A/N: So this is chapter 39/40 ;( it feels like a lot of things are going on in this chappie, hope it's not too confusing :)
But let's start!
*Jenan*
After I said yes, everything happened quickly and at once.
"So, you're going to marry Zayn, hm?" Harry had that talent to silently and suddenly appear. I missed that.
"Yes." I said, closed my eyes and sighed with relief. The prospect of that started to appeal to me more and more.
My parents congratulated me and seemed happy about my decision. With them, I decided to leave Egypt as soon as possible and register myself to a school in London. Zayn visited a few empty villas with me but I didn't want any of those swanky buildings. At last, we found a nice, cosy and modest house which we both totally fell in love with.
"This is it." I told him and spread my arms, mentally hugging the atomsphere around me.
"You're right." Zayn (my fiance, oh my God!!) said and came over to me. "This is it."
At first, everything was awkward. Wearing my ring of engagement, choosing a house to live in.. but time after time, I got used to it.
The most difficult parts were hiding everything from the media and folding up my tents in Egypt. Zayn avoided it to wear his ring to interviews and performances. My last day with my best friends was tearful and heart-breaking. The memory of it leaves me sad.
"Don't ever forget me." Leesha had whispered into my shoulder.
Soon after my arrival in England, it was Zayn's birthday. Him turning 20 years left me with a strange feeling. He was on the boarder of becoming a real man whereas I was still a teenager. The boys had arranged Zayn's party at the house of Zayn in London which he didn't use and was about to sell soon. They invited a large number of people and celebrities, and that was why I tried to stay in a quiet corner, avoiding the crowd. I must admit that I also used my position to eye every girl suspiciously and whenever one of them approached Zayn more than she should, I winced. After the maybe 9th time, I got angry with myself and scolded it for being so foolish. I trusted Zayn, so why boil my blood without any good reason? I didn't want to turn into one of those clingy 'girlfriends' who won't let their 'boyfriends' do anything. I had to give Zayn his space.
When the party finally ended, I was glad to see that Zayn was completely sober. He hadn't touched a glass with alcohol and his resistance left my eyes a little watery. After all, I was glad it was all over and could finally get some rest in my bed and think about how to manage my new life.
I had chosen the high school which Emily visited. It had a lot of foreign students and that made things easier. At first, my level was very low compared to the others. I still had that Egyptian way of studying, but soon I could adapt to my new life and my grades got better and better.
But of course a few people from school knew me from the internet. I was the girl who made Zayn Malik depressed for a couple of months, that was an open secret.
I still lived in the flat with the boys. Zayn and I would only move into the house after our marriage, and that was still two years ahead of me. But I was thinking about renting a flat for myself. I didn't want to bother the boys for such a long time.
"Jenna, come on!" Niall whined and pulled my school book away from under my nose. "Can you take a break now?"
I sighed and was about to say no when he talked first: "You've become so boring since you're going to school."
That made me laugh hardly and at last I gave in, closed the book, took my jacket and said: "I'm ready."
At Nando's, I met a few schoolmates who came over to talk to me and ask Niall for a photo. That has become like a routine for me whenever I go out with one of the lads, I'm always the one who's taking the pictures.
When the months passed, my fame increased and sometimes when I was alone, people would recognise me and ask me for a photo as well. That was awkward but most of those people were really sweet. At least they are sweet now, as long as they didn't know I was Zayn Malik's fiancee.
Another point was management. Zayn brilliantly hid the fact he was going to marry, but from Simon's eyes I could see he had a strong suspicioun, although he didn't say a word.
"He can't." Zayn told me as I shared my thoughts with him. "No one could change my mind or bring us apart."
**
I knew there was something wrong. I could recognise it by the silence around the room. The boys never were just sitting around silently, I was not stupid.
"What's the matter?" I asked and put my shoes off. The lads looked at each other, terrified by the fact I saw through them.
"Well." Liam cleared his throat and pointed at the empty space on the couch. "There's something we have been.. delaying for a couple of weeks."
"We banned it out of our thoughts." Zayn added. Niall and Louis nodded while Harry didn't move.
"The thing is.."
"Yes?" I felt impatient and didn't like the fact they were talking in riddles. I took a seat on the couch and looked at them full of expectation.
"Our second world tour is about to start very soon." Liam sounded timid. The other boys as well.
"I know." I think I kinda surprised him with that, they all stared at me in a strange way and I quickly added: "Do you think I don't know what's going on in your life as One Direction? I was wondering when you would mention the tour in front of me." I was not from yesterday, of course I cared about the 1D-Updates. Sometimes it bothered me they rarely talked about it. Some days I would wake up to an empty house and a note which said they are on their way to France, or wherever!
"The tour lasts for a really long time." Lou added for consideration and I turned to him. Of course I knew that! What was he expecting?
