Thanks to @PTX_is_AVIously_cool and @AwesomeDawson2 for sending in covers! If anyone else would like to send me any that would be cool, perhaps I can do like a rota thing?
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Sleeping on a tour bus for the first time in a while was hard. It was cramped, one the occasion that someone was actually driving the bus it was rocky, it wasn't the beds they were used to. Kirstie always found the first night on the bus the worst, she had never achieved a restful sleep the first time she tried. Yet this time around, to make matters worse, she was beginning to feel ill. They were only two shows in but already she was beginning to cough and sound hoarse, she felt pathetic, useless. It was always her who got sick.
Groaning, Kirstie threw back the covers of her bed and manoeuvred herself out of the bunk as quietly as she could. Years of experience from being in the road had informed her that a middle bunk was the best one to possess (it was the perfect height off the ground for her, not too cold like the top bunk, not as rocky as the bottom) which made her climb down to the floor much less risky, she didn't have to jump down for starters.
Taking a moment to think of a plan of action, she stood there in the middle of aisle, groggy and wrapped in the blanket she had taken from home. She could go into the front lounge, no one was driving the bus at that moment so she wouldn't be bothering anyone by hanging out there. But there was something so cozy about the back lounge that made Kirstie decide to walk that way; she was ill, she needed comforting.
Scott had somehow managed to leave half his wardrobe on the floor even though they had only been on the bus one night and the dim lighting on the bus caused her to trip over the odd pair of pants as she walked towards the back. Making it in one piece, Kirstie pulled open the sliding door and was taken aback with what she saw.
A tired and dejected looking Avi was curled into a ball on the couch that lined on of the walls and Kirstie knew just by his position that something was up. The noise of Kirstie entering the room made him shoot up and his eyes snapped to her like he was ready to attack whoever had walked in but his features softened when he saw it was her. She noticed his eyes straight away, puffy and watery, figuring out in an instant he had been crying. The redness of his nose and the pool of tissues that was next to him on the couch confirmed her theory. Following the direction of her stare to the pile of tissues next to her, Avi felt guilty.
"Did I wake you?" He stuttered out, his voice weaker than he was expecting.
"No, no... I'm not feeling too well." She replied with an equal amount of weakness to her voice except her's was due to shock. He had done very well to disguise what he had been doing, she's been awake the entire time and listening to every noise the bus made and still she had heard nothing.
Avi took a moment to digest what she had said, composing himself in order to speak more clearly. He stood up hesitantly almost as if it was his first time ever and stumbled slightly over to a container filled with water bottles they couldn't yet fit in the fridge.
"Here, get some water." He mumbled as he stretched out his arm to give her it, not wishing to meet her eyes as he knew she'd only see that as an invitation to pry out of him why he was crying.
"Thanks." She took it from him with a sad smile. He always was good at looking after her.
Sitting back down, he tapped his fingers on the back of the couch and let out a long breath. Gulping, Avi decided to continue the conversation knowing all too well that he was overstepping some undisclosed line between them. "What's wrong? Is it your throat."
Kirstie was shocked that he was wanting to continue whatever they were doing, he wasn't drunk, he wasn't high on adrenaline, if anything he was feeling a lot more vulnerable than usual. "Yeah - it's all dry and scratchy."
"Oh, plenty of honey then."
"Yeah..." She trailed off, her eyes darting nervously around the room. There was just something so foreign to her about being alone with Avi, they hadn't been alone together long enough to have a conversation in years but there was a slight familiarity to it, a lingering memory of the past.
Reluctantly, she perched on the edge of the couch, as far away from him as she could, if he was willing to talk, she was too. She glanced sideways at him so as to not make him feel like he was under inspection and took a moment to take in the unusual situation they were in. They were alone together at a late hour, they were actually talking, none of them were bolting away from the other, up until that moment they were all just distant memories for the two.
Avi had pulled the blinds hanging over the window aside and was staring out at cars as they drove by. The light coming in from the street illuminated his face and revealed to her just how much he had been crying. His eyes were red, swollen, and so were his cheeks, a dampness seemingly lingering over them both. Against her better judgement, Kirstie's immediate instinct was to comfort him, to return him to the lovable, carefree Avi she knew and loved. She could still remember how to cheer him up even after all that time.
They used to spend many times together not feeling their best, be it home sickness or hurt feelings she knew exactly how to make him better. First she would get him a drink, hot chocolate if he needed to feel loved, scotch if he needed to let off some steam. She would then proceed to wrap her arms around him, whispering soothing words, holding him until his crying stopped. On the odd occasion that didn't work, she would have added a blanket to the mix and the added warmth usually would have made him better. When he had calmed down, she'd talk to him, allowing him to open up his feelings in order to feel the cathartic release of letting them out. As soon as he felt satisfied enough, she'd always end the routine by doing an activity that would keep his mind off of what had happened, an action which implied to him that she was not judging him for his display of emotion. She learnt early on that if you made Avi linger too long on his feelings he'd get defensive, closing anyone out who asked too many questions or wanted to sooth him longer that necessary. She knew that made him feel belittled and knew to avoid it, choosing instead to cuddle up to him and watch whatever fantasy movie he wanted with no complaints.
