He took her into his arms, burying his face in the crook of her neck, taking her by surprise. "I didn't mean to shout like that Khushi. I was... I was-"
"Worried," Khushi finished off for him. A surprised Arnav pulled back to look at her face, still keeping his arms around her. "Hum samjthe hain. (I understand)" Khushi said, smiling.
"Don't smile Khushi," Arnav said sternly. He wasn't going to shout at her, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't get his thoughts across to Khushi. And he knew he had to speak sternly to drill some sense into this crazy girl.
Khushi remained smiling, thinking that Arnav was just saying that because he was very worried. But that was a bad move on her side.
"Don't smile Khushi," he repeated with gritted teeth, controlling himself from shouting at her for taking all this as a joke. "Yeh koi mazaak hai tumhaare liye? (Is this a joke for you?)" he asked, raising his voice slightly, wiping off the smile on Khushi's face. "Khushi you have NO idea what I went through today. What if I'd lost you damn it?! What if I'd lost you?" he asked, tightening his arms around her waist, bringing her body closer to his unknowingly.
Khushi just sat there looking at him blankly, not knowing what to say. Even though he was telling her off, all she could see was the care and concern in those eyes. And also something which seemed very close to... fear?
"Arnavji I'm fine," she reassured him, while cupping his face with one hand, trying to soothe him.
"Fine my foot!" he cursed. He unwrapped one of his hands from her waist and took hold of the hand on his face to show her the wrist with red marks on it, while being carefully gentle with the hand. "Is this what you call fine' in your language Khushi?" Arnav asked, getting even more worked up. "Huh Khushi? CHOT lagi hai tumhe! (You've been INJURED!) How in the world is this fine?'"
"When you can't take care of yourself, why the hell did you leave damn it?!" he questioned in frustration. When she just sat there blankly he continued. "Ok forget that! This morning you came to me yourself and made me your so called friend right?' Is this what a real friend would do? When you were thinking to leave did you even think about me for a second? What Dadi had done was unforgivable, but didn't you think that you could at least TRY speaking to me about your problem? No, you didn't. Because you don't even consider me as a friend - everything that happened between us this morning was just a bunch of meaningless words from your side."
"Of course not!" Khushi exclaimed. She started to feel slightly guilty for walking out of the house like that. Maybe she should have talked to Arnav about it and found some kind of solution. But then she didn't want him to fight with Dadi, and knowing his famous anger, that's exactly what he would have done if she'd told him what had happened. So what was she to do?
Khushi's had whole-heartedly accepted Arnav as a friend. Being the very bubbly, cheerful girl she was, Khushi had many friends. And now Arnav had also become one of them. But although she only knew Arnav for a few days, she knew he was special. First of all there was that attraction thing that she still didn't quite understand. Secondly, he was just someone she trusted with her life for some reason. And thirdly, he was Ratna Maa's son. So here, Khushi knew that he was more special to her than all her other friends, but he was complaining that their friendship didn't mean anything to her! How was she supposed to handle this?
"Of course that's how it is! That's what your actions suggest!" retorted Arnav. "For the first time in years, I actually thought I could trust someone," he said with a bitter smile, "but you proved me wrong. When there's nothing between us, why should there be any such thing as trust? "
"No that's not true!" exclaimed an exasperated Khushi. Arnav was about to retaliate, when Khushi closed his mouth with her palm.
The feel of her palm touching his lips, made Arnav freeze on the spot. It was as though her one touch washed away all his anger. He just sat there mesmerised, relishing her touch which was like a soothing balm on his wounded soul.
Not quite realising the impact of her one action, Khushi carried on with what she wanted to say. "You HAVE to listen to me Arnavji! You can' just assume that you don't mean anything to me. In fact you mean a lot to me. And our friendship means the world to me. Do you even realise how long I've waited for you? 12 years Arnavji! 12 years! You mean a lot to me Arnavji - to me you're a symbol of Ratna Maa. Friendship or no friendship, your mere presence soothes me Arnavji. You are a reminder of one of the most precious people in my life. My Ratna Maa."
Arnav just sat there listening to Khushi, silently.
"But then that was only until yesterday Arnavji. But even before I found out who you were, right from the moment I met you, you became an important part of my life." Khushi was slightly hesitant to say anything further, but she knew that it was for the best. She was going to expose her feelings in front of Arnav (OK not the attraction part but still she was going to reveal a lot of her feelings for him), so she sent a quick prayer to Devi Maiyya asking her to give her strength.