Nobody really seemed to be wanting to cut right to the chase of the matter, so they all just kept looking at each other with weird expressions on their faces.
"We.." Harry slowly started and ran through his curls. "we just wanted to know from you how we all are going to deal with it. Will you come with us?"
"Come with you?" I repeated, astonished. I opened my crossed-legged legs to sit in a more comfortable position with the feeling inside of that something abnormal is going to happen. What were those silly boys thinking??
"Yes, why not?" Zayn beside me asked and gave me a puppy-like look. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"I have school. Did you all forget that?"
"No, we didn't." Niall replied to me, stood up and came over to sit on my left. He just had his braces off four days ago and since that he wouldn't stop smiling and grinning. I got so used to it, that seeing him frowning like now felt very unusual. I wanted that Niall-smile back.
"But after you finish this year? Will you then just stay at home and wait for us, for Zayn to call you up on Skype and give you a ring or something?" Harry's words sounded harsh, as if he wanted to give me a bad feeling. He succeeded.
"I don't know what will happen when I finish this school year." I said defiantly, hiding my sadness about the tour. I didn't want them to go, and I didn't want to go with them either. It would be too awkward and I would feel useless and like a fifth wheel. Besides that the fans might think I was a person who didn't have a life and had to accompany 1D on the tour like their puppy. No, coming with them was not an option.
At least, that was my firm decision at that time. But when their tour started and they left me, I started feeling lonely. During the UK and Europe tour though, Zayn once in a while popped into the house to come and see me, but soon it was the beginning of June and they set off for America. Then, all I ever got from Zayn was a daily text message, two weekly Skype-calls and few normal calls during the week. My Summer break started and I regretted turning their offer to join them down. But at the same time I couldn't call them and say 'Hey! I've changed my mind, I'm coming over to America!'
No way.
"You're so stubborn!" Emily scolded me and put a new spoon of strawberry ice cream into her mouth. Eleanor nodded in agreement.
"Stop it." I murmured and tried to ignore her by concentrating on my own ice cream.
"I know how you feel." El said. "And it's bad." I knew it was bad. I missed them very much but somehow I could get used to it as I already did that before when I was in Egypt.
"It's not easy, but it will be okay. Sooner or later." I tried to sound firm but it didn't really work. A few girls on the table next to us were whispering and pointing at us.
"It won't, I know that." Eleanor replied. "And even listening to Back For You and Come Back Be Here a million times won't help." My cheeks turned red when I heard she discovered my secret. How did she know I misused that songs to get over the fact I missed Zayn that much?
At last, I just sighed in frustration. "The more I appear in the boys' life, the more hate they get." at the beginning, the hate was reduced on calling Zayn a terrorist and so on. Now they say about all of the boys that they were the keepers of two terrorists. I knew it hurted Zayn very much so I always swallowed my own sadness. I didn't want to make him feel worse.
"That's stupid." Was Emily's comment. "And they will receive hate whether you're with them on tour or just sitting at home uselessly."
The 'uselessly' part was right. During the day I did nothing but sitting around or reading. I didn't get back to my job in the hospital, so I literally had no life. I even didn't want to go out; Paul prohibited that. Once, I got attacked by a small crowd of Directioners, and management didn't want that to happen again.
Somehow it surprised me they even cared.
A picture of the boys on tour in one of the American arenas was all it took to completely change my mind. I stared at it for a few minutes and then suddenly hopped off to grab my phone.
"Jenna?" Zayn of course sounded worried as I never called at times like this.
"Zayn, I want to come with you on tour!" I breathed out before I could possibly take my decision back. Zayn was silent, maybe thinking this was a prank or a joke.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously." I repeated and put a little strength in my word.
"Yes!" I heard him screaming. Then I heard a sound as if he was running and then the knock on a door. "Harry, you owe me 10 dollars!" he then yelled. I broke out into laughter and inbetween asked: "You were betting on how long I'll take till I agree to join the tour?"
Zayn laughed with me and replied: "Yeah! But don't worry, I won't take the money, I know it's Haram." I could hear he was smirking.
"But I'm glad you finally are coming over, babe." Zayn's voice softened and I felt the pain of missing him once more.
"I'm glad too." I whispered.
**
*Jenan*
Seeing him like this, broke my heart.
The boys were having a few weeks off the tour and everyone took advantage of that by visiting his family. So in the flat back in England it was only Zayn and me, as his family was on vacation in Turkey.
Yesterday, the media found out.
"Zayn, forget about what they say." I muttered, sat down beside him, and softly took the mobile phone out of his hands. The rumors of us being engaged had always been there, more or less, but yesterday they reached the peek and now everyone was almost certain. The one who sold us the house had talked freely to the media how 'in love' we seemed and that we talked about living together. In addition to that, Zayn forgot to take off his ring during an interview and I had been spotted with mine only one week ago.
