Stuart
Breakfast was awkward and silent. The weight of what we'd do settled among us heavily, each one handling the situation in a particular way. Beyond the fear, I felt embarrassment. The memory of what I did was still fresh on my mind; whenever I caught Oliver glancing my way I remembered the heated kiss and the choice I made.
I couldn't pretend I wasn't attracted to him and his attentive blue eyes but I knew that was entirely different, and way less intense, than what I felt for Harry. I gave into temptation but I also followed Sienna's advice, even though it pained me. I made my move and showed Oliver some interest, a gesture that would secure my future if things went wrong. Obviously none of it would matter, considering Harry had noticed I lied to him, once again. I was preparing myself for the worse, for the dreadful conversation we'd have once he broke up with me.
Confusion and gloom clouded my thoughts, my hands gripping the tea mug tightly. Not even the camomile was calming me, but I suspected not even an opioid would at that point. I felt like I was constantly disappointing others , swaying like a leave in heavy wind, not sure what I was doing with my life. We had a short term goal but I worried about our next steps. How would I draw Gaston out of hiding? Would I be able to kill him when the time came? Those thoughts swirled in my mind but the more I thought about, the blurrier my answers became.
"I think we should get going. The visit through the castle lasts a couple hours, so we can slip away unnoticed and come back before the group leaves. We don't want to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves." Everyone nodded along Miles' words. We had revised the plan millions of times, thought about everything that could go wrong. These people were willing to sacrifice themselves for me and I honestly had no words to express the gratitude I felt.
My heart hammered inside my chest, the idea of visiting my old living place completely surreal. I knew it had been there long before I was born and it would probably still be there for long but I had somewhat convinced myself that the castle and the life I led there were only a distant dream. Each passing year solidified that lie inside my brain, but coming back would undo everything I fought so hard to forget.
Everyone got up and picked their own belongings. Maps, flashlights, food, water. I knew Oliver and Miles had guns but I never saw the objects. I had my own pocket knife safely tucked inside my bag too, the irony of my action not lost in me. We got inside the car silently, no one daring to break the bothersome lack of conversation. Sienna gently squeezed my hand and I looked into her preoccupied eyes, smiling a bit.
I paid careful attention to the beautiful scenario outside, the winter unforgiven and always a trusted reminder that some things were unaltered, no matter how much time passed. I couldn't focus properly on my thoughts, jumping from one subject to another without much conviction. I tried to breathe slowly, to focus on something other than the impeding situation but I couldn't, anxiety seeping through every pore of my body.
"We're here." Miles announced a few minutes later. As promised, the car ride took less than twenty minutes and as I laid eyes on my old house an unspeakable emotion took over me. The memories rushed in like I expected, and as we got closer to the old building my heartbeat fastened considerably. I felt weirdly exposed, as if someone would recognise me and throw me in jail. That thought was ridiculous but it kept haunting me, along with images of my old friends' faces.
Oliver opened the back door and offered me a hand, helping me out the car as I realised everyone had already left. He squeezed my fingers and looked deeply into my eyes, reminding me of the way Sienna's mum used to do the same before her swimming lessons.
"You can do this, Charlotte. I'm here for you, everyone is." I nodded, getting out of the high SUV with his aid. I dropped his hand after a couple seconds, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. Beside us, many tourists walked towards the entrance of the castle. Even though it was a Sunday morning everyone chatted excitedly, marvelling over the old building.
I looked up and felt the tears filling my eyes; everything seemed exactly the same, I could almost see myself running in the lawn with my dogs closing in behind me. I saw Harry in his official attire, a sword permanently in his waist. There were also images of my mother and her attentive eyes as I took unpleasant walks with Gaston, right before we got married. The ghost of my past overwhelmed me as I took cautious steps torwards the main group of visitors waiting for the guides.
"You lived here?" Arthur whispered in disbelief. Trapped inside my own mind and memories I barely acknowledged the other's reactions, but as I scanned their faces I saw disbelief and maybe even a bit of pride. Listening to my story was one thing, having the chance to witness it first hand was definitely another.
"Yeah, Oliver did too." Unlike the others, his blue eyes scanned every corner of the place with recognition, not surprise. I wanted to keep a healthy distance between us but I also needed his support. He was the only one that understood how many memories the historical spot held.
"This is beyond crazy." Arthur shook his head, matching paces with Sienna. I, on the other hand, walked faster, beside Oliver. He smiled a bit, pointing discreetly towards a closed area. I knew precisely to where the path led, and I shared a conspiratorial look with him.
"I know what you're thinking about." I began, lowering my tone just in case the family in front of us spoke English. "Do not mention that kiss." I advised. He seemed amused by my heated cheeks, smirking before answering.
"Which kiss? The one I stole inside that bloomy garden so many years ago?" I rolled my eyes at his teasing words but chuckled a bit nevertheless.
"Stop it, Oliver." I scolded him. He just kept smirking until I turned away and focused on the large group. They all seemed attentive enough, listening to the tour guide give general instructions. I looked at Miles and nodded, signalling that we wouldn't be with the large group for long.
