***I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to update...I can't even remember the last time I did. Sorry.***
Harry ~ "Harry, what's taking so long?" You shouted down the hall, getting tired of waiting for Harry to finish styling his hair and picking an outfit. He usually took longer than you to get ready, mostly because he took to long to decide between his many patterned, collared shirts.
Today, you were extra antsy while waiting for him, because today was they day you'd find out the gender of the baby. You were so excited, and after months of waiting for this day to arrive, you didn't want to wait any longer. You were currently 20 weeks pregnant, halfway there, and your belly was noticeable even when you wore loose, flowy shirts or dresses.
You were eager to be able to call your baby he or she, start buying gender-specific baby clothes, and plan the nursery. After you knew the sex of the baby, it would be so much easier to prepare for him or her.
"I'm coming, love, I'm coming." He said, jogging down the hall and into your view. You smiled when you saw the shirt he wore: a blue short-sleeved button down with flamingos on it. He had been wearing it when you told him your were pregnant, when you went to the first scan, and any other doctor's appointments since. You wouldn't be surprised if he wore it on the day your child was born. "Don't worry, we've got plenty of time. It's a short drive."
Harry was right, and it was a quick ride, but a ride filled with laughter and gender guessing. When you got to the office, you practically skipped down the corridor with Harry copying your actions. You laughed when you turned back to look at him and his hair flowing wildly around his face. Once inside the waiting room, you signed in and were quickly ushered into a room.
"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Styles. Feeling alright lately?" You doctor asked as she prepped the machine. As you answered, she instructed you to lie on the bed and lift your shirt. As she squeezed the gel onto your skin, she warned, "Just a bit cold here."
"How's the baby doing?" Harry asked, moving closer to the screen so he could get a better look. He grasped your hand as the image of your baby showed up.
"And there is your baby, looking healthy as ever. Growth seems on track; right now they're about the size of a banana, just to give you an idea." She continued to press buttons on the machine as she guided the probe around your abdomen.
"And what about the gender? Can you tell yet?" you asked anxiously. If she wasn't able to tell, you would be upset since you've been waiting so long. You've gotten yourself so excited over the past few weeks, and having to wait longer would frustrate you.
"Yes, it looks like I can tell. Would you like me to tell you?"
"Please," Harry answered quickly, before you even had the chance to open your mouth.
"Alright, well it seems you're expecting a baby girl. Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Styles." The doctor smiled widely. Harry quickly pulled you in for a hug as you began to cry, not being able to control your emotions because of your hormones.
"We're having a little girl, Harry!" You whispered excitedly as he wiped your cheeks dry.
"She's going to be just as beautiful as her mummy," he said before softly pressing his lips to yours.
"Would you two like pictures?" The doctor asked timidly, not wanting to interrupt your moment. You both nodded and you began to wipe the gel from your stomach.
As you walked out, you stared in awe at the ultrasound picture. You were so unbelievably excited to be having a girl- you would get to braid her hair, dress her in pretty skirts and cute dresses, and share that special bond that only a mother and daughter could share. You could tell that Harry was ecstatic, also. He's going to have two girls to spoil.
"I've got to call Gem, tell her how wrong she is." He smirked as he opened the car door for you, and you just laughed.
Niall ~ You had planned the appointment only a few days in advance after going back and forth with management to find out when Niall could get away for a day to fly back to London. They had told you that on Thursday, nothing was planned, and if he could manage to get back for the next show, it was okay if he left. Niall was so excited to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl- it was all he talked about. He would ramble on and on for hours, about what color to paint the nursery, how he could teach his son to play golf and football, or how he wouldn't mind putting on a tutu for his little girl. You never thought that Niall could be so excited about something so simple. It was fun to watch him count down the days before the appointment, and get more and more excited as the days passed.
You were all set to go, your bags packed and only a few minutes away from the airport, when Niall's phone rang. He answered and quickly hung up again, slamming his phone down to the seat.
"Niall, what's wrong?" You asked timidly, as he was angry. When Niall was angry, he could lash out at the wrong people and say the wrong things. His face was red as he curled and uncurled his fingers on his lap. He angrily muttered swear words under his breath, and you placed your hand on his thigh. "What happened?"
He turned to look at you, and got angrier. He slammed his fist onto the seat in front of him, screaming a curse word. "Jesus, Niall, speak to me!"
"They couldn't give less of a shit about us!" He yelled, pulling at his hair. "All they want is fucking money, and I'm just another doll to them. Apparently, I'm not even a fucking person. Bunch of dicks!"
"Niall, don't tell me...."
"They planned a last minute interview with a radio station, and I have to go back. What don't they understand about this? I'm having a child, and all I want is to take one God damned day off to go to the doctor's appointment. That's fucking it!"
"I- I don't know what to say. We can reschedule or something. Maybe we can go next week?" You tried to calm him, but it didn't seem to work. His anger kept boiling up, and he was having a hard time containing it.
"No, hell no. There's always going to be something, Y/N. Our baby needs to be checked on, I need to know if they're healthy."
"You want me to go without you?" He nodded, taking his hands in his and running the pad of his thumb over your knuckles. "I won't find out the gender, we can make it a surprise or something. I don't want to know if you aren't there with me."
