Hey Devi Maiyya! Sirf hamaare saath hi yeh sab kyun ho raha hain? (Why is this only happening with me?) What had I done to deserve this? First I thought you didn't like my prashad (offerings), but surely you wouldn't be this harsh on me just for unsatisfying prashad...right?
Dadi hates me to bits for some reason unknown to me - or maybe there isn't any reason. Maybe I'm just... unlikeable. I sighed. That's probably it. I mean it would have been fine if it was just Dadi, but here Arnavji seemed to have a problem with me too, and not to mention those goons who must hate me to actually get down to hurting me for some reason. Yes. That must be it. I'm just unlikeable.
But what have I done?
As if you don't know,' one part of my brain said.
What had I done?
Admit it Khushi. You WERE interfering in Arnavji's life for no reason. You had no right to do that. You don't know anything about Arnavji or his Dadi so how could you start to give him your wise' advice on the situation? Tumne teek nahi kiya hai Khushi (You haven't done the right thing Khushi)' it said.
I pouted. Maybe that is true...
OK I admit that is completely true, I admitted to myself guiltily.
I face-palmed myself. Tum bhi na Khushi! Bilkul paagal ho tum! Unse aise baat karneki kya zarurath thi? Ab voh bohot naaraz honge. Yeh bhi nahi pata hai ki voh kahaan gaye hain... (What's wrong with you Khushi! You're crazy! Why did you have to speak to him like that? Now he would be very angry. I don't even know where he's gone...) I should apologise to him when he comes back...
Wait. No. Why should I? I spoke stupidly, I admit that. But what right did he have to speak to me like that? He shouldn't have said all that. What did he say? I don't mean anything to him? I don't have any right to interfere in his life? I should stay within my limits. Hmmmph! If that was all he'd said then I would have forgiven him easily. But no. He said I was trying to make him fall for my non-existent charms' - and worse, I was trying to do all this for his money and wealth!
Is that what he really thinks about me? That I'm after his money? His wealth? Did he truly think that after everything that's happened between us...? Somehow that thought hurt far more than it should.
Wait Khushi. Why should he trust you? You are no one to him. Just another case. And he's only known you for one day, so stop building dreams from nothing...
I sighed in defeat. I guess the truth always hurts. I meant nothing to him and he probably does think all of that of me. I just needed to learn to keep my big mouth shut, and keep my distance from him.
Yes. That's the best thing. Let's just get this thing over and done with. This is his job - and I'll just make this easier for him. I'll just let him do whatever it takes to keep me safe. When I'm out of danger he'll go his way and I will go mine. Until then I will keep my distance. I need to apologise to him for speaking to him like that too.
Haan Khushi (Yes Khushi). Yehi sahi hai (This is the right thing). That's best for both of us I decided, resigned.
Just then I heard the door creak open slightly and I looked up to see who it was. Slowly Arnavji emerged from behind the door as looking slightly hesitant - which was very unlike him I might add. He stood there looking here and there, and he looked somewhat nervous. I saw him opening his mouth several times as though trying to say something, but he couldn't seem to get it out.
Maybe he was feeling guilty for what he'd done.
That made me feel slightly better about apologising I guess. I wasn't the only one regretting what I'd done. That made two of us. Ok, time to say sorry, I told myself.
"Hume maaf kar deejye (Please forgive me)," he looked up at me, looking somewhat surprised. "You were right. I don't know anything about you and I just..." I didn't know how to explain my reasons to him so I just got straight to the point. I'm sorry," I apologised sincerely, looking at him for any reaction. He stood there trying to comprehend what I'd just said. I was expecting him to say something - anything - in reply, but he didn't say anything. When he didn't reply I looked straight into his eyes - the windows to his soul which fluttered open and shut from time to time. To my luck they were open this time and I could see his silent apology lying bare in this molten caramel eyes. I gave him a slight smile at that. He seemed to relax a tiny bit at that.
It was only then that I realised that he was holding a tray in his hands. Right. Food. I'd forgotten there was such a thing as food in these last few hours - and that was definitely weird for Khushi Kumari Gupta, who basically lives for food. Wait what time was it?
I must have voiced my question because he replied 3 o'clock. That shocked me. I was sitting in the same position for almost 6 hours and I didn't even realise the time go by. I didn't even feel hungry.
"Come, let's eat," he said. I realised he wanted to eat from the same tray. I guess that had become our ritual now.
I sighed. So much for trying to keep the distance.
I silently followed him to the bed and looked at the tray heaped with food. It had all my favourite dishes on it - about 10 people could eat from that tray, I thought. I looked up at him with a questioning gaze to be met with his hopeful eyes. I smiled as I realised he was trying to apologise through his actions.
