A/N: Officially the longest chapter I've produced. Just noticed I have over 45k reads. Thank you.
chapter forty-three |
Y o u r p o v
→
His tattoos were more colorful than Jason's. He had a sleeve on both of his arms & they were sprinkled with beautiful colors. I found them intriguing, there was one that stood out the most to me on his arm. The one that said: Zap! I wondered what it meant to him.
"Here's a towel & a washcloth." He said, resting them on the sofa. I grabbed it not really giving him eye contact. I felt like he noticed me staring at him.
"Are you hungry?"
"No, I-I'm fine." I breathed. I heard the shower turn on, signaling that Lotus was in the shower. Which also meant that I was officially alone with him.
He sat on the sofa, keeping his distance. I just looked down at the white towels that were in my hand. I was wondering if I should get up & hop in the shower or enjoy this awkward silence. "Everything fine with..?" He asked, while motioning to my foot. His voice was so thick & sharp. I was surprised that he actually cared how I was feeling.
I bent my head down, playing with my fingers. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to answer his question. "Uh, yeah it's healing." I said. I awkwardly brushed my hair off of my shoulder. "I get this weird vibe that you don't like me." He said bluntly, I turned my head & I was greeted with his piercing eyes. "Wow, your vibe senses are impeccable." I said sarcastically. That caused him to laugh, which made me crack a smile. "Aren't you just so funny." He smiled, once are laughters quieted done his face returned back to an intimidating look. "Like I was trying to say, sorry you got hurt." He said thoughtfully. I gave him a small smile, I didn't understand why people would say that to me. You shouldn't have to feel sorry if you weren't the one that physically ran your car into mine. You could feel bad though." But I want you to know that I left the key to my car in the hotel, that night." He sighed.
My mouth ran dry, I slowly cleared my throat—letting his words sink in. "I don't understand." I pondered, "Think about it, Y/n." He breathed. I suddenly looked into his eyes, the way my name flowed from his mouth brought uneasy chills. I sat there in silence, thinking about what he had just told me.
The only idea that came to my head was that he left the key, knowing I would try to run away. But I thought that was ridiculous because he was Jason's best friend & he would not have encouraged that. "You wanted me to run away?" I asked looking at him, he ran his fingers through his black hair that was actually starting to grow into a small quiff. "You could say that." He said, I shifted from my spot of the sofa facing him directly.
"Why would you do that?" I asked, I was a little bit annoyed at the moment. "The important question is why would you run?" He asked, I felt his gaze piercing into the side of my head. I was upset that him leaving the key was a test. A test that I so gladly failed. "I saw the opportunity." I shrugged, I heard him scoff which caused me to look back up at him. "Don't act like your still just a victim, it's more than that now. He's not just your kidnapper to you anymore, you feel something." He countered. I sat there silently on the couch. He was right, it was more than him kidnapping me. I was possessing feelings for my kidnapper.
"Fine. Why'd you want me to try to run away?" I asked, I was curious. I wanted to know why he would test to see how deep my love for Jason was.
"You are my best friend's mate, I just wanted to know where your heart was at." He said, he locked his eyes with mine & I didn't hesitate to look away. I kind of felt bad,
"You probably hate me then." I said, "Correct...ah I'm just kidding." He began, he let out a small chuckle. "I know the decision to run away wasn't easy. You were probably fighting yourself, contemplating if you made the right decision. People who are kind hearted like you have battles with the Angel & Devil on their shoulders everyday. People like me, we only have one conscious & that's the devil. I know you were fighting with your conscious, which is crazy because he kidnapped & took you from everything & everyone you ever loved. But you care for him so it caused you to hesitate."
I was still thinking about what he just said to me. Everything that came out of his mouth was true, Zayn was right—a normal person would have just drove away to their freedom without thinking twice. But I didn't, I felt an urge to turn the car back around.
At that very moment, seconds before my crash, that's when I knew I loved him.
"Does Jason know all this?" I asked, resting my head on my knee. I held onto it my legs, pretending like they were him. I know that's weird but I did. Even though he's a pain in the ass he gives the best cuddles. Anywho, "I don't hide anything from him he knows." He said. I narrowed my eyes at him, not believing how confident he was about Jason knowing.
"I told him that I did it because of your mental and emotional state." He sighed, I had my face twisted in confusion. There was nothing wrong with my mental and emotional state that I was aware of. I was curious to know if he noticed a change in me. "Why would you tell him that?" I asked, "You guys were acting weird when we arrived at the previous hotel, you looked depressed. I know exactly what depression gives off & you gave off that vibe." He said.
