Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
– Maya Angelou
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Why don't you go after them" Maama suggested pointing at Akram and Ahmad that went to get bottled water to drink, "Get the juice you said you wanted"
"It's okay" I shook my head. I'd rather stay thirsty than meet him.
Afra surprisingly hadn't shown any signs of being upset with me since the previous night. I figured out she knew about us; i use the term us loosely since there isn't an 'us'.
"I can't wait to get back home" she slumped against the airport seat beside me. "I'm going to sleep for twelve hours. Shopping has taken all of my energy"
I smiled and nodded unable to say anything.
"Here"
I felt my heartbeat double its rate at his voice as he stood right in front of me.
"You asked for water right?" he asked Afra
I relaxed a bit knowing he wasn't talking to me and I looked the other way.
"Yeah"
He walked away after handing her what he got for her and I watched him stride towards an empty seat a bit far away from all of us. I watched him sit and his eyes locked with mine. He promptly looked away and turned his attention to his phone. I saw a smile on his face as he read something and I felt like I'd been slapped.
I continued to sulk until we were called to board and I held Abu's hand. Mentally calculating the order in which we had checked in; Afra had checked in right before me so she was no doubt my seat mate.
I helped Abu into his seat with Adil and helped Maama tuck away her hand luggage after tucking away mine in the cabinet above before taking my seat. Afra and Akram joined us together as they talked about something with Akram in front. They came to a stop in the middle of the isle where their two seats were on the opposite of the isle. Afra sat down on what I had presumed to be Akram's seat but was proved wrong.
So he was my seatmate.
"Afra?" Akram called
"Hmm?" she answered looking away from Ahmad who she was just speaking to.
"Let's switch seats" he instructed with a frown on his face. I looked away, out the window; a bit hurt at his suggestion before reminding myself that this was good.
"No"
I looked back to the two of them to make sure I wasn't mistaking.
Did she just...
"Excuse me?" he looked at her perplexed
She leaned closer so only the three of us could hear what she was saying. "Don't pull me into this" she said circling her fingers in the air
"Whatever" Akram mumbled before aggressively pushing his bag into the cabinet and shutting it hard then slumping angrily into the seat beside me.
And I thought the ride here from home was long
XXX
"What's that?" Maama asked. Afra and I looked at where Maama's attention was to find Akram pulling a black duffel bag towards the main door.
"My clothes" He replied standing up straight.
"Where are you taking your clothes?" She asked again
"To my apartment in the hospital" he replied
"Why..." she asked confused at his straight answers
He shrugged
"If you need more clothes you can just come home and take a few" Afra spoke, "Why are you packing everything?"
"It's not everything" he defended, "I just need more clothes since I'll be staying a while"
"What?" Maama frowned, "Why?"
"I just need to concentrate on work" he shrugged, "Nothing serious"
Maama nodded though not totally convinced. His sister and mother said their goodbyes and I watched in silence as he pulled his bag and walked out the house.
I stood up and left.
XXX
"I knew there was something" My sister declared after Afra spilled the beans. "I sensed it the day you guys came over Afra. He couldn't keep his eyes off Maheen. I just knew it"
"I know you knew okay? Let's just stop talking about this please" I pleaded Afra that was seated with her cross legs tucked under her, facing me on my bed as I stuffed Abu's coloring books into his bag.
"So your brother left the house?" Aisha asked Afra totally ignoring my request. "And it's been a month?! And I'm just hearing about this now?!" Aisha scolded Afra and I.
"Hmm" Afra confirmed, "But he's just being childish. He'll come back" she said staring at me; her own kind way of reducing my guilt.
"That's very nice of you to try to blame him for my fault" I said to her.
She shook her head. "I might be his sister, but I'm your best friend..." she trailed off looking at me pointedly.
I confirmed her sentence "Yes...you are my best friend" I chuckled
She grinned, "Exactly. Yeah and as a best friend I say he pushed you too far"
I nodded though I didn't really agree.
"This is too complicated for my liking" Aisha's sigh came through the speakers, "I should go; I have an assignment to finish up"
"Okay Goodnight" Both Afra and I said to her before she ended the call.
"I'm think I have a sore throat" Afra complained
"You should drink something hot" I advised her
She nodded and got up then stopped. "I think the only Tea I've seen on the dining table is Ya Akram's strawberry tea"
"Then" I said ignoring how my heart picked up at the sentence, "What's wrong with that?"
"Taking tea at midnight isn't exactly my sort of thing plus the fact that it's strawberry..." she scowled
I smiled a little, "But it'll help. Just take it" I instructed
She sighed, "I guess I have to" she slipped on her furry Minnie mouse slippers, "You want some?" she asked
I thought about it.
