Days go by agonizingly slow. Everyday seems to be twice as long as it actually is. And since I do the same thing everyday, it seems to go even slower. Wake up, go to school, come home, play video games, talk to mum or Adrian, eat, shower, sleep, repeat. Occasionally, Kyles mum will come by and tell us how Kyle is. She said he's getting better. I'm glad to hear it, I just wish I could be hearing it from him.
Somehow, the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into a month. Pretty soon, I find myself shaking in my bed on a Thursday night, trying to get to sleep. But I can't. Kyle gets out tomorrow. Tomorrow is a rare day off from school, so mum is driving me the half hour to the hospital so I can be there when Kyle gets out. Then Kyles mum is going to take me and Kyle back to their house where I'll stay the weekend.
I'm tossing and turning in my bed when I hear my door open. I don't look up. Instead, I see Adrian flop down on the floor next to my bed, putting down his pillow and getting under his blanket.
"What are you doing?" I ask. He moves around, making himself comfortable.
"Sleeping on your floor." He answers, as if it's completely normal.
"Yes, but why?"
"I miss talking to you late at night and I knew you wouldn't be sleeping."
I remember those times. We would set up our stuff on my floor and "camp out". When did we stop doing that?
I took my pillow and blanket and climbed next to him on the floor. I got comfortable and stared at the ceiling. Immediately, I felt like a little kid again. It all came rushing back to me. We used to think we were so cool because we'd stay up until 11 at night. We would sneak downstairs and steal junk food, giggling the whole time. We would tell each other secrets and talk like best friends, not brothers. What happened to us over the years?
"Zac, are you nervous?" Adrian asked, suddenly breaking the silence.
"Nervous for what?"
"Seeing Kyle tomorrow. It's been a month."
I wanted to tell him that was stupid. Of course I'm not nervous to see the boy I had been dating for four and a half months. Excited, yes. But nervous? No.
Except I couldn't say that. I was nervous.
"Yeah." Just then, I realized how nervous I was. "But it'll be okay, right? Would you be nervous if you were seeing your boyfriend for the first time in a month?"
"You're asking the wrong person, dude." I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
"You know what I mean. Would you be nervous if you were seeing your girlfriend for the first time in a month?" I rephrased.
"I probably would be, but you know it'll be okay. You should be excited more than anything." He reasoned.
"I guess so." I leaned back and closed my eyes. I felt calm all of a sudden. Adrian doesn't say much, but it's enough to calm me down. "You might have to come with tomorrow. You'll have to keep me from vomiting on the way there."
"My pleasure."
"Hey." I heard someone calling to me. I grumbled in my sleep. "Hey." They repeated. A pillow was thrown at my head. "Hey, dipshit, mum says we leave in an hour." I immediately stood up.
"An hour?!" I exclaimed. Adrian nodded. "Fuck I still have to shower."
I ran to the bathroom and started my shower. I went as fast as I could and shut off the water. I wrapped a towel around my waist and ran to my room. I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and sifted through all of my shirts. I found my black shirt with the white ring on it and put it on. I remember Kyle saying he liked the way it fit me.
I dried my hair as much as I could on my towel and headed back to the bathroom. I plugged in my straightener, needing it to heat up quickly. Kyle had never seen me with curly hair and today was definitely no day for that to happen. I was impatiently bouncing up and down when Adrian walked past. He stopped and chuckled a bit. I ignored him and went to work on my hair. I needed to look good today.
"Ten minutes, dick!" Adrian called. I started bouncing up and down, nerves overtaking me once again.
I finished straightening my hair, running my fingers through it a few times. I flopped it to the side and swept away my fringe. I looked okay. I looked how I usually look. And apparently, Kyle likes it like that.
I grab my phone from my room and nearly fall down the stairs. I look frantically for my shoes, but can't find them.
"Zac, relax." Mum says from behind me. "It's not like I'm going to leave without you."
I finds my shoes and slip them on.
"I'm just nervous and I don't want to be late." I say as I tie up my shoes.
"You don't need to be nervous. It's Kyle.
"That's why I'm nervous! I think I'm just anxious to see him again."
Mum looked at her watch and smiled at me. "Time to go."
