(A/N:) Before I say anything, I just wanted to say that I worked hard on this chapter as well as the previous one. Lol, don't hate me for this chapter... XP Read on! Remember to not hate me for this lol. You're in for a huge surprise xD Happy reading!
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Jan. 2
"Come here, Ficah. I have some news."
"Dad, what is it? I just now woke up. I didn't even go to the bathroom yet."
"Come here for a second."
I managed to bring myself downstairs. "What's it, Dad?"
"I," he smiled, "invited Mr. Goodwill over so he can apologize."
"Dad, why the actual hell would you do that? I- no. I don't want to see him!"
"Ficah this isn't about you wanting to see him! This is about my boss and I's relationship. I don't want a good friendship to be ruined because you hate him."
"Why does it always have to be about you, Dad? I went to that party, I wore what you told me to, so why can't I get what I want now?"
"Ficah, I am not discussing this with you. Bottom line is that you are speaking with him today."
"Okay, tell him that I forgive him! Can he please just not come here?"
"I said that I am not discussing this with you. Make yourself ready by the time I come from work with him."
"Whatever! I don't even matter to you anyway," I said, making my way back to the bathroom.
I did plan on not seeing Goodwill for the rest of my life, but I guess that this isn't the case.
"I'll see you later!" I heard the door shut close behind him.
I shook my head and carried on. I just could not believe that he would do that to me after I specifically told him that I did not want anything to do with Mr. Goodwill. All day long, I did not do anything. I did not text Ashton. I just laid down with my blanket over my body. I did not even eat breakfast or anything. My stomach growled, but I ignored it.
I heard the door open, followed by laughter. I rolled my eyes.
"Ficah!"
I put my blanket over my head and pretended to be sleeping.
The door to my room opened. "Darling," Dad said. "I know you're not sleeping," he chuckled.
I didn't budged.
Dad pulled the blanket off of me, and I groaned. "Dad! What?"
"Mr. Goodwill is here. Come downstairs. Now."
"Dad," I pouted. "No!" I had Missiker cupped in my hands, and Dad threw her off of the bed.
"Now." He pointed to the door.
"No!" I protested.
"Don't make me ask you once more!" He exclaimed, still pointing at the door.
Fearing him, I got up and dragged myself downstairs. Mr. Goodwill smiled at me. I looked up at him and shook my head. "You are forgiven. You may leave now."
"Ficah, stop it now. You two are going to sit in the kitchen and have a conversation."
I let out a long, loud sigh. "Dad, you bother me."
"I bother you? You have no idea."
I stared at him and shook my head.
"Go sit in the kitchen and talk to him."
I made my way to the kitchen as Goodwill followed. I sat down, and he sat across from me. I look at him and folded my arms across my chest. I waited for him to start talking. I actually really wanted to hear him explain himself.
"My dear Ficah," he started, "I am very sorry for my actions. They cannot be justified, but I guess I just felt lonely. I did not mean to do it. I guess it was just a reaction."
"A reaction?" I questioned.
"Yeah. I hope that we are cool again, and I hope that we can have a normal relationship."
"A normal relationship is what you want? We had a normal conversation until you decided to do that to me," I blurted out.
"Yes, I know. That's why I am apologizing so we can be cool again and resume a normal relationship. Like I said, it just happened."
"It just happened," I repeated. "Okay, Goodwill, you are forgiven. You may leave now." I was trying my best to get him out as fast as possible, but it wasn't working out the way that I had planned because Dad kept staring at me and raising his eyebrows, meaning that I should keep conversing with him. "Would you like something to drink?" I asked involuntarily.
"Some wine would do," he smiled.
I opened one of our cabinets and got him a glass from our finest chinas. I poured some wine in it, which he finished in a single sip.
"More, please."
I poured some more in.
"Alright. Thank you." He handed me the glass, and I rinsed it, dried it, and placed it back where it belonged.
"What now?" I asked. "Are you going to leave?"
"No," Dad interrupted. "And stopped trying to get him to leave because he's not going to unless he wants to."
I shook my head and started to make my way back upstairs.
"Wait, Ficah, come here," Dad interrupted my leaving.
He pulled my off into the hallway. "I have to go take care of some business. I'll have to be right back. Keep an eye on Mr. Goodwill."
"WHAT? You're leaving me alone with him?" My voice rose.
He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me upstairs to my room because he sure as hell knows thtat I will not keep quiet in a situation like this.
"Dad, you know what he's done to me, and you're leaving me alone with him?"
"Ficah, he apologized! Nothing will happen, I promise."
"Dad, this is complete bullcrap, okay? Do not leave me here with him. Please!"