"No. Thanks"
XXX
I knelt down on the floor and began arranging the washed lettuce in the humidity drawers.
"I really don't know what's up with our son Ibrahim" Maama said into the phone kept away from her in order not to get it wet because of the vegetables she was rinsing.
I looked at her in concern as her tone was giving away her worry.
"One day he tells us he's ready to settle down the next he's telling me he's moving out of the country"
My interest peaked.
Moving out of the country? Was he that angry at me?!
"Moving out of the country?" Mr. Ibrahim asked over the phone mirroring my confusion. "We didn't have that discussion"
"Yeah" she rolled her eyes. "He said something about enrolling in the hospital's foreign program. He said he's most likely going to end up in an African village with no internet or mobile network. Apparently all the fancy places are taken" She shook her head in distaste then dropped the carrots she was holding into the water in frustration, "He's serious Ibrahim" She stated, "I don't like this"
"I don't like it either. I'll tell him I don't agree"
I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding
"No" Maama sighed, "Don't do that" she said deflated
What?
"You want to let him leave the country? He might be away for a year at a time Aisha and we won't be able to communicate with him"
"I know" she said sadly, "But he sounded genuine about it and I don't want to clip his wings"
No...no...no
"Clip his wings?" Mr. Ibrahim asked outraged, "You're suggesting we let him go?"
"I don't like it any more than you do but he's grown and he can make his own decisions. If he's decided to go to further his career; we should let him. He's trying to make us proud"
No...he's trying to go away from me!
Mr. Ibrahim was quiet for a while and I began silently praying he wouldn't agree.
"Fine" He sighed. "Let him apply for it"
Maama moved on to another topic talking about some family relative that was getting married but I couldn't concentrate on that neither could I concentrate on the work I was supposed to be doing. All I could feel was my heart beat furiously in fright.
How could he even think of leaving?! I asked myself in anger.
And then the fear settled in, would he really leave?
And then the sadness, he really was going to leave me.
XXX
"Ahmad?!" Maama called out to him for the umpteenth time. I folded the carpet I had prayed on and went out to meet her on the corridor. The house was empty; Adil was with friends; Abu was in school and Afra had left the previous day for a sleepover at a cousin's. Only Maama, Ahmad and I were around and I had seen him walk out the gate a few minutes ago.
I informed her.
"Ohh" she hissed, "You have any idea when he's coming back?" She asked frowning
"No, I don't" I shook my head then looking at her slightly worried expression I asked, "Is everything alright?"
"It's nothing sweetheart I was just looking for him to drop off some papers Akram asked for. Most of the drivers are out; the only one left is the new one. He doesn't know Akram's office" she sighed. "And apparently he needs the papers urgently. I'll go get my veil and drive up there"
"I can take it..." I said each word slowly rethinking my decision. "To him"
She looked at me frowning at the strange way I'd spoken.
"I know where he works" I said.
"Alright" she nodded. "Let me get the papers"
She went in to get the papers and I stood there waiting nervously. It was three months since he left and there was nothing that happened in the house that didn't remind me of him. It was like he was haunting me. The kitchen, the living room, the dining table, the balcony, even my own room! Heck even looking at the new door on my bathroom reminds me of how he broke open the old one. There was literally nowhere I could hide from his thoughts. Even reading that I used as a distraction only ended up of reminding myself of our shared love of reading and the books I was dying to hand over to him to read so he could love them as much as I did. I gave up fighting his thoughts after a while and simply welcomed them.
I figured if in three months he hadn't step foot in the house he wasn't going to anytime soon. So I made up my mind to go to him if he wasn't coming to me.
"Here" Maama said handing me the papers.
"Okay" I said. "I'll be back soon"
"Be careful" she patted my cheek and walked away. I went out and described what hospital we were going to before getting into the car ignoring my anxiety.
'No more' I decided
XXX
"Hi" I knocked on the reception table to get the attention of the woman energetically chewing gum and typing away on her phone.
"How may I help you" she drawled without looking up. "I'm looking for...Never mind" I said and hurried towards the corridor where I saw a familiar face.
"Dr. Charles!" I called and watched him halt turning back. His face lit up with a smile as he recognized me.
"Mrs. Nasir" he smiled, "How are you"
I felt revolted by the name he used to call me. "It's Miss" I corrected him "I'm divorced"
"Oh I'm sorry" he said smiling down at me.
