Hello! So this is the longest one I have ever written almost 4,000 words!! I have to say this is one of my favorites I have ever written! Anyways important little note at end!
On with the show
*
120 days, Almost four months, 17 weeks since their brother, their best friend and band mate left them.
The four now Lads of One Direction would love to say that they were fine, but truth be said that they weren't. They miss their brother. Each of them handled their hurt differently.
Liam would shrug but during interviews he was normally the one who say that Zayn didn't have the heart for the music anymore, and that he wasn't happy. He was the one who was holding the band together. To be honest, Liam and Harry were ones that were keeping the band together. Liam would try to keep it together in front of the lads, the cameras and the fans, but when he was alone, that was the time for him to break down, and let everything go.
Niall would tear up, glancing everywhere but the cameras or the person asking about Zayn so that no one could see that he was sad. Niall would try to act like everything was okay, but everyone knew it wasn't. The Lads had caught Niall several times crying in his sleep, crying himself to sleep, or just crying. It could break their hearts, they couldn't do anything about it. Niall had tried multiple times to call Zayn but he wouldn't answer. It took awhile for it to click with Niall that he wasn't ever going to answer.
Harry just would look sad. It broke his heart when Zayn left, but he knew that Zayn needed to do this. He knew that Zayn wasn't happy. He knew that he had not like the music they were creating, he wanted to go another way then what the other lads wanted to. He like Liam was trying to let everyone know that everything is fine, that all of them are happy know.
Louis on the other hand was a mess like Niall. He was the one that took it that hardest. They were the closest out of the five. When ever asked about it, Louis would try to hide his hurt, but many fans and others would see right through him. Louis turned to drinking and partying to try and forget everything. What hurt Louis the most was when Zayn called him out on twitter, Louis knew he should have held his tongue but he just couldn't, that's not who he was. He always spoke his mind, even when he shouldn't.
All them had gotten close together, everyone could tell that the four lads had each others back. They were happy. They had their fifth album coming out soon, a few more tour dates, and a small break for the following year.
Today was the day that they were excited about, but couldn't help to be also sad. Today was the day five years ago they became a band. They couldn't believe that it had been five years. With heavy hearts, they realize that there was now only four of them. All of them tried to remember the good times with Zayn and the good times that happening now, and later in the years to come.
"You three, ready for this?" Louis asked as he meet eyes with each of his band mates. Making sure all of them were fine as they could be.
"Yup, five years, Lads, five years." Harry smiled as he put his hand on top of the others, "Wish Zayn was here." a certain blonde said, as the three smiles faded. "Us too, but let's do this."
The chords of Clouds became as the four lads walked onto the stage to begun the show. After several songs later, Liam and Harry had their speech about five years and how amazing the journey has been and a massive thanks to all the fans.
Niall glanced towards around the stadium and saw several pictures with Zayn, it made him more sad that they couldn't be celebrating this with their brother. Glancing at Louis seeing the hurt in his eyes, he knew that he also saw the signs.
When they about to sing the song Right Now, the lads glanced towards each other know this song, was going to be hard, it was one of Zayn's favorite songs.
After they finished the last song before the encore, they went down to room to change shirts and wipe away sweat, and some tears off their cheeks. The song hit home for them. They wish Zayn was there right now.
"Let's do this. Four more songs." Liam pushed the three lads into stage where the chords of Night Changes started. Glancing sad at each other, knowing that they just had to get though this.
Just as Harry was about to start singing Zayn's part, a black blur ran catching his eye, stopping his mouth from singing when a voice started to sing. Harry knew that voice. But didn't it leave several months ago?
All the boys looked at Harry,to make sure if it was him who was singing.But no,he was frozen in place just like the other boys with the mike still near his mouth,his eyes wide. He blinked several times making sure it wasn't a dream.
The whole stadium had gone silent. The boy glanced at each other as the voice continued to sing. Slowly turned their heads back and were greeted by Zayn, standing there with a mike in his hand.
Letting a huge grin spread on his face and looking straight at the lads. All of them have shocked expressions, even a few tears.
"Are you going to sing, Li?"Zayn asked Liam as he pulled him into a hug.
Hesitantly Liam began his part, the shock in his voice showing, but not keeping his eyes off of Zayn, he was afraid that if he looked away then Zayn would disappear.
