I wake to find that I am still lying on the kitchen floor (what a
bitch); once I focus on my surroundings I hear shouting. I rise
kind of disoriented and head towards what I am sure is my
mother and sister. I look around the corner to see for sure and
no surprise it’s them, I stay around the corner not wanting my
presence known just yet. From what I can understand this is
because of me, well fucking great I can never do anything right.
The yelling gets louder so I snap out of my thoughts to
listen……..
Sister (Mercedes) – what the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t
just go around hitting people because you feel it’s your “right”!
Mom – I’ll do whatever I damn well please because you and
that little bitch are mine!
Mercedes – well you may feel that way, but I’ll be damned if I
come home to a sister passed out in the kitchen again. What
the fuck did you do to her anyways she’s been out for the 4
hours I’ve been home and I’m pretty sure even longer.
What the fuck 4 hours? Let me look at the time shit I’ve been
out since like 11 and its 6.
Mom – what I did doesn’t matter she deserves whatever comes
her way; she’s been nothing but a problem since she was
born….
Mercedes - if you felt that way why didn’t you stay off your
back and keep your legs close, is saying no that hard for you (I
can hear the hatred in her voice)
Mom – you will not talk to me like that as long as you live
under my roof (I can hear her walking, then smack my sister, ok
enough of this)
Me – don’t touch her!!
Mercedes – (rubbing cheek) its ok, when did you wake up?
Me – about 10 minutes ago, don’t fight with her you know it’s
pointless.
Mom – so you’re both just going to act like I’m not here, ok I
see what I’m going to have to do, Mercedes…..
Mercedes – what?
Mom – pack you stuff your leaving my house tonight I will not
have my kids disrespecting me in my own home.
Me – if she goes I do too because I sure as hell don’t want to be
with you.
Mom – if you leave I’ll just have the police bring you back (she
grins), did you forget you’re a minor?
Mercedes – its ok just call me if she hits you again, and I’ll be
here in no time.
Me – I love you! Don’t leave me with her; she’s going to try to
kill me!
Mom – stop being so dramatic I won’t lay a hand on you
(winking at me, my stomach turn’s at what I know is going to
come)
Mercedes – come on help me pack I don’t want to look at her
face anymore……
We pack for about 2 hours; she rises and comes to hug me. I cry
because she is the only one to that has stuck by me. I begin to
beg her again to take me, she says now but that she will come
back for me once she has her own place. I walk her to the door
and she hugs me and makes me promise to be good even if she
provokes me. I don’t say anything at first and just watch her
walk out the door, after a moment I yank open the door and
run down the sidewalk and yell I promise. And soon after I
break and cry on the ground, because it was too late she never
heard the promise. I don’t know how long I was on the ground
but it was raining once I snapped out of my daze.
I stand and head back inside, to whatever my mom in her sick
head has in store for me. I just have to remember to go to my
happy place this time; hopefully it doesn’t hurt that much this
time. She tends to get over angry and become a lot rougher
then needed. I walk in but don’t see her at first; I don’t let this
fool me for I know she’s hiding somewhere. And speak of the
devil here she is sitting in the living room looking so smug; I just
wanted to smack the shit out of her. As I turn towards the stairs
I hear her call me back, damn I really thought she wasn’t going
to do this tonight. Once there she begins to speak…
Mom – I don’t know why you look surprised I told you I wasn’t
done with you yet.
Me – (backing away slightly) I thought you said you weren’t
going to lay a hand on me.
Mom – I know and I’m not (walks towards me and punches me
in stomach)
Me – (crumbled on the floor) ……….
Mom – get up and take off your clothes, and head to the
basement
God I hate when she makes me go down there, getting up I
walk downstairs and start to remove my clothing. I’ve got to be
quick if I do it too slow this will be a lot worst, and I just have to
go to my happy place.
Mom – come over here and give me your hands (puts hand
cuffs on my wrist and locks me to banister so I can’t run)
Me – (try to save myself one last time) But mom it really wasn’t
my fault this time, please don’t do this!