"Honey, if something were to happen to you, I would have a feeling, and I wouldn't leave you here with him. I guarantee that nothing will happen."
I did not want to stay anywhere near Mr. Goodwill, and I had to keep an eye on him. "Please!" I held his hand and started to cry.
"Let me go!" He pulled his hand away. "You better wipe those tears before I do it for you!" He pointed his index finger to my face.
I felt a way. That is the first time he'd ever threaten me. I wiped my tears, keeping his threat into consideration. He was no longer the father that I knew and loved. He turned into a self-centered monster. He'd never threatened me, never disregarded my feelings, but he was doing all of that at once.
"Bye. Watch him." He stamped downstairs and slammed the door.
I walked to the kitchen and did as Dad told me to. "So," I started a conversation with Missiker in my arms, "ya found a new partner yet?" I wiggled my eyebrows.
He laughed. "No, but I have this one woman in mind," he stood up. "She's beautiful, loving, enthusiastic, intelligent," he continued and walked towards me.
I started to back away, but he kept coming. He stopped walking.
"Did you know that I am really wealthy? My toilet paper is made out of hundred dollar bills," he joked around.
"I've been informed of your wealth."
"Did you also know that I can give you anything and everything you want?" He started to move closer to me. He then started to name them, "Cars, houses, diamond rings. You name them, I've got them. You are very beautiful, my dear Ficah," he said and softly placed some of the hair that was convering my face behind my ear and slid his hand down my face.
"Thank you," I said, pushing his hand away from me, for they've done me wrong before. I kept backing away until my back met the wall.
He turned around and went to his brief case. He pulled out a bottle of water and shook it. I stood there, unable to move. "Drink this," he commanded.
"No, thank you, but I am not thirsty."
He recklessly made his way over to me with the opened bottle and yanked my head. I tried to push him, but it was no use. He forced the bottle into my mouth and tiltled it. I opened my mouth to allow the mysterious liquid out, but I took some of it in. I couldn't fight it anymore because it felt as if I were drowning. I hardly remember what happened next, but I know I was aroused. He took me up my dad's room on the bed, and I was the one who removed my own clothing. I remember laying on my back, opening my legs and feeling something inside of me, which hurt, yet it satisfied my sexual cravings.
"Do you like it?" I remember him whispering in my ear and kissing my neck.
I was sweating and saw a blurry vision of him atop of me, moving up and down. I smiled and moaned, smiled and moaned. He let out a huge moan and got off of me a while after his moan of extreme pleasure. He buckled his belt and left me on the bed. I managed to get up, but then I felt weak and just laid there. There was still liquid flowing out of my vagina, but I had no clue what it was. I suddenly had the urge to use the bathroom. I got up and saw blood on the bed. I was weak but not stupid. I crawled to the kitchen and got a styrofoam cup and made my way back to the bathroom. I urinated in the cup and put it on my dresser. I did not want to forget why I did it, so I got a pen and notepad and managed to write to doctor. I laid down on the floor then fell asleep.
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After a while of sleeping, I woke up and felt exteme pain around my vaginal area. I got up and went straight to the bathroom and took a shower. I saw a styrofoam cup on my dresser, but I don't remember putting it there. I walked over and saw urine in it. I frowned. I know me. Even if I don't remember why I did something, I know that it was for a specific reason. I decided to not flush the urine down my toilet. On the floor, I saw a notepad that had to doctor scribbled on it. I frowned. At that point, I was completely puzzled. I put the notepad next to the cup. I saw the cup and the notepad then remembered that I needed to bring the urine to my doctor. I walked to the kitchen and covered the cup with aluminum foil and walked to the bus stop.
---
"Come here, Ficah," Dr. Earnest gestured me into her office. I walked weirdly, I knew it.
"Yes, doc?"
"We found Viagra and gamma hydroxybutyric acid, or GHB, in your urine."
I frowned. "The fuck?" I actually cussed silently, not letting Dr. Earnest hear me. "What? What's GHB?"
"Yes," she continued. "GHB is a date-rape drug. Have you ever heard of Liquid Ecstasy?"
I shook my head.
"Liquid G? Cherry Meth? Gamma 10?"
I kept shaking my head.
"Well, it is used to rape someone. It's either a clear liquid, a white powder or a pill. After the victim takes GHB in, they will feel dizzy, nauseous, it slows your heart rate down, and you lose consciousness. You cannot remember anything that happened. Can you?"
I shook my head.
"You're going to have to call the police."
"Wait, doc, I don't understand! I don't want to call the police."
"It is possible that someone could have taken advantage of you sexually. What was the last thing you remember?"