"Arnavji from the day I met you, I felt safe with you. From the moment I set my eyes on you, my heart only knew how to trust you. But in those first few minutes of my interaction with you, my mind had taken over, as it thought it was insane to trust a stranger. So I had let my mind rule that time - but even then, my heart still kept telling me to trust you."
"And then later, I just decided to let my heart rule. I don't know how or when it happened, I just seemed to feel safe with you. Even when you had slept in the same room as me, I wasn't scared of you. Had it been any other man in your place, I definitely wouldn't have let them sleep in the same room as me. I would have preferred suffocating in the darkness than sharing a room with another man. And if I had been forced to sleep in the same room as another man, I wouldn't have slept a wink the whole night. But with you... I don't know why I trusted you so much. I'd slept so peacefully that night that it hardly even mattered that you were there. Or in fact I should say that I slept even more peacefully than usual because you were there with me, and I knew that nothing could touch me when you were there. Sometimes even I can't understand where these feelings come from, but they are undeniably there. I hardly know you. And it makes no sense to place blind trust in a stranger - my mind knows that, but my heart doesn't seem to accept that."
"Arnavji you're special to me. Very special. I've never felt like this with anyone else. I've never placed this much trust in anyone before. I've never felt this safe with anyone after my parents' death Arnavji - but with you I do, and I don't even know why. Even if you told me to jump off a cliff, then I would do it with no hesitance Arnavji. Because I know that you would save me one way or another. I trust you with my life."
Arnav was astonished at what he was hearing. He couldn't help but feel overwhelmed after hearing all this from Khushi. Arnav had stopped expecting from life a long time ago. For many days he had been a lonely boy yearning for love. But very soon after, life had taught him that there weren't many people in the world who gave love for free. There weren't many people who truly cared for you. So Arnav eventually stopped hoping, and eventually it got to a point where he stopped needing too.
Arnav wasn't overwhelmed because of the words that came out of Khushi's mouth. He has had many girls throwing themselves at him, claiming to love him.' But he knew they were just trying to pave their ways into his life to obtain the money and wealth he had - if it wasn't for his money, then it was just to satisfy their lust. But Arnav was never the one to fall for these tricks, so he had always been able to ward those girls off him. But Khushi was different. Khushi was not claiming to love him and nor was she after his money. But whatever she just said, she meant every word of it. And Arnav knew that because her eyes had honesty in them - and more than that, Arnav knew Khushi enough to know that she was a genuine girl. And hearing her feelings for him just overwhelmed Arnav. He felt a lump form in his throat as a hundred emotions bombarded him.
On the other hand, Khushi didn't really know what Arnav was going through and she just wanted to get everything off her chest. She just couldn't breathe while Arnav thought she didn't value their friendship. So she rushed to finish what she was saying.
"Now about leaving the house... I know I made a mistake by leaving without informing you but you have to understand my point of view too Arnavji. I don't have anything against Dadi, but I know that she doesn't like me and there's nothing I can do to change that. But I can live with that. But I know that you can't. I know that whenever she taunts me you don't like it, and you tell her off. But then I don't want you to fight with Dadi for me! And if I'd come to you this morning, then the house would have been split into two by now! And I don't to be the reason for a family to break up Arnavji..."
Arnav listened to all this carefully - this wasn't anything he didn't already know. He knew that this would have been the reasoning behind her sudden departure - he knew her that much. It's just that he was really angry and he had said things that he didn't necessarily mean.
"And if I'm right... then Dadi is your only relative, and I don't want to separate your only relative from you," Khushi said in low tone now, knowing that this might be sensitive topic for Arnav.
"I know Khushi," Arnav said, his lips moving against her palm which was still covering his mouth. Only then did Khushi realise their proximity and their position. She moved back slightly, removing her hands from his mouth.
But Arnav was still looking at her dazed, still lost in his own world. His one hand was still around Khushi's waist, not letting her move back completely.
"Know what?" Khushi asked, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion.
"I know why you left," answered Arnav.
"What???" asked a flabbergasted Khushi. "If you knew then why did you ask me all those questions, trying to make me feel guilty?!" asked Khushi, exasperated.
"Because your reason was very lame and I was giving you a chance to redeem yourself," answered Arnav, causing Khushi to gape at his audacity.
"Did you just call me lame???" questioned Khushi.
"Koi shak? (Any doubt?)" retorted Arnav.
"How could you??! I am NOT lame!" said Khushi, pouting and crossing her arms under her chest, like a stubborn child.