Zayn's gaze moved each lad, taking in each of them. He missed them. His glance stop at Niall who was crying, not even trying to stop the tears, Harry was just standing still not believing this was real. Louis was with Niall, a couple of tears fell out of his blue eyes.
Zayn frowned, Harry was going to miss his solo, "Sing Haz," Harry hesitantly started with his part.
Then Louis, Niall and Harry once again, none of them letting their eyes off of Zayn. Zayn frowned, He didn't think they would miss them this much, or vise versa. He miss them so much. Tears form in his eyes, what if they didn't want him back.
The song finished as the lads were still staring at Zayn with big wide eyes,still not being able to believe what they saw,while he stood there a big smile on his face.
"Za..Zayn?" Niall broke the silence between the lads, ignoring the cries and yells of the fans.
Zayn smiled at him,"Hey Harry."
Harry ran back to the main stage and pulled Zayn in a huge hug. "I can't believe this," he laughed slightly.
As they pulled away, Zayn was pulled into two more hugs before getting into one group hug.
"Please tell me this isn't a dream," Harry cried.
"It isn't Harry, I am here, and I am not leaving. I am back forever. I promise." Zayn smiled as tears fell down his cheeks. "Let's finish the show, yea? You four up for it?"
"I am up for it." Four replies came, along with huge smiles. The lads finished the show with their arms around each other, taking in everything. Everything was normal, everything was back as it used to be
As the show finished and the lads made their way backstage and out of everyone's way into a room where no one could bother them, all four started to shout and demand answers for why he left.
"Why did you leave us?"Louis screamed. "What was going on with you? You knew that we could have help you. We are brothers!" Zayn knew that Louis would be the one most pissed at him. They were parters in crime, best friends and he betrayed him, all of them. Zayn knew he was being protective of the other three.
Zayn looked down,"Okay, I am going to be honest, I don't know why I left. It was just so sudden. It was one of the stupidest decision I have made. I know I don't deserve to be back in the band,I don't think I am not worth enough for it,after I had broken your hearts and never cared for your feelings. You guys were there for me, don't think you weren't you were. There wasn't anything you four could have done. I had made my decision and I didn't care about what you all had thought." He took a deep breath and continued. "And I don't think that I deserve to be called your brother, your friend anymore."
"You four begged to me to stay,but I was so stubborn, I thought I was doing the best for me, not thinking about you four and how you lads thought, or felt. I hurt each one of you. I don't deserve forgiveness." Zayn had tears running down his face freely.
"Why did you do it, Zayn?"
"I thought it was best for me, to get out of the spotlight. I wanted to do what was best for me, not you guys. I said I wanted to be a normal twenty-two year old, ha, what a lie that was. I started to listen to what Shahid was saying about you four. I shouldn't have believe him. Louis, I am so sorry about all that shit on twitter, your my parter in crime. I am sorry, I hope one day you would forgive me, I hope all of you will someday. Harry, I am sorry. You were the one I can stay up all night talking to. Liam, I am sorry for leaving and not telling you anything. Niall, oh how I am sorry for not answering any of you texts or calls. I was being selfish. Shahid said that you all wouldn't care if I left. I believe him over my brothers. How stupid was I? "
There was not a dry eye in the room. None of them knowing what to say next. The four lads were taken time to get all that Zayn was telling them.
"After getting caught with the blonde at the club and rumors about cheating on Perrie, Shahid told me that it was best to leave and push away everyone that I knew and loved. I pushed you all away, I pushed Perrie away, I even pushed my family away. I wanted to get away from everything. I know I am asking too much from you lads and I should not expect to get all these after what I have done but still can you give me one more chance,"he turned to look at his bandmates,but looked down when none of them answered him.
Niall pulled Zayn into a tight embrace,"Promise me, you would never leave again"he whispered in Zayn's ears.
Zayn returned back the embrace,holding Niall tightly,"I wouldn't, I couldn't leave you again. I am going nowhere. I am here forever,"he said.
Harry pulled Zayn from Niall's embrace into his arms, "I agree with Niall.Never do that again. We will always be here for you. Just come talk to us. We are your brothers."
"He is right," Zayn looked towards Liam as he was still crushed into Harry. "I know. I promise I will never leave again." Harry left him go and let Liam hug him once more. After they hugged, Liam pushed Zayn towards Louis, who hasn't said anything except for the comments earlier. Louis was just staring at Zayn with no expression, that worried Zayn.
