We were now upstairs in the bedroom, she watched me intensely as I paced up and down the room trying to think of way to tell her. I knew this day would come but I didn't think it would have come so soon, nor did I think it would have been this hard.
I finally stopped pacing and I took a seat beside her on the bed, she reached out and held my hand. She then turned my face to face her and she looked deep into my eyes and she whispered.
Kemmie- Baby it cant be that bad.
I closed my eyes and thought of what to say and as I began to think I realised that Kemmie never knew I knew Shantay, and as I thought more about the situation I realised that I had put my family in danger by messing with her. If I hadn't been feeling sorry for myself and allowed myself to get caught up in the moment that night at the party none of this would have ever happened.
She had come looking for me and decided that because she couldn't have me she'd try and destroy what I loved the most. That angered me, the fact that she had taken advantage of someone vulnerable at the time, someone I loved more than life itself; it made my blood boil and I knew right at that moment that I didn't regret what I had done to her. Because where I come from its an eye for an eye ....
Me- I killed her Kemmie.
She was silent for a bit, still firmly holding my hand.
Kemmie- Rion, what are you talking about baby?
Me- Shantay, the girl that hurt you and put you into hospital I killed her. I knew Shantay, I had met her a party and Slim introduced us. We got to talking, she knew my brother and she was telling me about how they knew each other and etc. Then one thing turned into another and I ended up back at her place and we did our thing.
I was lonely Kemmie, I felt like at the time you had no use for me I was just another person in your life helping you through your difficult time, all you wanted was Drake and I cant lie I was jealous and I know it sounds wrong because his not here and I am but I felt like I was dead the more I tried the more you pushed me away like you had no use for me, but I never gave up because I loved you and as much as I'd have liked to walk away and say fuck it I couldn't because my love for you wouldn't let me.
I never felt anything for her, she made me feel good for a few minuets and after it was done things went back to normal and when I left her house and made my way back to the ends I was still just Clumzy, no one special. I'd have given anything for it to have been you, I only beat her twice and after the second time I just couldn't do it anymore. In a way I felt like I was betraying you, if I loved you as much as I said I did then why was I there laying in another chicks bed. You wasn't officially mine yet but in my head you was, and I couldn't do it anymore.
I made the decision to wait for you, for as long as it would take. I knew you'd come around eventually but all I had to do was wait and I loved you that much, that I waited. And I made a promise to myself that there would be no more girls, my main focus was you and Dj and trying to fix up the place we were going to live in and I made it my priority. But though I was ready to close the chapter on her, she wasn't.
She kept phoning and phoning and eventually she called me and told me she got raped, to this day I don't know if it was true but I don't think anyone should have to go through that. And I decided to go there and to see if she was ok, when I went there she told me she was in love with me and I told her no she'd only seen me twice, we'd never even had a proper conversation.
I left her house and I hadn't seen her again, she even stopped calling eventually. Then she hurt you, her friend told me how she'd seen me and Slim in KFC and followed us back to the ends they followed us up to the block and they watched as me and you stood outside and had a convo.
Then when you went to get your bigger she attacked you.
When I found out I wasn't even able to think straight I just knew I had to kill her, there was no way you were going to die on me while she ran around free with not a care In the world.
So we planned it, me, Flawless and Slims. We went to her house and we killed her and I'm not sorry Kemmie. I'm not sorry I killed her because people like her shouldn't be on this earth.
Kemmie- But that's not up to you Rion, I don't believe that you did this.
Me- I did Kemmie, I shot her twice right in her chest on her stairs in her house; I did it.
She jumped up off the bed and backed away from me with horror on her face. Tears filled her eyes and as she blinked they spilled all down her cheek, her eyes were wide open and as her back touched the wall she placed her hand over her mouth and shook her head repeatedly.
Kemmie- No you wouldn't do this, not you! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!!
Me- What?
Kemmie- TELLING THESE LIES!
She said sliding down the wall in tears.
Me- Kemmie there not lies, I DID IT!!!!
She was silent for a minuet as she searched my eyes to see if I was telling the truth. Her eyes grew wide as realised that I was....
