" Niall?" I asked after 30 minuets.
He was finally asleep.
With my skills I managed to get out of bed without waking him up.
Before I went to the bathroom to switch to pj's, I looked at Niall.
Finally he got to cry and let it all out. It had always been me and he was always the stronger one. Plus, this was the Niall I knew. The Niall who cried when he needed to.
This month was gonna be a long one. We would have to go to Ireland, the press would have to know why ,Niall wouldn't be giving them any attention, people would be tweeting this or even make groups to support Niall. I don't know, I'm just guessing the great fans he has. They've never show me any hate, just comment that I'm beautiful when they see a picture of me, which I think is nonsense since I'm always tired as hell on these pictures.
I was in my own thoughts, done dressing myself in pj's and done brushing my teeth, when I heard Niall's voice.
" Marissa? Marissa where are you?" I guess he was panicking, by the sound of his voice.
I turned off the lights and walked to Niall who was looking all around with his eyes.
" Where did you go?" He asked worried. I saw that he was sweating.
" I just switched clothes and got ready for sleep...are you alright?" I asked and layed down next to him. I took his hand and put it under my cheek.
" I just had this bad dream" He said and shook his head.
" What was it about?" I asked. I was hoping that he didn't think that he dreamed about his father death. Then I would have to tell him all over again.
" Just...nothing that matter" He said and closed his eyes.
" As you wish love" I said and turned off the lights.
I was almost falling asleep when I heard sobbing right next to me.
" Niall?" I asked in the dark.
" It wasn't a dream was it? He's gone" Niall said.
I wanted to cry when I heard him say that.
I moved myself so close to him that I felt his breath on my lips.
" No it wasn't" I said and stroke his cheek. I kissed his lips one time before I let the tip of our noses touch. That was my way to tell him that I was hear right next to him. That he had nothing to be afraid of.
I waited to go to sleep until he was. I knew the feeling of being alone in the dark. Niall saved me from that so now it was my turn.
**
Few days later we dropped the kids at my parents house. They were too young to understand funerals.
The same day we went straight to Ireland. We spend few days there to be with Niall's family. It felt so much better when we were all together then have to grieve all alone.
We left Ireland in peace and Niall promised himself to send his mother and brother ticket to London way more often.
We went straight to Zayn's and Liam's flat the night we landed in London. It was around midnight when we knocked on their door.
" Hey" Liam said and hugged us. " I'm so glad that you are finally here" He said and told us to come on in.
" We can go home if you wanna go to sleep?" I said before I took of my jacket.
" Stop this nonsense and come on in ! I already made tea" He said and walked into the kitchen.
Niall looked at me before he followed Liam.
We sat down around the kitchen table and Liam gave us cups with hot tea in it.
" Where's Zayn?" I asked and took a little sip of my tea.
" I was supposed to wake him up when you were here" Liam said and before I could stop him he was gone.
Niall had his hands around the cup as he stared into it.
I left out a little sigh. I hope that Niall would start cheering up soon. It was so hard seeing him like this.
" Hi you're here" Zayn said and rubbed his eyes when he walked half naked in the kitchen.
He was only on his boxers. I shook my head smiling and stood up to give him a big hug.
When I was done Niall stood up.
" Come here" Zayn said and pulled Niall's hand so Niall almost fell into his arms.
" How are you?" Zayn asked when he let go of Niall.
" Been better" Niall answered shortly and sat down again.
Zayn looked at me worried.
I sat down next to Niall who stared again into his cup.
Liam and Zayn sat down infront of us.
" So I've been with the kids since you left.." Liam said and took a sip of his tea.
" How are they?" I asked. I missed them so much that it hurt.
" It's a little weird..." Liam said and looked me in the eye.
Niall looked quickly up.
" What?" He asked.
" I think that Amelia is being left...out" Liam said.
" What do you mean left out ?" I asked surprised.
" Don't get me wrong, Michael needs the attention he's just a little baby ! But I spend way more time with Amelia since our parents weren't....."
" I knew this would happen" Niall said. I could sense a little anger in his voice.
" What are you saying Liam? " I said a little bit louder than I should.
" I think I understand what you've been telling me about...how you experience your childhood...when I didn't feel the same way at all"
" You got to be kidding me" Niall shot in and ran his fingers through his hair.
" They already picked a favorite one? That's it ! We are never leaving the kids there again" Niall said and stood up. He walked out of the kitchen and we could hear him curse.
He went to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.
I closed my eyes.
" He's still a little bit angry" I almost whispered and opened my eyes.
" I think Niall is right...I mean, look what it did to you Marissa. You ran from home and used drugs" Zayn said and looked at Liam who knew Zayn was right.
" I'm just a little bit worried that Amelia will be left out a lot if she's gonna be there with Michael much" Liam said.
" My daughter is never gonna be left out. Never once in her life" I said and and felt the anger in my head when I thought of my parents. I thought that they learned their lesson when I told them the reason why I was leaving.
I looked at my mom who stood there with a straight line on her face. My dad looked at her and she nodded her head.