"Lou."
"Don't call me that." Zayn took in a deep breath, this was going to be hard."Louis, I am so sorry. I betray you. I trusted someone who I barely knew over you, my brother, my best friend. I know you don't trust me right now, but I hope that can change, and go back to how it used to be."
"It is never going back to that, Zayn. You left us. You left me." Louis started to tear up, but furiously wipe them away. He didn't want to cry in front of Zayn. His emotions were getting the best of him. He was so mad that he was crying. Did he have the right to get mad at Zayn? Was he being selfish?
"I know," Zayn knew that he had hurt Louis the most. Louis had the right to be pissed.
"Is that all you have to say?"
"Lou-"
"No, Liam, He left us. He didn't care about us. He doesn't care about us!"
"Apologize," Niall says sternly looking at Louis. Louis spins to face him but doesn't look at him, instead staring at the wall, face turned up in a sneer. "I'm sorry I tweeted about how your stupid photo with your stupid new friend was stupid."
They stand silent for an awkward moment. Zayn didn't know what to say. He knew that Louis was being sassy with that comment. Almost wanted to snap back, but that wouldn't help his case.
Louis finally narrows his eyes on Zayn, and they glare at each other.
"Louis, I said that I was sorry, what do you want me to do? I honestly didn't think it would hurt you that bad." Zayn states.
"Oh, I'm sorry, silly me!" Louis raises his hands. "You didn't think it would hurt me! You left the band, Zayn. You left us!"
"I didn't – "
"And then you went and insulted me on twitter, Zayn."
"Because you wouldn't stop insulting Shahid."
"Who's a knobhead."
"You don't even know him."
"Yeah, I don't need to," Louis snorts. "I think I know quite enough."
"Look, Shahid's my friend," Zayn explodes. "Yeah, he talks shit sometimes, but so do you. I said I was sorry about believing him over you. But you were acting like a freaking child. What was I supposed to do?"
"I don't know, call him out on it? Stay loyal to us?"
"Louis, you were talking bad about him, and got the fans behind it also. "
"Ha!" He snorts. "The fans were behind us. They knew you were an asshole! So, Why did upload the song of you sing? "
"Okay, I didn't tell him to do that," Zayn says. "I told him not to do it, Louis. He went behind my back." Zayn exhales slowly, giving Louis a look.
"He was riding off your career for the publicity." Louis turns his nose up again.
"I know, Louis." Zayn was defeated. He glanced at the other three who were watching all of this go down.
"Well he didn't have to do it, it tore that fans up. It showed them that you could care less about us, Zayn," Louis sniffs.
"No, he didn't," Zayn concedes. "But you didn't have to say what you did on twitter, Louis," Zayn rolls his eyes. "Look, I'm not talking to him anymore. I left him once he went behind my back."
"Well, we know how that feels, don't we, Zayn." Louis turns back toward Zayn with a huff. "You just don't get it, do you?"
"Get what?" Zayn look towards his other bandmates, but they were just staying silent. Zayn hope that one of them would jumped in.
"You fucking left us, Zayn." His voice is suddenly softer, broken, and Zayn fights back a sudden and unwelcome prickling at the corners of his eyes. "You left us with nothing. You didn't explain to us what was going on. I thought we were brothers, Zayn. I thought we told each other everything"
Zayn turns away from him, but locks eyes with Niall. "Do you believe we aren't brothers anymore."
"You don't get to talk to any of them." Louis jumped in front block Zayn's view of the younger three.
"They're my bandmates, Louis. My brothers."
"No they are. They left you, when you left us."
"Louis-"
"No, Niall. Don't talk." Zayn look towards the sad faces of the younger ones, he knew that Louis was just trying to protect them, and it was just an argument between him and Louis, no one else.
"No. I can talk when I want to. Louis, He said sorry multiple times. What do you want him to do? He has done everything to say sorry." Niall jumped up to be right in front of Louis, looking at both of his older band mates.
"I know you hate me," Zayn continues, spreading his hands. "I can keep saying sorry, Lou. I am really sorry. I don't know what else I could do to let you see how sorry I am. I wish I could take everything back."
Louis waits a silent moment before carefully putting his hand on Zayn's shoulder. "I don't hate you."