My stomach flipped as my mum walked out the door, expecting me to follow. I didn't move until Adrian gave me a reassuring shove towards the door. My unsteady feet made their way to the car. I sat in front and buckled my seatbelt. Adrian sat behind me and seconds later, we were on our way.
Most of the ride was rather quiet. Mum turned on the radio, but I turned the volume down because of the headache it was giving me. She gave me a small smile and watched the road. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. Soon enough, mum was shaking me awake. I didn't even know I fell asleep.
"Zac, we're here." My eyes shot open. "Kyles mum is inside signing paperwork. We have to wait outside. She won't take too long."
Mum opened her door and I did the same. I pushed open my door and climbed out. I took a look at the place as I closed my door. It's a big building. Very clean looking. I hope it's as nice on the inside as it is on the outside.
Mum lead me over to a little bench that was near the main doors. The windows were tinted, so I couldn't see inside. Mum and Adrian sat down. I paced.
"Mum, I feel sick. Is this normal? I don't think this is normal." I rambled. I noticed that I ramble when I'm nervous.
"Zac, you're fine."
"My stomach feels like it's going to eject from my mouth. Oh god. What if I throw up? I think I'm going to throw up." My heart raced and my stomach flipped again.
"Zac-" I cut her off.
"I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up." I repeated.
"Zac!" Mum stood up. She looked at me and chuckled. She lifted her arm and pointed directly behind me. I turned around.
Kyle.
Kyle was standing right outside the door with his mum next to him. I hardly noticed his mum though because I was too focused on the way he was looking at me. If that wasn't love in Kyles eyes, then I don't know what it was.
All of these nauseous feelings went away and I was overcome with happiness. I felt a smile grow on my face and I saw Kyle reciprocate on his blushing face. I ran towards him, unable to wait any longer. When I approached him, my arms latched themselves around his waist as his went around my neck. I had been dreaming of this moment for a whole month.
My grip on Kyle was strong and I knew I wasn't going to let go anytime soon. I knew Kyle wasn't going to let go either. I didn't think of the fact that our mums were watching or that my brother was there. I just let myself hug Kyle.
We stayed in our hug, but pulled our heads back. His eyes looked straight into mine. Oh how I missed those eyes.
"I never want to leave you for that long again." Kyle said to me. "I missed you so much in there."
"I know. I missed you, too." I buried my head in his neck and breathed deeply. "I forgot how warm you are."
"I forgot how tight your hugs are." I could hear the smile in his voice. I pulled my head back.
"Do you want me to let go?"
Kyle gave a small shake of his head and his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips and back again. "Never."
I closed the small distance between our lips and kissed him. His lips were slightly parted and fit mine perfectly. They were soft and smooth and it made me blush. From behind us, I heard both of our mums giggling. Judging by their simultaneous "awww"'s, I knew that they were watching the whole thing. Knowing this, I blushed harder. Reluctantly, I pulled back and saw Kyles cheeks, a deep blush staining them. He bit his lip and looked down, flustered.
I took my arms away from Kyle, not really wanting to. Kyles arms slowly dropped to his side. I found that I didn't want to lose physical contact with him right now, so I wrapped one arm around his waist. We walked over to our mums, who were now talking to each other, and Adrian, who was on his phone, but smiling.
"Your son really makes my son happy." Kyles mum says to my mum.
"Oh don't I know it! Zac goes on about Kyle all the time!" They both chuckle.
"Mum!" I whine. She rolls her eyes at me.
"Don't act like you don't do it, Zachary."
My cheeks blaze. I'm beginning to think I have some sort of blushing problem.
"Thank you for letting Zac stay the weekend."
"Oh it's my pleasure!"
I lean over to Kyle and whisper in his ear, "Are our mums becoming friends?"
"I think so." Kyle whispers back
After they talked for about five more minutes, my mum finally decided to leave. She gave me a hug and kissed my head.
"Be good."
"I will."
She and Adrian left and Kyles mum decided we should leave, too. I got in the back seat of the car and Kyle sat in the front. His mum drove along the smooth road and we didn't talk much. Surprisingly, the silence wasn't awkward. It was comfortable and I hoped everyone else thought it was comfortable, too.
We pulled up in their driveway about a half an hour later. I grabbed my overnight bag and got out of the car. Kyle grabbed his full suitcase and lead me inside. We went up to his room and I set my bag on his floor. He set his suitcase on his bed and started unpacking.