"I didn't feel depressed."
"Depression is not something you know you have. There's not a sound that goes beep when you become depressed. I believe you are though. I didn't know how to tell Jason so he doesn't know I think this. If he ever finds out your showing signs, he's going to break down mentally, he suffered through it and he wouldn't want that for you." He said slowly.
"Leaving the key was supposed to give him a wake up call about how you were feeling emotionally about everything."
"What if i never ran away, what would that have said about me?" I asked curiously. He waited a while before answering my question. "That you didn't mind falling for Jason, & you were content with where you guys were at." He said, I hated how right he was. It was like speaking to your conscious.
"What if I didn't get hit & I made it home? What if I turned you guys into the police?" I asked, I studied his face I was curious to what he thought of my impulsive questions. "You wouldn't have told the cops, you love him." He said, "Is it that obvious, already?" I sighed. He sent me a small smile, which was alluring. He looked like two different people when he was smiling & when he wasn't.
"Not that obvious because he still thinks you hate him." He chuckled, I laughed, narrowing my eyes at him. "Listen, I don't hate Jason. He just does things that pushes our progress back." I sighed.
"He fucks things up, that's him he can't help it." He said, leaning back on the couch. He rested his head on the top of the couch, staring up at the hotel ceiling. "He also doesn't tell me anything about his life." I added.
"For instance..?"
"Justin inc, his dad, his mom, etcetera. I didn't even know his real name is Justin." I argued. To be honest that's how I felt, if I was so special to him why couldn't he have told me these things? Maybe because he thought you wouldn't accept them. "It is like I don't know who I'm starting to fall in love with." I sighed, "Can I tell you something? Jason has never opened up to anybody. He never really loved anyone, never enough to express these things. It might be hard for him to tell you willingly. If you want to know just ask him." He said.
He was right, I should try to talk to Jason about his life maybe even tell him about mine. It would make him more comfortable when it comes to him expressing himself to me, & that's all I want.
"I never pegged you for an advice kind of guy." I said, he gave me a weird look, causing me to laugh. "I never thought I would actually tolerate your company." He argued back, I scoffed & he rested his hands on his stomach, laughing as well.
"Now what?"
"Do you still wanna stay?" He asked, shrugging his shoulders.
"Uh, I kinda want to talk to him."
"Good now, get the fuck out. My goal is accomplished." He said, he hopped off the couch staring down at me. "What?" I asked in complete & utter shock. I heard his small laughters & I couldn't help but smile myself. I looked up at his tall frame and narrowed my eyes at him, he was staring down at me with a smug grin.
"I've been trying to get rid of you this whole time." He sighed, rolling his eyes. I looked up at him in astonishment. I believed him and for a split second, I started to feel sad. My sadness faded once I saw the stupid smug grin plastered on his face.
I got up from the couch, shaking my head disapprovingly. "You're not funny." I said, he held his hands up in a surrendering position. He shrugged, laughing at my playful grumpiness. I backed away to the front door, sending him one last look. "Tell Lotus I left." I said & I was gone.
I learned some new things that day. One thing was that I judged Zayn too hard, he wasn't exactly who I thought he would be—he was chill, nice in someways & really funny. I didn't think that he would be a good listener. I didn't think that he would care about half the shit I had to say but he did.
Which was nice, & I would always remember that,
J a s o n p o v
→
I grabbed the bloody t shirt from my sore torso, throwing it in the washing machine. I unzipped my black skinny jeans dumping them along with the shirt. I poured an excessive amount of detergent, hoping that it would clean the garments even more. All I wanted was for them to be clean, to erase what happened that tonight.
I headed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I leaned on it, sliding down onto the ground, tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. I looked down at my blood stained hands that were slowly shaking. I thought of her, I imagined her walking into the bathroom and seeing me like this. Watching the disappointment on her face that always lingered.
Her pure eyes watching my insane one's. If I got a dollar for all of the demons in my closet, all the secrets, I would have all the money in the world. I couldn't actually believe I thought someone deranged like me could be with a girl like her. I couldn't even imagine it anymore. I was night and she was day.
I didn't understand How I could possibly be good for her, I just went outside and beat up an innocent person all because I felt alone. All because I had nobody, nobody to fucking hold me. That night caused more fuel to fire, I knew she would never look at me the same. She thought I stopped & I did, but something came over me that night. I felt like I needed to do it, the urge. The way she looked at me when she walked out a couple hours ago. She watched me like I was a monster.
