The days keep on passing by, but the memory is still burning in my mind and I can still remember the looks on every one's faces. The emotion is still raw and it seems like there is absolutely nothing that I can do to make it go away. The feelings are eating me up inside out, like little parasites that are sucking everything into a black empty void full of darkness and emptiness. The two emotions that stand out the most, like black on white or and an elephant amongst dragonflies. Anger and Pain, the rest have all gone numb, it almost feels as if they aren't even there.
Every one is wondering why I'm so normal, I think that they expected me to be the one who threw the tantrums, exploded at every little thing that went wrong, or even cried waterfall after waterfall each day that passed by. I make sure that nobody sees me when I'm weak, when I sit and dose away, whenever I finally let my self process what I really did that night all those days ago. Every one thinks that it's going to be all right and that there is always a rainbow after the storm. But I am too old to believe in that crap and I don't give a damn about any of those childish stories anymore.
The anger eats away on one side of my brain whilst the pain dominates the other side, each feeling doing the same amount of damage to me as the other. Both battling each other to be the more superior emotion, the one that controls my every move. Meanwhile what is left of my sanity and humanity slowly disappears and becomes collateral damage, the causalities of the battle if you like. Nobody understands the way that humanity is disappearing, it feels like I am no longer allowed to cry, scream, throw a bloody tantrum or even smile. It feel as if I don't deserve it as if my body and mind are not going to allow me to show any emotion other than a blank empty soul.
I miss them, I miss waking up to the loud noisy chaos, the smell of dough mixed with cookies and breakfast, the coded knocks through the doors and walls, the unspoken conversations we would have with just our eyes and body language. I miss being able to speak to someone, being able to cry, to laugh but most importantly being able to let myself open up to someone.
I feel as if my soul is a dark and empty vortex and it is all because I fell for those god damned blue eyes.