"I'm going to the car and I'll be waiting you for you at the end of the hidden path." He mumbled in my ear. Our group slowly moved away from the eager tourists, blending with the trees until we were out of sight. Sienna and Arthur looked around uneasily, probably unsure if I'd be able to find my way through the woods. I knew the path like I knew my own body and would be able to sneak away blindfolded.
"I don't want to take this lightly but fuck, I'm totally feeling like James Bond." I rolled my eyes at Arthur's comment although a small smile crept across my face. We took long and rapid strides, all of them following behind me. I could feel Oliver's eyes on me, occasionally glancing around and trying to find anything that would possibly incriminate us. There were no cameras around, they wouldn't bother with that, but I knew some guards could occasionally patrol the perimeter and find us roaming.
"I used to hunt here." Oliver said, keeping the conversation between us. I nodded, remembering that particular fact. Whenever men were bored they wandered around the outskirts of the castle and hunted innocent rabbits. I always abhorred that sort of entertainment but my husband was a great encourager of those things.
"I remember. I always hated those senseless things." I answered truthfully. Oliver nodded along but I could see how his mind wandered somewhere else. We were in our old house, walking around the same paths centuries later. Every step I took felt surreal, almost as if I was about to wake up from a long, absurd dream. I was scared, my legs moving fast but my heart beating even faster. If I allowed myself time to really think about where I was, what had happened, I would surely stand still and cry for a long time. Visiting the old ruins of the place I last saw Harry was an impossible task, but one I was obliged to fulfil if I ever wanted to have a real future in this period of time.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets, feeling the cold air invading my gloved hands. I recognised the discreet left turn we'd have to make just a few feet ahead, signalling that we'd soon be reunited with Miles. The prospect of a warm car gave me the push I needed to continue. I distanced myself a bit from the others, faintly listening to Arthur and Sienna enquiring Oliver about the old days. I had no desire to take part in their conversation, my mind solely focused on one thing.
The image of my old dagger burned inside my mind; I recalled every single precious gemstone, every small intricate design of the base. I was ready to search and find that object. If I had to return home empty handed I had no idea what I'd do. The prospect of Harry accusing me of cheating, breaking up with me and possibly never looking me in the eyes motivated me to keep going. Before I could dwell on my complicated life any further, I saw our rental car just a couple minutes away. Miles waved at us and I walked a bit faster, knowing we couldn't be caught in the path we were in.
"Finally, I was starting to worry for a bit." He squeezed my shoulder gently, opening the back door and helping me up. Sienna and Arthur followed, Oliver taking the front seat. He was, by far, the best one of us interpreting a map. I could guide Miles through the old roads but Oliver had been kind enough to take away that task. Everyone knew these endeavours were taking a toll on my emotions and I was thankful for their attempts to ease my nerves.
"Charlie, I can't believe you lived inside that castle. It's so grand and we weren't even able to go inside." Sienna said, her eyes shining a bit. I nodded, remembering the large corridors and ancient chambers. I promised myself I'd visit it again someday, walk around and see what they had preserved and what had changed.
"Yeah, you would've loved the small perks. The new dresses were indeed my favourite part." Sienna smirked knowingly, looking at me before shooting Oliver's back a meaningful glance.
"I'm sure you'll give me a taste of that during mum's ball. Have you decided if you're going to bring someone along?" I glared at her, surprised with the ambush. I could feel Oliver's eyes on me through the rear-view mirror. He was not expectant, merely curious, although I could hardly pay attention to him, considering Sienna's small betrayal.
"I'll think about it when we get back home. I'm sure Linda will be able to spare me another invitation if I ask." My tone was decisive, ending the conversation immediately. I wanted to pinch Sienna like she used to do whenever Arthur pissed her off, but I knew I shouldn't. We were approaching the place where Miles would stop the car; somewhere we could hid the vehicle without raising suspicion.
"We're here." Oliver announced, pointing towards our rendezvous point. Miles parked perfectly, getting out of the car and walking around a bit. There was not much to see; the trees hid our spot but if someone passed by they'd see the black vehicle easily. Aside from nature, the only other thing I acknowledged was the old path towards the dreadful cottage. I shared a meaningful look with Oliver, knowing he'd recognise it too. Despite the cold air, I felt my hands sweating a bit, legs shaking and taking unsteady steps.
We all picked up our small bags filled with the objects we'd need, closing the car and gathering in a circle. I placed my hand on Sienna's elbow and pulled her aside for a bit, whispering in her ear what I couldn't say in the car.
"Don't you ever do that again. I don't respond well when people trick me into doing something and put me in uncomfortable positions." I glared at her one more time, seeing the way my words and my tone affected her. She looked surprised and a bit scared; I had never spoken to Sienna harshly, but she deserved it. I had far too many things to worry about; I wouldn't allow her to add another problem in the pile without consulting me.
Ignoring the harsh exchange between us, I looked around my small group and nodded at them. Even though no one inside that circle was perfect, I knew they were doing everything within their reach to help me and for that I was eternally grateful.