Mom - …….. (Goes to closet and pulls out whip, lifts it and
delivers 1st hit)
Me – owww
I begin to cry but force myself to stop and go into the most
beautiful memory I have. I was about 5 and we were living in
Maryland still, I was really sick and it looked like I wasn’t going
to make it. My mom rushed me to the Hospital and never left
my side, I guess I must have passed out because I woke up and
was looking at my mom with blood shot eyes looking at me. I
asked what was wrong and her reply was that she was afraid
that she was going to lose me; I promised her that I’d never
leave her and she promised to love me forever. What I find
ironic about this is I loved and love her so much and so I let her
beat me the way she does, what choice do I have? If I tell
anyone besides my best friends they’ll take me away and I’ll
never see her again. I can feel myself coming backing into
reality as I feel her removing the hand cuffs, then the pain of
the beating hits me and I hit the floor from the shear amount
of pain.
Mom – Your lucky It was only a hour this time because I have
to get ready for work, Mop up this blood and go to you room I
don’t even want to look at you.
Me – (sniffling) okay
Once I managed to rise I cleaned up and went to my room. As
weird as this is going to sound this wasn’t even that bad, it
could’ve been a lot worst she at least avoided my face this
time. In my room I head straight to my bathroom and lock the
door and ran the shower water. I open the cabinet and take
out my razor like I did the night before, after removing my
clothes I step into the shower and just let the water wash off
the blood, it burned like hell but it’s a pain I’ve become
accustomed to. After I’m sure the cuts are clean, I look at my
leg another popular cutting spot of mine and start. I do this about ten times but around the 3rd cut I didn’t even feel it. I
just liked the feeling of helplessness being lifted with each cut.
With each drop that hits the water I see a velvet flow of my
pain being washed down the drain. I see no more pain; I feel
no more pain, for when I have my razor at hand I am immune
to these things.
I step out of the shower once I’m sure the bleeding has
stopped and head into my room and see my phone lit up. It’s a
text from Daren inviting me to a party and to meet him and
Stephanie in 20 minutes, I think for a moment and say fuck it
what’s the worst the bitch can do she already beat me and she
won’t be home until tomorrow morning. I text back ok see you
guys in a few, now what to wear getting dressed was a task but
I ignored to pain, I look at myself for a minute and decided I
looked good and there was no visible signs of injury so I’m set.
Daren’s House
Once I’m there, we only have to wait about 5 minutes before
Stephanie arrives too. They both look at me weirdly before
asking what happened at school; I lie and tell them that Kerri
and I got into a fight over seats at lunch. I’m not sure why I lied
but I don’t see the point in telling them the truth it’s not like
I’m a lesbian or anything I just like sleeping with girls, that’s not
a crime? They drop that but start with more questions that I
didn’t feel like answering, the only one I answered was did I get
punished for getting suspended and I told them yes. Stephanie
being the person she is freaked out and asked to look me over I
refused and Daren just looked pissed and asked me if I wanted
to just stay in. I said hell no let’s get out of here.
The Party
The party wasn’t that far it was near the location of the last
party so I was all for it. And boy was I happy that I came
because as soon as we walked in the music was blasted and I
could see plenty of people I wanted to meet tonight. As I head
to the drinks I saw my pray for the night, after I got my drink I
went towards the girl but was interrupted by this guy. I was
about to get pissed but looked at him a little better and
thought what the hell he’s cute too might as well use him. He
says hello and asked me to dance, I can see he’s happy I gave
him the time of day. I feel a little bad I’m just going to use him
for sex and never talk to him again but whatever. I see
tonight’s going to be a good night ……………
________________________________________________________________________________________
OK guys this was chapter 3 I hope you all liked it. I
was trying to show you guys a little more about
why Natasha’s the way she is and show how life at
home is. Anyways tell me what you think about
her and about the way she behaves.