I needed a distraction immediately. Something that would make me forget about Brianna's choking and vulnerability yesterday. For once I didn't want Donovan as my distraction, nor Lea. I wanted - needed a book.
Seeing that I had finished reading all of the books I borrowed from Leonardo's library, I decided to go to his library again to get some more. That was where I was heading to right now.
Dressed in pyjamas, I walked to the library. It was seven, an hour after my chores had finished. As I did my chores, my memories of yesterday had vanished. I hadn't even thought about what happened yesterday. But then, when I was alone they began to swarm my mind.
The way Brianna was broke my heart. I had never seen someone cry so hard, and I really didn't blame her. Seeing her choke was one of the scariest things I'd ever seen. It must of been even scarier for her because she was the one living it. Pity welled up within me whenever I thought about that. I felt really bad for her.
Finally reaching the huge doors to the library, I took a deep breath in to calm my nerves down. A bit of excitement also filled me at the thought of drowning in books. I loved the books I previously borrowed, so I was more excited to read. Especially when they would give me an escape from these dreadful thoughts.
Stepping into the library, I noticed a gleam of light at the far off corner of the room. A light that belonged to a lamp. Curious, I walked over to the light source, wondering who would be here.
To my surprise, it was Leonardo. He had his nose stuck in a book, reading intently. Not wanting to bother him, I decided to leave the library so he could be alone. I was also about to do that for myself because I felt awkward in his presence. It had been a while since we saw each other, long before my life had become so hectic.
However, before I could turn around I heard him say, "Alanna."
I stopped myself from turning around and looked at him. He was wearing reading glasses that rested on the bridge of his nose. With tired eyes he stared at me, seeming to see me as a new person. I felt uncomfortable.
"Hey sir," I said. "Sorry to bother you, I'll leave."
"No, no," he said, shaking his head. "Stay, get whatever you need from here."
I nodded awkwardly. "Okay."
"Don't leave when you're done though," he said seriously. "I want to talk to you."
I frowned as something twisted within my stomach. Suddenly, I felt sick. Like I would throw up, which was definitely not a good sign.
I was also trying to avoid Brianna and here I was having to speak to her father. From his serious expression, I knew it was not something light. That made my sickening feeling worsen.
"Okay," I said again. "I'll be quick."
Leonardo nodded. "Good."
Turing around, I decided to find some books. Even though I told him I would be quick, I decided to take my time looking. I hoped he would get busy and avoid talking to me. For some reason I was extremely nervous to hear what he wanted to say. Probably because it would involve Brianna.
Walking from bookshelf to bookshelf, I searched long and hard for a book that would be perfect to read. Something that would be worth the long search I purposely forced myself into. That proved to be difficult, seeing that all the books I saw were equally good.
After twenty minutes, I sighed and grabbed a book that looked interesting. By this point I had given up and was willing to talk to Leonardo. It was better to get it over with than to dread it for another fifteen minutes.
Holding the book to my chest, I then walked over to where Leonardo sat at his desk. He still had his nose stuck to the book he was reading, and I smiled at the sight. Us book lovers had a mutual understanding for each other.
Books were an escape. A way to leave the cruel world and its constant problems. My problems were Donovan and Brianna and I had to thank books for helping me survive them. Books gave me a way to leave into another world that didn't involve either of them. A world where you got to discover another person's life and understand that things do get better. I think books were what taught me to hope.
Smiling to myself, I was then snapped out of my thoughts as Leonardo asked, "Are you done?"
I looked at him and nodded, still smiling. He raised an eyebrow, probably thinking I was strange because I was smiling to myself. I tried to forget about it as I stood where I was, staring at him.
"Sit down," Leonardo said, pointing to a seat across from him. "I want to talk about something."
I gulped and obeyed his request. Pulling the wooden chair out, I sat down and placed the book I borrowed in front of me. I felt Leonardo's eyes on me the entire time, but I tried to pretend he didn't exist. That was the only reason my heart wouldn't burst from it's nervousness.
I looked up as I settled into my seat, looking at his sky blue eyes. They were the exact shade of the sky. So beautiful and pure. Like Brianna's, but because she glared so much hers weren't so pure.
