(I just wrote whatever is in my head so bear with it please. The events here are crucial for the next chapter. Read carefully. )
"Lucas.. son.." James?
"Let him rest, James." Katherine...
"That fox." I can feel Lynx in my arms. He was so small I hope I didn't squish him.
"It was the one that cast that black magic on him." James sounded as angry as Sig.
"Yes, but look at him. Lucas won't let him go. Even Sig let it be."
"Sig said Lucas ordered him to not hurt the fox but Lucas can't order me."
"James!"
"Dad... no.." I hugged Lynx more and James froze. He was about to grab Lynx but he stopped.
"Lucas he hurt you... he tried to kill you for heavens sake!"
"No.." I shook my head and covered us with the duvet. Sig moved behind me and scootch closer to me.
"Lucas.. Tsk."
"James let it be."
*******
When I woke up it's already 5pm. I slept for almost the whole day.
"Hey.. How are you feeling?" Katherine's smile was too bright for my tired eyes.
"Hmm.."
"You're Dad's sulking.." She sat on my bed and stroke my hair. Then she feels my forehead.
"Your fever's gone down." I sat up and she eyed the fox that jump on my lap.
"Sweetheart. That fox.."
"Lynx." I corrected her.
"Right.."
I sighed and eyed her.
"Mom." She eyed me and smiled. She fixed my bed hair and looked at me with so much longing. She does that sometimes. I.. well I for one am not used to parents affection. So I don't know how to react. How I will react as their son.
"I'm sorry for disappearing like that. It's just I got.. side tracked." I eyed Lynx on my lap and then Sig who's in human form behind us. He was sitting, his back facing us.
"It's alright. Well I did almost call the police since you disappeared in the middle of the night and was gone for almost a day. Yeah.. but it's alright." I rolled my eyes and she just smiled.
"Where's Dad?"
"I told you. He's sulking." She sighed. "Would you.. would you talk with him, Hun?" I nod and kiss her cheek.
"Thanks mom." She smiled again and nodded.
"Master Lucas." Lynx jump off my arms and transformed into his human form.
"I got you in trouble. I apologize for that."
"It's okay, Lynx." I look behind me and saw Sig standing there.
"Go talk with him. He won't hurt you."
"Master, even if he does, I deserve it." I shook my head.
"No, Lynx. If he hurts you, I won't forgive him. He knows it. Just talk." I walk pass him and went out to the back yard. Dad was there. He was by the pool, sitting at the edge with his feet dipping in the water. He's even drinking beer. Huh. I grab the other can next to him. Open it and drink it.
"Son.."
"Hey, Dad." I sat next to him and offered him my can. He just stared at it for awhile then he hit his can with mine. We drank at the same time and I just had to laugh at this scene.
"You're letting me drink, huh? I remember before you've gone berserk when I've gone too drunk."
"It's just one can. It's fine."
"Drinking is fine? So you are sulking." I snickered and he just stared at the pool.
"How did you get that idea by just that?"
"You know Dad?" The can froze against his lips and he drop it back on his lap.
"I'm sorry about yesterday. I worried you and mom. I always do that."
I wonder why, he seemed so quiet. I don't know what to do now but when it is me who wanted to stay quiet that means I need time. Maybe it's like that for him too. So I just sat with him, drinking some beer and waited for him to talk.
"When you.." here goes. "When you disappeared last night son. I don't know what to feel. It's like when.." He paused and drink his beer again.
"It's like when you were born. When you... disappeared..." Me? Right.. the me from before.. their kid.
"That's not me Dad." James eyed me then he snickers a bit. After that he just drink the whole can of beer in one go.
"Right.. yes of course.." he muttered.
"That's not me. I might be the reincarnation of your son. Same spirit. Same life but I was not the one who was born as your biological son. Remember that..." I drank the can and left it next to him.
"Remember that, James." I stood and left him there. I don't know how to feel about this memory we revisited. It's something that made me realize that I'm not really sure who I am and who I want to be. But this I am sure.. in reality.. I'm not really their biological child..
I might be too harsh. Might be too cruel but he needs to hear it. He needs to realize it. I am not the baby that died in his arms. That's the reality.. that we all need to accept.
I'm sorry James..
********
While I knew Sig was talking with Lynx, I snuck out the house. I was too tired this past few days but I couldn't rest in that house. Might as well take a walk and return to something I was at least familiar with.
"Hey, Lucas! My man long time no see!" I fist bump Mike who was my drinking buddy in a bar. He always stays here since his brother owns the place.
"Do you have a light?" He smirks and handed me one box of Cigarettes. Ah. Bliss to go back to old habits. Since I was taken in by James and Katherine I was not allowed to smoke. Sure its hard to quit so I snuck some and smoke a few but not like this. A box of this is nothing to me before. But now it's like I won the lottery.
"Thanks. Mind if I grab one can of beer? I can't stay long."
"Man, what? You just got here!"