But when I looked down at the food, it only reminded me of his money - the money which I was supposedly after. He could buy food for 100 people at the same time, I told myself. This is nothing for him.
Suddenly I felt like I was a huge burden dumped on his shoulders. He hardly even knows me and he has to provide for me.
No. He shouldn't have to go through that. He may be wealthy but that didn't mean I would be living on his money - I admit I had no choice but I could try my best to keep my expenditure as low as possible right? Yes. That's the best thing to do. I was already a burden and there was no need to make it harder for him. And I was going to start this from food.
"Khushi kya soch rahe ho? (Khushi what are you thinking?)" he asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I shook my head in reply, telling him silently that I was fine. I smiled and took a morsel of food, gesturing him to do the same. Once he started eating, I allowed myself to eat as well. I ate very slowly, taking in as little food as possible. As soon as he'd finished I said I was full too. I'd probably eaten about a tenth of what I usually ate, before I told him that I was full. He didn't look convinced at first, but when I flashed him the brightest smile I could, he seemed to take it and helped me clear up.
When he came back after putting back the tray downstairs, he cleared his throat to gain my attention. When I turned around I noticed that his hands were behind his back for some reason. I let my curiosity show on my face as I looked up at him. His eyes gave away his excitement, piquing my interest even further.
As I watched, one side of his lips curved up ever so slightly - maybe that was Arnav Singh Raizada's version of a smile. Gosh that was a huuuge achievement for Arnav Singh Raizada!!!! Even if the smile was small.
He slowly outstretched his right hand, holding a tin, towards me. I did nothing to mask the confusion building up within me as he gestured me to take the tin by bringing it closer to me, with his eyes glowing with excitement.
I hesitantly took the tin and looked up at him once more uncertainly. He gave me an encouraging nod in response, so I opened the box, taking my time.
As I saw what lay in the box my eyes widened and I wanted to jump up and down in joy.
But then I just about stopped myself. I had to remember my new resolution. I couldn't let him spend any money on me unless absolutely required.
But you can make one excuse na?' asked my heart, as I glanced at the delicious, moist, irresistible jalebis laying in front of me, pleading me to devour them.
No Khushi,' I told my heart. I didn't want to trouble Arnavji any further. Make an excuse and walk away from the jalebis' I told myself.
"I..." How was I to deny the jalebis without hurting Arnavji's feelings? "Voh... Thank you so much Arnavji - I love jalebis! Thank you for taking the time and buying it. Ummm...I'm feeling really full... Can I eat it later Arnavji?" I asked tentatively.
As I spoke the words I saw many emotions flit across his face: shock, confusion, understanding and finally pure remorse.
"Khushi... I'm..." in a pained voice that tugged at my heartstrings.
"No no Arnavji it's not what you're thinking!" I hurriedly jumped in, trying to stop him from feeling bad. It really wasn't his fault. "I really am feeling full - I ate a lot." When I saw that he still didn't look convinced, I clutched at my stomach dramatically and started, "sach mein Arnavji! (Really Arnavji!) I feel like my stomach is going to explode any moment! If I eat these jalebis then trust me, I really will explode! And then don't blame me for ruining your bedroom! Hey Devi Maiyya hamaare pedmein intna dard kyun ho raha hain? (Oh God why is my stomach hurting so much?) You're punishing me for eating too much aren't you? This is not fair Devi Maiyya! You're the one who made me eat so much. You're the one who made Arnavji buy these delicious jalebis. And now you're the one who is stopping me from eating these delicious jalebis. Not fair! Now you yourself have to tell Arnavji that it's all your fault because I don't want him thinking that I denied his jalebis," I huffed up at the ceiling, hoping my speech had convinced Arnavji that I really was full.
I was going to say more but then I felt Arnavji tug at my hand. "Don't do this Khushi," he pleaded. "I know why you're doing this," he told me looking straight at me, "but believe me; I didn't mean any of it Khushi. I just said those things in my anger... It was a mistake Khushi - none of it was true..." he tried to explain.
But why was he trying to give me an explanation when it wasn't really his fault. This had nothing to do with what he'd said. I just didn't want to be a burden on him. I opened my mouth to tell him that but he didn't let me.
He pulled me closer to him and said, "Do you really think I didn't notice that you were hardly eating Khushi?" I looked down as I couldn't meet his eyes. He gently lifted up my chin slowly, sending tingles down my spine, and made me look into his eyes asking again, "...haan Khushi?"