" You have 10 minuets to get out of this house" He said and let me go. I rubbed the spots were he had kept his hands.
" You can't just kick me out" I said, they were being ridiculous.
" YES WE CAN AND YOU ARE GOING" My dad had lost it. I looked at mom who didn't show any facial expression.
" Fine" I said and walked into my bedroom and took everything I would need. A picture of me and mom , dad and Liam I threw at the wall. They could go fuck themselves.
When I was done packing all the little things I needed I stormed out. Before I closed the door I turned around and looked at both of them.
" This is all your fault. If you would had asked me once " Are you alright" I might had worked my problems out. So yes you are shitty parents and you should be ashamed. You made me feel stupid, ugly, lonely and the worst of all, worthless. So I hope one day that you will see my dead body on the news and everyone will be pointing at you and whisper about how you are disgusting. If you have three children but only think about two, don't bother having three" I said and was about to storm out but again, I turned around.
" Luckily for you, you only have two now...I hate both of you, I really do....I hope that we will never see each other again" That were my last words to my parents who jaws were on the floor
" Earth calling Marissa" Zayn said and waved his hand in front of me.
" Sorry I was just......thinking" I said and looked out of the window. Why was this memory coming now? It made me just angrier. It made me so angry that I wanted to scream and kick somebody in the face.
I shook my head. I needed to talk about something else.
" Zayn" I said and looked at Zayn.
" Yeah?" He answered and waited for my question.
" This Isabella, she's your girlfriend?" I asked straight out.
A shy smile appeared on Zayn's face and I swear that his cheeks grew red.
" She's amazing" He said and started playing with his fingers.
" Ulallaaa" Liam fooled and poked Zayn who smiled.
" Oh stop being mean Liam, Zayn is talking" I said so Liam stopped but chuckled softly.
" When do I get to meet her?" I asked.
" Probably in Thomas's birthday party....She's really busy at work" Zayn said and ran his fingers through his hair.
" What is she doing?" I asked. I really wanted to know what she was doing for a living.
" She's a..-" Zayn stopped when Niall came out of the bathroom.
" I think we should go and get the kids" Niall said.
Liam and Zayn both looked at me.
" Niall it's 1 in the morning, we told them that we would come around 8" I said and looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall behind Liam.
" I phoned your dad. We are going now" Niall said and opened the outdoor.
" Call us if he loses his mind, you know how he is" Liam said worried when we stood up.
I knew what he meant. After what happened with Ethan many years ago, Niall could lose it every minuet. He was better controlling his anger after the kids were born but still. I understood that he was angry about what happened with Amelia but he would try to fix it the easier way if his dad's death didn't happen at all. Now, Niall was angry all the time. Maura warned me about that something would happen. When someone close to you dies you cry or grieve. But later you will be angry. Be angry at the person because she left you. That's what base Niall is going through right now. He had shed some tears, so the anger is left.
" Love you guys" I said before I closed the door behind me after grabbing the jacket with me.
" Niall honey, do we have to do this?" I asked when I slammed the car door.
Niall started the car and started driving.
"Yes" He answered shortly.
I looked at the table.
" Slow down...you're driving too fast" I tried to say as calm as I could.
" Let me drive Marissa" Niall said and looked at me.
" Alright" I breathed and looked out of the window.
It didn't take us long to drive to my parents house.
" Is this really necessary" I asked when Niall took the key out.
" Believe what you want Marissa...But I don't want my kids with them anymore. They only cause harm" He said and stepped out of the car, leaving me alone.
I didn't want to go in there and face my parents. I would probably yell at them or something. It was because of that stupid memory. I knew that the minuet I would see them this memory would appear in my mind.
I waited. And waited. I stared in front of me and tried to imagine how my life would be if my parents would had loved me like they loved Liam and my little brother Jason.
I heard some noises outside so I looked out of Niall's window. He was holding Amelia in one hand and Michael in the other. They were both asleep.
My parents were standing on their PJ's , yelling at Niall who didn't even listen to them.
Niall stopped infront of the back door. I reached out and opened for him.
He gently put Amelia down in her seat and ran with Michael the other side of the car to put him in.
When he was done fasten them down he got into the car.
When I looked at him I saw my parent's cold look on me. I looked away.
I didn't say a word on our long way home. Nobody did. All I did was taking a look in the back mirror to see my beautiful kids fast asleep.
*****
" You take Michael" Niall said when he parked the car infront of our house. I did what he said and hurried inside.
I checked Michael's diaper but it looked like it was new so I put him down into his crib.
I saw Niall putting Amelia into her bed and fast walk down stairs again.
What was going on with him?
I took my phone out of the pocket, ready to call Liam or Zayn if Niall would lose it.
My heart was pounding as I walked down the stairs slowly.
Niall was no where to be found.
Where was he?
Suddenly I heard something break. Something like a dish or something.
I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was Niall. He threw everything he saw into the wall.
Before he could even see me I ran into the bathroom and looked myself in.
I dialed Liam's number.
This was really happening. Niall was losing it.