I tried to ignore them, but it's harder than I thought it would be. A lot harder. Having to mop Brianna's already clean bedroom floor is the only thing that prevents me from snapping at Donovan, telling him off for having Brianna snuggled into his chest as he keeps an arm around her. The sight bothered me a lot, but as usual there was nothing I could do.
"Alanna, work faster," Brianna snapped.
Taking a deep breath in, I obeyed. I hated how she was my boss. The girl who was with the guy I liked, was the exact person treating me like I was nothing. It sucked and I had to resist the urge to attack her.
"Good maid," Brianna said smugly as I worked faster.
It took everything within me to not attack her at that moment. To not slap the stupid smug look she was probably wearing on her face right now. Thank god I was focusing on the ground. If I was looking at her face I would probably lose it.
Oh God. I realized I was turning back to the old Alanna, the viscous one that only cared about herself. That Alanna was not me and I would never let it be me. Tiredly, I let go my anger.
Romance really did suck. It was a huge hassle with too many complicated feelings. I began to remember why I avoided love, but at the same time the feelings I got around Donovan made it something beautiful. Just like what Brianna said, it can be incredible. For now it wasn't though.
As I mopped, I felt someone watching me. I knew it was Donovan, but I payed no attention to him as I tried to focus on cleaning. After seeing him with an arm wrapped around Brianna, I decided to ignore him. It seemed like he didn't care about my feelings. Anyone would know flirting with others in front of your loved one would hurt, but here he was doing it three meters away from me.
"That's enough Alanna," Brianna said tiredly. "You're going to damage the floor if you mop that hard."
My eyes widened as I realized how much force I was using to mop the floor. Thankfully, I hadn't damaged the floor, but I felt sick as I realized I was being controlled by my stupid emotions. Emotions that only began once I realized I liked Donovan. A small part of me began to regret even telling him I liked him.
"Alanna, you're done for the day," Brianna said surprisingly gently. "Just go to your room and do whatever."
I looked at her for the first time in a while with wide eyes to see if she was serious. She was still in Donovan's arms, much to my disappointment, but at least I could see that she was serious from the way she had concerned etched upon her face. I felt shock burst within me as it seemed like she actually cared about me. Maybe I was just seeing things though. I had a lot on my mind.
"Thank you," I said softly, placing the mop in the corner of the room.
I felt really grateful of her for letting me have the day off. I really needed this, especially after having the sight of them snuggling against each other overtake my thoughts. A sight I definitely hated with a passion.
Without a glance, I quickly left the room as I took a deep breath in. I hadn't looked at Donovan once and I wasn't planning on for a while. What he was doing hurt, even if it wasn't intentional it did. Didn't he know you shouldn't flirt with a girl in front of the girl that likes you back? Maybe he did. Maybe he just didn't care.
*****
I was in my room, reading the last book I borrowed from Leonardo. A part of me was upset that I had finished them so fast, but then I also remembered I could go to his library anytime I wanted to and get more books. That made me feel incredibly happy because so far books were the only thing that never let me down. They had always brightened my day in fact.
When I was in the middle of a suspenseful scene in the book, I suddenly heard a knock on the door. I groaned as I assumed it was Lea. It wasn't like I didn't want her around me, but the part of the book I was reading was so good that I didn't want to stop reading it. I would probably kick out Lea politely to continue reading.
Getting up, I walked to the door and opened it slightly, ready to explain to Lea I was reading an incredible book. To my surprise, it wasn't Lea. It was actually Donovan who looked nervous as he stuffed his hands into his black pants and smiled awkwardly. My heart began to hammer against my chest from nervousness. I wasn't ready to see him just yet.
"Hey," Donovan said. "Can I come in?"
I began to quickly think of an excuse so he wouldn't be able to. I thought of saying what I was going to say to Lea because it was true, I was in the middle of an incredible part of the book. However, I decided to say nothing because I remembered what Lea said yesterday. Communication is key. It would be best for whatever we had at the moment to talk things out.
"Okay," I said nervously, looking away from his green eyes that looked concerned.
I quickly walked to my bed and he followed me. As usual, he sat on the carpet in front of my bed, crossing his legs in the progress. I fought back a smile as I wondered why he was so obsessed with the carpet. It wasn't even that nice of a carpet.
"What's up?" I asked, once we were both settled.
"That's what I should be asking you," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not," I lied.
His eyebrow remained lifted as he studied me. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze, but I didn't want to admit I was avoiding him. There were other ways of confronting my problem than to admit everything I felt.
"Fine, why were you acting strangely today?" he asked. "You seemed bothered by something."
I shrugged. "I felt uneasy."
"About what?"
I looked at him seriously, ready to admit something to him. I wouldn't admit how I totally felt about it though, because I didn't want to seem like those girls who tried to take charge of the relationship. That was the last thing I wanted.
I also had to admit I felt a bit guilty about everything. Brianna said she loved Donovan, and here I was almost getting with him when they were still together. Despite going back to my old morals, I didn't seem to change in this aspect.
That made me feel like a horrible person. Hopefully what I would kind of ask him to do would make it slightly better, even if Brianna would earn a broken heart from it. I never wanted to be the bad guy.
"Donovan, I thought you'd break up with Brianna after we confessed our feelings," I admitted.
Donovan looked surprised as his eyes widened slightly. "You know I can't. My parents would be furious."
"I know," I said gently. "But this is wrong. She's in love with you and I don't want to be involved with cheating."
"You won't be. We're not dating."
That stung a bit as I realized he had never asked me to be his girlfriend. I began to realize that just because Donovan liked me back, that didn't mean he wanted to be in a relationship with me. My stomach began to twist and turn at the thought, making me feel sick. I felt stupid to top it all off.
Donovan realized what he said because he then said, "Alanna, of course I want to be your boyfriend, but there's so many factors that prevent me from being that. Brianna, my parents, my life, and so much more are stopping me."
"Can't you get rid of those things," I squeaked out.
His eyes softened. "I would love to, but that's impossible. Life isn't that simple sadly."
I nodded, looking down at my feet. I knew, I honestly knew and should be understanding about it, but I wasn't. For some stupid reason I was selfish and I wanted him to be all mine. I wanted us to have a normal relationship where we didn't have to love in fear, where we didn't have to hurt some girl that he had to date. This sucked.
As I stared at my feet, thinking all these things, I suddenly felt someone lift my chin up. My brown eyes soon met Donovan's beautiful green ones, and he smiled.
"Alanna, sweetheart," he said softly. "I really like you. I really like you to the point where it drives me insane."
I got lost in his eyes as my heart began to hammer against my chest. My insides were getting warmed up and my negative thoughts soon vanished.
"You're the first girl I've felt this attached to," he continued. "You're the first girl I want to make truly happy. So please, Alanna, just ignore those other factors. I know I'm being an asshole and you don't deserve this, but I can't break up with her. I'm sorry, but please don't get sad. Please don't stop liking me."
"I would never," I said softly as my heart had melted from his words. "I like you a lot Donovan. You're the only guy I would ever do this for."
He smiled. "Thank you. You're amazing."
I smiled as well, feeling a lot happier than I had felt the past week. "You too."
He suddenly gently placed his lips on mine, kissing me passionately. I smiled as my lips molded with his perfectly. It was like we were made for each other. That made me feel happy and a lot more secure. I could deal with having Donovan with another girl if it meant I would have all of Donovan. That was how incredible he was.