"Don't be" I said waving it away. "How are you, where's Catherine?" I asked
"Cat is of duty today. I'll tell her you dropped by though" He said, "What brings you here, I hope everything is well"
"It is. I'm looking for Dr. Akram" I said
"Okay" he nodded. "I'll send him here. It was good to see you" He smiled at me before walking away
I stood in the middle of the quiet corridor in front of some offices and waited. Akram appeared shortly after. He was wearing a blue faded jeans and a red polo shirt with his lab suit. He strode slowly towards me
"Hi" I smiled at him
"Hey" he smiled back, "What are you doing here?"
Seeing him smile at me wiped more of the doubts I had and strengthened my resolve.
"I brought the papers you called for" I said holding them out to him
"Oh" he took them his smile faltering a bit. "Thanks. I'll walk you out" He said walking ahead
"I wanted to talk to you first"
He stopped then waited for me to begin.
"Does it have to be on the corridor?" I asked eyeing the two nurses who walked past smiling unnecessarily at him
"Good afternoon ladies" He smiled back at them
I couldn't resist the urge to glare at them as they replied his greeting with shining teeth before walking away.
"My office's down the corner. Should we go there?" he asked and I nodded trying to reign in the jealousy hormones before speaking. We walked down the corridor to the left and I watched him push open the door at the extreme before walking in the air conditioned room.
"Make yourself comfortable" he said pointing at the single seat behind his desk. I refused and insisted on standing. I couldn't sit; too nervous.
"Everything okay?" he asked as he rummaged his drawer for something.
"It's nothing I just... You haven't been at the house in months" I stated not sure what else to say. The speech I had practiced flew out the window
"Yeah" he said.
"Because of me" I stated
"No..." he shook his head, "I've had, I just," he searched for what to say, "It's work, that's all"
"You don't have to pretend. It's okay"
He looked down, "I was just giving you space after what I did. Figured you wouldn't want me around"
I nodded looking down at my fingers before finding what to say next. "Maama said you're thinking of moving to a village in the middle of nowhere" I stated
"That..." he said and looked away and I caught the glimpse of a small smile on his face. "Uh...It's a possibility" he answered looking me straight in the eye. "Hasn't been confirmed yet"
I nodded not sure what else to say. If just bringing up the topic made him smile then he must be really excited at the idea and suddenly I wasn't so sure what to do. "I should go" I said heading for the door.
"I'll walk you out"
On the silent awkward walk to the parking lot; a million thoughts raced in my head.
What was the worst thing that could happen if I kept quiet?
What was the worst thing that could happen if I spoke up?
Before I could draw a pros and cons list seeing us approach the car; I decided to go against the rational part of me and stopped walking.
"What about your parents?" I blurted
"What about my parents?" he asked confused
"What would they think about..."I gulped, "us" I whispered out the last part
"Well I don't know. I didn't tell them any of them. And it's good I didn't they wouldn't have stopped talking. No need to think about that now" he said and began walking again but I stood still in my spot.
He looked back at me, "Are you okay?" He asked genuine concern of my sanity evident on his face.
I took a deep breath before I spoke again, "I'm sorry about what I did the other day. You went through a lot to make that date special for me and I did enjoy it then ruined everything"
"It's okay" he shrugged. "You don't have to apologize. I had no right to say those things. You were right"
"No" I shook my head. "You were right. I keep trying to live in the past and I'm keeping myself from doing what I really want. Keeping myself away from who I really want"
I saw his eyes grow bigger but he said nothing.
"I want to do this" I admitted. "But I don't think a this can work when you're off in a village..." I smiled and I watched him walk closer
"Yeah..." he nodded standing in front of me. "It won't" he looked around thoughtfully then pretended to have gotten an idea, "But then I could just not submit the application" he said trying to look serious, "Yeah. I think that's an option" he said then sighed dramatically, "But what could possibly make me stay? I mean going to live in a forest is really tempting. I need a good reason to stay"
I rolled my eyes and tried to say something but it ended up being too low to be heard and too high pitched.
The joy in his eyes was enough to tell me how much he was enjoying this and he quickly wiped all traces of it and looked serious, "I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that. Mind coming again?"
I swallowed the pride and shyness that seemed to envelope me and forced out a sentence without my voice becoming too high pitched "Stay for us"
He couldn't hold the grin any longer. "I think I can do that. If you promise me to think about marrying me"
"There's nothing to think about" I said and watched the grin on his face disappear.
"What" he groaned, "I thought we were making progress" he said looking defeated
I almost laughed out loud at his small boy expressions.
"I meant" I said dragging his attention. "Nothing more to think about cause I made a decision"
He raised his brows at me.
"Yes" I said giving an answer to his floating question.
"Yes?" he grinned
"Yes" I said getting contaminated with his ear to ear grin.
So we stood in the middle of a hospital parking lot at around 2pm grinning like the greatest idiots the world has ever seen.
XXX