"No, how could YOU Khushi? How dare you leave the house like that? How could you put your life in danger like that? You know that there are people lurking out there to catch you and STILL being the stupid girl you are, you left the house only to fall right into their trap! Now you tell me, what can I call you, other than a lame' girl?!"
Didn't she just give him a whole explanation on that question? And now he'd just brought them back to square one. Khushi sighed. This was going to be a long day, she thought.
"Arnavji, didn't I just expl-"
"No you didn't Khushi! No you didn't! Your reason is hardly valid - in fact NO reason would have been valid for putting your life at risk. Khushi do you seriously not understand what you've done??? You nearly killed yourself damn it!" Arnav was trying his best not to shout, but he was finding it really hard to control his anger. Khushi lowered her head, as she knew that he was right, but still she hadn't known what to do then, so she'd taken the decision she thought best at the time. "And it's all my fault," continued Arnav, in a low tone now.
With that Khushi's head shot up to look at a disturbed Arnav who wasn't even looking at her anymore. He was just looking down at the floor. And he had taken away his hand away from her waist too, as though he felt that he wasn't good enough to have that privilege. And Khushi on the other hand, was shocked with his self-depreciating tone. She knew she was completely at fault here and she was fine with Arnav telling her off. She felt no anger at that for some reason, and nor was she hurt. But never even in her dreams did she think that Arnav would blame himself for this. He was not at fault here at all! And Khushi definitely didn't like him taking that arm off her - she felt the loss of his warmth instantly. She didn't know why she felt like just staying there in his arms forever...
"Arnavji none of this was your fault! Why would you think that? I walked out of the house myself - so where do you come into any of this?" questioned a confused Khushi.
"Kuch nahi (Nothing)" replied Arnav, standing up from the bed now.
Khushi didn't like this at all. He was distancing himself again. He was building those walls around him again. But Khushi wasn't going to just let him do that.
"Arnavji?" she called. Arnav didn't meet her eyes. "Arnavji hamaari taraf dekhiye. (Arnavji look at me.)" But still he refused to look at her.
"Khushi I have some work," he said, trying to give an excuse to leave the room. But Khushi caught hold of his hand with one of her hands before he could move away, catching him by surprise. But he still didn't meet her gaze.
"Jaarahain hai? (You're leaving?)" Khushi asked in a quiet voice.
Arnav nodded in reply, still looking away.
"Mat jaiye, (Don't leave)" pleaded Khushi. Arnav looked up at her at that, not expecting her to have said that. "Please, humaare liye (Please, for me)" she pleaded again, looking straight into his eyes. Arnav saw the plea in her eyes, desperately trying to convey how much she wanted him to stay with her. That look melted his heart. So he finally nodded, giving in to her request.
Khushi tugged on his hand, gesturing him to sit down with her again. After he sat down, she said, "So tell me."
He looked perplexed. "Tell you what?"
"What is bugging you?" asked Khushi, going straight to the point
Arnav's face hardened. "So this is why you wanted me to stay," he stated. "I have work to do Khushi," he said, before walking to towards the door to leave.
"Arnavji stop! Wait!" Khushi called, but Arnav didn't turn around. So Khushi threw the duvet off and rushed out of bed to catch up with Arnav. But because she'd fainted and hadn't yet moved around properly, her legs were still a little unsteady.
"Whoo-aa-ahhh!" Khushi tripped over due to her wobbly legs.
Hearing Khushi's voice, Arnav turned around only to rush back to her side, just in time to catch her by the waist, preventing her fall, while she grabbed onto his shoulders for support.
"Khushi why can't you just be careful damn it?! You'd just fainted and woke up. You're meant to be taking rest!" Arnav said angrily, while glaring at her for putting herself at risk - once again.
"I'm fine Arnavji! It's just that I hadn't really walked around much after waking up, so my legs were a bit wobbly. How was I to know that my legs would be unsteady if I hadn't got up in the first place? It's not my fault," Khushi defended herself, with a pout on her lips.
Arnav jus glowered at her in reply, clearly not ready to accept that as an explanation.
Then surprising him, Khushi managed to stand up on her feet, with his hands still around her waist. And then she hugged him with all her might.
"Please don't go Arnavji," she pleaded again, while her head laid on his chest. "Stay with me," she requested again. "Don't leave me."
With each plea, Arnav's resolve to leave was weakening.