And I was.
I walked over to the tub, I turned it on causing it to slowly fill up with water. I sat on the ground on the side of tub, resting my head on the wall. I watched as the water gradually filled. Once it was at the top, I laid there slowly running my fingers over the lukewarm water. I slowly picked my tired body up, laying myself inside. It relaxed me, I shut my eyes thinking about all the heart wrenching things that had happened to me in the last 24 hours.
From the night she got in the car crash, me seeing her, thinking she was dying. Knowing that I was the cause of her pain, suffering. A tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered the night.
At that moment my mind was using my vulnerable state to playback all the agonizing things that she has ever said to me. I slowly opened my eyes, leaning further down into the water. I kept leaning down until my face was completely underwater. I felt like I heard her calling me, I thought it was apart of my imagination. I closed my eyes, hearing my name being yelled louder and louder. I felt the need of air, clouding my conscious and my lungs. I didn't want to, that would've been taking the easy way out. I wanted to drown in my own guilt, sorrow, failure, lies. I had a long list of them.
I closed my eyes & that was when I heard a loud scream —
A/N: If I was messed up I would have ended the story here. But since it took me way too long to update, I'm not going to end the story at this amazing cliff hanger. YOUR WELCOME.
"Jason!" I heard heard her voice, I opened my eyes & saw her distressed face staring down at me. It was blurry, her face looked like she was an angel that came to rescue me from hell. She quickly grabbed my head, causing me to gasp for air. "Wha...what were you doing?" She yelled. Her face looked frightened, I was to busy gasping for air & awing at her beauty to focus on her question.
She wiped my hair from my face, she looked down at me in worry. It almost looked like she was going to cry—I just laid in the tub watching her. "Jason, what we're you doing? Whee-ere you trying to kill yourself?" She asked, her voice cracked. She watched me, waiting for an answer. My chest was rapidly moving up and down, I was still trying to regain my breath. She rested her hand on my chest, above my heart.
Before she could move her hands from that very spot I lifted my hands, resting my palm over it. I held onto her. In that moment she focused her eyes on me, she swallowed down hard—while we both just sat there staring at each other.
She slowly stood up, I thought she was going to leave but she reached her hand out. I stared up at it, surprised that she's willing to stay after seeing me trying to drown myself. I was surprised that she would still stay. A/N: He wasn't actually trying to kill himself, he was just drowning himself in his own nightmares lol, if that makes sense.
I glanced up at her & back towards her small hand, she bent down grabbing my hand. She tugged on my arm, & I slowly got up. I watched as she shifted uncomfortably when I got up. She was exposed to my bare chest, in that moment I was glad that I had my boxers on because it would've have been really awkward.
I watched her eyes trail down my stomach, after a minute she slightly cleared her throat, reaching for one of the towels. She slowly wrapped it around my body, I thought it was cute. She was so into it, I just stood there watching her. She grabbed a separate towel and quickly dried my hair, when she was done she slightly stood on her tippy toes, moving my hair from my face. I watched as she bit down on her lip, concentrating on perfecting my hair.
I was surprised when she grabbed my hand, guiding me to the bedroom. She softly moved by the bed, making me sit down. I watched as she walked over to the closet, she grabbed another pair of my black Calvin kleins and a t shirt. She knew where everything was, that proved that she would pretend to sleep in the morning when I would get ready.
She cut the light off in the closet, she walked over to me & I immediately felt nervous. She rested my garments on the bed. She was going to put my shirt on for me but I grabbed it out of her hands. She sent me a weird look. I threw it to the ground and I couldn't help but smile from her reaction—she looked offended.
"I don't want to wear a shirt." My voice was hoarse, I sounded like I had been screaming for three straight. She folded her hands over her chest staring down at me. She moved back, realizing that she was extremely close. I opened my legs pulling her in between them.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked, I looked up at her. I felt bad, I felt bad holding her and knowing that I haven't told her it was me who caused her fractured arm, sprained leg. I ran my hands over her arm checking to see if she was wearing her brace.
"Not tonight." I whispered, I bit down on my lip. She rested her hands on my shoulder, staring down at me. She slowly nodded, removing a strand of hair from my face.
"Cuddle with me tonight, please?" I begged.
She smiled lightly, hopping onto the King sized bed.
A/N: Vote if you want them to hook up already lol jk. But seriously show me you love this chapter by pressing the star. That'd be nice.