"I really can't Mike. I've got school again so I need to do some home works."
"What really? Good for you bro. But still stay for a while. Tell me all about school. I thought you dropped out."
"I didn't, stupid. My..." Right Rachel made me do it. "Rachel made me."
"You're Mom. Right..." My mom huh? Maybe.
So me and Mike just talk about anything. He asks, I answer simple as that. When it was over. I smelt of cigarette and alcohol. Ah. Really this is nostalgic. Brings back the days that I almost lived in the bar. And it also makes me wonder if I didn't summon Sig. Will all of this happen to me? Will James even see me without a mountain guardian tailing me? Will Katherine pursue me in her restaurant without Sig? She won't even know I was a Mage if not.
Will they even get to know that I am the reincarnation of their kid?
I just sighed and left the bar.
Then here she was. Speaking of the devil itself. Now I remember why I avoid these bars. Its because she might be here.
"Lucas. I finally caught you. I knew you'd come back to this place one of these days." I sighed again and pocketed my hands in my jacket. Staring blankly at her.
Rachel.
"Hey. What do you want?"
"Go back."
"You do know that I am already 18. You can't force me to do anything I don't want."
"I am your mother! Do as I say!" She grabs my arm, her long nails digging into my skin. Tsk.
"Apparently not, Rachel." I said blankly.
"What the hell are you saying?"
"I said you are not my mother!" And there it was. The slap I was waiting for. I thought she'll slap once she saw me again but it took her awhile to do that.
"How. Dare. You." She looks mad. I don't blame her.
"To me Rachel. You are not." She slaps me again. I felt my jaw tighten and it stings alright. The impact of her palm had my ear deftening for a second.
"Listen here Rachel. Before you slap me again. I'll tell you this. There is someone who became more of a mother to me that you ever did in my whole life." I walk away but I know she'll follow me.
"Lucas! Come back here!"
"Don't be delusional Rachel! What will you get from doing this?! Go back to your family."
"Lucas. You are my son."
"Is that what you're telling yourself all this time? Funny how I couldn't believe that you even believe that."
I walk away again knowing she won't follow me again but I know this isn't the last of it. I sighed and took out a cigarette again.
One thing that calms me faster than Sig is my old friend that I name him with, Cigarette.
When I came back two guardian's were glaring at me.
"Are you done with your talk?" I said scratching my head. Sig approach me, grabbing my arm.
"Where have you been?!" Sig's golden eyes narrows at me and I saw Lynx cross his arms and lean on the wall. Stupid cat! Won't even help his master!
"Er.." he sniffs then he grabs both my arms.
"I smell cigarette on you." He sniffs again and he frowned more, closing his eyes for a moment. Looks like he's trying to calm himself.
"And alcohol! Why did you left?! I can't even feel where you are!" He can't feel me? What?
"I didn't do anything! Let go of me!" His arms jerk then he was force to let me go.
"Look Sig this is not the time to lash out on me! I am not in the mood." I push pass him and grab Lynx robe.
"Come with me." I said and he eyed me. He nodded and changed into a tiny fox, jumping in my arms.
"Cool your head, Sig." I said before leaving.
"What did you talked about?" I ask the little fox in my arms. I was sitting on my bed, leaning on the big pillows.
'Some things from the past.' He talked telepathically with me. I was looking at him and notice his wound on his cheek.
"Did Sig did that?"
'Yes. I am just wondering why he held back. He didn't even try kill me.'
"So he hurt you? How can he disobey me?" I sighed. He never did disobey me. Never. What is happening?
'He didn't actually disobey. I asked him to do it. I deserved it.'
"Right." Rolling my eyes, sighing. I stroke his fur and chanted a healing spell. He leans against my palm and when I was done the wound is gone.
"Better?" He licks my fingers, nodding.
I sighed.
'Something's bothering you, master?'
"It's... nothing." I said nothing but I really feel weird right now.
I felt lost. Something just feels weird within me. This might be because I haven't felt the Moonlight book's magic draining me.. or maybe it is that. My spirit energy is low and I feel irritated. Plus that with me meeting Rachel and then..
Me feeling like James hasn't move on from the death of their child. How I can't find where I should put myself. Biologically, I'm not their kid..
Magically? I am...
Overwhelmed and like nothing can make me feel alright right now. Not rest, not sleep. Not anything. I just want everything over.
"Lucas?" I look up at Sig who came in my room like a dog with his tail between his legs. He looks so defeated.
"Are you mad?"
"Maybe, I am. You hurt Lynx even after I told you not to. Why?" I asked him.
"He hurt you. Plus, Lucas this is something between me and him. It's our unfinished business." Right, a business from 5 centuries ago. Of course it's none of my business.
"Lucas, are you alright?" I didn't get to answer Sig because my head was floating to somewhere else.
What is really bothering me, I wonder?
James? Or maybe Katherine? Also maybe, Rachel and Rick or might be all of the above. James and Katherine they're my real parents. Weren't I supposed to be happy now being with them and all but why?
