Chapter Five.....Heated fight
The black Mitsubishi car stood abandoned in the driveway.
Should I?
Jerk was out to send snoopy to the vet. He did not use his car though, I was not sure why. My earlier intention to just stroll in the park and enjoy Snoopy's absence while it lasts now replaced with an overwhelming temptation to destroy Jerk's car as it stood beautifully before me.
No, no, I shouldn’t. That's not nice.
I continued to walk to make my way to my earlier intended destination but found my steps really heavy. I turned my head around again to get another glance at the car.
It stood so magnificently and dazzling, not moving an inch, as though calling onto me.
Sakinah, move along! Don't even think about it.
I walk several steps again trying to force myself away from this urging temptation. My steps were heavy with each painted memory of hardships Jerk had made me gone through in the past. I just could not resist but to turn around and take another long glance again at the car.
My heart was beating hard all over my body. I was trying my ultimate best to ignore Satan, the devil's whisperings.
Satan: "Come on. A little pay back would not hurt, would it? Think about all the things he made you go through. They are far more superior to this. Besides, it's not like he would know that it's you, would he? It's not like you would get into any trouble. Just do it! I'm with you all the way..."
As creepy as it sounds, it was so inviting. It was a Saturday morning; the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the clouds were blue. A beautiful morning to say the least. It was very peaceful; there was no one at sight. No one to bare witness IF I were to vandalize this car. The perfect setting, but would I though?
No, no, this is not right.
I try to stay strong. I could never put myself so low. I do not want to stain my own dignity with such low act. It will take more than that to make a fool of me.
However with just three small steps, I found myself running my way back towards Jerk's car. My breathing was becoming deep and hard. My heart beating faster and faster in anticipation. I stood just next to the car. I then let my hand brush through the car's roof top. It felt so inviting! Flashbacks of my memory with this car came flooding. I remember being glued to the car's rooftop while Jerk drove to school at a very fast speed. He was obviously trying to kill me back then. Thinking about it now, I realize how there was actually more than one occasion where Jerk tried to kill me.
Satan:"This might be your only chance for pay back. You might not be so lucky the next time. Are you going to pass this golden chance away? Meanwhile Jerk the future would probably stay the same person and attempt to make your life miserable yet again. He won't feel sorry. He would take every chance available with a smile to ruin you without the slightest pity towards you."
But it is sinful!
Satan:" Pfft. You can make Tobah(repentance) later on. You are still young; the door of repentance is still there open for you. You have a long way ahead of you. I'm sure Allah would forgive you."
I could not hold it much longer. I gave up to my temptations. I did what I shouldn't. But I was going to repent the sooner I was done with this.
I ran home giggling half an hour later. I made my way to my room, shut the door close, and then drop myself down, sitting on the ground. My smile was wide hurting my cheeks, but I could not stop it. My heart was beating, satisfied yet guilty.
O Allah, forgive me. This was my first and my last inshallah...
I rushed across the room to my room's window to take another glance at the car again. I broke into giggles again. Jerk was going to explode when he sees his car. I have no doubt about it. Guess what I did to his car? Probably his worst nightmare. I sprayed the entire thing with a striking pink! I giggled again. Jerk hates pink! This was going to be fun.
No, no, I don't want to leave it at just this. I want to see his expression first when he sees it. So I waited. Seven minutes later, Jerk returned. He did not even recognize his car; he thought that it was someone else's. I was covering in my mouth holding in my giggles. His smile was slowly rubbed out of his face as he thought that his car was missing.
His gestures were hilarious. He turned his body all around searching for his car. He rubbed his mahogany spiky hair which looked black from where I was standing; behind the windows. He thought that somebody might have stolen it, refusing to even acknowledge the possibility that the pink car might be his. He looks frustrated and murderous. That look was enough to scare the crap out of me. He must not know that it was me. I shook my head. The moment he finds out, would probably be the moment of my grave.
He finally took a better calmer look at his surroundings, taking the pink car into consideration. He bent his knees to take a better look into the car through the closed windows, it did look familiar. The moment of truth. He took out his car keys from his pockets hesitantly, and he slowly pressed it in and twists it. The door opened, indicating that that car was truly his. He rushed to look inside the car in pure disbelief.