"No, find out. You can tell me over the phone."
"I won't. What if we wait? What if we don't find out until he or she is born?" You suggested, and Niall began to think about it.
"But then we'd have to paint the nursery brown, and buy a bunch of boring clothes."
"It's fine, I think. We can do the nursery white, and then add different colors when the baby is born. And when they're a newborn they don't need much other than pajamas. We can buy a bunch of stuff online after he or she is born, anyway. I don't think I want to know, Niall. But do you?"
"I guess not. I guess that's fine. I actually think it would be a fun surprise." He smiled, kissing your lips passionately. "But you need to go to the appointment and make sure the baby is doing good, okay?"
"Yeah, of course." You said just as the car pulled up to the airport.
"I love you. You'll take the next flight back, or you can stay a few days...whatever you want to do. But if you have a chance, could you stop by my place and get your favorite pajama pants so I don't have to hear you complain anymore?"
Liam ~ You had received a call from the adoption agency inviting you into the office to meet with your representative. You were anxious, considering you still haven't been approved. A social worker has shown up to your home 4 times, checking in on you and Liam.
The social worker would walk around the house, looking for anything dangerous, illegal, or wrong. He always left with a smile on his face and would wink at you as you closed the door behind him. He had once whispered to Liam that he saw no reason for the two of you not to be approved, and that was a definite confidence booster.
You also had to attend preparation classes, where you and Liam sat in a circle of other other adults wanting to adopt. The leader of the meeting started discussions about reasons for wanting to adopt, plans for the future of your future children, and some tougher topics. In the second meeting, she had asked the group how, as parents, you would tell your child that they were adopted, or if you would tell them at all. You hadn't known how to answer that, so you let Liam answer. He said that he would let your child know as soon as they wanted to know, if they ever asked. He even spoke about the possibility of letting them know as soon as they could talk and walk.
"Are you ready, darling?" Liam called. "We'll be late if we don't leave in the next...we should have left 4 minutes ago!"
"I'm coming, I'm here. Go, get in the car." You ushered him out, slipping your boots on without zippering them. You grabbed the two coffees from the counter and followed Liam out the door. Your stomach filled with butterflies on the ride there and you felt as if you would be sick. You finished fixing your hair and zippering your shoes while Liam drove. Although there was a really good chance of the news being positive, there was still the possibility of them not accepting your adoption application.
When you arrived and Liam parked the car, you were ready to burst from nerves. "It's okay, hun. Calm down. I promise it will be good news."
"Don't make a promise you can't keep." You told him, and ran ahead to avoid the cool chill in the wind. Once in the building, you walked through the corridors until you found yourself at the front desk. The secretary brought you and Liam into Jean Fischer's office, and you instinctively grabbed your husband's hand before sitting in the chairs across from the desk.
"Hi Jean," You greeted nervously, your voice quiet. Liam squeezed your hand to calm you and you turned to smile at him.
"Good news or bad news?" Liam asked, putting a surprised look on the woman's face.
"You guys thought it would be bad news! I'm so sorry that I didn't let you know anything. I hope you weren't too worked up about it?" Jean apologized with sympathy in her voice. You immediately shook your head, even though you had been a bit nervous about the appointment. Jean sighed in relief when Liam confirmed your answer and put her hand over her chest. "I'm sorry for the confusion. I really am. But anyways, the reason I had you two come here was to tell you that your application had been approved by the board."
"Oh my God! That's- This is incredible!" You squealed, scooting forward in your chair and bouncing up and down. You looked to Liam, who held his face in his hands. You instinctively placed your hand on his back and he lifted his head to look at you. Though he had tears in his eyes, he wore the biggest smile you'd ever seen on his lips.
"I told you," he whispered, and you stood to hug him. You stayed in his arms for what felt like forever, and you would've stayed there longer. Because of this news, you and Liam would be able to start a family. You haven't been this happy since your wedding day.
"Not to interrupt your intimate moment, but there's more for me to tell you. More that will most likely make you happier." You pulled away from his embrace and sat back down. All your attention was back on Jean with the anticipation of more good news. "Because you've been approved, I've been working on finding you a child. After a few hours, I found a woman in the system with no adoptive parents yet. She's four months pregnant with a baby boy and is looking for someone to adopt him. I'm thinking that you two are those people."
When Jean finished speaking, you burst into tears. Your emotions were overflowing right now. Your dream was coming true. Through your tears, you saw Liam stand and then pull you to your feet. He kissed your lips after you heard Jean leave the room, and you stayed in contact for a few moments. You had stopped crying by the time Liam detached his lips from yours and he swiped his thumbs under your eyes.
"I love you so much, and I know you are going to be an amazing mother." He said, speaking into your hair.
"You're going to be such an amazing dad."
You stayed in each other's arms for a few minutes, only letting go of each other when you heard a knock on the door. Jean came in and sat down again, a big smile on her face.
"So what do you guys think?"
"Thank you so much Jean." Liam told her, and her smile grew.