The amount of hate we received on Twitter since that was immense. I could easily shake it off but Zayn was too sensible for that. I could see it hurt him deep inside.
That day, I went to sleep with an uneasy feeling inside of me. Like having a dark premonition..
The weeks passed by and his state didn't change. A hundred times I told he to get off the internet but he wouldn't listen, as if he was addicted to see what bad things people tell him and disgusting names they call him. Simon managed it to give the boys a month off and we all highly looked after Zayn but he was unreachable. He had built a hard shell around him and was sitting sadly in the corner or lock himself up in his room.
"This is like one of the dark times every relationship goes through." Leesha sighed at the other end of the line. "Poor Zayn."
"I don't know what to do." I told her and watched Zayn at the other end of the room. I almost whispered, not wanting him to hear what I say. He was leaning against the wall with closed eyes.
"Show Zayn you are there for him. Show him you love him no matter what people do or say."
"I'm trying, but it doesn't really work."
I had difficulties in suppressing my own sadness about the situation. I hated society and all those girls out there who called themselves 'fans' but caused Zayn such pain. When was the last time he left the house? It seemed ages ago. When was the last time he really laughed from his heart, came over to me and told me how happy he was since I came into his life? I couldn't remember. They had just deleted the happy Zayn and replaced him with a totally silent and depressed one.
It was a Sunday night, I was lying in my bed, trying to fall asleep. The curtains of my room were opened and I could see the trees moving in the violent wind outside. I didn't like those stormy nights, they always left a fearful feeling inside of me and I used to knock on Zayn's door and crawl into his room. I would place myself on his sofa and we would talk all night. He always succeeded in getting my mind off things.
But now the situation was different. I couldn't go to Zayn. He might just weakly smile at me, watch me how I sit down onto the sofa and then he would turn around and hide under his blanket.
Imagining this, I could feel that I was close to tears but I blinked them away. I hated it how he kept me on distance. People not only ruined him but also our love.
Those dark thoughts were flying through my mind when I finally fell into a restless sleep.
I don't know what woke me up. Was it the roaming of the window due to the harsh wind? Or a specific sound in the flat? The sight out the window made me upset so I turned to the other side, facing the door. Just as I was about to close my eyes again, I noticed a white rectangle on the floor. It was too far away to see it clearly without my glasses, so I pushed the blanket away, put my glasses on and stood up from the bed. Right in front of the door, there was an envelop lying in the dark. A strange feeling was formed in my heart as I leaned down to pick it up.
Zayn was written on its back and I knew that wasn't good at all. Before opening the letter, I stormed out of my room and bumped into Zayn's without knocking. I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw his room silent, tidy and.. empty. The bed seemed untouched.
I walked a few steps into the room and stared at the envelop between my hands.
I didn't want to but I knew I had to open it.
So I swallowed hardly with a tight throat and slowly took a folded paper out of it.
My dearest Jenan,
I'm sorry it came to this. The fact that you will hate me for this, lies heavy on my soul. And the knowledge that this letter will hurt you, kills me.
But I just can't bear it anymore.
I thought I was strong. Strong enough to live my life with every negative thing in it and cope the hate. I tried hard but now I have reached a point where I know it's over.
You might think this letter is a sign that I don't love you. But I truly do, it's just not enough to keep me. I need to leave you in peace.
I want you to live your life without a single thought or grief about me. Leave school with your A's, find something you love to do and meet new people. It's sad to know that when I said I'm going to be your right husband I was wrong. Your right husband is somewhere out there, waiting for you to meet him. You and me.. we were not meant to be.
Thank you for always being there for me, Jenna. I'm sorry I let you down.
You all are better off without me.
Love always.
Zayn x
My knees got weak and I crumpled, suddenly flopping down to the ground. I fell on my knees in a strange angle so they both were supposed to hurt me, but I didn't feel anything. I was numb.
"Jenan?" I heard someone calling between my sobbs. It felt as if I was going to die soon.
"Jenna??" I could turn around or even move. I crumbled the letter between my hands and felt knives stabbing my heart.
"JENNA!"
The scream woke me up and I heard a wild knock on the door. "Wha..?" quickly I grabbed my scarf, wrapped it around my hair and jumped to the door.
A worried Zayn stormed into the room and I took hold of him. "Oh my God, Zayn you are alive!"
"Huh?" he asked, taken aback.
I shook my head and buried my face behind my hands, starting to cry. It all had been a stupid stupid dream.
But well, not all of it. The media really found out but only I was showered with hate, not Zayn.
I didn't care about the hate. The only thing that mattered was that Zayn was okay. That he was safe, here beside me.
_____________
I KNOW I did it again. SORRY :D but be glad it was all a dream, for a moment I wanted it to be real but then some points changed my mind :) x