He went back out and slammed the door with such strong force that it made a loud noise that made me jump. He kicked his tires and shouted, happily. Note the sarcasm. I'm obviously doomed. He was frowning and taking deep breath to steady himself from his boiling anger as he rests both his hands above the roof of his car whilst still standing. The idea of a pink car was obviously worse than the idea of having it stolen from him.
Suddenly, realization swept on his face as he immediately stared towards my room through the windows where I was standing. I jumped as I spontaneously covered the curtains and ran to my bed as I throw myself under the blankets. My hands were already trembling.
I'm doomed. Who knows what Jerk have in mind for me right now. Stupid Satan, I thought you were with me all the way! You stupid liar. That's it, I am never taking any advises from you again. All your advises leads me to hell. No wonder Allah's wrath is upon you. I hope you burn in hell, how dare you lead me astray.
I was so furious at Satan, he was probably laughing in victory right now. I was so doomed, thanks to him.
I'm going to die one way or the other.
But I'm still young! I whined..
I wonder how Jerk found out so quickly though. I thought and thought and then it finally clicked in my mind. I had just fought with Jerk yesterday about colors, it cannot be mere coincidence that his car was painted pink after he embarrassed me by stating that my zit was also pink- which by the way is long gone now, my skin is sparkly clean again- could it? I smacked my head for my own carelessness.
I must avoid Jerk at all costs. He still does not have any proof that it was me, I might still be safe. I just must shrug away any of his accusations made towards me and act dumb. Hmm, acting dumb- I think I'm good at that.
***
That night I was awoken by the beatings at my window. It sounded like someone was throwing small rocks at my window. I got myself out of bed, grumpy. Who is it at this time of night! I peeked open the curtains. Snap, Jerk, I had totally forgotten about him. His house was just next to mine therefore his room was also right across from mine by several inches.
"Open up your windows brat, I know you see me. Take responsibilities for your stupid action!"
"W-what?! What are you talking about?" I try to act dumb but my expression was probably not satisfying enough as I was still shaking in fear, insecure of my fate.
Another rock banged, aiming directly at my face. If it was not because of the covered glass of my window, it would probably hit my face spot on. That made me jumped. The look on Jerk's face clearly says that he was done playing games. I regretted ever thinking of pulling that 'prank' on him.
"Stop acting dumb, that's not going to work with me. I'm giving you an easy way out here. It's either that, or I am going to make you face the consequences myself!" His tone was deadly that sent shivers through my body.
I covered back the windows and ran to bed shivering as I shouted, " I don't know what you are talking about, you have no proof!"
Deny,deny,deny. That's all I could do for now. I covered myself under my blanket and forced myself to sleep even through the sounds of rocks hitting my windows. I covered my eyes and covered my ears as I try to forget about reality and go to my la-la land where everything was just fine over there and way more peaceful and happy.
***
Today was Monday; school was obviously coming my way. I got dressed and left early in the morning. I did not sneak out of the gates like last time, instead I ran like I had never before ran in my life! Snoopy was not there to chase me though. He was still on the vet for another week. I ran none the less, adrenaline rushing inside me. People on the streets looked at me like I was crazy, running with such force, with no one chasing me from behind. They have no idea what danger I was in, I just ignore their glares.
I truly felt insecure about my safety. I was jumpy the entire day and kept locking myself in the toilet or hiding myself to be out of sight to the best of my capabilities. At class, there was nothing I could do. But other than that I got all sneaky and jumpy again. Raudhah and Layla noticed this and forced the story out of me during the first recess. I finally told them, but in return they just laugh at me.
"Mirza's a Jerk, but I don't think he would go as far as to kill you. You’re obviously over-reacting! You just need to chill," said Layla.
Another person passed by the hallway and I jumped again as I hid behind the walls.
Raudhah rolled her eyes, "okay now you are just acting ridiculous. Everything’s fine! Here, I'll show you.”
Raudhah grabbed into my right arm and forced me out from my hiding into open way. I was highly resistant. Layla had to grab my other left arm. They both had to drag me through the hallway. I was like a cat refusing to get into a bathtub. But the one me was obviously not strong enough against the two of my friends.
Layla and Raudhah just did not get it; my fear. They are just naive to Jerk's true dark nature. On the other hand, I admit that I was acting a little bit off, but I could not help it! It was weird though, so far during the day, Jerk was not even acknowledging me, making me look like a fool for being all paranoid.