"I know you're not after my wealth Khushi - in fact maine jo kuch bhi kahaan tha, sab bhool jao. I was angry Khushi... or pata nahi gusse mein kya kya bakwaas baathein kehethiya maine. (In fact forget whatever I'd said. I was angry Khushi... and I don't know what the hell I'd said to you in my anger) I... S... So...S-s-sorry," he stuttered apologetically. "Don't punish yourself for my mistake... please," he said sincerely.
"But Arnavji I don't want to be a burden on you - I don't want to sit down doing nothing while you provide everything to me! I don't like this feeling of being a burden Arnavji!" He looked like he was going to interrupt but I continued, "it's nothing to do with what you'd said Arnavji - I just don't like being a burden on people." I tried to explain my point of view. "I am no one to you," I saw him close his eyes in regret as I said that, so I rushed to correct myself, "I mean, I'm not related to you in any way. We hardly know each other, and you're doing so much for me - it just makes me feel uncomfortable at the thought that I'm not able to help in any way-"
"Khushi you're my responsibility - in fact this is my job. And you are NOT a burden in any way Khushi - NEVER think that." He must have seen how intransigent I was on this because the next moment he engulfed me into his arms, surprising both of us. "I'm sorry Khushi," he said burying his face in the crook of my neck. "Please don't do this yourself," he pleaded.
I could hardly respond with his breath caressing my neck, sending sparks all over my body. There was no better heaven than being cocooned in his warmth. Unknowingly I snuggled into his chest, unable to stop myself from giving into the desire. My breathing accelerated as I felt his heart beat against my ear - surprisingly in sync with my own.
My thoughts were all still jumbled and I wanted nothing more than to just stay like this forever, protected in his arms, and giving my own warmth to him. Nothing seemed to be important in that moment. There was only us. But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that it wasn't going to last.
Forcing myself to come back to reality, I tried again "But Arnavji,"
I was caught off guard when he stepped back abruptly, just realising what he'd done. He looked here and there, trying to get out of the embarrassing situation. It was so awkward at that moment because we both got lost in the moment.
"OK fine," he agreed suddenly. I started to get happy when I heard him say that, but then, "I'll make a deal with you," he said.
Deal? I wasn't sure whether this was going to be good or bad...
"You're feeling guilty because you're not doing anything in return for me right?" I nodded wordlessly. "OK from now on, you will cook every day in this house. In fact, the kitchen is fully your responsibility. And if that's not enough then you can help with any household work you want. Hari Prakash will be there to help you whenever you need it."
I didn't know how to react. How did he know what I liked and disliked? I loved cooking!!! And that meant that I didn't have to feel guilty about the money thing anymore too. It meant I wouldn't be sitting at home bored.
"BUT," he said letting me know it wasn't over yet. "Only on one condition," he continued. I scrunched my eyebrows letting him see my unsaid question. "You have to promise me that you will never do what you did today."
What on earth did he mean by that?
He took a deep breath as though preparing himself for the biggest speech of his life. "Khushi," he said looking directly into my eyes. "You are a wonderful person and you are perfect the way you are. Don't ever change yourself for others. Not even me."
As he said that I felt the butterflies create havoc in my stomach. But what did this have to do with anything?
"That means don't change ANY of your habits. Today, you didn't eat even a tenth of what you normally eat Khushi, and don't think I didn't notice it just because I kept quiet. And... the jalebis Khushi! I know how much you love jalebis and I also know that Khushi Kumari Gupta NEVER EVER denies jalebis. But you did today. And I know it's my fault," I was about to retort but he continued, "but from now on if you ever feel uncomfortable, sad, or angry then let it out. Even if you have to scream - but don't do what you did Khushi. Because the Khushi Kumari Gupta I know never does that and she is perfect that way."
I felt a lot lighter than before all of a sudden and I gave him a full-fledged smile coming straight from the heart. He gave a tiny smile in return and extended the jalebis out to me again, and this time I took it with no hesitance whatsoever - in fact I think I all but jumped at it. Within a few seconds I was munching on the jalebis greedily.
Half way through I realised that I hadn't even thanked Arnavji properly! I quickly looked up at him to see him watching me with amusement clear on his face, causing a blush to form on my cheeks, almost burning my skin. "Thank you," I said with my mouth full, and he just flashed a smile at me in return. A full one. That reached his eyes. Gosh how was I still standing up after seeing THAT smile. Haye main marjawaan!
Hey Guys! Hopefully this long chapter makes up for the previous short ones. I had so much trouble writing this chapter for some reason - I just couldn't get it right. I don't really know whether it has come out as good as I wanted it to or not. Please do like/comment and let me know how the chapter was.