Why am I feeling like something's wrong.
Remembering when I left Rachel's house made me realize why I left that home. It was because I wanted to escape. I wanted some time alone. Maybe to find something that was not there. Was my running away meant for finding James and Katherine?
Why do I feel like I will do the same thing to them with what I did with my biological parents?
Be nothing but a disappointment and end up pushing them away myself.. or me running away again...
*******
Morning came and I couldn't even have a little sleep. I was up all night, smoking. Katherine came up my room but I would just brush her off. James... well he didn't came. Sig and Lynx tried to stop me from smoking but I just ignored them. I was not in the mood.
James had been ignoring me... I don't blame him.
I am acting like a kid. I sighed and got out of bed when Sig was nudging me.
"Sig just go away, leave me." I groaned and got in the bathroom. A shower is what I need right now. A very long shower.
When I went down, Katherine was there cooking breakfast with Sig. Lynx (the fox) was on the counter top drinking milk. When he saw me he jumps off the counter and change back into his human form. He bowed at me and greeted.
"Good Morning, Master. Are you feeling alright now?" I just walk pass him and his usually impassive expression turns into a frown. Sig also stop what he is doing as I sat by the counter.
"Lucas?" He gave me a plate of pancakes that usually wakes me up, gets me in a good mood in early in the morning and I just stared at it. Katherine then eyed me.
"Sweetheart, good morning." She approach me and kissed my cheek then my temple. She then frowned and felt my forehead and my neck.
"What's going on? You feeling okay?" Why do they keep on asking me? I ignored them. Better not to talk at all. I took a bite of Sig's chocolate pancakes. It was delicious but I couldn't even swallow fine. Really, am I okay?
My spirit energy is low.. I know it. Hopefully Sig nor Lynx doesn't notice.
Plus.. my mind is jumbled up... clouded by my own insecurities.
"James..." Katherine calls out sounding weary I look up and saw James in his usual outfit for school. Long sleeve shirt and a tie. He met my eyes but he's the one who avoided my eyes first. I sighed and finally push my plate away. Standing to grab my back pack.
"Lucas where are you going? Your breakfast--" Katherine ask while Sig and Lynx were already tailing me.
"School. I'll go ahead. Bye." I left. Just like that. I know this isn't just a normal father and son feud too. I just don't know what to do with this. I have never really cared before about what my parents would feel.
Except now.
What shall I do? I feel so frustrated. It feels like I can explode anytime. It hurts.
"Master?" I look up at Lynx who was eyeing me. He grab my arm and stop me from walking. Sig then came and stared at me.
"Lucas.."
"It's nothing."
"No, Lucas. What is it?" He sounded pissed. I've never seen Sig near to snapping at me like this.
"Sig.. Just today. And then tonight you can reprimand me all you want. Just today please?" I lean on his chest. Placing my cheek on his hard, sculpted chest. Sig smelt like pine grass as always but even his calming scent can't disperse what I am feeling right now.
"Lucas.." He wraps his arms around me and I just let him for awhile.
"Thank you, Sig." I pulled away, even though I just want to stay like that. I don't care if bystanders would stare and ogle. If I snap.. If I really broke.. I might as well run off and sob somewhere. To a place where I can drop all this shit. All this frustration.. this feelings I'm developing just because I am not used to having them.. Sig, Lynx.. Katherine and James..
Just because I begining to be more scared of my self if I can handle this new life that I am thrown in.
I came to school way too early but I didn't care. Both Sig and Lynx shifted to their original form and kept quiet like I requested. Even Lynx didn't bother me. I went in our classroom, stop in my tracks a bit then went ahead to my empty seat.
I just sat there motionless and the urge to smoke made my throat feel dry. The vibrating of my phone made me distracted from that urge.
Rachel.. She sent me a text. I stop my self before I laugh so loud.. making Sig and Lynx look up at me.
She fucking texted me. Guess there's a first for anyone. Even her.
Come see me. I need to talk to you
- Rachel
Like she's trying to bring me back to my real life. My life before all of this started.
I just smirked and wanted to break my phone in million fucking pieces. She just gets to me. In so many levels gets to me and in the worst fucking times.
I can't take this.. It hurts my head.
I stared out the window and didn't felt people came in. I couldn't hear or see anything.. I didn't hear the bell, the loud talking of my seatmates. The squicks of rubber against tiles. The door opening and closing.. Not even when James came in. He spoke but I couldn't hear his words. His lips were moving. He's even looking at me.. I just stared back. When all the students stood up to greet, Good Morning. I stood up late and felt the floor move.. No.. I held onto my desk and was about to sit back down but I missed the chair.
"Lucas!!" Someone caught my head before it hit the tiled floors.
"Lucas! Son.. c'mon, you're alright. I got you.."
"Dad.." I grab his hand but I couldn't hold on for too long..
"Son!!"
I just want everything to be over..