I caught sight of Jerk at the end of the hallway talking to his group of friends. That was where I go all psycho and my resistance to meet him was just full blast. I forced out more friction out of my legs and struggled backwards against Layla's and Raudhah's force. I was like an animal in a zoo, refusing to re-enter its cage again. Maybe the one and only me still have a chance to go against my friends? Layla and Raudha's grip only got tighter refusing to let me go for any reason, not backing down.
"P-please! Jerk's over there," I start to beg out of hope, “let me go!!"
"It's fine, stop acting all paranoid. He won't be able to pull anything off with everyone around. We'll be there to make sure.” I love my friends, but at that time I was furious at them for forcing me against my will. A part of me want to cry, shout and shiver out of fear, but the other part of me just want to kill both my friends. Why can't they just let me be? Friends could be such a pain sometimes.
We were nearing Jerk; there was no way of escape anymore. Instead I just buried my face under both my hands and hasten my steps to get it over with. My heart was beating insanely. The world was as if moving in slow motion, plus the noise around me was just killing me! I felt all the tension of the world.
Flashback replayed.
The dog chasing me...
The car trying to throw my body off of the rooftop...
The soccer ball almost hitting my face, not to mention the rock the last two days!
All in all ended in close death. I have all right to be scared out of my wits!
My body was burning. I removed my hands that were burying my face and just lowered my gaze and stared at the floor. I made a daring quick glance at Jerk as we were passing him. He only turns his head away from his friends to look at me for merely two and a half seconds, examining me briefly. He noticed my state of fear but just smirked the slightest bit and turned back to his friends to continue their conversation.
I flushed and hastened a lot more towards the canteen. I took the closest free seat, and buried my face again. That was so embarrassing! Now Jerk's knows that I fear him. Whatever! I shouted internally, I just want him to stop messing with my life anymore. I can no longer care about my dignity, it was far better than dying. Not doing anything about it does not mean that I'm not the slightest embarrassed and hurt that my dignity was scratched.
Soon Layla and Raudhah caught up and sat themselves at the table with me.
"You did well," said Layla.
"See I told you he would not hurt you," added Raudhah.
"Shut up. You have no idea how much I want to kill you both right now,” I removed my hands from my face but was still down from before.
"Oo. Now I'm scared. Guess I have to find a way to hide from you now then." Layla joked playfully but I was just not taking it due to my corrupted mood.
Raudhah went to buy me some garlic bread and Milo, one of my favorite dishes. As my meal came and I started eating, I did lighten a little. It was really amazing how delicious food could lighten your mood by a notch. For a moment I forgot about Jerk and we chatted as per normal again. But suddenly two random girls came up to us and sat themselves at our table.
"Oh.My.God. Raudhah, you have no idea what we had just found out! Hey, this might go well for another news for you to write, I think."
"Why, what's wrong? What did you find out," Raudhah asked.
"Mirza and his friends are vandalizing this school on the first floor! They are now laughing their heads off," the second person butt in. They sounded happy and excited rather than disappointed at the fact. It was just another hot gossip to talk about for them. I was bored already. Can't I forget Jerk for once?! It was only after a few seconds that her words really sunk into me. Jerk vandalizing? Could it be that he had gotten that idea from me?
"Hey, Sakinah. Maybe you could stop him or something. You looked like the only bold one to do so. Maybe you can do it again," the first girl offered and sounded all excited.
"No way. Go do it yourself, just put me out of the equation.” I wanted. To forget. Jerk! How hard was it to understand? Can't they see that I'm not in the mood? I would be insane 'daring' to get into Jerk's nerves again.
"Hmm...That’s disappointing. Oh well..," they both got out of their seats and went passing the message to the others in the canteen using the same exact sentence they use to Raudah to the others as if it was their first time saying it, and excited all over again to get the other person's response. Don't they ever get bored? So Jerk was up to something bad, as if that was something new.
A few minutes passed again as per normal. I suddenly received a call from my mum. I answered it with full delight.
"Oh, hey there mum!"
"Don't 'hey hey' me! The police just send a sue to us, saying that you vandalized your neighbor, Mirza's car..." and the babbling and lecture went on and on. My mum was clearly furious. We were not exactly rich- more like poor or rather satisfactory- and receiving a two hundred dollar sue is not exactly the way to make her smile in delight. She sent me a warning and said that I was going to get it at home when I return, before she hanged up the phone.