"I know how many dangerous outcomes we may face during this small trip." I begun, feeling my eyes a bit watery. " I know being here has a personal cost to all of us, but I just wanted to thank you for never giving up on me, for supporting me through this fucked up journey. I want you to know I don't take your presence here lightly." They all nodded along, each one hugging me tightly before Oliver and I started to walk, the other three trailing behind us.
It was a silent journey. The only major noise was the constant thumping of our boots against the cold floor. I looked around constantly, almost expecting Gaston to get out of the woods and surprise us. That small nightmare never turned into reality, but once we were mere meters away from the ruins, I stopped. My entire body was numb, eyes seeing images that no longer existed. I was in a trance, remembering the red dress I wore during that weekend.
The silky material against my skin, my torso wrapped in a tight corset and the well-rehearsed breaths I learned to take in order to endure the daily activities without passing out due to lack of oxygen. I could feel the steady walk of the horse I rode, Harry's beside mine as we shared childhood stories. Above all those feeble memories, I remembered his green irises during the fall, complementary to the yellowish scenario that surrounded us. He was always attentive and loving, staring deeply into my amber eyes with nothing but sincerity. I wondered if he'd still choose me had he known what fate would bring upon us; despite all the awful things that happened, I had a feeling he would always be true to his heart.
"Take a deep breath, Charlotte. I know you can do this." Oliver's voice brought me back from my loving trance. The cottage was no longer the once cosy and warm place I visited, it was just a meaningless ruin once again. I did as he told, breathing slowly but feeling nothing but fear inside me. The other's were already by the doors, inspecting every inch of the place as I stayed behind with him.
"I can't do this." I mumbled, throat hoarse. He placed his hand around my waist and steadied my body. We were close physically but I appreciated the respect I felt emanating from him. There was no room for flirtatious comments or stolen glances; Oliver knew how impossible the task was and he wanted to help me.
"We need you to go inside and find that damned dagger. I'll walk with you to the bedroom." I leant against him as a sick person would. As we walked inside, I could feel all eyes on me, their concern filling the air. I could hardly pay attention to others as I crossed the threshold and saw the emptiness where once two lovers shared their last moments.
"Time consumed everything." I mumbled to myself, thinking about the old furniture and decorations. The only remains were dust and the fireplace, although a thick layer of vines covered most things. I looked around in desperation, removing the plants and slowly inching closer to the bedroom I once shared with the love of my life. There was no longer a door, only rotten wood that surely had been far too castigated by the weather over time.
"Charlotte don't hyperventilate." Oliver softly whispered in my ear, rubbing small circles in my back. I hadn't noticed but I stopped in front of the dreadful room, blinded by my own tears. I knew my sobbing was not pretty and if I couldn't calm myself I would most likely have a panic attack, but I couldn't stop. The only thing inside my mind was blood, my fingers sticky and my fingernails dirty from Harry's blood. The images were mixed and distasteful, alternating between a few months ago and centuries prior. Harry, Harry, Harry, you're doing this for him, I told myself, trying to find some strength.
"You're the bravest person I've met and if you don't look around you'll be giving Gaston the satisfaction of controlling you even after all this time. I believe in you, Charlie." His encouraging words and soothing touches gave me the tiniest bit of hope. I looked into his blue eyes and nodded, lacing our fingers and walking inside together. Oliver's grip on my hand never faltered, both of us looking around and trying to see something that was out of the ordinary.
The ornate stained glass windows were broken but still held some of the beauty they originally did but the colourful ornaments were secondary in my mind. I walked around, feeling wobbly as I knelt on the floor and started to look through the dirt. Oliver mimicked my actions but unlike me he kept his cool; my tears wet the ground as I groaned in frustration, removing the old bricks and looking underneath them but never finding useful things. I knew we needed to work fast before someone found our car.
My fingers and knees were dirty but I hardly paid attention to the minor inconvenience. I could hear the others working on the entire house, probably way faster than me, but once I touched a small cold stone my heart almost stopped. I picked up my findings, looking at it in disbelief.
My old wedding ring twinkled a bit as I held it against the sunlight. Oliver saw my new discovery and knelt beside me. He knew what that meant, his eyes clouding a bit at the sight of the sapphire.
"It's not here, Oliver." I said frantically, placing the blue stone inside my pocket and throwing rocks around, searching through the empty floor and hurting my fingers in the process. I barely noticed the torn skin as I screamed until I couldn't do it anymore.
"It's not here!" I said again, hitting the floor with closed fists and feeling my heart break all over again. In that moment I knew Gaston had been there and retrieved the only object that could destroy his plan. He left that ring to mock me, to taunt me and make me lose my temper, exactly as I was doing. My mind immediately wandered back to Harry and the only thing I could think about as I looked around and saw my worried friends was what he'd say the next time we met.
Everyone was afraid to approach me; they looked worried as I made inhuman noises, sobbing and sometimes even laughing during the whole thing. Even I was afraid of myself, laying on the dirty and screaming. After what felt like hours, I heard small, delicate steps approaching me. Sienna knelt down and kissed the top of my head, reminding me of my mother.
"We're here for you." She mumbled, cradling me in her arms as I crashed down one more time.