But that had been years ago when they actually were close enough to turn to each other for problems, when they actually spoke to one another. It felt like a lifetime ago so despite her instincts, Kirstie stopped herself from doing the routine she knew worked like a treat. Instead, she slid closer to him on the couch, hoping that her warmth would give him some comfort.
"Avi are you okay?" She asked softy and reached out an unsure hand to touch his arm lightly, drawing him back into the conversation.
He pulled away from his observing of the outside world and dropped his gaze down to the couch. "I'll be fine."
"Is it your parents?" She bit her lip as she gazed at him, unsure at whether her guess was correct. She believed it was, she could remember too well just what could put him in that mood and she knew that he had a hard time saying goodbye to his parents after the show that evening.
"How did you know?" He already knew the answer but he felt like he should ask it anyway.
"It may have been a while but I can still read you like a book." Kirstie smirked at him just like she would have a few years previously. There was something about being together in the dim lights that made their current relationship easy to forget.
"I'll just miss them, you know?" He sighed, eyes boring down on the hand that she had placed on his arm but even when she noticed what was in his line of sight she didn't remove it.
"When's the next time you'll see them?"
"A month or so, they are going to try and come to the Atlanta show but after that I have no clue."
"At least you are away from them for something you love, it could be much worse." She began to trace circles on his arm, a gesture that she knew used to comfort him in the past.
After what seemed like minutes, Avi's eyes met her's and tears began to pool there. "I know... But it still feels miserable."
Kirstie didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him, the sight of him crying was strong enough to overpower all her attempts at remembering how they were supposed to act around each other. She wasn't surprised when she felt him respond to the sudden contact, arms finding their way around her waist and his head met her shoulder, he always was the one to be less strict when it came to crossing the line between the two.
"Oh Avi." She mumbled into his hair, feeling his body tremble slightly next to her's. It made her choke up, Avi was just one of those people who she couldn't stand to see cry. Fighting back her own tears, Kirstie shifted on the couch until she found a more comfortable angle, Avi still with his head in the crook of her neck.
Kirstie wasn't sure why she thought of it but for some reason she felt there was something much deeper happening than just friends comforting one another. It felt like an apology on both of their parts for the distance they had allowed to come between them. It was the crumbling of carefully constructed walls she had placed between them on Seth's behalf but she didn't feel guilty about it, it felt right being close to Avi again.
"Sorry." He stuttered out, pulling away to reach for a tissue from the box that he appeared to already be half way through.
Kirstie didn't realise how comfortable she felt being around him until her hand automatically reached out and began to play with his hair, moving it away from his forehead as he wiped his eyes. He didn't seem annoyed by her body's natural reaction and neither did she.
"You are allowed to cry around me you know? We are passed that stage." She giggled gently, forgetting that they weren't at that stage and hadn't been for a long time.
"Are we?" He gulped, turning back to look her in the eye.
His gaze made her anxious but she couldn't put her finger on why. "...I don't know."
"Me neither - you know sometimes I look at you and I feel like nothing has changed like we will still hang out and watch Game of Thrones together...but then I remember."
"Me too."
The two fell into silence, staring at each other, unsure where to go with the conversation. It was the first time they had ever been close to discussing what had happened between them, what had changed. They both knew that they desperately needed to discuss it, to pull apart ever little aspect of what happened to them but it hurt, remembering what they once were was saddening.
Not wishing to continue on that instead subject while they were both feeling a little down, Kirstie opted for another way forward, one that would mean they could continue whatever it was they were doing without returning to their usual behaviour.
"Is your laptop charged? We can watch an episode now... You know just to cheer you up a little." Her voice was nervous, she was well aware of what she was asking for, a truce. She was flying a white flag, happy to momentarily surrender the separation between the two of them.
"Blood and murder, just what I need to make me feel better..."
"It has plenty of sex scenes as well, I'm sure that will help." She used to say things like that to him all the time so she was surprised at how normal it felt as she it came out of her mouth.
Avi smirked cheekily at her and raised his eyebrows at her forwardness. "Well in that case, let me go and get my laptop."
He moved away from the couch toward the bunks and disappeared out of sight. Once she was sure he was gone, Kirstie let out a heavy breath and threw her head against the back of the couch. She reached out beside her to find the forgotten water bottle he had given her and unscrewed the cap, taking a long swig in order to calm her nerves. She didn't have a clue what they were doing, what this meant for them.
Avi smiled slightly at her when he returned laptop in hand, the confusing nature of the situation had gotten him thinking too. He thought maybe her relationship with Seth had reached the point where they were so comfortable together that she could resume the closeness they once had. Or that maybe she had taken pity on him and that him crying had made her realise how much she wanted to repair their relationship. Whatever it was though, he was happy with the change.
"I miss this." He mumbled as he sat down and began to set up the show on his laptop.
Kirstie stayed silent letting the comment hang in the air, choosing instead to curl near to him, careful to leave a space between them. They were still far from the old days when she'd practically be in his lap whenever they watched something together. They both missed that, the both missed the closeness the two once had, they both missed each other. Whatever it was they were doing, it was progress towards getting back to being close with Avi - a goal she didn't know she had until that night.
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