I. Hate. Jerk. Who was I kidding that Jerk was just going to leave it at that. It was the whole purpose that he rightfully get the title 'jerk' in the first place. Like giving me paranoia was ever enough for someone like him. I switched personalities again. I was going to take my revenge. But this time the right way, and not by going against the law and getting myself sued, but something better. The same way he got me into trouble the first place; reporting me.
The first recess was almost over but I refused to give up, I ran to the teacher's room and knocked on the door.
"Yes?"
"May I meet Mr. Izzat?"
"Hold on," the teacher paused and turned around as he called,"Mr Izzat! There is someone here who wants to see you."
This was going to be delicious. Mr. Izzat was not just any ordinary teacher. He is the most uptight and strict teacher you'll ever meet.
This time, It was Jerk who was going to die! I laughed devilishly. Revenge was so sweet!
I can finally get back to class, satisfied. I was late by only two minutes; I lied to the teacher saying that I was from the toilet, and so the teacher excused me and let me join along in class. Jerk and his friends was still goofing off about before how they escaped through their prank on the teachers and the school- pfft, they wish! I met jerks stare spot on, not the slightest bit of fear but evilness that spark! For the first time in history, our roles were switched. I smirked at Jerk instead of him doing it on me, before getting on my seat. That erases the smile and playfulness inside of him.
He was anxious to what my smirk and stare had meant. He was frowning, curious, as he played around with the ball he was holding with his hands before putting it down. He glance back to stare at me again. I just smiled mischievously and pretended to not notice him as I pretended to occupy myself with the teacher's lesson. That made him frown even more trying to figure me out, but then turned back to the teacher and shrugged the idea away.
O Jerk. I giggled internally. What's the rush? Just wait patiently, sooner you'll find out the good news. Well, good to my ears at least.
Forty five minutes passed as we learned as per normal before the loud speaker was suddenly on.
"Mirza bin Saleh, the principle would like to see you..."
Immediately whispers was passing all about for what it might be for, which I already knew. Jerk stood up and before he left the class he looked at me again wondering and frowning. I had finally succeeded the 'dumb' and confused look I was struggling before. Finally Jerk left. And never came back.
***
(Mirza's P.O.V)
That brat was going to get it!! I shouted internally. How dare she mess with me?! It's her; I'm not all that stupid. I was so furious from my earlier meeting with the principle. It was the worse combination, the principle-who never shuts his mouth from his long lecturing- And Mr. Izzat-who never shuts his mouth from shouting from time to time, making sure that I got the worst punishment ever set on a human being. I had always hated Mr. Izzat; he was the number one teacher I despise.
I did not return until second recess. I made my way to the hallway, my body blazing furry. Where is that brat?! My eyes and ears was sharp searching for any signs of her voice.
"He's here.." I heard someone whispered, passing the message to the rest.
"Oh no, hide me!" Gotcha. That was definitely Sakinah's voice. I was able to catch it thanks to my sharp sense of hearing. I smirked, my face murderous. I entered that one particular hallway. Everyone acted preoccupied with their own stuffs as if not concerned by my presence. Sure, like I was going to fall for it, some Sakinah dumb-alike!
I eyed the whole room carefully and slowly, searching for traces of a short girl with some fancy pantsuit I think, and more importantly a light purple head scarf; which by the way, was foolish of her to even think she could hide from me being the only girl wearing a headscarf in this school! My eyes did not trace any head scarf but fall upon a suspicious looking person holding a big open newspaper in front with its legs hidden beneath it as well above the seat. I smirked, only one person I know is capable of such things.
I snatched the newspaper away, at the same time Sakinah screamed out super loud and tried to make her escape to the door. Her screaming right at my face shocked me momentarily but I caught on fast and pulled her long head covering brutally from behind and slammed her against the wall. My hands were on either side of her, giving her no way at all to escape.
I made sure to make my face look as vicious as it gets, I know she was afraid of me. I was shocked to find out she was THAT 'afraid' of me earlier this morning when she passed by me, I was not really intending to scare her that much, but I guess it did well on my part. As I say, I can easily read off Sakinah's expression each time. Right now, the expression of regret of even getting onto my nerves in the first place was displayed on her face. I had already memorized that look quite well. It was the same look whenever she was done with 'getting back at me'.
"How dare you report me! Who in the world do you think you are? Now think carefully, who do you think I am?! Nobody dared even thinking it, but you went on doing it anyways. You are the dumbest person I've ever met in my entire life!!" My voice was deep and ferocious. I made sure to make my voice sound intimidating enough. I lied though, I had never come close to even bullying anyone, but Sakinah was the only exception due to entertainment purposes. Besides, she doesn't know that.
