Mich, pronounced like Mitch. I was a sucker for romance and thought it was the cutest thing. I wonder if Simon wanted to introduce me to Peter. If he truly believed Peter would love to meet me, why didn't he do it sooner? Why'd it have to happen after he left?
I shut my phone off and throw it onto the floor. I pull the blanket tighter over me and wedge myself between Peter's arm and his side. So much has changed in four months.
It's only a matter of time before Michelle gives birth and we graduate high school. I have to figure out what I'm going to do at that point. Now, I'm thinking about staying. Why leave when I can do college online, keep a job, help support Michelle, and be surrounded by my favorite people?
I completely forgot to tell Peter the genders of the twins. I didn't hesitate to start punching his chest until he woke up.
"Whattt?"
"They're going to be one girl and one boy!"
"Finally. I thought you weren't planning on telling me."
"No secrets from each other. Let's make a pinky-promise."
Peter rolls his eyes but complies. Then he kisses me once more and says, "Goodnight."
The next morning, I wake up grinning. I must've fallen asleep that way. First thing that happened when I opened my eyes, though, was a kiss from Peter. He sure isn't shy anymore, not that I mind.
Sadly, I had to go home. On the way out, we paused to kiss some more, but I had already opened the front door so cold air was getting in. Simon's mother didn't question, but I did see her smile at him as I waved goodbye.
What an amazing world we live in!
1/24/16
Been a year since I published! Sorry for the delay, time got past me. Anyway, this girl gets her temps tomorrow! Oh, and such an eventful chapter.