Rory squeezed her tight so she couldn't leave. "I love you. It doesn't matter to me now. But it will matter to most of the others."
The words sounded great, but it was clear that he would always feel like he had given something up to be with her. She thought she might love him too, but wasn't sure she wanted to be with him if he felt like he'd settled for her.
A shiver of dread went down her spine. Julie unwrapped herself from Rory, trying to ignore the cold feeling that swept over her as she got up and walked a few feet away. She turned around to face him and closed her eyes to block out the pained look on his face.
"I have so many questions. But I can't think about us in all this. I'm starting to understand why you stayed with Melissande. I know you believe what you're saying now, and I want it to be true, but what if you regret it...me...us again? I'm not sure what this is between us, but what if it isn't enough? What if we both give up everything, and it isn't enough?"
"It was enough for your parents."
That was what kept Andromeda here. She loved Lir, but was there more. She felt this kind of compulsion to be with him, to give up her dreams to have a life with him. Would she be happier if she walked away and forgot them all, able to live where she wanted? But she couldn't leave him. If she did, she would lose her family too.
This painted Lir like a monster, but he wasn't. He must have given up his family, told them that he chose to be with her too. What was it like for him to have to be responsible for her—to want her to be happy but always have a tainted view of their relationship? He might have to step in and take away memories of himself and their children any time she asked if she wanted to walk away.
No, it wasn't like this for her parents. They loved each other. They tried to work with what they could to have a life together.
Julie opened her eyes. He was staring at her like he wanted to grab her and never let her go. Would they have what her parents had?
"But they left. I don't know why they had to leave, but it's like you said—others wouldn't understand. Do you want to leave here, leave your family forever? I know you want to have kids here. I don't...I can't live here."
She didn't want to be trapped here with someone who wasn't sure about her, someone that loved her despite themselves. She wanted more than that.
Tears streamed down her face. It hurt to think about their relationship logically. To understand that no matter how they felt about each other now, the difference between them would kill it over time. These differences were like a slow poison hiding in the drug of being together. The longer they were together, the worse it would hurt. It already felt unbearable now.
She didn't want to waste years trying to be happy with him or watching him trying to be happy with her. She wanted to have a chance to live her dreams. To find someone else. So she wouldn't have this physical connection, but she would have a partner to live out her life with. She wanted different things than he did, and it wasn't fair for one of them to give up everything for the other. That would only lead to bitterness.
Rory got up and put his arms around her. She cried into his shoulder as he rubbed her back.
"I don't think this is going to work."
"Julie, I love you. I want you. It isn't the connection. I'm an idiot. I was scared. I'm not now. I will face whatever I need to be with you. I should have from the beginning."
"Get away from my sister!"
Rory stiffened. Julie looked up. Jamie stood in the entrance to the alcove, fists clenched. He was shaking.