Sakinah was refusing to look me in the eye and stared at the ground instead. I slammed the wall beside her with my fist, hard. That made her jump. "Look at me in the eye, BRAT. I would have taken by now that you have finally learnt your lesson after all this while. But I guess you were just starving for more huh, is that it? Is it not enough, you want more?! I have a lot more under my sleeves to make you the most miserable person ever stepped on earth." I smirked, raising my voice by a notch. We were probably the source of everyone's glares, but they don't matter to me. I kept on harassing her, bringing her down.
Sakinah was fidgeting all the while; her hands were trembling, still refusing to look me in the eyes. That made me snap, "WHAT PART OF LOOKING AT ME IN THE EYES DO YOU NOT GET?!"
She finally snapped as well and pushed me as she screamed, "stop it already!"
It was not even a harsh push, her trembling hands could only manage a light one that made me stumble back by just two steps. Finally Sakinah looked at me in the eyes, her teary eyes finally got to me.
"Enough is enough! I already know that you hate me. That you despise me. That you're disgusted just by looking at me," wow, I did not know I made her think that way to an extent, "but treating me the way you do, as if I'm an object! I am human too, I got feelings you know. And for your info, my life was already miserable without you in it..." her hoarse, low weak voice touched me and made my anger disappeared in a snap. The same way she always regretted ever switching personalities and getting back at me, was the same way I always regret whenever I was done harassing her each time.
She wasn't done though. The crowd was all ears in this eerie silence, "my life was already hard enough," she stressed, her voice still weak, “the world already seems to be going against me. My fate also does for some unknown reason. I totally don't need you in the equation right now! If you hate me so much, then just piss off of my life!"
That stabbed me hard in the chest. Now I found myself struggling to make eye contact with her.
"Just please...I beg you. If it even means for you to tear my dignity down before you are happy. Before you are finally satisfied! You win, okay. I lose, so enough already. I'll try my best to not get stumble into you the next time, but for your part, I want you to stay away from my life,...and if you can't even do that...," her voice getting weaker and weaker if that even made sense.
She turned around and leaves, but before she did I heard her light whisper finishing up her sentence, "then just kill me already..."
It was so light, probably not meant to be heard. But I was the only one who caught that. I was so shocked she even go that far. How low does she think I would stand? As IF I was even capable of killing anyone.
She was running down the hallway banging into people, all of this could be heard from the eerie silence of this room. Her long steps, her sobs, everything! So what, she left, and where does that leave me? I was so blown away by her last statement I could only stand stock still like a fool in front of all this stupid bystanders. No one dared to make a sound or the slightest movement. This could go on forever, so I recollected myself and just left plainly. It doesn't take a fool to know that this was the cue for everyone to break into whispers again; stupid, nosy, sick excuse of a human being!
Where was she? I look around but could not find her. The bell rang, forcing me to return back to class.
***
My heart was growing anxious and anxious as time flies. Sakinah had not returned to class. Her seat remained empty and abandoned. I was overwhelmed with guilt from before. I had crossed the line. Sakinah's words replayed on my mind. What did she meant when she said her life was bad enough just as it is? Was there more to her than I had realised?
And especially her last sentence...'then just kill me'. That had made me caught off guard. Arghh, I'm so frustrated! I can't even concentrate on my studies in class. Okay, that was an understatement, I never really had. But this really made me blacked out of class completely!
I was never put into such conditions before. Even now, my dignity and pride was stained. I had no idea what to do with myself, what to say to her next if I see her again. The thought of just apologizing did not even occur to me, it was a vocabulary I had no idea how to spell out. Maybe I should just bully her some more?
Crazy, I know. But what else can I do? What else is expected of me to do? She already thinks I'm the biggest Jerk in the world. How will I suddenly act 'kind' towards her? Like she was ever going to forgive me. That last thought set me into a small depression.
That was it, I had decided. I was going to bully her some more. It was my only way to get close to her. Maybe this time, I'll bully her in a playful funny way. Maybe that will ease her a little bit?
That was the only messed up solution that I could think of.