Zayn shrugs and looks down again. "I wouldn't blame you. After everything. I'm sorry." The words are slow and sincere, and it makes something twist in Louis' chest. Louis felt guilty, all his anger washing away. Did he just mess up the second chance of being best friends again with Zayn?
"You should be," Louis says. Zayn looks up in surprise, but he recognize the trace of a grin behind Louis' eyes, because his shoulders relax and he exhales. Zayn knew the Louis he knew was back.
"Yeah, I should. I'm sorry," he repeats. "About the twitter thing, and everything."
The tightness in his throat and the clenching of his fists suddenly all too much,"Would you leave again?" He had to ask it. He was worried that Zayn would leave again. Louis knew that they wouldn't be able to go through it again. They were a mess for the past four months. "Have you ever thought that maybe I miss you?" Louis' voice cracks, and he goes silent for a second. "Z, I miss you every day. I don't know how we'll go on without you. There were moments were I was having a hard time, and needed you to be there, that was when I call you, but you ignored me. You ignored Niall, Z."
Zayn looks at him, almost startled, a strange, intense look to his eyes. It takes a moment for Louis to realize what that look actually is: heartbreak. It's love and guilt and grief all rolled into one, and it's the first time Louis' seen it. Louis knew then that Zayn was sorry, and that he meant that he was sorry the many times that he said it.
"Louis," Zayn says, the word exhaled in a ragged breath. "I miss you also. All of you, but you, especially. You're my best friend, my brother, my whole life for the past five years. I miss us, being the parters in crime, causing all the trouble with Liam right there, as Niall and Harry would try to not be in the way. I missed all of you, so much, but that's all in the past. I am back, and I will never leave again. I am stuck here forever, until we are too old to do all of this. "
"Then why did you leave us?" It comes out soft and as broken as he feels. Zayn, a couple minutes, well an hour ago, really didn't explain to them why.
"It was nothing to do with you, so don't blame yourself. Any of you." Zayn looked towards his younger band mates. "It was me. You know, everything, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. The constant touring, the rumours. I just couldn't. I'm sorry, I tried for so long, and I wish I could, but I just – couldn't. It didn't help that Shahid was telling me little lies, I knew I shouldn't have trusted him, like I did." He pauses, and his voice turns softer. "I didn't want to walk out like that. I didn't want to make a scene, I just thought everything we all had, was gone. You all were hanging out with each other more than with me."
Louis swallows and looks away, processing the words. "Zayn, you were pushing us away. We knew something was wrong, but we thought you would come to us and tell us. You hate it when one of us comes up to you and ask what is wrong."
"I know, but that time I did need you all to be like that. I'm sorry," Zayn says, touching Louis' arm. "About everything. About Shahid, and about that stupid tweet. I never should have said that."
"No, I deserved it," Louis hangs his head. "I mean, I still don't like him," he maintains, "but I still deserved it. I knew from the moment I saw, really. You were defending who you thought was your friend, but just know that We will defend you no matter what. We are always here for you and each other. We are brothers."
Louis swallows."I'm sorry, too. For what I said. I was – I was really angry. When you left, and after. I hadn't given it enough thought, I guess. I think I understand now." His arm wraps around Zayn's shoulder. "You are still taller than me, damn it."
"Yeah." Zayn smiles,before looking at Louis. "Are we good?"
Louis pull him into an embrace,"Yeah, all good. Damn, I miss this."
"Why did you three really join in?"
"It really wasn't our argument. We three have already forgiven you earlier, but you and Louis needed to work things out. We just let you figure out by yourselves." Louis and Zayn shared a grin and look towards the others, opening their arms.
"Let us join!" Niall yelled as they all five hug once more. Everything was not fine, but it would be. The five were back together, and nothing was going to drag them down.
__________
Hope you all enjoyed this one as much as I did writing it! I rewrote this several times, trying to make it perfect. So i hope it was!
Anyways getting down with important business.. 2 quick things
Don't forget to send in questions for me to answer, so you all can get to know me better! (Check Note called Questions)
one last thing. I only got a few more requests, so I was going to write a few of my own, so which of these do you all want. (Just comment in-line which one)
Louis-centric
Niall-centric
Liam-centric
Zayn-centric
Harry-centric
All
Alex-centric (6th member)
All girl direction- ( i really want to try this one!)