"Just a few things. First, the mother wants to meet you. She wants to make sure her baby is going to a good home. Second, there's always the chance that she changes her mind. She can take the baby back until your officially sign the papers, which is a few days after the baby is born. You have to remember that this is not final. In situations like these, the adoption is not final until those papers are signed. Do you want to go ahead and pursue this?"
"I think so," Liam said hesitantly, looking to you for conformation. You nodded, and he said, "yes, absolutely. Anything we have to do, we'll do it."
Louis ~ "Dessert time," Lottie smirked, carrying a beautiful cake to the table. You, Louis, and his family sat around the table in your's and his home, excited to find out the gender of your baby. It had been a coincidence that the kids' school breaks were the same week of your scan. You and Louis had both forgotten about it until the day after they arrived when a reminder popped up on your phone. Daisy had heard you telling Louis that your had the appointment where the doctor would be able to tell the gender, and had told everyone else. You weren't even sure if you wanted to know, but everyone had begged you. When Louis saw the puppy eyes that his little brother pulled, he couldn't say no.
The older girls all came to the appointment with you and Louis, but Lottie was the only one the doctor told the gender to. She had spent the night before on Louis' laptop researching fun ways to reveal the gender. She convinced you that it would be fun to bake a cake, colored either pink or blue, and you would find out when you cut it open. You said yes when the kids overheard and began to beg you.
There was a big commotion around the long table when you were handed a knife. Freddie sat on your lap, and you helped him to cut the cake. All eyes were on you as you slid the blade into the cake, holding your breath and your eyes closed. You could still see the flashes of cameras going off and you felt Louis' hand on your lower back. When you pulled the piece of cake out, everyone gasped and cheered. You were hesitant to open your eyes.
"A boy!" One of the girls shouted, and you opened your eyes to see a piece of cake that was dyed a deep blue. Louis cheered beside you, receiving a hug from Lottie. Freddie clapped, and high fives Ernest. You sat in silence with your eyes glued to the cake. Blue. A boy. You couldn't get it through your head the fact that your baby was a boy.
Hell, you still hadn't accepted the fact that you were actually pregnant again. It still felt like a nightmare to you. No one could understand how you felt and why you still lacked happiness about the possibility of being a mother again. Not even Louis. Even though he had lost two children just like you had, he hadn't truly lost them. It was a different experience for you. When you lost your first baby, she had died inside you. Her heart stopped beating while she was still in your stomach. When you lost your second baby, she had died inside you. She had stopped breathing inside you. How could you feel that it wasn't your fault?
You couldn't hear the laughter and the voices of his family, but you could see their mouths move. You watched Fizzy cut the cake and Phoebe handing out plates. Freddie had climbed down and was enjoying his cake. Louis was across the room talking to Dan, and you felt lost without him. You had no one to hide behind when you burst into tears.
You could finally hear when the room went silent. You heard the scraping of chairs as Louis quickly crossed the room to be beside you. You heard the footsteps as the rest of the family left the room, whispers being exchanged.
"Darling, speak to me. Aren't you happy that we're having a boy?" Louis asked, pulling a chair up next to you and rubbing your back.
"Yes," you mumbled, your voice muffled with the tears.
"Then why are you crying? I don't understand, Y/N. Please help me out." You stayed silent but leaned into Louis' chest. He ran his hand over your hair repeatedly, trying desperately to calm you down. He hated to see you like this, so broken.
"Is it my fault?" you finally spoke. It was a question you never asked, but had always wondered the answer to.
"Is what your fault?"
"Lila and Harper?" When he heard your words, he pushed you off of him and made sure you were looking him square in the face.
"Don't even think that."
"It is, I know it." You began to cry again. Louis gripped your shoulders and shook you roughly.
"Stop!" He yelled. "Never, ever, even think about that again. I'm so upset with you right now- why would you even think such a thing!? I don't understand. We've been over this so many times and you still think- fuck! I don't know how else to say it." He stood up and began to pace, his fingers tugging on his hair roughly.
"Slap me," you commanded.
"What?"
"Slap me, hard across the face."
"Hell no. I won't do-" he couldn't finish before hit yourself across the face. The sound resonated in both of your ears and tears stung your eyes. You began to pull at your hair and yell, not knowing how else to cope with the pain.
Louis grabbed your wrists and pulled you to your feet. "Stop! Stop! Fuck, Y/N!" You looked into his eyes and saw the look of fear in them. You collapse into his chest with a sob escaping your lips. He held you up as you cried, unable to compose yourself. You grasped his jumper in your hands and dug your fingernails into the fabric. You didn't know what to do.
"I don't know how to help you," he whispered.
A/N
Praying for everyone in Paris. Awful thing going on over there. All the people affected are in my heart. #ParisStrong
On a lighter note, the album is unbelievable! What's you favorite song so far? Mine is either Olivia or Wolves or Walking in the Wind or End of the Day or I Want to Write You A Song or AM or What A Feeling or Never Enough or If I Could Fly or Temporary Fix or Hey Angel or Drag Me Down or Perfect or Infinity or Long Way Down or Love You Goodbye or History. One of those.
And the feels! They held the London Session at the same place they filmed SOML...I can't even.