***
(Sakinah's P.O.V)
I locked myself in the toilet a third of the day but went out eventually. Toilet is not really my favorite place to hang out knowing that Satans(devil) and Jins(ghost/spirits) like to hang out there, it disgusts me. So I took my ablutions as quick as possible and went out heading to the prayer room. It was the only room privileged for me. It was actually an abandoned room gifted to me by the Principal because I seek from him so and also because of my extraordinarily good results for my first test of this year for all subjects.
Of course the room was dirty and dusty at first when I found it, but it was now sparkly clean. I had cleaned it myself.
I had to make my zuhr (obligatory) prayers. And because of my depression, I added another sunnah(advised) prayer before it, it will add me more rewards and it did it's part by calming me down. At that moment, I forgot about all my worldly matters and could only think about Allah, my creator, my Lord. I seek his guidance and forgiveness for the day of judgment.
My earlier messed up thoughts and unsteady faith was now replaced with an overwhelming trust towards Him, the one who holds my fate, who only wants what is best for me. He who knows best than me, I could only have faith and patience.
I remember a quote from Ibn Taymiyyah,"Every punishment from Him is pure justice, and every blessing from Him is pure grace."
But more than just that that motivates me are none other than from the most high Himself, in a verse stated in the quran in Surah Al-Ankabot," Do men think that they will be left alone on saying "We believe" and that they will not be tested? (2) We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. (3) Do those who practise evil think that they will get the better of us? Evil is their judgment! (4) For those whose hopes are in the meeting with Allah, (in the Hereafter let them strive); for the Term (appointed) by Allah is surely coming: and He hears and knows (all things). (5) And if any strive (with might and main), they do so for their own souls: for Allah is free of all needs from all creation. (6) Those who believe and work righteous deeds― from them shall We blot out all evil (that may be) in them and We shall reward them according to the best of their deeds. (7)"
I stayed inside that room until the end of school hours, and left feeling serene. However, I had this urge of going to the toilet again somehow. As I made my way, I heard some guy whispered, "hey,hey, she's here...she's coming. Get ready!"
I'm so not in the mood for this. There could only mean two things from what I could think of. He was either referring to someone else, or he was just one of those other gossipers who was curious of me and to what happened after my earlier outburst. I seriously hate such people. Let me breath. Get a life of your own!
I noticed no one though, so I continued to make my way. I was walking casually but suddenly come to a rough stop when I realized I almost entered the Men's room. I sight, lucky. That was a safe call. I turned around towards the true toilet, set for people of my gender with the right sign above it that says 'ladies room'.
That's more like it. Before I made into the toilet, I felt anxious and tense.
Something smells fishy around here...something does not feel right...
***
Dear Diary,
Date= 16th January 2011
M.O.T.D= 1) I should have trusted my own instinct. I was so sure I was walking the right path into the ladies room but it weirdly had a 'Men's room' sign written above the door. So I took the opposite one, the one across it in the front. I ended up walking to some shocked guys glaring down at me. What else? I ran out screaming obviously! I said my sorry and heard the giggles of other boys, one that sounded strikingly familiar. Jerk and his friends giggling from behind their hiding spot behind the walls. By this part of my life, I don't know if I could any longer feel embarrass, for my life seems to always revolve in it.
2) I love my parents deeply, but why were they created to lecture so much? I heard them the first time, I'm not deaf. But they went on and on and on throughout the day as if I haven't had it bad enough for the day.
3) Oh Allah, if my life is no longer meaningful, than just take it away so I can meet my grandparents already on the other other side of the world.(Astaghfirullah, this was written when Sakinah's in depression)
***
(Mirza's P.O.V)
That prank was hilarious and classic; switching the 'Men’s' room' sign with the 'Ladies' room'. But Sakinah did not repay me back as I had anticipated for. She just turned her back on me and walked away. Man, I wanted her to take her revenge like usual so I don't feel just as bad towards her. My guilt was eating me up, I don't like it, get it out!
Again for the 17th time, the phrase,’ then just kill me' replayed on my mind. It's deeply frustrating and annoying. I ended up stalking Sakinah from behind like a ninja without her realizing it. Deep inside me, I worried for her safety and that she might do something stupid to herself. Nice try, like I'm going to let her guilt my life forever. I won't let her. She wouldn't dare!
Well, whatever. We are neighbors anyway so I was going down the same road as her either way, so it's no big deal. I was not used to walking so much but since my car was on repair and they are re-shading it to a new color- a light shade of blue though that almost looked like grey instead of the usual black- I guess whatever.
Sakinah reached home safely, and that was all that matters for now.