"Arnavji, I don't have anyone except you over here. Please don't leave me. I know you don't have any work right now and you just made the excuse because you don't want to talk about your worries." As Arnav heard that last sentence, he tried to pull back from the hug, but Khushi only tightened her hold on him, snuggling further into his chest, if that was even possible. Arnav knew that she was spot on, and he also knew that he could share his feelings with Khushi - he could trust her. But he didn't want to. He wasn't ready. And he probably never would be.
"It hurts to see you like this Arnavji. Please don't ask me why I care for you or why you matter to me - because I only know whatever I told you today. I don't understand these feelings myself Arnavji. How? When? Why? I don't know the answers to any of these questions. But I can only say that... it hurts to see you hurt Arnavji. I can't see you so depressed and tensed. You do a really good job of hiding it, but I can see through your pretence Arnavji. Please don't do this to yourself. You're burying all your feelings inside but that will only harm you. If you share your worries with someone, you will feel much better." Khushi said, her face still buried in his chest.
Arnav was feeling overwhelmed with her care for him. He knew that each word was from her heart. But he couldn't let himself get into all this. He only had one focus in his life. His career. He wanted to be able to help get rid of as many criminals as he could, and he wanted his business to expand even further. These were the only aims of his life. No more. No less. And this should never change.
Arnav again attempted to pull back from the hug, but just like before Khushi hugged him tighter, clutching onto the shirt around his back.
They stood like that for a few minutes, with Khushi holding onto Arnav for dear life, while he stood there, with his arms loosely wrapped around Khushi, unable to move away.
Suddenly, Khushi lifted her head up from his chest to look up into his molten caramel eyes and said, "ek baar koshish to keejye Arnavji. Or phir dekhiye, aapka mann kitna halka ho jaaye ga. (Just try it once Arnavji. Then you'll see how much lighter you will feel.)" Then she removed one arm from his back to cup his cheek and said, "Don't keep everything locked inside you and harm yourself Arnavji... Please?"
Arnav didn't respond. He just stood there, looking into her eyes with his intense ones. Then, without a word he picked her up, cradling her in his arms, and walked to the bed. Khushi clutched onto his collar with one hand while she held the back of his neck for support with the other. He placed her on the bed carefully. He then gently pulled her hand away from his collar to say, "It's been years since I've bothered about myself Khushi. And I'm not about to start now. The sooner you understand that, the better."
He was about to walk away towards the door when he heard her voice. "You don't care about yourself, but that doesn't mean others can't too. It's ok if you don't care for yourself Arnavji. Because now, I'm here to do that for you," Khushi said.
"No one needs to care for me. I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself," Arnav said, in an emotionless voice.
"Haan voh toh dikhra hain, (Yh I can see that)" muttered Khushi sarcastically.
"He's grown as big as a buffalo but he doesn't know how to take care of himself. Can't eat on time when he has diabetes, doesn't share his worries with anyone, doesn't care for his safety," murmered Khushi, "and then he says I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself.' Bada aaya laad governer," Khushi complained under breath, mimicking him.
"What the! Did you just call me a BUFFALO???" bellowed Arnav.
"Is there anyone else in the room?" retorted Khushi.
"How dare you?" he asked angrily, walking towards her.
"Aapko model banna chaiye, (You should become a model)" said Khushi, catching him off guard.
"What the!"
"You would do a really good job of it. I mean with the number of times you've walked up and down this room in the last few minutes, you've definitely got enough practise to become a model," said a grinning Khushi, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Even though Arnav pretended to glower at her, he couldn't help but be amused by her antics. Nobody could remain unhappy with Khushi around. She was like an everlasting lamp, fighting off every darkness in the way. What would he have done if something had happened to her today?
With that thought, a lump formed in his throat as emotions choked him. He couldn't even bear the thought of something happening to her. And today... he had come so close to losing her.
Khushi sensed the change in emotions in Arnav, and somehow she had a vague idea of what was going through his head. It was just an instinct that told her that he was reliving today's disasters again.
Wanting to relieve Arnav, Khushi pulled onto Arnav's arm, making him sit on the bed again. She took his both hands and held them between her own. She then looked right into his eyes while saying, "I'm fine Arnavji. I'm with you right now. Nothing's happened to me. And nothing ever will. I will always stay with you." Khushi didn't know why she said that last part, but as the words came out, she realised how right they sounded. She did want to stay with him always.
Arnav pulled away his hands from Khushi's ones.
"YOU'RE saying that? The girl who walked out my house, putting her own life at risk and cutting off all ties with me?" Arnav replied sarcastically. Every time he heard her console him, he could only feel the anger at her for doing this to herself. To them.