I thought long and hard. I remember having Mr. Goodwill over... My eyes widened at the memory of him forcing me to drink something. I decided to keep my thoughts to myself. "I don't remember anything. Thanks, doc. And please, keep this confidential."
She shook her head.
"Please," I stood up and left.
Oh my gosh. I thought to myself. This cannot have happened! How?
I blamed George for everyting that happened. It was all his fault! He shouldn't have left me with that... that... delinquent.
I got home and cried. I cried until I couldn't open my eyelids. Missiker came and placed her paw on my face. I guess we had a special bond. Even though GHB was supposed to strip you of your ability to remember anything, I remembered most of the details. I felt used. I felt worthless. I felt like a prostitute, though I knew it wasn't my choice. I wished I did not remember.
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The next day was school. I laid in bed, debating whether I wanted to go or not. I finally decided that I would go. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I took a shower and clothed myself all in black. I felt like I lost someone. I felt like I lost myself; my innocence. I wore a black, long-sleeve shirt, black leggings, black jeans over them, an oversized black hoodie, and black boots. I wore heavy black make-up, for I was trying to cover myself and make me feel beautiful. I looked at myself in the mirror. I no longer saw the Ficah I knew yesterday. I saw a revenge-seeking, new Ficah.
My phone rang, and it was Ashton. I did not want to pick it up, but I did anyway.
"Hello."
"Good morning, beautiful. Come outside. I'm ready to take you to school."
"I think I want to take the bus today."
"What? Why?"
"Because I do not want to do this anymore," I reluctantly divulged impulsively.
"Don't want to do what?"
A tear escaped my eye. "I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with you anymore." I tried my best to not break down and cry. I did not plan on telling anyone about this, and having Ashton around would only increase my guilt and shame.
"What did I do? I don't understand, babe! Please, come downstairs, and we can work things out. Please!"
"No, I'm sorry. I can't."
"No please!"
I moved the phone away from my face and wailed.
"Ficah," he sounded as if he was crying. A part of me cared, yet another part was just completely apathetic. "Please come downstairs."
"Bye, Ashton." I hung up the phone. He called back, but I ignored it. I watched his car from my window. He was driving the car with the tinted windows that had picked him up on my birthday. The car sped away like there was no tomorrow.
---
My day at school was terrible. After crying some more, because I realized what I had done, I fixed myself a sandwich and walked to the bus stop. I arrived to school ten minutes late and noticed Ashton's new car in his usual parking spot. I went inside the classroom and had Mr. Freedman shake his head at me.
"Hey, are you good?" Sabrina questioned.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I turned around and didn't pay her anymore mind.
"Okay," she whispered.
I saw Ashton at lunch, but I didn't sit with him or Sabrina; I sat alone. He kept looking over at me, but I kept ignoring him. I don't know what's wrong with me. How could I let Ashton go? He was the most amazing person I had ever known! I had loved him! He was my first love, my first boyfriend! And he proved to me that not all guys are the same, for that's what I'd been told. He was incredibly intelligent, tall, extremely handsome, atheletic, awesome! I must be stupid! I thought to myself. And I would hate to see him with anyone else! His eyes looked puffy and red. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. I kept looking over at him sympathetically.
"What?" I heard one of his friends ask. "Why the hell did she leave you?"
"Keep it down, man. I don't know," I heard him answer. "I did everything that I could to keep her happy. I guess you can never do enough in this world," he shrugged.
Great, Ficah. You've really done it this time. You made him think and believe that it's his fault. You're stupid, you know? I thought to myself. I ate my sandwich and went to the library, where I spent the rest of my lunch period.
Next period, I had class with Ashton. It was the most awkward thing in the world.
"So you don't have an answer for me?" He asked.
I ignored him.
"Why?" He continued. "Why did you leave me? Huh? What'd I do?"
Tears streamed down my face. Black water droplets fell on my page because of my makeup.
"Tell me now! I will not leave you alone until you tell me."
I still ignored him.
"I love you, Ficah. I do. And Lord knows that I'm not just saying that. I have an empty feeling in my chest because I haven't held you in my arms all day long. I haven't kissed you all day long. It's just as if you ripped my heart out."
His words did not help. I bawled out. I couldn't cry silently anymore. "SHUT UP ALREADY! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I looked up at him and noticed that he, too, was crying.
"Oh my gosh," he reached to wipe my black tears, but I slapped his hand away. I didn't want any man of any kind touching me.
"Mr. McMahon, I need to be excuse." I said and walked out of the door. I went home. I refused to take it anymore. I fed Missiker, gave her a drink, and went straight to sleep.
I hated my life.