Leonardo smiled at me. "Alanna, relax. You're not in trouble."
My stiffened shoulders relaxed a bit as he said that. That was good to know because I felt like I was. I hadn't been acting like a saint lately, so in a matter of time my karma should reach me. I thought this was it.
"I want to talk about yesterday," he continued, softening his gaze at me. "Thank you so much for saving my daughter. I don't know what I'd do if she was gone."
I blushed. I did not expect that and I was not happy that he brought it up. The last thing I wanted was to talk about it and here he was bringing it up.
As I sat where I was speechless, I was surprised to see his eyes tearing up. My own eyes widened as I saw how sad he looked. He must of been really scared as well. Who knew Brianna could affect so many people in this way.
"You're welcome," I said gently. "I'm glad I was able to help her. Honestly, I was scared."
Leonardo nodded. "Yeah, she was quite scared too she told me. She said it brought back bad memories."
"Bad memories?" I asked confused.
Leonardo shifted in his spot uncomfortably. He seemed nervous suddenly, like he was about to present something. That made me frown.
"Alanna, can I trust you?" Leonardo asked seriously.
Deep inside, my conscience said no. And it was completely right. I wasn't trustworthy, especially in this household. What I was doing with Donovan was the most dishonest thing I had ever done.
Despite all that, despite all those thoughts, I said, "Yes sir, you can."
He smiled sadly. "Well, it's a long and sad story. You see, Brianna's mom, my ex-wife, was pretty cruel to Brianna. She started off loving her, treating her like the princess she is when Brianna was younger."
As Leonardo began his story, I began to feel sick. Already I had a bad feeling about this story. I knew it would be a story that would break my heart.
"Like some parents, she didn't expect her daughter to grow up. Not into this beautiful girl," Leonardo continued. "So when Brianna turned thirteen, her mom started ignoring her. She started acting like Brianna was not her daughter, and obviously Brianna hated that. Brianna had always loved her mom and it stung to have the person you love ignore you."
My throat constricted as I felt horrible. I felt so horrible that I suddenly felt the urge to get up and leave. But I didn't. I couldn't. I needed to hear the rest of the story. I needed to understand Brianna's pain.
Leonardo shook his head sadly. "I divorced my wife after that. How dare she ignore her own daughter because she grew up. I also heard she verbally abused Brianna, but Brianna always denied it. I think she still loves her mom after all she did."
"Why?" I couldn't help but squeak out. "Why would she love someone who's so cruel to her."
"Because it's her mom." Leonardo's eyes softened. "She still has this ring her mom gave her. It's silver, with a heart on it."
My eyes widened as I thought of the ring I helped Brianna find. It wasn't from Donovan, it was from her mom I now realized. No wonder she was so upset.
"You know what," Leonardo suddenly said.
"What?" I asked quietly, feeling sick and saddened after his tale.
"I know Brianna has a bad reputation. I know people think she's bratty," Leonardo said. "But I think it's because she wants attention. Attention that her mom never gave her the last three years she lived in our mansion."
Now I officially felt horrible. It all made sense now. Brianna was wounded in a way that was irreparable. She wasn't a horrible person because she was born that way, but because the world had turned her into that sort of person. For once I wanted to hug her. I wanted to run up to her and tell her everything was going to alright.
"I can't believe this," I said. "I feel horrible."
"You did nothing hun," Leonardo said. "It's her mom we should all feel anger towards."
If only he knew. I was causing her more pain. Pain she didn't need after everything she had been through. My heart ached as I realized I needed to do something. Something I should of done a long time ago.
"I want to help her," I suddenly said. "I need to talk to her tomorrow."
"Don't tell her I told you all this." Leonardo frowned. "She'll kill me."
I smiled sadly. "I won't, I'll help her in another way."
He nodded. "Thank you Alanna. You're a good person."
My sickening feeling only increased from his words. I was definitely not a good person. Anyone who knew about what I was doing could tell. Hopefully I could fix that tomorrow, I just had to talk to Donovan and then Brianna. That would fix everything. Hopefully.