"Arre how many times do you want me to say sorry for that Arnavji?! I told you na, I'm sorry. How many times shall I say it? 10 times? 50? 100? Ok Fine. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sor-"
Khushi paused and looked up at a very serious looking Arnav. "Are you not going to stop me?" she asked - she had expected him to stop her a looong time ago.
Arnav just shook his head in denial.
Khushi pouted. "But you're meant to! That's what they do in movies!" complained Khushi.
"See you can't even apologise properly. Your apology holds no meaning. You're only doing this for the sake of it," Arnav said.
Khushi was about to correct him but he didn't let her.
"Let me get this straight Khushi. Forget you know me. Forget you're my friend. Forget I'm your Ratna Maa's son. I am a police officer Khushi. This is my JOB. I am a police officer who has been assigned your case. At least, if you don't respect me as a friend, then at least respect my job, and make things easier for me by not running away. Let me do my job, which is to protect you."
"Khushi, I can't change Dadi. I can only try my best to protect you from her. And as for my relationship with her - there are some things which have happened in our lives that have changed everything. And that includes my relationship with her. Some evens of the past have made our relationship this way and trust me, it can't get any worse than it already is. And there is nothing for you to do in it. Neither can you mend it, nor can you worsen it. Trust me on that. Now you have no reason to ever leave the house. So from now on, don't ever even think of walking out of the house. Is that clear?" he asked sternly.
Khushi just nodded in response. Then she said, "It's not your fault Arnavji."
Arnav wasn't expecting her to say anything on that topic, so he didn't know how to reply. Before he could get up and escape from the situation, Khushi grasped his one hand. "I listened to what you had to say right? So now it's your turn to listen to me," Khushi said.
"Arnavji, whatever happened to day... it was entirely my fault. I shouldn't have walked out like that. If I hadn't walked out, those goons wouldn't have caught me and all this mess wouldn't have happened. I know you're blaming yourself for letting Dadi get to me. But there was nothing you could do Arnavji. You were upstairs getting fresh, and there was no way for you to know that Dadi was going to turn up and blast me like this. And even then, it would still be my fault for walking out and not staying to talk to you about it."
"I know you probably feel like you've failed me, but... you never have Arnavji. And you never will. And I am 200% sure of that. You know Arnavji... even today when I was in the clutches of those goons, at some point I felt your presence... Don't ask me how, but I just did. I felt like you were near me... And I don't know where my courage came from. Suddenly, I didn't feel as scared anymore. Somewhere deep down, my heart was telling me that you would make everything alright. I knew nothing could happen to me when you were there. I just want to say that... you haven't failed me in any way Arnavji. And you never will," she convicted.
Her words gave Arnav an unknown happiness, strength and confidence. His worst fear was letting down Khushi and today he saw a trailer of what it could be like if his nightmare became reality. And it was killing him inside to imagine such a situation. But Khushi's confidence in him gave him hope, pushing away his fears.
And then he couldn't control himself any longer as his inner feelings were desperately trying to reach the surface. He pulled her in for a hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
"Aaj bohot daraathiya tumne mujhe Khushi. Phir aisa kabhi mat karna. (You scared me a lot today Khushi. Don't ever do this again.) Those few minutes when I didn't know where you were, were pure torture Khushi. If anything had happened to you then..." Arnav couldn't continue as his voice broke. He was trying his best to hold in the tears which were threatening to spill over.
At that moment Khushi couldn't see the police officer who had protected her. She couldn't see the man who had gone against his Dadi for her. She couldn't see the man who had shouted at her. She only saw the little boy who was scared to lose his close one.
Khushi put her arms around him, hugging him with all her might. "Until you're with me, then nothing will happen to me Arnavji. Trust me."
"Khushi promise me you will never do this again." Arnav pulled back slightly to look right into Khushi's eyes. "Waada karo Khushi. Waada karo ki chahe kuch bhi ho jaye, tum aise phir kabhi mujhe chodke nahi chale jaogi. Hum kitna bhi roote, hum kitna bhi lade, tum mujhe kabhi chodke nahi jaogi. Wada karo Khushi. (Promise me Khushi. Promise me that no matter what happens, you will never leave me like this again. No matter how much we're angry with each other, no matter how much we fight, you will never leave me. Promise me Khushi.)"
"Hum waada karte hain Arnavji, (I promise Arnavji) I'm not going anywhere. I will always stay with you. I won't do something so stupid ever again. Promise."
And with that she laid her head on his chest, while he tightened his arms around her, finally feeling relieved.
And that day, they both crossed an unknown boundary in their relationship.