"So how was it there?" I asked. Kyle continued unpacking.
"It was really weird at first. I didn't want to be there. I was scared that they couldn't help me. But after a week, I started to like the place. There were people in my group therapy that were going through the same things as me. It was really comforting to see that. Then my therapist for my one on one sessions was really nice. She helped a lot."
"That's great. I'm glad you liked the place."
"Yeah. There was one thing I didn't like about it though."
"What was that?" I asked, curiously.
"You weren't there."
I bit my lip and walked over to him. I gently wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He returned the gesture and tucked his head into my neck.
Our short embrace was interrupted by a knock on Kyles door. We pulled away and Kyle went back to unpacking.
"Come in." Kyle said. His mum came in, holding a little white paper bag. He stopped and looked at what she was holding.
"Kyle, I have your-" he grabbed it from her hands and tossed it onto his desk.
"Thanks." His mum gave him a sorry look and left his room. I took my gaze from the door and looked at Kyle.
"What's that?" I asked. He shook his head.
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. What is it?" Kyle stayed silent and continued unpacking. Probably just so he wouldn't have to look at me.
"It's my anti-depressants."
I froze. I didn't have any idea that Kyle was being put on anti-depressants. Why wouldn't he want to tell me? Could they be right? Could Kyle really have... Depression? Did Kyle want me to drop the topic? Would I look insensitive if I stopped talking about it? I didn't know what to do, so I walked over to where he was frozen by his desk, his back towards me. I put a hand on his back and rested a cheek on his shoulder. I placed a light kiss where I could.
"Why didn't you want to tell me?" I asked. He shrugged. "Look at me." My voice was soft. He turned around. My hand stayed on his back, but my face was in front of his. I curled and uncurled my fingers, gently scratching his back.
"I just don't want you to worry about me and know that I have depression." Kyle said. "I thought maybe you'd think that it was too much. I thought you wouldn't want a boyfriend with depression."
"You thought that just because you've been diagnosed with depression that I'd leave you?" Kyle nodded. "I'm not going to do that. Leaving you is the last thing I want to do. I want to help you get through this. I've been by your side for four and a half months. I'm not leaving now."
He hugged me tighter. His warmth surrounded me and I took it all in. How could he even think for a second that I would leave him?
"Thank you."
"There's nothing to thank me for."
"Only for saving my life."
That night went on just as normal. Like before everything went out of control. Kyles smiles were real and went all the way to his eyes. He really was getting better already, I just hoped all of this happiness stayed when he had to go back to school. That's right, they decided he was going back. Kyle told me it was because he wanted to, but I'm not too sure. I didn't question it though. Their minds were made up.
Kyle and I played video games and watched movies until we were about to pass out. At two in the morning, we climbed into his bed, wearing pajama pants and no shirts. I lay behind him with my arms around him, pulling him close. I nuzzle my head into the back of his neck and place tiny kisses there. I know he's smiling.
"I love you." I say for the first time in a month.
"I love you, too."
I run my hand up and down Kyles stomach. I think about the past month and all of the stuff that happened before that. Before I know it, I'm crying silently. Kyle notices this and lays on his back, pulling me fully on top of him. I cry into his chest, still clutching his body, willing myself to stop. As his strong arms hold me, he rubs my back gently with his warm hands, calming me down.
"Zac, what's wrong?" The worry in his voice makes me feel bad. I sniffle.
"I- I almost lost you, Kyle. If I had taken one more second to get to you, you'd be dead. I don't want to imagine life without you. Please don't leave me, Kyle. Please don't leave me." I sob into his chest.
"Those people at the hospital knew what they were doing. I'm getting better now, Zac. I'm going to be okay. You're not leaving me and I'm not leaving you." My sobs quieted down, but the tears were still steadily making their way down my cheeks.
"Promise?" I ask, my voice shaky and small.
"I promise." Kyle emphasized this statement with a kiss. "And I always keep my promises."
A/N: guess what guess what, I'm mean. I said I was gonna post smut and never did ;-; but hey hey hey I'm posting it next chapter, bit sad bc it's not a great scene ;-; but it will do, thank you all and I hope your day is as nice as your face xx
-Gemma