Kemmie- NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT NOOOOOOO!!!
She sobbed, I walked over to her and I bent down to pick her up but she leapt up off the floor and backhanded me so hard I stumbled back for a second.
Kemmie- YOU'RE A FUCKING MONSTER!!!!!!!
She screamed.
Kemmie- GET OUT !!!
She said throwing the lamp
Kemmie- GET OUT NOW, BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!!!
Me- No you wouldn't do that, Kemmie don't do this!
Kemmie- I SAID GET OUT!!! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER OR YOU'LL BE SORRY.
Me- Kemmie
Kemmie- I SAID GETTTTTT OUTTT!!!
She screamed throwing down the wardrobe.
Me-I DID THIS FOR YOU!!!!
Kemmie- NO!!! YOU DID THIS BECAUSE YOU FELT GUILTY, YOU FELT GUILTY FOR FUCKING HER AND THAT'S WHY YOU DID THIS. I WOULD NEVER ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, I WOULD NEVER WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, I HATE YOU RION. THERE IS NO LOVE FOR YOU, LEFT INSIDE OF ME!!!! NOW GET OUT, BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE.
She picked up the phone and held it to her chest.
Me- Fine if that's what you want, but just know this. Everyday while you were in hospital I came everyday at 8oclock and I stayed until 6 praying to god and asking him to bring you back to me just so I could make you happy. Look around this house, everything I've done in here I did it for you and with you in mind. Look in the room next door, that's not my son but I'm here, day in and day out helping you to look after him and I love him; I love him like his my own. I risked going jail just so I could have enough money to support you and him so I could get you nice things and take you both to nice places.
I go work everyday and work hard so that he can have a better life than I did, when I come home though I'm tired and his little he doesn't understand I make sure I spend at least and hour with him so he could see my face and get use to me so he could feel loved and wanted.
And I did all these things, not because you asked me too or because I'm expecting something back. I did it for the simple fact that I love you, and because to see you happy makes my life worth living. It makes getting out of bed each morning that much easier to know that your happy...
Kemmie when I walk out those doors tonight I will still love you and for the rest of my life I will probably still love you until the day my eyes close forever but just know I'm not coming back, this time when I leave I'm gone. GONE for GOOD.....
She turned her back and took off the engagement ring and rested it neatly on the bedside table and left the room and said.
Kemmie- I never want to see you again.
As I watched her walk away, she took my heart with her.
My whole life came crashing down before my eyes, and for the second time I cried but this time it was different this time I cried from so deep inside of me that every tear that fell hurt more than the last.
I grabbed my bag and packed my passport and a few clothes, when I was done I went to see DJ. I kissed him.....
Me- I love you little guy, I hope you know that. I'll think about you and your mum everyday, I love her soo much but she cant see that right now. I wish I could be here to watch you grow up. Your first little teeth, your first steps, your first word. But just know If I had a choice I wouldn't have missed any of it for the world.
I let go of his small hands and picked up my bag and then I went into De'angelo's room.
Me- Life has a funny way of fucking up for me just when things are going well, but I guess I'm use to it now. I can never be happy for long, I've realised that happy isn't something I'm meant to be.
I can say well I'm just going to take it like a man and move on and find someone new, but I love her Dee and I don't think anyone I find could make me as happy as she does.
I love everything about her, from the way she smiles down to the way she sleeps. The way she bits her lips when she nervous, the way she calls my name, the way she laughs, the way she cares for me in a way no one else can.
Words cannot describe how much pain I'm in right now. I'm in so much pain I could barley walk, think, talk all I want to do is lock myself away and wait to die because I rather be dead than not have her in my life.
As I was about to close the door, I felt his presence and even more tears rolled lazily down my face.
I closed the door and made my way downstairs, I looked into the kitchen and she was sat at the table with her back towards me, I couldn't even say goodbye.
I just opened the door and allowed the cool breeze to run through my jacket, then I zipped it up and turned back once more to look at the girl I loved. Then I closed the door and looked out at all the bright lights coming from peoples houses.
And as I made my way downstairs and got in my car I drove away leaving EVERYTHING I loved behind me.